[gianmaria]

Hi there.

I’m still going through the process of screening. I’m not sure whether I have ADD or not (maybe it will turn out to be “just” depression. hooray!!)
However, thanks to all the questions I have to answer and the process of assessing, I’m slowly taking notice of how actually restless I am (and always have been). My mind always looking for something.
Constant (although mild) muscular contraption, excessive perspiration.
I easily feel tension in my guts when I’m about to start something I like.

I live with the constant awareness of all the things that need doing, ironing my shirts: buying a present for someone’s next birthday, my artistic projects, following up the construction of my new house, to the point I never know when I will be able to rest.
Ok. I have a few things going on, but I can’t say to be overwhelmed (even though that is the feeling), because if I miss out on one of my resolutions the world’s not going to end.
At the same time, I’d rather have deadlines for everything, because if I don’t do something, that thing will be waiting for me tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…
I look at my history and I see how I tend(ed) to overbook myself with things and then “chute out” (especially bailing out of an artistic collaboration because I could not combine them with my studies or with my current day-job).
The fact that a different person could be able to keep at all these different activities, does not cancel the fact that I load myself beyond MY capabilities.

At the same time, when I decide to rest, I cannot help feeling guilty after 15 minutes because there’s so much to do!

Suddenly today I remembered a very specific thought I had when I was about 11 or 12.
Despite being a good student, I never liked much going to school and I could not wait for the next break whether it was Christmas, Easter, or summer vacations.
I had the same feelings about other stuff I liked: the next movie I wanted to see, the next issue of spider-man, the next birthday. I remember realizing this very clearly: “I’m always looking forward for the NEXT GOOD THING”. Like that thing would have brought sudden fulfillment, joy, happiness.

And I felt a bit guilty about this. The words of Yoda resounded in my mind “All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing.”

Like the “are you stupid, lazy or what?” question, that puts the stress on the personal responsibility of some of ADD behaviors, as if they are deliberately chosen by ADDers, I tended to look at myself as someone who “chose” to be like that.

I’m wondering if instead that was something I could not help.

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[gianmaria]

I feel you. I really do, even if my experience is different.
I’m 33 and have been married for 6 years.
Having 3 kids of course reduced by default the moments my wife and I have to be intimate.
But what’s really missing is complicity.
We are like two instruments playing in two very different keys. More than lamenting the lack of cuddles or “us time” (horrible definition that reminds me of Orwell’s “newspeak”) she is frustrated by not feeling understood. She pointed out time and again that she cannot have a conversation with me, that we don’t “get” each other.

And while for me having sex may be a way to rekindle our intimacy, to her it’s exactly the opposite: she needs to feel intimate already in order to have sex.

I really have no advice. I may actually need some. But just as I write I realize that even just talking about this with her as I’m doing here may be a start.
Sometimes that is difficult too: my wife feels uncomfortable with “let’s talk” routines, she feels they are forced, but at least it puts things out there. Most of the uneasiness comes from not knowing what’s going through each other’s minds.
And as often recommended on the site, try to not lose your sense of humor.
Romantic relationships, marriage and sex have been a source for comedy material since ancient times. You may as well try to poke fun at yourself or at the situation. It helps making the problems less scary to talk about.

I hope I do not come across too unrespectful.

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[gianmaria]

I’m on MacOS 10.5.8

Browser is Firefox 16.0.2

 

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[gianmaria]

Thanks for the link. It is quite interesting a reading.

While I’ma waiting to get a proper diagnose by an expert, I can find comfort in the idea that, if I’m ADD, maybe I also have an above average IQ.

 

Candies for my ego!

 

 

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[gianmaria]

Thanks blackdog,

It can actually be something else, I cannot rule that out. My work environment and the fact that I’m living far from where I spent the first 23 years of my life can have much to do with it also.

Plus, even if my birthplace and current residence are separated by less than 900km (about 650 miles), not that much for North-american standards, there are quite a bit of cultural differences between the way I was brought up and the way things are looked at here.

I wonder if the problem resides in that gap, or if it is only exacerbated by that.

I mean, maybe I’m just randomly absent minded or easily distracted.

No big deal UNTIL I got in “we-can’t-stand-aloof-people-land”.

Can be!

I mean, in certain lands sneezing is seen as an highly unrespectful habit, and I almost scream when I do.

Or maybe I DO have a condition, but it wasn’t regarded as problematic within my native community whereas now the same disorder is actually seen as such.

I really don’t know.

Maybe I’m in a kind of vicious circle: as my problems got bigger due to environmental factors, they also became self-perpetuating. I started losing confidence in myself which made me more prone to forgetfulness, stress, distraction, accidents and so on.

It may well be.

That said. I want to do something about it.

On one hand I kind of hope I have a condition becouse it would make much more sense.

I’m afraid that if I do not have ADHD then the answer is: I’m just an a**hole. (pardon my French).

thanks for letting me share my concerns.

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[gianmaria]

@Larynxa

@blackdog

 

No big deal, folks, thanks for replying.

In general I just wanted to nuance all the “doing zwell at school” think and as I wrote my post I was actually starting to remeber a number of “bumpy” semesters and also looking at my school history in a different light (also with regards to the good grades)

anyway, I should also try not too hard to “fit” the ADHD checklist.

I have not been diagnosed yet and mine are speculations. Self-assesment is actually pretty hard.

 

Thank you guys and gals for the support anyway. Whatever it is, I have to do something about it and it is such a relief to be able to share.

 

 

 

No problem. I

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[gianmaria]

I just spent 20minutes replying and the server decided my reply could not get created at this time.

Is this a test?

 

I wanted to provide details about my college years and how they were not all that easy actually.

I promise I will re-write my post.

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[gianmaria]

Hallo.

Just registered.

Not diagnosed (yet). But from what I read about ADHD, I’m a likely candidate.

I’m not a full time artist. I have been a commercial artist for a couple of years but reverted to a “regular” job to pay the bills (and to my great regret I still haven’t quit).

I’ve done illustration and comics. I can share my experience.

I have never come up with strategies. That actually work, I mean.

I have an hard time getting started when it doesen’t seem “fun”, if it doesn’t “feel good”.

That is why I often put on a DVD, a podcast, YouTube (damn you!!!) or the radio as a background in order to get at it.

After years of low productivity I’m starting to understand that those things may be getting in the way rather then helping.

I’ve noticed that two things though make me less “scared” to get started and to keep at it:

1) Doodling on common paper (not a sketchbook, not a quality Bristol board) with a simple pencil, I can get rid of the stress of doing things right. the more disposable the medium or the drawing itself, the more conforable I feel.

I would go on for a while, sheet after sheet until I see I’ve got quite a stack of sketches. Looking back at them I can see where there’s something promising or actually good and then I work on that. It is a matter of “seeing” what I want to go for.

I think I see it even before starting, but more times than not, it is too blurry. So I let my hands go and only afterwards I review what is actually on the paper and that helps me a great deal.

2) A great way to “break ice” is drawing from life or copying stuff. This is good exercise anyway and actually release you of the burden of getting an idea. You make yourself in to a “medium”, a “drive belt” between the subject and the piece of paper (or clay if you are a scluptor) in front of you.

 

Hope this can help.

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[gianmaria]

Hi,

I’m still waiting for my first screening with a neurologist. I have not been diagnosed with ADHD (yet). But I seem to fit particularly well with all the symptom-checklists I found so far.

I talked with my general practitioner, and he would tend to rule out ADHD mainsly because I never had any problem at school.

I wonder if he’s wrong, of course.

I actually did great at school, sometimes even when the subject or the teacher weren’t all that interesting. I had some difficult semester,s but in general my grades were above average.

But now that I think of it there have been quite a lot of motivational factors:

1) from second to eighth grade I was one year ahead. In an attempt by my parents to put me in the same classroom with a brother one year my senior, I was allowed to skip first grade and begin at second. I guess that made school a lot more exciting for me and kept me on the spot. (I evenutally lost that advantage, repeating the first year of junior high)

2) That first year of junior high I scored quite poor. guess what: I had chosen a science and math curriculum which was way off-mark for me. Once I reverted to arts, which I was passionate about, it went way better.

3) My parents always made it clear that with poor grades I would have had to find a job right after high school. No college. That was very motivationalç

4)Something strage happened at senior high. My school, and my class in particular were not very good. Actually I could have easlily got the best grades without doing much. That kind of scared me. I somehow realized that poor preparation, even if it would get me through exams, would never gear me up for college or life. So I began just studying for the sake of it. I would do extra-curricular activities or dig deeper in to certian topics at the library just to be sure that I was REALLY learning, and not rather “doing well at school”. That equipped me for college.

5) I has a girlfriend at high school which was smart and cultured.

6) I had a lot of older friends and a lot of smart firends, so I was sourrounded by stimulating individuals.

7) When college came, it was a blast. I loved attending, I loved the subjects (arts again) I loved the people. That helped a lot.

—

Now that I think of it I guess that I managed unknowingly to tap in to the right strategies to keep my focus.

(hell, now that I think of it maybe it means that I should pursue an academic career or a teching gig…)

 

My conclusion is that school performance alone can hardly give you the right frame for ADHD.

 

 

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