[Pallist]

sdwa I relate to what you say about labels and how they stigmatize and reduce a person to their deficits. I also reject the notion that disorder means broken and especially that broken means bad.
You are right that broken and bad is implied in the term “disorder” based on our culture’s sense of what is a success and what is good and right.

In the end all that matters is what the person with the “disorder” thinks of it because we have to live with it – whether other people believe that I am bad or broken is just too bad. That’s one gift I received in learning late in life that I had a “disorder” that really did disorder my whole life, and mostly for the negative. That many members of my family had the same issues and didn’t realize it made it clear how these prejudices destroyed our relationships and our ability to bond with each other, because we always disappointed each other: we saw each others’ talents and potential and creativity. We could see our strengths but couldn’t understand our failures. I took my parents’ attitudes and reactions to me as a person as a betrayal. Talk about negative – If we knew what the problem was and how it made our inability to reach a full level of achievement a problem that was neurological and biochemical and not character and moral-based, maybe we wouldn’t be so angry with and alienated from each other. And now it’s probably too late – that to me is what’s bad and broken and evil.

Disorders also can carry the label of inadequate and incomplete – as if we were less than human – equally wrong. But I think we should take that on as a challenge to end that societal bias, and it’s not like we’re alone in needing to combat that particular label. There are some who consider so-called deficits as gifts – but to humanity as a whole, in that by dealing with what was once considered wrong or bad gets a more informed, mature treatment when the stigma is removed and only observable phenomenon is addressed.

I think it is a classic human problem that we look at things we don’t fully understand like the brain and how it really functions and place moral/religious values on them when in fact they are simply facets of our humanity, and character is largely a product of cultural values, not an inherent measurable fact of our existence. We may or may not have a solution to the issues related to our specific brain wiring (that’s as neutral a terminology I can come up with) But I do believe the more we learn “good” or “bad” things about it the better we can address it. When BArkley calls ‘hyperfocus”, considered a potentially positive asset of ADHD a malfunction of the prefrontal lobes it is depressing. From a strictly academic medical viewpoint it is also true. But that’s only one way of looking at it.

On the other hand, being told that wildly successful entrepreneurs and entertainers with ADHD – without even realizing they had ADHD – have made it is also depressing. I haven’t “made it” so what else is wrong with me? Stigma, positive or negative, is still stigma and doesn’t do anyone good when taken out of context. I find Barkley preferable to Hallowell, because he seeks to qualify and make others understand the problems related to ADHD, not how great your life could (or should?) be with it. And I really am a failure if I take these celebrities’ success as something that ADD brought about. It means that because I have Attention Deficit but don’t have my own airline or TV show or website I really am a loser. That’s just my take on things, of course and I respect that others see it differently.

I do hope that more experts address the notion of “I have but am not a disorder” we often forget that. I would love to find the balance between acknowledging the disorder and realizing it doesn’t define us as individuals. Maybe that should be an upcoming webinar.

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[Pallist]

Before you go sending out videos to folks, please don’t be surprised when folks still don’t get it. If you don’t have it, you will be hard pressed to “get it”. I agree with kc5jck that there is no one quick video and you are better off not even bringing up the word ADD, since it has become somewhat of a joke to many – I’ve even used it as a joke before getting diagnosed because it references the most obvious and least destructive symptom of ADD: “can’t focus” If ADD were simply a problem of not focusing we could all just grab a cup of coffee and a quick nap and everything would go back to normal, right? Of course not! The very term is like calling Autism “hand flapping and talking funny”. Those symptoms have very little to do with how the underlying condition affects our lives. Dr. Russell Barkley is the best I have heard so far at explaining why ADHD is so misunderstood:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQC-Nk5OOfE&list=PL8EDAFA146F5F7385

I was diagnosed about 3 years ago (I am 47 now) and I have a sister who trained as a psychiatrist though she doesn’t practice. Even though she hasn’t directly treated ADHD she knows me pretty well – but she only gets it up to a point. What I am saying is do not expect any video, no matter how funny, relatable, or comprehensive to explain this. There are continuous updates to the field and it has had to overcome a lot of bad pop science and medicine and by extension, bad press.

Besides this website, one of the most informed and respected experts is Dr. Russell Barkley, who gives lectures that are literally hours long to explain the symptoms and the biochemistry of ADHD, the myths, the latest findings, etc… Some of his lectures are broken down into 3-5 minute sound bites that each address some of the most common and far reaching issues of what this type of brain wiring actually does. He relabels the symptom as a very specific disorder or dysfunction, which makes it more accurate, but also more jarring for those of us who have experienced it and not realized that it connects to our ADHD. Some of these have made me cry, partially in relief (but not always) because they are so dead on correct, but completely overlooked if you don’t understand how the brain really works. And 99% of us don’t, including the “experts”.
( a long video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua8Zm9STtKY)
I recommend them for your own personal education, and then you’ll see why telling people about your condition who don’t have a personal stake in your success and happiness is often a waste. Some – correction, many – folks will never get it and dismiss your explanation as an excuse for failing. At least that’s been my experience.

If people say they think they have it, I get very serious and tell them they should get tested because this kind of disorder can ruin just about every aspect of your life – relationships, family, marriage, work, school, finances – things you never realized were connected to your “not focusing” or “being disorganized and forgetful”. This usually gets their attention and they at least will not take it so lightly the next time the subject comes up.

Below are a few of Barkley’s short clips to illustrate my point:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQC-Nk5OOfE&list=PL8EDAFA146F5F7385

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[Pallist]

Thanks for the replies everyone:

@ipsofacto: I did get checked for OSA and apnea and snoring and they concluded it wasn’t a real problem. Had the whole effect of an overnight stay with sensors on my head and a camera on me at all times. So I do sleep, it’s just a matter of when I get to sleep. If I sleep too early I wake up too early (like 10:30 bed time means 3:00 am wake-up and no returning to sleep!) This doctor doesn’t seem to listen or my case is too complicated for him to handle. The counselor they assigned me when I had the initial diagnosis wasn’t very good: she kept asking me to repeat the same thing I’d told her the last time I visited, so no progress there. I’ve got books and they’ve been most helpful, as well as this website and others….

@allan wallace. If I could chuck the job I would. But too much time invested and they owe me lots of back pay once we settle our contract, so I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, unfortunately.

@carrie the South Park avatar is pretty easy to make if you check the South Park website (www.southparkstudios.com): it’s actually a representation of me when I was a kid and that’s kind of how I wore my hair .

As far as my explaining things, I have gone into as much detail about my job with him as I possibly could: His stated concern was that a bad reaction to the medicine could cause an accident. But people with ADD take meds and drive all the time, and an accident in a car could be just as devastating: so why do others get stimulant medication? I’m guessing he’s trying to cover his butt, but either way I face a higher risk of accident if I don’t get enough sleep or lose my ability to focus.

I’m just going to get a second opinion as I’m fed up with them and don’t feel as if we’re connecting. When I tried to tell him I’d done some stupid things because I couldn’t manage my schedule I got a lecture on how important it is to “schedule, organize, blah, blah, blah… I could have gone to my mother and gotten the exact same lecture for free. But I also wondered if anyone has any experience with a drug that made them MORE dangerous on the road.

Thanks again!

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[Pallist]

ashockley55: Can you post a dog walker wanted ad and offer to barter? This has worked before for me, trading one service for another and people are really into it these days because there’s a whole lot more of us who are now poor. And it’s a good way to make friends. Younger kids in your neighborhood may accept a couple of bucks for a fifteen minute romp with a dog, or even less, especially if they don’t have any pets of their own. You can advertise it as training…

I’m also single, no kids, and no pets just bcuz my landord’s allergic, but if you have them, that’s wonderful and their benefits often outweigh their costs, I think. And I don’t relate to the whole “buddy/significant other/ child helping you” thing… I choose to believe it’s because my friends (who I’ve learned to keep at arm’s distance so they don’t see my clutter) have their own problems.

The only thing that’s helped me break down a huge problem like clutter taking over my world is to take it in stages. Don’t expect it to be easy, cuz you’ll just feel worse if you think it should be done in a few hours. It won’t be. Little stages will keep you sane, and you will be able to bask in the glow of accomplishment once a stage is completed.l Don’t expect it to be perfect, and remind yourself that you’re doing your best. Which is all any of us can do.

First Stage: Make a high-level list of what you absolutely need and what you don’t; Tape it to the fridge or on your computer. Do an inventory – not detailed, just a spot check of what you know needs to be cleaned immediately and then make those tasks your priority. Then get some rest, because things may come up you haven’t thought of and you’ll want to add them to the list… But don’t take more than a week. If you have an electronic calendar set an alarm for the day you do your final decisions about what needs to go and what stays.

Second Stage Prepare to take a weekend and make sure you get lots of rest so your mind is somewhat clear. One thing is for certain: don’t get discouraged if you miss a weekend: just go for another one or use one of those holidays that give you a long weekend like Memorial Day and call it your Spring Cleaning Day. Then get your garbage bags ready and be prepared to throw out anything you haven’t used recently: you can define the time frame: for me, papers or magazines not read in six months get tossed, Clothes I haven’t worn in a year get donated. You get the idea. .Be ruthless. Be prepared to let go of some things you thought you liked. Get the bags filled and ready to be tossed or given away. The “I haven’t used this in how long” test will tell you if it’s essential to your life. Repeat if necessary. If you get tired, take a break but set up a time to return to it. In this case hyperfocus can help you. If you feel you’re on a roll continue.

I often feel like clearing things out at weird hours of the day or night and won’t stop until whatever’s bugging me is all gone. Often by then it’s four in the morning and I need to be at work at 6:00. Those are the situations to avoid, of course. Hence the long weekend suggestion. If you start at midnight, okay: no one but you and the pets will know and they really won’t care…

Third Stage: Throw away those filled Garbage Bags. Clothes/appliances/old thingamabobs to be donated go in the car or by the door so you remember it’s got to go… If this step is too much to handle, it’s okay if you toss it… what’s important is that it’s out of the way.

Fourth Stage: List out the areas that need cleaning the most: The things that may make you seriously ill if you don’t clean it out (like the litter box!) are the priorities. A made-up bed or dirty dishes aren’t life or death situations, but a moldy bathroom could make you sick. Paste to Fridge, a cabinet or a mirror, any surface you look at daily.

Fifth Stage: Make a date for hardcore cleaning. Make sure you have all the necessary tools – I always forget something. So take the time, a day if necessary but no too long – to get all the cleaning tools and soaps out and in one space, somewhere you can see it so you’ll be reminded you need to get to that chore. Again, rest first if you have to, sometimes a nap can help, but make a serious commitment that it needs to be done.

Fifth Stage: Clean. Repeat stages 1 through 5 until you have made a dent in the clutter and you feel like you’ve accomplished something huge, because for us, it is a huge deal. Hope this helps! Good luck!

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[Pallist]

Bild: Your stories remind me of my “happy” years as a teen, though the angry one was mostly my mother. Ah, good times…

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[Pallist]

I just found out this year, as well, right before my 45th b-day. I can work on a computer okay but spellcheck needs to be on. I was also called “the absent-minded professor” (among other things) when I was young and now I still haven’t learned how to keep my keys where I can find them. Last week I lost a prized watch and left the chicken that I was going to cut for lunch out on the table because I was running late (as usual) to work. Had to throw it away when I got back home 8 hours later…

So I guess what I’m saying is yes, I can totally relate. (uh oh gotta run and I can’t find my shoes!!!)

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