All the single ladies…

[ashockley55]

all the single ladies…ALL the single ladies (all the single ladies…) now put your hand UP!

um.

but, what I’m saying is that it’s really frustrating when suggestions include “Get your husband, children, etcetera family members to pitch in…” or “Hire someone to help you clean your house, walk the dog, decorate your cookies.”

I am a single woman living by myself, with very little income. Everytime I come across said types of strategies, I just roll my eyes and get frustrated.

What am *I* supposed to do?

I know there are still “strategies” if you count medication as a strategy, and helps – I could get a friend to help me where I don’t have family.

But. I don’t have very many friends either.

I could work with a therapist or coach to help me get some other strategies going…

But. I don’t have very many monies.

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[JimC.]

You know, if you just tried a little harder… oh wait, wrong line. My bad.

I call my methodology “stragedy”

Single male here: I do what I can, and I don’t what I can’t. A rough schedule helps me a bit. I vacuum when it needs it, not because company is coming (not many visitors here). I do laundry when i plan to be out so the machines don’t make a racket while I’m home (throw in a load with soap and then leave…it’s done when I get back…seems like a minor miracle to me). Do the same with dishes in an old dishwasher.

I’ve learned to not worry too much about undone stuff, it doesn’t help but it DOES make life far more anxious and miserable. I try to make a list daily of things I must do, cross them off as they get done, take a break when I feel I need to, and if there’s time left over walk the dog and enjoy the outside.

I still forget stuff (great memory, but very short) and get frustrated sometimes, but hey, it’s better than many others out there.

Homemade coaching tips:

-Challenge yourself to exercise a bit more (walk around the block to start maybe)?

-look to compliment others and make it a habit, it makes you feel a bit better

-engage in conversations and use your curiosity to stay focused even if they bore the he// out of you

-get a small book and each day, take a minute to log or write down 3 things you are grateful for

Sorry, out of thoughts, but wish you luck and success. you’ll get there, just try hard…oops, if you do a few small things, make them part of your life, it’ll work. We’re rooting for you, and ourselves, Jim 😉

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[Scattybird]

Yep – know exactly what you mean. When I get to the bit in the books that says ‘do this with a buddy’ I skip it.

My buddies are dogs who just want walks and cuddles so it counts them out of helping to declutter the house or keep me motivated on something tedious.

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[ashockley55]

My brain just tried to invent some kind of sticky pouch you could attach to the dogs that could help you declutter, like it would pick up things as they walked by, but, sadly, it would inadvertently pick up, well, anything, not just the things you want picked up.

That won’t work.

But yes, cuddles.

I have a dog and a cat and, as much as I love them, sometimes I think it is not a good idea for an ADD person, at least a single person with ADD to have pets because so much work and stuff is associated with them! It creates more chores to keep up with. Sometimes it is all I can do to muster one walk for my dog a day, and I feel so bad. But then again, they are good because without them I would be even more lonely and would miss out on the joy of having pets.

That’s actually why I started this thread because I was exhausted after work today and thought, “It sure would be nice to be able to afford to hire someone to walk Harley for those days when I’m exhausted.”

But I’m poor!

And I don’t have a partner or a friend or family member or a child living with me to walk her.

So I walk her, and sometimes I skimp out and she only gets a short walk.

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[ashockley55]

Oh. And don’t get me started on the state of affairs with the litter box.

Oy.

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[JimC.]

@ Scatty and ashockley: I’ve a mini-Dachshund so walks are short. I would struggle with a bigger dog that needed lots of walking I think. If I also had a cat I’d revolt; I often get stuck temporarily with a lovebird from my ex, and it’s noise and demands for attention pretty much make me want to go out and buy a large gun. I love the thing but it drives me nuts.

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[Pallist]

ashockley55: Can you post a dog walker wanted ad and offer to barter? This has worked before for me, trading one service for another and people are really into it these days because there’s a whole lot more of us who are now poor. And it’s a good way to make friends. Younger kids in your neighborhood may accept a couple of bucks for a fifteen minute romp with a dog, or even less, especially if they don’t have any pets of their own. You can advertise it as training…

I’m also single, no kids, and no pets just bcuz my landord’s allergic, but if you have them, that’s wonderful and their benefits often outweigh their costs, I think. And I don’t relate to the whole “buddy/significant other/ child helping you” thing… I choose to believe it’s because my friends (who I’ve learned to keep at arm’s distance so they don’t see my clutter) have their own problems.

The only thing that’s helped me break down a huge problem like clutter taking over my world is to take it in stages. Don’t expect it to be easy, cuz you’ll just feel worse if you think it should be done in a few hours. It won’t be. Little stages will keep you sane, and you will be able to bask in the glow of accomplishment once a stage is completed.l Don’t expect it to be perfect, and remind yourself that you’re doing your best. Which is all any of us can do.

First Stage: Make a high-level list of what you absolutely need and what you don’t; Tape it to the fridge or on your computer. Do an inventory – not detailed, just a spot check of what you know needs to be cleaned immediately and then make those tasks your priority. Then get some rest, because things may come up you haven’t thought of and you’ll want to add them to the list… But don’t take more than a week. If you have an electronic calendar set an alarm for the day you do your final decisions about what needs to go and what stays.

Second Stage Prepare to take a weekend and make sure you get lots of rest so your mind is somewhat clear. One thing is for certain: don’t get discouraged if you miss a weekend: just go for another one or use one of those holidays that give you a long weekend like Memorial Day and call it your Spring Cleaning Day. Then get your garbage bags ready and be prepared to throw out anything you haven’t used recently: you can define the time frame: for me, papers or magazines not read in six months get tossed, Clothes I haven’t worn in a year get donated. You get the idea. .Be ruthless. Be prepared to let go of some things you thought you liked. Get the bags filled and ready to be tossed or given away. The “I haven’t used this in how long” test will tell you if it’s essential to your life. Repeat if necessary. If you get tired, take a break but set up a time to return to it. In this case hyperfocus can help you. If you feel you’re on a roll continue.

I often feel like clearing things out at weird hours of the day or night and won’t stop until whatever’s bugging me is all gone. Often by then it’s four in the morning and I need to be at work at 6:00. Those are the situations to avoid, of course. Hence the long weekend suggestion. If you start at midnight, okay: no one but you and the pets will know and they really won’t care…

Third Stage: Throw away those filled Garbage Bags. Clothes/appliances/old thingamabobs to be donated go in the car or by the door so you remember it’s got to go… If this step is too much to handle, it’s okay if you toss it… what’s important is that it’s out of the way.

Fourth Stage: List out the areas that need cleaning the most: The things that may make you seriously ill if you don’t clean it out (like the litter box!) are the priorities. A made-up bed or dirty dishes aren’t life or death situations, but a moldy bathroom could make you sick. Paste to Fridge, a cabinet or a mirror, any surface you look at daily.

Fifth Stage: Make a date for hardcore cleaning. Make sure you have all the necessary tools – I always forget something. So take the time, a day if necessary but no too long – to get all the cleaning tools and soaps out and in one space, somewhere you can see it so you’ll be reminded you need to get to that chore. Again, rest first if you have to, sometimes a nap can help, but make a serious commitment that it needs to be done.

Fifth Stage: Clean. Repeat stages 1 through 5 until you have made a dent in the clutter and you feel like you’ve accomplished something huge, because for us, it is a huge deal. Hope this helps! Good luck!

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[Scattybird]

Wow Pallist – great advice thanks. You should write a coaching book. I think my main problem is it takes so much mental effort to do my job that I can’t do anything else. I will take some time out over the Easter break and focus on cleaning my house.

JimC – good plan to have a small dog – all the perks of company without the stress of long walks. I thought about a parrot as a pet once because they are supposed to be intelligent. But I walk near a house that contains several dogs and a parrot (or something similar) and the noise from it is amazing. The slightest noise sets the parrot off which sets the dogs off. It’s hilarious. I try to walk on the other side of the road so we don’t set them off but that bird always seems to know.

Ashockley – you have an inventive mind. I thought the pouch was a great idea until you said it would pick everything up. That bit wouldn’t have dawned on me! I

My walks are short now because they are both old. They used to need hours of walking or they wouldn’t settle but I used the walks as an escape and enjoyed them. Now we don’t go as far but that does give me more time. Even so, finding the energy and time to do it all is hard.

I have some very old relatives that live about 20 miles away and I am duty bound to visit them on a weekend. Usually they have a pile of chores for me to do – things they can’t do anymore. They ask me in preference to their daughter because she has a kid to look after and they think I have more time than her because I don’t. She has a husband, a cleaner and a new house that needs little attention and doesn’t have AD/HD. So she doesn’t have the house to clean and has a husband to share kid duties. My house is falling to bits, I don’t have a cleaner and I work my butt off to stand still. But how do I get is across to them that I find dealing with them just too much. Of course I can’t as they need help.

It’s just other people’s perceptions. They see in their eyes me with no committments and therefore loads of time. Wow – they don’t see the angst to just exist, the clutter, the house repairs that need doing and the complete struggle to do any of it.

This wasn’t meant to turn into a rant – sorry guys.

Point is ashockley – I get it. It is hard but I am grateful for my dogs on a daily basis. They are the ones in my life that are accepting and loving and do ‘get it’ and don’t care if I forgot to put the garbage out, or whatever. But stay cool and it’ll turn out OK. Like Pallist said, step by step.

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[ashockley55]

“work my butt of to stand still” and “angst just to exist”

YES, Scattybird!

Right now Harley is snoring and grumbling in her sleep. It’s cute.

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[kc5jck]

I suspect that most wives would agree that taking on a husband is like getting a pet. Unless housebroken and well trained, you are in for a lot of extra work. Don’t be sucked in by a cute picture in the paper of some eight week old darling . . . or some Pollyanna article about how helpful kids are.

And if you’re like me, if someone cleaned you house and put everthing away, you would never be able to find anything. If it’s out of sight, it may as well have been thrown into a black hole.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_0YTZJpJ8Jp8/SyU4ef96WaI/AAAAAAAAF1E/9XFQH3qWGFI/s400/ICHC_SlapTehStupid.jpg

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[JimC.]

@ Scatty: you know parrots can live ~ 100 years +/-? Don’t go there trust me.

@kc5jck: so that’s why i can’t find stuff filed on m y hard drive? out of sight, out of mid indeed. If it’s important I file a paper copy with indexed tab, and then I forget about it. 🙄

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[Scattybird]

Mmm kc – whilst I probably agree with you….I still won’t feel sorry for my cousin!

Mind you, her husband phoned her up at work the other day to tell her to go home to walk the dog because it was disturbing him. He was at home at the time, but he expected her to take time out of work, drive home, walk the dog and go back to work again when he could have taken 20 minutes to do the job. It’s only a small dog. She is more patient than me…..if I had been in her shoes he’d not have been ABLE to walk the dog after that! 😈 But that’s why I take the Ritalin and she doesn’t and I live alone and she doesn’t!

JimC – yes I had heard that about them living so long. There was a programme on TV about parrots that needed rehoming because their owners had predeceased the parrot. They get really depressed apparently. I decided that I’d left it too late to get a parrot and that was about 10 years ago! I like the idea of one though. But I’ll take your advice….

ashockley – they are cute when they’re asleep and their little legs twitch so endearingly. They’re not really dreaming about disembowelling a rabbit.

OK – need to do some work for tomorrow. I will do it…..really….yes I AM going to log off now…(ish).

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[Anonymous]

I don’t know if exercise is a thing you struggle to fit in, but I recently found something that works soooo well for me that I thought I’d share. I joined a super early morning “boot camp” exercise class for women. Because I put money down, I get up and go even when I don’t waaaaant to, I get an hour of sunshine/social interaction to start my day, and I’m getting 4 hours of intense exercise every week.

The BEST thing this class is doing for me — I suddenly have a morning routine. You know how everyone says to establish a routine and it’ll help you start your day right? I never could do it on my own, I’d do it for a week or two then forget about it. But taking this early class has made it really easy to stick to the same schedule every morning (wake up at 5, leave by 5:15, home by 7, eat, meds, shower, by 8 I’m ready to start my day). When you have an established routine it’s not hard to add things into it, so if you did something like this, I think you’d find it pretty easy to add on “walk the dog”, “unload the dishwasher”, whatever you need to be doing every morning to make your life go smoothly.

The big downside is cost. I paid $200 for a monthlong program, which is a heck of a lot of money. It’s worth it to me for all the benefits, but you may have a different cost/benefit analysis. Check your local YMCA to see if they have a cheap program, or see if there are any gyms around that have a “beginner’s special” deal so you can try it for a month.

Dunno if that’s at all what you’re looking for, but as a single lady without husband/kids/dogs to get me out of bed in the morning, this is the only thing that ensures I wake up in time to go to work. I’ll be reading this thread for more tips!

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[ashockley55]

Thanks, mollymolly! That is a good idea! I feel so much better and get so much more done when I get up earlier. And I really could use a bootcamp work out. I have what I heard called a “flesh belt.” Ha ha! First I heard that one, on a youtube video. Also known as love handles, muffin top, etc. Urgh.

Oh, and yes, kc5jck, I’ve heard the same about husbands. Good point!

Here’s one thing I’m doing. I have a problem with clothes. I can’t seem to figure out what clothes to buy, or put outfits together. It’s not that I don’t like clothes, or don’t have any sense of style, it’s just that I have such serious, serious angst over it that I barely have any clothes. Too many choices, and I react by restricting my choices because the choices are overwhelming. So, I’m having a friend who’s fashion sense I’ve noticed and admired come over and go through my closet and help me put together some outfits. I’m going to let her suggest things to toss, piece together the things I already have, if she can, and help me list what to buy to fill in the holes in my wardrobe.

And I’m looking forward to it! ADHD fashion coaching.

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[Anonymous]

Try to make the task as simple as possible.

Stand in any corner of your place with your back to the room and your face in the corner. Now, clean just this corner. Nothing else. Even it means putting the stuff in another corner, doesn’t matter. You could have a giant pile in the middle of the room, just clean one corner. And don’t start cleaning something else when you are moving things around. Just one corner.

Now. When you stand in a clean corner, you should feel some peace. It’s tidy and nice. You can move your big armchair with your back to the room and sit in your corner enjoying the view- tidy and safe. Happy. Delightful.

Step 2- do not make this corner dirty again. At the risk of death! The moment you disrupt this zen, you should have a chill going up your arm like an electric zing. It is your place of safety. It is your retreat. Once you have successfully kept the corner clean for one month (and I frankly don’t care if the rest of the house is going into spontaneous combustion), you will realize what it will take. Because if you can keep one corner clean then another corner can be done. And the lie you live will have been broken.

BITE SIZED CHUNKS

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[Author]

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