Re: Family and close friends

[Gary]

Wow, I don’t even know where to start…

(OK, deep breath here)

First: Brentitude, you’re incredibly perceptive as well as being right. One of the biggy reasons we moved up here, apart from the gorgeous scenery and endless outdoor opportunities, was just that- getting away from the ever critical judgments. It’s amazing how effective distance can be in dampening that…for a while. Eventually though, I found myself falling back into the very role I’d moved across the country to escape. Frequent struggles in jobs & finances, self esteem that cycles between hopefully optimistic and rock bottom, a feeling of inevitable dissatisfaction at anything I attempted, a sense my life was stalled-stagnate-on hold…whatever. This was fun in my earlier years, but by 54 I felt I should have a few of these issues worked out.

You’re also spot on about the role of religion during that time ( and I think still today, especially in parts of the south). This was seen as a character flaw – a moral failing. I too was raised Southern Baptist (no offense intended to anyone, it’s just the way I see it). If I prayed hard and long enough, went to church enough, went to enough revivals, responded to enough “alter calls” (for those who haven’t experienced one, I liken it to confessing your sins…in front of the entire church) I could throw the devil out of my life, overcome this weakness and God would show me the path to good grades, popularity in school, a sense of purpose and belonging….and approval.

Maybe if I’d put more in the collection plate??

Sorry if I sound overly sarcastic. Upon reflection this is a bit simplistic, but essentially my experience.

Trashman, you speak truth from your perspective and experience. You’ve paid your dues, and no one gets to judge you. I agree with Brentitude- everyone needs a place to vent, and this forum is a safe zone.

Bobbie, I have the same problem as you with office politics. Within the technical aspects of my job I can hold my on with pretty much anyone, but I have a difficult time staying “in my box”. If I see an answer -a solution to a problem, a better, more efficient way of doing something- I’m not shy about pointing it out, no matter who’s toes I step on. Worse is when I see a process that is flawed- that’s when I really jump out of my box and bless them with my wisdom. Whether I’m right or not aside – these tend to be career limiting behaviors.

Arrgghh…I promised myself I wasn’t going to write a novel in response, however I just want to conclude by agreeing with Jenetically.

It would be so much easier to bury my head in the sand, or work, or whatever, and continue to cause myself -and my wife- to suffer.. This has been/still is a messy-messy road for me, but one I’m convinced will allow me the freedom to find out who I am and how to balance whoever I end up being with the larger “normy” world…

But, that’s another story.

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