respect is about intentions and sincerity more than outcomes to me. if someone is trying hard and has good intentions, i respect that, whether they succeed or fail. i also accept that my failings are my own- i don’t expect special treatment or make excuses for them- cos things just are how are they are- but nor do i accept condemnation or unconstructive criticism when i know i’m bloody well trying my damnedest.
and um… if the person i’m late meeting can’t prioritise (and decide to make that call, reschedule our meeting, or attend to that more important need instead of waiting for me) or make use of unexpected free time constructively, thats really not my fault nor my responsibility. i might have failed to be where i intended to be- but in no way am i accountable for what *they’ve* failed to do- as i hold no power over their choices.
i have a friend who is consistantly late- i don’t feel disrespected by her inability to organise her crap and meet me on time. i know she tries, and that she cares about me- it’s just not her forte any more than math is mine- she really struggles with it. i just agree a time 30 minutes before when i *really* would like to see her, then when she’s late its no big deal, or when it is a problem, i’ll call her and tell her that i’m sorry but i honestly can’t wait any longer because “whatever”, and that i hope we’ll try to meet up again later. no point getting funny about it. doesn’t change a damned thing apart from my perspective- and how crappy or not i’ve decided that the rest of my day will be (cos i’m sulking or feeling slighted, or… just not).
if i show up on time to say… an appointment with my doctor or my bank manager, and find that then person i was supposed to be meeting wasn’t there or was late- cos they were in the middle of making a phonecall, or had rushed to an unexpected meeting, i’d not wig out on them for lack of ettiquette, i’d assume that the call/meeting was important enough to them that it took priority- and i’d decide to wait, or not wait. my choice- no huffing and puffing or sulking involved.
stuff just happens despite everyones best intentions- it’s all about how we decide to respond to it, not about control freakery and assigning blame. 