March 13, 2011 at 6:32 am #89290
AnonymousInactiveMarch 13, 2011 at 6:32 amPost count: 14413
Except this has been happening since I was 15 years old. School, college, work…it’s the same thing. Same story for over 30 years. And no matter how hard I try I can not consistently be on time!!!!! (I have not been successful with doing ANYTHING consistently…ever!)
Sure I may go for a little streak and it feels awesome but sooner or later it’s gonna happen. I have tried everything I can think of. Waking up earlier (except I usually go to bed too late so it’s hard to wake up), tricking myself with the wrong time on the clock, setting 2 alarms across the room from me, stimulants, antidepressants, hypnosis, therapists, 12 step groups, psychics, self help books.
I’ve been suspended from high school and from my job as a healthcare provider! I’m almost 50 yrs old and still get suspended for chronic tardiness! How ridiculous is that? I am constantly living on the edge of the cliff. There is never a time when I feel completely comfortable in the knowledge that I am going to have a job tomorrow. It’s an awful feeling.
My current boss says that she feels that I am disrespecting her. Not true. If I could fix this I would.
Of course I am late for everything. I am the joke of the family and all of my friends. Except I’m not laughing. It’s not funny.
It’s actually quite painful.
So who’s with me on this? What do y’all do about it?REPORT ABUSEMarch 13, 2011 at 6:42 am #101943
AnonymousInactiveMarch 13, 2011 at 6:42 amPost count: 14413
I am 29 and thought i was alone. Everything you said sounds exactly familiar except i am more than 5 min late. I is something i have dealt with even when i was in school. My family says i live on the edge all the time. This is so embarrassing but my mother calls me in the morning to wake me up so i can get my children up for school because she knows i dont wake up on time. I have been on time for the first time since school began for my children this year for a week. Just like you mentioned its never consistant. Eventually i will fall right back into being late. How i wish i could just get up on time. I have been fired so many times because of tardiness. Every job i have has told me i am totally capable of doing my job but my lateness really does me in. That really sucks. The last job i had i was fired they even sent me to EAP which is an employee assistance program. At that point i did not have my diagnosis but the counselors truly thought i was disobeying authority on purpose.
Anyway hope you do not feel alone.REPORT ABUSEMarch 13, 2011 at 7:23 am #101944
AnonymousInactiveMarch 13, 2011 at 7:23 amPost count: 14413
Mrs.M…I’m with ya honey!
Don’t be embarrassed about your mom calling you. If it works then it’s a good thing.
When I was your age, my mother had just died which threw me REALLY off kilter. I couldn’t stay focused on anything and was sent to EAP for my tardiness as well. It was my last ditch before getting fired (which I didn’t.) It helped for a little while but not for long.
At that time I had also gotten a note home from my daughters kindergarten teacher telling me that I wasn’t a good mom because I would forget to send field trip money to school…can you imagine?
And the icing…I bounced a check for 50.00 at the grocery store and forgot about it. When I went to the courthouse to pay the fine, I was really going for my court date!!! I got a 90 day jail sentence which was suspended and I was on probation for 2 years!!!
Whatever works!!!!! Use anything that you can to your advantage. If the people in your life want to help you, let them.
And cherish that call you get from your mommy every morning:)REPORT ABUSEMarch 13, 2011 at 7:37 am #101945
AnonymousInactiveMarch 13, 2011 at 7:37 amPost count: 14413
I have to chime in… I’m just like this too… I said to myself as I read the title… “Yeah so what” “People are so uptight about that!” Who cares if your like 5 mins late! I hate how everyone get so bent out of shape… people leave me waiting… but that doesnt “work” to say that to anyone else… annoying really.
I’m going to be 32 in 2 weeks and I have my mom call me to wake me up too… I mean even if I have a job that starts at a “normal” time for me (I used to) I STILL will somehow be late! I used to work 12-8:30 (loved it!) I have trouble getting to sleep earlier than 1am… honestly I like going to bed at 3am… whatever…
I can’t believe how similar so many stories are on here to my own wackiness! I thought it was just me being “weird”… It;s like I perpetually screw around or something… I’m NOT trivializing it at all… please don’t take it that way… I have so much trouble getting anywhere on time.. I missed the bagel shop today even… I had nothing else going on!
I’m so sorry about you Mom… I can’t imagine…
on another note… it’s now daylight saving time 3:35am… I still havent had dinner! My BF is not here, he is at him moms (not a problem, we live together hes visiting, I don’t like her) and I have no schedule it’s terrible!REPORT ABUSEMarch 13, 2011 at 9:20 am #101946
AnonymousInactiveMarch 13, 2011 at 9:20 amPost count: 14413
yep, me too. it’s like no matter how much i try and tell it to, my brain has no real automaic comprehension of how much time it takes to get something done, and no ability to prioritise when i’m in the middle of doing things. i’ll plan so that i have 3 solid hours to get ready for an appointment, knowing that it takes me 2 hours to shower and wash my hair, do makeup, eat, and throw on clothes, if it goes 100% perfectly. the extra hour is supposed to be bonus time to use ONCE i’m ready- as well as ‘just incase’ time.
…. but i take a 15 minute lie-in, cos getting up is a horrible experience. and then when i’m needlessly shaving my legs in the shower (adds a good 5 minutes – urgh!) i think “ok, i have extra time- i’m gonna make pancakes for breakfast!” (20 mins gone right there). so i faff about savouring them, and when i run upstairs to grab socks… “i’ll just check my emails for a second…. ” and low and behold i attempt to reply to 20 of them before the bf yells “what are you doing? socks don’t make a keyboard tapping noise!” and i refocus, then “wait, i didn’t do the catlitter last night!- oh no! sorries poor kitties! i will fix for your sensitive little noses right now!”… and socks are apparently not to be found in the sock drawer (which i ascertain after 10 minutes of rummaging and eventual throwing of the entire drawer contents -mainly receipts and cat toys- out on the floor) … which means they’re still in the dryer, so i have to run down 2 flights of stairs to retreive them (over obstacles and around cats who think i must be headed to the kitchen to get treats, so it’s the ideal opportunity to get underfoot!), and another 2 back upto the bathroom to blowdry them with the hairdryer cos it turns out that i didn’t turn the dryer ON last night- just put them IN it. *sigh*
… bf has been ready and watching tv for about 2 hours by this point, i’m running around yelling “i’ll be 15 minutes! ok i’m putting my socks on NOW!” with constant updates that he really doesn’t need (i swear they’re more for me)… and when i AM finally ready, THEN he decides to put his shoes and coat on, at his leisurely man-pace, and to check he has his phone and keys and wallet, while i jump up and down impatiently waiting for him, seething with exasperation, gnashing teeth, and trying to fill the time by ‘just quickly getting a drink’….and a cookie, and maybe checking the mail…..
the fact that it didn’t EVER take me 7 minutes to get to work- sure, i know that it’s a 7 minute drive, but obviously it’ll take me 2 minutes to check i have everything in the house and to pick it all up, another 2 to say goodbye to the cat, then lock the door, 2 to unlock the car and lob everything into the passenger footwell, check my mirors… nobody else ever puts diesel in the bloody thing so i have to detour to the petrol station… and the lights might (ok, WILL) be against me, i gotta find change for the parking meter, walk the 2 minutes across the lot to work, find the cryptically disguised bit of paper with my entry code on it in my bag somewhere, input that, unlock the door- thats a good 15 minutes of time minimum. but somehow, the brain cannot compute this.
i was ALWAYS 7 minutes late minimum for work. always. normally more like 15. or an hour if taking the bus was involved ( i routinely miss them, cos someone gives them a headsup that i’m comign down the road, so they come 5 minutes early on purpose). luckily my boss expected nothing less, and never schedualled me for anything before 9:30am, and used me as his own 9am ‘late-ometer’ (he’s dyslexic, there was a mutual understanding of our shared chaos management limitations- his was generally paperwork- based and came in stacks with hard to decypher doodling writen on it, while i was more of an incessantantly jabbering random mental tangent detouring mini cyclone that bounced around leaving bewildered co-workers in its wake).
but i’d stay 30 minutes after work to make up for the lost 15 at the start, and cos i was never ready to go on time cos i got too absorbed in my work and forgot to stop. and that made me late for the evening job, or babysitting appointment, or supermarket, or whatever- and by the time i got home every night i’d be in tears within 10 minutes from sheer exhaustion and so completely and utterly unable to think half straight that i’d go to bed at 6pm and not eat dinner- let alone even try and cook it.
i’ve never worked more than a 14 hour work week and managed to hold onto the job. my maximum timeframe for keeping a 9-5 monday to friday 38 hour week has been 4 months. i’ve been off work with stress and depression more times than i want to think about- purely because i cannot cope, while everyone else somehow manages too- and i have so many tangled thoughts racing about in my head, and so many screwups and missed deadlines and unfinished tasks and forgotten meetings following me around like ghosts rattling chains, that inevitably the two merge and i end up thinking about how crappy i am waaaaaay too much from 20 different angles, and get so trapped by this mental ‘rabbit in the headlights’ syndrome of ‘omg am i gonna screw this up? did i remember to put my knickers on today? where am i going and why and what am i supposed to be doing there?’ just going to the water cooler that i just stop trying full stop and stay under the duvet.
my preferred schedual is waking up about 11am to 2pm, going to bed around 4am- i’m awesomely coherant and focused at about midnight- which is a good 7 hours too late to use it at work. i’m 31 on monday…. i’ve not worked in 6 years out of procrastination and fear- i cannot cope with the who pattern of the inevitable awesome start, rapidly building stress and eventual screwing up yet AGAIN)… i have NO pension started, no savings, haven’t been able to claim any benefits as i emigrated a few years ago, no kids, am turning into a crazy cat lady, and thankfully have a bf who seriously deserves a sainthood- but something seriously has got to give, cos every birthday i look back and think “ok, what have i acheived? where am i going?” and want to weep at both thoughts- and every year also to panic a little more. – i haven’t been to visit my paents in 4 years cos i don’t have any money, and i keep imagining that my mum might die and how guilty and angry i’d feel about not being able to get my crap together enough to get myself $1,000 and a plane ticket with THREE YEARS of free time in which to do that.
oh, crap. see what i did there? essay. sorry.
um…. i’d get a job with a flexible schedual, or work from home, if i was you (if you can cope with that- i’d never get started, myself). that and tell my friends to arrange meet-ups with me for at least 30 minutes before they actually want me to be there. if they tell me i need to be somewhere by 11am, usually i’m there by 11:45am….so really they should want to meet me at 12am, just TELL me 11am, and i’ll be early!REPORT ABUSEMarch 13, 2011 at 1:01 pm #101947
AnonymousInactiveMarch 13, 2011 at 1:01 pmPost count: 14413
Holy cow, I could have written this entire thread about myself. I have an understanding boss, but sometimes I feel guilty for being late anyway. I guess that’s the long term effect of constantly being admonished for being late all my life.
What is ‘time’ anyway? It’s a man-made construct and I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure God didn’t intend for us to be having to have all these little man-made noisemakers to help us wake up ‘on time’. That’s why he made roosters… and cats.
Enough rambling, I need my breakfast and my meds. Have a great Sunday, all you beautiful tardy people! I love you for being you.REPORT ABUSEMarch 13, 2011 at 2:16 pm #101948
AnonymousInactiveMarch 13, 2011 at 2:16 pmPost count: 14413
What a great support system. Thanks I joined on the 11th and after reading so many post that remind me of myself i already feel better. I thought this whole time that everyone around me was perfect. Thanks you dont know what this does for me.REPORT ABUSEMarch 13, 2011 at 7:00 pm #101949
AnonymousInactiveMarch 13, 2011 at 7:00 pmPost count: 14413
jeneticallymodified are you my secret long lost sister from England?! (assuming, you said a few British-isms as I call it lol)
I would love to stay and do an essay… but my BF will be home about 6 hours earlier than he should be so I need to harness the “cat energy” and clean the apartment… I’m doing it for “ME” but I want him to come in and say “ohhh wow great job, lets get a pizza for din tonight” lol…REPORT ABUSEMarch 13, 2011 at 7:34 pm #101950
HansMemberMarch 13, 2011 at 7:34 pmPost count: 51
I was in the same club my whole life. If I was early I had anxiety about being in the wrong plaxe or time. ADD solution arrive late.
I was easily distracted/channel surfed and the time flew by. Channel surfing automatic response is “Oh shitt I’ve done it again”
I was recently diagnosed ADD and I am on Focalin xr 20mgs.
My mind can focus on time much better and I can remember to check the time. I have a time clock that goes off in my mind that says check the time. I can continue other task and my mind does a snooze alarm that reminds me to check the time I have an appointment and I can remember the appointment I have. Things seem to be linked in my brain much better and easyer access. I can recall a promise I made to my wife the following morning. Shopping in general is much easyer since the medication. The impulse buy- just in case- has gone away.REPORT ABUSEMarch 13, 2011 at 9:42 pm #101951
AnonymousInactiveMarch 13, 2011 at 9:42 pmPost count: 14413
Jen, Bren, On and Hans…sounds like we are all birds of a feather!
There is some solace in knowing that it’s not just me. And I agree 100% with the notion that time is a man-made construct.
God does not care what time I show up. And yes…I have stayed late many, many times to make up for what I lack in the beginning of the day.
The middle of the night is my favorite time of day…REPORT ABUSEMarch 14, 2011 at 2:03 am #101952
AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2011 at 2:03 amPost count: 14413
ondine- i quite possibly am- those britishisms do still sneak in, much as i try and canadianise myself. i’m pretty well coaxed into action by the incentive of junkfood too.REPORT ABUSEMarch 14, 2011 at 3:32 am #101953
AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2011 at 3:32 amPost count: 14413
In life, time is the only thing we can’t get more of. We can make more money, buy more stuff but there’s NOTHING we can do to get back lost time. That 5-10 minutes someone spends waiting for the late ADDer could have been spent calling in a prescription for a child with a chronic illness, calling an elderly family member or whatever other important thing the person needs to do. Being on time is difficult for me too so I’ve created systems to make sure that I’m on time because it really is disrespectful to others to be late. Who are you to dictate what someone else gets to do with the time they can’t get back?REPORT ABUSEMarch 14, 2011 at 4:25 am #101954
AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2011 at 4:25 amPost count: 14413
Sorry, but I disagree. People who have to wait for late ADDers should know who they’re dealing with and work around it. So if you have an appointment with an ADDer at 10, assume that he or she will not be there until 10:15 and make your phone call to the pharmacy or to check on your loved one.
The people who sit around idly waiting for someone else are the ones who are wasting time. It’s disrespectful of ADDers when others expect us to behave according to their standards. Your attitude, while based on politeness (and I get that), is exactly why most of us spent our lives feeling as though we did something wrong.
It’s not always about appeasing other people; sometimes it’s about ourselves and our own self-respect and self-worth.REPORT ABUSEMarch 14, 2011 at 6:08 am #101955
AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2011 at 6:08 amPost count: 14413
I have such a facebook mentality I wanted to “like” your post brent…REPORT ABUSEMarch 14, 2011 at 7:05 am #101956
AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2011 at 7:05 amPost count: 14413
respect is about intentions and sincerity more than outcomes to me. if someone is trying hard and has good intentions, i respect that, whether they succeed or fail. i also accept that my failings are my own- i don’t expect special treatment or make excuses for them- cos things just are how are they are- but nor do i accept condemnation or unconstructive criticism when i know i’m bloody well trying my damnedest.
and um… if the person i’m late meeting can’t prioritise (and decide to make that call, reschedule our meeting, or attend to that more important need instead of waiting for me) or make use of unexpected free time constructively, thats really not my fault nor my responsibility. i might have failed to be where i intended to be- but in no way am i accountable for what *they’ve* failed to do- as i hold no power over their choices.
i have a friend who is consistantly late- i don’t feel disrespected by her inability to organise her crap and meet me on time. i know she tries, and that she cares about me- it’s just not her forte any more than math is mine- she really struggles with it. i just agree a time 30 minutes before when i *really* would like to see her, then when she’s late its no big deal, or when it is a problem, i’ll call her and tell her that i’m sorry but i honestly can’t wait any longer because “whatever”, and that i hope we’ll try to meet up again later. no point getting funny about it. doesn’t change a damned thing apart from my perspective- and how crappy or not i’ve decided that the rest of my day will be (cos i’m sulking or feeling slighted, or… just not).
if i show up on time to say… an appointment with my doctor or my bank manager, and find that then person i was supposed to be meeting wasn’t there or was late- cos they were in the middle of making a phonecall, or had rushed to an unexpected meeting, i’d not wig out on them for lack of ettiquette, i’d assume that the call/meeting was important enough to them that it took priority- and i’d decide to wait, or not wait. my choice- no huffing and puffing or sulking involved.
stuff just happens despite everyones best intentions- it’s all about how we decide to respond to it, not about control freakery and assigning blame.REPORT ABUSE
I'm only usually late by 5 minutes…what's the big deal?2011-03-13T06:32:23+00:00
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