I'm only usually late by 5 minutes…what's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Ondine: I do that too.

Jen: “Control freakery” – I’m nicking that.

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[Anonymous]

@Brentitude – in your personal life that may be the case but in the business world it’s unprofessional and disrespectful. We CAN overcome our tendency to be late so instead of using ADD as an excuse for unprofessional/disrepectful behavior we need to figure out how to fix it. ADDers are the minority not the norm. The rest of the world expects respect and punctuality. If we want to succeed in our careers then we must adapt. Does this fact suck? Yep…but so does life with ADHD. If a person paralyzed from the neck down in a wheelchair who takes public transportation can get to work on time following a blizzard then we ADDers have NO excuse. Learn to overcome your challenges, don’t make excuses for them.

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[Anonymous]

I’m speaking about the negative impact that lateness can have on your career from personal experience.

Years ago I was in sales/account management for a top medical device company. My clients loved me! They thought I was a great person, very attentive to their needs and extremely knowledgeble, however, time after time they would call the corporate headquarters requesting a different account manager. If they loved me that much why on earth would they want a different account manager you’re probably asking?

Well…my constant tardiness made them feel that I was UNRELIABLE.

My boss sat me down to explain all of this in a meeting and put me on probation. I told him “see…I have this condition called ADHD and it makes certain things, like being on time, very difficult for me.” He let me finish my speech and responded “I have severe ADD and dyslexia but I don’t let it damage my professional reptuation and I don’t use it as an excuse.”

The most important thing that I learned from that heart to heart with my old boss is this: “PERCEPTION IS REALITY!” It doesn’t matter that your intentions are good and that you’re trying to be on time. If the client, boss, co-worker, etc perceives you as being unprofessional, unreliable, disrespectful, etc. then that IS REALITY. You’ll get fired, lose clients and miss out on promotions until you change that perception. Changing that perception requires changing the behavior that has them thinking negatively about you.

It took a couple months for me to come up with a strategy that worked but now I’m rarely late unless it’s something out of my control like a traffic accident that has the expressway shut down. In those instances I call the client with at least 20 minutes notice to let them know that due a major accident I might be late and give them the option to reschedule.

Yes we have ADHD but perception is reality. We can’t tell every person that we encounter about our condition so we have to overcome the challenges it creates as best we can.

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[Anonymous]

‘arsehattery’ is also a good word brentitude.

i’m all about acheiving wherever and whenever possible. i’m also all about making things work for me and making the most of my strengths though, so if i had the option i really wouldn’t choose a job where very very tight time management was hugely important. or i’d hire a personal assistant to yell ‘go go go!’ and wheel me around on schedual.

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[laddybug3]

Put down everything 30-20 minutes early. It works, because the amount of time going through and making sure I have everything. It drives people nuts when I tell them time to meet, because they forgot to write down the time for somethings. Once, I forgot the agenda for a meeting. Went back to my dorm and grabbed the agenda made it in time in five minutes before the meeting was suppose to start.

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[Anonymous]

“i’m all about acheiving wherever and whenever possible. i’m also all about making things work for me and making the most of my strengths though, so if i had the option i really wouldn’t choose a job where very very tight time management was hugely important. or i’d hire a personal assistant to yell ‘go go go!’ and wheel me around on schedual.”

Ditto. I wouldn’t choose a job that involved a lot of control freakery or arsehattery either. That’s just the way I roll.

Since I started taking Ritalin, I’m noticing that my creative side has been unleashed. I’m not having writer’s block every time I try to write something and the ideas are just flowing like kerazee. By this time next year, I hope to be a published author with at least one title to my credit. Or maybe a sitcom on TV. I’m dreaming big like I always did, but I’m thinking a lot more clearly about my desired goals and how to get there from here.

I wish the same for each and every one of you.

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[Anonymous]

i’m seriously wanting some ritalin right now. and some kind of oh, what do they call it… drive ? and direction…. desire…? goals?… that sort of thing. stupid birthdays inducing existantial crisises grumble grumble bag of day old cat turd not a desireable treat to find stupid codeine tablet stuck in throat shouldn’t have eaten 4 flavours of icecream for dinner mumble mumble. *flakes out*

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[Anonymous]

Oh, man! Why did I have to find this site after my shift was over at midnight? Here it is 3:30 a.m. and I still can’t tear myself away. I work for an answering service from home, so getting to work on time shouldn’t be such a problem. I work 4 10-hour shifts per week, usually from 2pm to midnight. It’s the most demanding job I’ve every had about getting to work on time. One minute late 3 times, and you’re written up. It gives me nightmares. LOL I’ve been able to train myself to be on time because I’ve had to, but it’s often a close thing. I think I have a harder time actually signing on in time if I sit down at my computer early. We have a 5-minute window to sign in. That’s 5 little, itty bitty, fleet-footed minutes. If I’m sitting here 15 or 20 minutes early, I start organizing my piles of papers and catalogs, check my work email, etc, and then I realize I have less than a minute to get signed in, and my heart drops into my shoes. I almost always make it any more, but it’s been a struggle. And I’m 63! Won’t be long before I can retire to writing and making jewelry, instead of just snatching an hour here or there. Can’t wait! The best thing about my job is what is now considered proper work attire – slippers and no bra. One of the supervisors wanted to get us all to use web cams for meetings. We screamed bloody murder! No! I don’t wanna have to put on makeup again, and wear a bra for work! Heh heh heh. I’m almost afraid I will sell a book after I retire, and I’ll have to don the dreaded bra and put on makeup and be on time to signings and cons. Seems like every silver lining has its cloud.

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[Anonymous]

“Seems like every silver lining has its cloud” – I like that.

I have the same issue when I’m working from home and have to participate on a conference call. I get ready to make the call a few minutes before the scheduled time, and I sometimes call in then and sit there listening to dead air for a few minutes, but if I let myself get distracted by something on the computer, I can actually be a couple of minutes late getting on the call. It’s not as big a deal as your situation though; it’s just a little embarrassing.

I hope you get to achieve your dreams soon – you shouldn’t have to be putting up with that kind of @&$! at this time of your life.

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[Patte Rosebank]

“Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud”…

There was a song on “Spitting Image”, with that very title. It was composed by Philip Pope—an absolute genius at musical parody & pastiche.

Here’s the video (evidently taken from a very well-loved, very old, VHS tape): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTtwFyFNgfg

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[Anonymous]

I remember when I was first getting diagnosed with ADHD, my psychiatrist asked me about ‘procrastination’. He asked me if I put things off until the absolute last minute. No one had asked me that before. I kid you not when I say that tears came to my eyes. I always thought that maybe,deep down, I was just inconsiderate, or lazy. Knowing that unfortunately, procrastination in ALL forms is a ‘symptom’ of ADHD helped me map my biggest issues and work on them one at a time. My father is perpetually prompt. It’s the most marked characteristic about him. He’s EARLY for everything in fact. If he’s ‘just’ on time, then we think that something is wrong with him. I honestly believe that having him in my life is what helps me be ‘on time’ because without that type of conditioning, I would be in the same boat as everyone else. The ‘snooze’ button on my alarm clock is near collapse, and if it wasn’t for my 2 large dogs that absolutely MUST go out at the same time every day…disaster. The things that I have done to really help me is set both my alarm clock and the clock on my cell phone. I don’t alter the actual time, but the snooze times on both the clock and the phone are completely different, so I am basically turning something off every couple of minutes. I get up and out of bed out of sheer aggravation.

I can’t say if it’s the meds, the behavior modification or both, but what I try to think, every night when I go to bed is how awful I feel when i have to rush around in the morning, the anxiety that leads to frustration which makes me short tempered and seems to begin the spiral of starting the day off on the wrong foot. A lot of my own ‘training’ is just focusing on how I feel. How great do you feel when you are on time or even (gasp) early? How awesome do you feel when you get things done on time? How horrible do you feel when you’re late? How defensive do you get when people comment on your lateness or chalk it up to you being inconsiderate or lashing out against authority? I think a lot of the time, us ADDers get exhausted just by explaining ourselves all of the time, and sometimes, we become victims of our own symptoms. Yeah, I’m late all the time, that’s who I am. My family used to call me Calamity Jane because I was always falling prey to ‘circumstance’. Most of the time the circumstance involved me putting something off, neglecting to do something all together, and then spinning to ‘fix it’ when chaos ensued. Take it one day at a time and don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s like when I first started jogging. I hate jogging. I always said that I never run on purpose. I run away from danger or towards a naked Brad Pitt, other than that, forget it. I started jogging, very very short distances at first, and when I was done, I was sore, but I felt this little spark of accomplishment. As I kept going, the spark got bigger. Now, when I don’t want to jog or go to the gym, I just focus on how good I feel when it’s done. Think of how great you’ll feel when you get over this hurdle, but remember, you gotta walk before you can run. Good luck!

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[Anonymous]

Hmmmmm….I at times seem to be on the other side of the door on issues here, strange!!! Here is my bit…. I can’t stand tardiness….makes me crazy…won’t tolerate it! It actually is more than tardiness….maybe?

Here is where I’m coming from. I say what I mean… and I mean what I say……. my word is my bond, I feel it is important, critical actually!!! What else do we have?? I will kill myself keeping my word when I give it. Where does that come from…here ya go…I figure I have a limited supply of heartbeats…. a finite number of them if you will. If somebody thinks they should have the right to steal my heartbeats because they were to otherwise occupied at something else and can’t respect me and my time….well %&*%##%** them!!! They don’t get to be in my life not for for long anyway….sorry. Sure circumstances say from time to time things will screw up…”best laid plans of mice and men…right…..I understand that… it happens., a phone call…communication to the other party (common courtesy) will fix that. To just steal portions of my life…..nope, what the hell would give somebody that right??

Late for work…… nope. My job was a verbal contract, I agreed to when I took the job…..my day started at 8:00, I was at work by 7:30-ish sitting having a coffee gearing up for 8:00. On the other hand if I arrange socially for somebody to come pick me up…..I’m standing at the door watching out the window for them. It is my responsibility to do that….to keep my end of the social agreement.

Try at your next interview to be honest…truly honest with your employer, tell them in your interview nope “I’m not coming in on time…… I will be chronically late”…..see where it goes…. otherwise it is dishonest. Be fair be truthful…. say what you do and do what you say….see how that works.

A sore spot?? Nope more of a morale code. I feel peoples life and time are precious and not mine to toy with.

toofat

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[Anonymous]

This probably won’t come as a surprise to anyone, but I haven’t read each reply to your post (I just don’t have to the patience to say what I what to say after I read them – you know how it goes!)

I can totally relate. I am 41 years old and feel ridiculous about having such a hard time getting places on time. Time management is my sworn enemy. Also, I have a monumental amount of dislike for arriving places early. To arrive early, only to wait for something to begin must be what people in hell are forced to do. And I almost always think of something that I need to do 5 minutes before I need to leave. My next thought is, ‘if I don’t do this now, I’ll either forget about it completely or lose all motivation to get it done. I’d better just do it now.’

I also know what you mean about feeling like a joke. I hate it that people (who know me) expect me to be late, and I’m always proving them right. I can tell you this aspect, as well as many of the other aspects of adhd, has caused deep and sore wounds to my my self esteem.

On one hand, we need to be who we are. We need to stop comparing ourselves to our non adhd counterparts. However, we do have to make it in their world. How do we do both? I’m beginning to think it isn’t possible.

Currently, my situation is that I really need to get a job. But my fears about my adhd interferences hold me back. In fact, it holds me back in just about every aspect of my life. I’m so tired of not fitting in to the non add’ers world; of feeling like a failure..

All right. Now that I’ve said what I need to say, I’ll read all of the posts. I hope that I don’t find my post to be redundant in content. I apologize if so!

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[Anonymous]

It’s not like I’m late on purpose. I don’t get ready on time and sit back and think to myself, “I’m ready to go now, but I think I’ll keep those people waiting. &*%##%** them!”

I think living alone with pets adds a dimension to the problem that I wouldn’t have otherwise. But getting a housemate and getting rid of the animals is not an option. It just isn’t. I’m 51 years old, I’ve done the marriage thing, the roommate thing, the living at a relative’s house thing, and I like my independence. I love my animals. They are better friends to me than most people I know.

A typical morning when I have to go into the city for work goes like this:

Wake up

Potty

Feed animals

Eat breakfast

Take meds

Shower

Brush teeth, put in contact lenses

Dry hair

Get dressed

Change to another outfit

Look in the mirror

Change to another outfit

Discover a huge stain right on the front

Change to a fourth outfit

Look at the clock

Panic

Potty again (because I cannot leave the house unless I do it just before I go)

Realize that I didn’t put some food out for the cats to eat in case I am late getting home

Go outside

Realize that I picked a jacket that was too light for the weather (this happens a lot during seasonal changes)

Go back inside and get the correct jacket

Go back outside

Remember something that I needed for work

Go back inside and get it

Go back outside

Realize that I forgot to check the knobs on the stove to make sure they are off

See something else that needs to be taken care of right away

Go potty again

Grab a bottle of water out of the fridge

All of that can take up to 2.5 hours or more from start to finish. OK, so that list up there is somewhat exaggerated, but the fact of the matter is that I have been blessed not only with ADHD, but a certain amount of OCD as well. I cannot leave without checking to make sure the hair dryer is unplugged, the stove is off, that the cats have water in their bowl, that the door is locked, etc., etc. (Didn’t you watch that movie where Rick was going through a routine like that? That one really hit home with me.)

So anything involving the welfare, safety or happiness of my pets takes priority over anything else I have to do. I’m sorry if that offends anyone, but that’s the way it is. If I left the stove on and the house burned down and my pets perished, I would be devastated.

The thing is, all of that is overwhelming and stressful and panic-inducing for me. I will do my level best to be on time, but I never know what’s going to happen to derail my good intentions. This is me, it’s who I am, and how dare anyone say that I am wrong for doing the best I can? I simply won’t accept that. If your time is so valuable, maybe we shouldn’t be making appointments to meet up.

One thing I do actively do is to avoid making important appointments too early in the morning. When the doctor’s office asks, “Can you come in at 9?” I reply with “what have you got in the afternoon?”.

Winning.

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[Anonymous]

i’m nodding at your post brentitude. your morning list and mine are incredibly similar. mine is more:

Wake up

Wail loudly

Remove cat from head

Potty

Feed animals

Search for something to eat for breakfast

Make crappy throw together breakfast from jam on a spoon and leftover springrolls

Curse empty juice jug

Make juice from frozen juice thingy and water

Drag breakfast and juice upstairs

Eat breakfast infront of computer while examining bad skin and checking email (fatal mistakes, no impulse control)

Search for meds

Take meds

Shower

Brush teeth

Wonder if i took meds or not

Check packets, count pills, assume meds taken

Play with cat and wet hair-towel for way too long (throw towel on cat, tickle smothered cat into submission, retreive wet cat from towel, encourage other cat to pounce on first cat, repeat)

Dry hair

Straighten hair

Retreive overexcited cats from bathtub

Curse bad skin

Tweeze exessively

Regret excessive tweezing

Poke self with styptic pencil

Apply makeup

Check email again

Check facebook

Doublecheck email

Reply to unimportant emails

Seek out socks

Curse lack of socks

Yell and wail

Consider borrowing boyfriends socks

Look for febreeze

Wear yesterdays socks sprayed wet with febreeze

Rumage through closet and laundry hamper for clothes

Throw on clothes

Look in the mirror

Curse dishevelled state

Seek out watch

Look at the time

Panic

Potty again (because I also cannot leave the house unless I do it just before I go)

Run downstairs

Run back upstairs for forgotten bag

Check email again (argh!)

Top up cat food

Apply cat treats to cats mouths

Grab a drink quickly from the fridge

Pace around attempting to finish drink

Put half mug of drink in fridge

decide that drink needs saran wrap, search for saran wrap, fail to find saran wrap, apply waxed paper and upsidedown saucer to drink instead

Grab chocolate from fridge

Check bag

Run back upstairs for forgotten item

Come back with wrong item

Run back upstairs

Stand in room trying to remember why i’m there

Go to the bathroom while i’m there incase that was the reason i’m there

Give up, run back downstairs, narrowly avoiding death by underfoot cat

Go outside

Realize that i am not wearing shoes

Go back inside and get shoes

Go back outside

Remember that i don’t have keys in my bag

Go and ask neighbour to let me in with the spare so i can get my keys

Go back inside and get keys

Go back outside

Realize that I forgot to check the knobs on the stove to make sure they are off and that i’ve left the hair straightening iron plugged in

See something else that really doesn’t need to be taken care of right away but fight desperate urge to do it anyway while i’m there

Go potty again

Grab coat, apply to head as don’t have umbrella

Realise i don’t have $3 for the bus either

Ring on neighbours doorbell again and apologetically accept the $3 she’s holding out to me before i even ask for it

Run for bus, checking watch every 20 seconds in desperate hope that time will slow down or even stop

Miss bus entirely

Mill around on pavement at bus stop cursing bus companies, wondering if i missed the bus and talking to stray cat for 45 minutes

See next bus driving away behind me from between legs while bent over tickling stray cats belly

Curse bus companies loudly

Consider going home and asking neighbours husband for a ride

Decide that i’m too lazy for that, mill around a bit longer, talking to cat about the importance of not distracting me next time a bus comes please

Cat gets bored of conversation and leaves

Talk to strangers and make them feel obviously uncomfortable but feel unable to shut up anyway

Talk to ladybugs

Catch third bus

Get to mall and can’t remember why i’ve gone there, stand around staring blankly for some time, contemplating futility of continued existance.

Retreive ‘whatever you’ve got that i’m allowed’ ADD drugs from pharmacist.

Hope those were the drugs i ran out of.

i actually don’t make promises or give my word to people, because i won’t be pushed into becoming a liar, and i really do not know the future. i most certainly will agree or volunteer to do my best, and i will have a sincere intent, i will say that as things stand right now i can’t see a situation not turning out in any way other than the one we hope for, but there is no way in hell you’ll get an ‘i promise to/that…’ out of me. aint gonna happen. it’s not a cop out, it’s being realistic. my mother would never promise things to me (gifts, trips, rewards, etc) when i was a child for the same reason. cos stuff happens.

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[Author]

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