Re: ADHD Journeys and the Unbelievers

[Outoftune]

I only have to wait a week until my appointment with the Psyciatrist who is the only ADD specialist on the whole island on which I live. I’ve been struggling alot with people not believing that I could possibly have it. Last night was the absolute worst of it. I went to see a Psycologist with my husband to work on marital issues and of course the only complaints he has about me are ADD related behaviours that impact housework, organization, remembering important tasks/appointments etc…, dropping things, misplacing things, burning food (waste), interrupting him, not being able to relax, being oversensitive and overreactive, not taking care of myself, getting hyperfocused for 8 hours solid or more and not remembering to eat, shower, go to the washroom etc.. Thses are all TOTALLY VALID things. He is wonderful and amazing and I totally accept that he takes issue with these behaviours and I take responsiblity for them. I have seen a naturopath, changed my diet and started taking supplements and oils for the executive funtioning of the brain etc… After a month of this I have noticed a subtle improvement especially at work however this weekend I still managed to burn toast twice! Which fueled an argument in which he mentioned the word ‘rediculous’ and I regressed to my thinking I’m a sack of poo state in which I spent all of my childhood, adolesence and most of my adulthood SO FAR ( hopefully just so far lol). Anyways my point is (She has a point? YES I do lol) that even though I have noticed a little improvement in some of my behaviours the truth remains that no matter how much I try (which never worked my whole life), work on diet/supplements, educate myself etc.. I still do not function at a normal level and it takes my, as my husband says, 200% or more of effort to just keep myself from spinning around like the tazmanian devel (I mean this mostly figuratively and only slightly literally lol)

So going back to my story we saw that psycologist last night and I went with high hopes only to be completely crushed as usual. When he mentioned his issues with my behaviour she said that I just need to be more “MINDFUL” (this word has been my nemesis since I was about 5 or 6 and I’ve heard if from my Mom, teachers, coworkers, bosses etc… my entire life). We explained to her that we think I might have ADD and I’m going to see the specialist next week. She said that she doesn’t diagnose (I know that duh! that’s why Im seeing the actually specailist in it next week) because she doesnt like us to ‘label’ ourselves! This is my Mom’s favourite phrase along with the mindfulness word. But then she went on to say that I don’t have it and that I have anxiety and that is what causes my ‘lack of mindfulness’…Ok looking at this logically and objectively isn’t she being abhorantly contradictory there? I mean holy crap! What kind of professionalism is this?! Isn’t she labelling me with Anxiety and isn’t she actually DIAGNOSING me by saying I dont have ADD? First of all this woman doesn’t have a clue about the disorder which she says isn’t a disorder (*pulls hair out*). She said that I don’t have it because I have a job that I’ve had for a number of years even though it’s a multitasking job which is why I do well at it and all my reviews rave about my customer service but say I need more focus and concentraitino to details etc…and because I can sit through a movie without getting up that I don’t have it and because I can focus on my horseriding for 8 hours straight that I clearly don’t have it etc… OMG! This woman is less educated about ADD than my husband who actually told her about hyperfocuing and the difference between ADD and ADHD and how although I’m not running aroung during a movie my mind is wandering and not really focusing on the details of the movie because I never can follow the details of the plot etc.. he even mentioned to her how a proff of mine at University got very upset with me because I never took notes and didn’t pay attention in two of her courses only to get A+ s in those very courses. I explained that if I had forced myself to stare at the proff and the board and to take notes I probably would have got Cs or even failed the courses. The Psycologist just said well clealy you are brilliant and an auditory learner but that doesn’t signal ADHD. GRRRRR!!!

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