ADHD Journeys and the Unbelievers

[Anonymous]

Stash, I went around with my head in the ADHD cloud for weeks, if not months, after that first “Aha” moment. I just couldn’t believe that there was a valid reason for my behaviours, and that the symptoms fit me like a worn in pair of comfy shoes. I lived on the internet, doing multiple tests, posting in forums, and generally researching ADHD. But eventually life got busy, my son borrowed my laptop for school every day (after negotiating with his teachers to be allowed to use one in class to prevent him losing paperwork and to allow for faster work – his writing is slow and untidy, but he types fast), and my brain shifted gear and ADHD moved further back in my thoughts and no longer hijacked my every waking (and sleeping!!) thought. Then my appointment time started to get closer and my thought once again began to revolve around ADHD and the appointment. Then I had a setback (read my “Aaaarrgghhh” post for details) and I am still waiting for things to happen. Now THAT is really messing with my mind because not only do I have to deal with not knowing what will happen and when it will happen, I also have to remember to make a phone call at a given time on Tuesday to find out if I can get a new appointment – not an easy thing for me to do!!

By the way, I have gone out with my nightie tucked into the track pants I wore to bed, and just chucked a jacket over the top to hide it all, because I have been caught short in the morning.

Wolfshades, I love your comeback comment for those who say they “do that al the time too”. I am the queen of comebacks, but not until it’s too late to say them 🙄 It’s the reason why I have so many social anxieties. I am always one step behind everyone else, because my brain just does not seem to keep up and process things fast enough for me to reply appropriately at the right time. Or else I am so excited by actually thinking of something to say when it IS the right time, that I blurt it out at the top of my lungs and deafen everyone And of course, there is always the tangents I go off on…..

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[wolfshades]

Aaaah. The tangents. Man I love the tangents – they are so much fun. Though not for other “normal” people, who wonder if I’m crazy. Some of them get quite frustrated too. “I thought we were talking about (whatever). Can’t you keep on the topic?” Answer: “no, and why would I? Tangents allow me to explore so much more than this nice tidy little linear topic.” I have noticed a few others who warp and weave their discussion like I do (my daughter, for one) and frankly – those conversations are so appealing that anything less than that is a let down. Which is why I hardly ever use my phone, or even answer it sometimes – if I know that a “strictly linear” person is on the other end.

And in other news – my daughter and I are both pretty sure she has ADHD too. Go figure. Wonder what our first clue was. Unfortunately, it would be hard for her to follow up and get any kind of appointment, as she lives in a pretty remote area.

Another thing you mentioned, KrazyKat: the inability to come up with the right response when you need it. I’m the same (sometimes). At other times, I won’t even give any thought to social niceties, and just blurt out exactly the right thing. Usually that happens when I”m not the focus of the discussion though. Often times, folk laugh, mostly because my reply is so honest but blunt. That’s fun.

But that leads to another thought: ever notice that there are times when you’ve been insulted but didn’t know it until much much later? I have. (Occasionally I don’t even see it until someone else points it out). Another good byproduct of ADHD, I think. At the time of the insult, my brain is busy processing whatever other shiny ball happens to have captured my attention, and I miss the jab. It’s a good deal because – who wants to carry around negativity when there are all these other great thoughts floating around, just *begging* to be considered?

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[Anonymous]

Yep. Have noticed that. As well as not getting jokes because I have been caught up in part of the joke and missed the joke as a whole entity lol.

As for the blurting out, I find it usually happens when what I say is inappropriate for whatever reason. It’s always funny….to most of the people around me….but the one time I manage to get my brain into gear and find a great comeback is the one time I offend someone because I haven’t been careful enough, or I do something like saying something completely unsuitable for children in a room full of kids!! I just cannot win lol. But I can laugh about it later….that is if I can remember it later!!

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[Outoftune]

I only have to wait a week until my appointment with the Psyciatrist who is the only ADD specialist on the whole island on which I live. I’ve been struggling alot with people not believing that I could possibly have it. Last night was the absolute worst of it. I went to see a Psycologist with my husband to work on marital issues and of course the only complaints he has about me are ADD related behaviours that impact housework, organization, remembering important tasks/appointments etc…, dropping things, misplacing things, burning food (waste), interrupting him, not being able to relax, being oversensitive and overreactive, not taking care of myself, getting hyperfocused for 8 hours solid or more and not remembering to eat, shower, go to the washroom etc.. Thses are all TOTALLY VALID things. He is wonderful and amazing and I totally accept that he takes issue with these behaviours and I take responsiblity for them. I have seen a naturopath, changed my diet and started taking supplements and oils for the executive funtioning of the brain etc… After a month of this I have noticed a subtle improvement especially at work however this weekend I still managed to burn toast twice! Which fueled an argument in which he mentioned the word ‘rediculous’ and I regressed to my thinking I’m a sack of poo state in which I spent all of my childhood, adolesence and most of my adulthood SO FAR ( hopefully just so far lol). Anyways my point is (She has a point? YES I do lol) that even though I have noticed a little improvement in some of my behaviours the truth remains that no matter how much I try (which never worked my whole life), work on diet/supplements, educate myself etc.. I still do not function at a normal level and it takes my, as my husband says, 200% or more of effort to just keep myself from spinning around like the tazmanian devel (I mean this mostly figuratively and only slightly literally lol)

So going back to my story we saw that psycologist last night and I went with high hopes only to be completely crushed as usual. When he mentioned his issues with my behaviour she said that I just need to be more “MINDFUL” (this word has been my nemesis since I was about 5 or 6 and I’ve heard if from my Mom, teachers, coworkers, bosses etc… my entire life). We explained to her that we think I might have ADD and I’m going to see the specialist next week. She said that she doesn’t diagnose (I know that duh! that’s why Im seeing the actually specailist in it next week) because she doesnt like us to ‘label’ ourselves! This is my Mom’s favourite phrase along with the mindfulness word. But then she went on to say that I don’t have it and that I have anxiety and that is what causes my ‘lack of mindfulness’…Ok looking at this logically and objectively isn’t she being abhorantly contradictory there? I mean holy crap! What kind of professionalism is this?! Isn’t she labelling me with Anxiety and isn’t she actually DIAGNOSING me by saying I dont have ADD? First of all this woman doesn’t have a clue about the disorder which she says isn’t a disorder (*pulls hair out*). She said that I don’t have it because I have a job that I’ve had for a number of years even though it’s a multitasking job which is why I do well at it and all my reviews rave about my customer service but say I need more focus and concentraitino to details etc…and because I can sit through a movie without getting up that I don’t have it and because I can focus on my horseriding for 8 hours straight that I clearly don’t have it etc… OMG! This woman is less educated about ADD than my husband who actually told her about hyperfocuing and the difference between ADD and ADHD and how although I’m not running aroung during a movie my mind is wandering and not really focusing on the details of the movie because I never can follow the details of the plot etc.. he even mentioned to her how a proff of mine at University got very upset with me because I never took notes and didn’t pay attention in two of her courses only to get A+ s in those very courses. I explained that if I had forced myself to stare at the proff and the board and to take notes I probably would have got Cs or even failed the courses. The Psycologist just said well clealy you are brilliant and an auditory learner but that doesn’t signal ADHD. GRRRRR!!!

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[Anonymous]

Sherri27……..if you would break up your posts, they would be much more reader (ADD) friendly!! Your paragraph breaks don’t have to be perfect grammar, it’s just the breaks help the readers, otherwise, it’s a sea of words.

Toofat

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[Outoftune]

Thanks toofat! Ok here it is! Will people please respond to it now?

I only have to wait a week until my appointment with the Psyciatrist who is the only ADD specialist on the whole island on which I live. I’ve been struggling alot with people not believing that I could possibly have it.

Last night was the absolute worst of it. I went to see a Psycologist with my husband to work on marital issues and of course the only complaints he has about me are ADD related behaviours that impact housework, organization, remembering important tasks/appointments etc…, dropping things, misplacing things, burning food (waste), interrupting him, not being able to relax, being oversensitive and overreactive, not taking care of myself, getting hyperfocused for 8 hours solid or more and not remembering to eat, shower, go to the washroom etc.. Thses are all TOTALLY VALID things.

He is wonderful and amazing and I totally accept that he takes issue with these behaviours and I take responsiblity for them. I have seen a naturopath, changed my diet and started taking supplements and oils for the executive funtioning of the brain etc… After a month of this I have noticed a subtle improvement especially at work however this weekend I still managed to burn toast twice! Which fueled an argument in which he mentioned the word ‘rediculous’ and I regressed to my thinking I’m a sack of poo state in which I spent all of my childhood, adolesence and most of my adulthood SO FAR ( hopefully just so far lol). Anyways my point is (She has a point? YES I do lol) that even though I have noticed a little improvement in some of my behaviours the truth remains that no matter how much I try (which never worked my whole life), work on diet/supplements, educate myself etc.. I still do not function at a normal level and it takes my, as my husband says, 200% or more of effort to just keep myself from spinning around like the tazmanian devel (I mean this mostly figuratively and only slightly literally lol)

So going back to my story we saw that psycologist last night and I went with high hopes only to be completely crushed as usual. When he mentioned his issues with my behaviour she said that I just need to be more “MINDFUL” (this word has been my nemesis since I was about 5 or 6 and I’ve heard if from my Mom, teachers, coworkers, bosses etc… my entire life). We explained to her that we think I might have ADD and I’m going to see the specialist next week. She said that she doesn’t diagnose (I know that duh! that’s why Im seeing the actually specailist in it next week) because she doesnt like us to ‘label’ ourselves!

This is my Mom’s favourite phrase along with the mindfulness word. But then she went on to say that I don’t have it and that I have anxiety and that is what causes my ‘lack of mindfulness’…Ok looking at this logically and objectively isn’t she being abhorantly contradictory there? I mean holy crap! What kind of professionalism is this?! Isn’t she labelling me with Anxiety and isn’t she actually DIAGNOSING me by saying I dont have ADD? First of all this woman doesn’t have a clue about the disorder which she says isn’t a disorder (*pulls hair out*). She said that I don’t have it because I have a job that I’ve had for a number of years even though it’s a multitasking job which is why I do well at it and all my reviews rave about my customer service but say I need more focus and concentraitino to details etc…and because I can sit through a movie without getting up that I don’t have it and because I can focus on my horseriding for 8 hours straight that I clearly don’t have it etc…

OMG! This woman is less educated about ADD than my husband who actually told her about hyperfocuing and the difference between ADD and ADHD and how although I’m not running aroung during a movie my mind is wandering and not really focusing on the details of the movie because I never can follow the details of the plot etc.. he even mentioned to her how a proff of mine at University got very upset with me because I never took notes and didn’t pay attention in two of her courses only to get A+ s in those very courses. I explained that if I had forced myself to stare at the proff and the board and to take notes I probably would have got Cs or even failed the courses. The Psycologist just said well clealy you are brilliant and an auditory learner but that doesn’t signal ADHD. GRRRRR!!!

Also my Mother was like this woman my whole life and to be honest I just can’t bare the selfdoubt anymore! With all my heart and soul and every fibre of my being I KNOW that I have it! And for the skeptics out there I will paraphrase this….I know that if ADD exists I have it! I don’t care what the heck you call it the fact is I know I have a neurological problem/disfuntion in the brain that contributes to everything I feel and my behaviours etc.. and its NOT something that will go away by “Being more MINDFUL!!!!”

Also on a sidenote my Bro is suffering in life despite having a genious IQ and being a brilliant composer and unbelievable creative and brilliant. He is struggling so much just to take basic care of himself, go to work, focus at work, and with his self esteem. I even found out he’s been taking tons of those redbull type energy drinks to get himself through the day. His body is obviously telling him to stimulate his brain but unfortunately because my Mom doesnt believe in labelling he’s not getting the help he needs. He’s honestly the most talented, gifted, smartest, wittiest person I have ever met and to think how much he’s suffering with severe anxiety and depression so that he doesnt have to be labeled makes me feel physically ill.

What the frig is so wrong about labelling ourselves if it gets us the help that we need??!!! I DONT GET IT!!!!

Thanks for any feedback! Luv u guys and I’m sooo thankful for this forum! don’t know where I’de be without it!

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[munchkin]

The whole labelling thing is exactly how I didn’t get help, and I’ve seen it throughout my family.

I think it’s a well meaning, but outdated concept. There was a time when people were being labelled with psychological problems, where there was no real treatment, and the only thing the label did was put stigma on the person. So there was this “anti labelling” backlash where unless you had schizophrenia or something – you should not be labelled – for your own good. That was back in th 70’s and 80’s but the attitude persists. Now – they are developing more and more treatments for neurological- based problems that are with the brain, not because of your upbringing or something like that. In that case – we don’t need a label, we need a diagnosis so we can pursue treatment!

I had to search for a psychologist who would do an actual assessment for ADD. It wasn’t a 2,000 dollar mega-assesment – just a questionaire for me to fill out on myself, and my spouse to fill out on me. Previous to that, I dealt with a series of uninformed doctors who had me going in circles.

The way I finally got a helpful psychologist was to ask our marriage counselor to refer me. He didn’t just tell me a name right off – he was actually willing to make a few calls and find me someone who was up and knowlegable on ADD. Thank goodness for that.

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[memzak]

Forgive me but I would like to return to the title of this thread.

Last year during the holidays, my family members were all unbeilvers.

What a difference a year makes. My youngest sister goes from saying no one has it to trying to jump on the ADD bandwagon (she does not have it). My brother has figured out that he has it but is ok because we both think he picked the perfect profession and has done very well for himself. My other younger sister did not join in this conversation and I don’t know if she has it or not. She has had a wonderful 2 years with her new husband and is very happy so we did not push her to join in. I still don’t think my oldest sister has it. I know my mother and older brother both have it. I was in heaven. I finally had the support from my family I was looking for and needed.

I hope this happens for everyone on this site that your family will turn the corner and realize what is going on. I just didnt talk to them, didnt try to convince them of anything. Educating yourself on what ADD is and isn’t seems to be the best weapon in our war against ignorance.

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[Anonymous]

Don’t waste your time trying to convince ignorant people that ADHD is real. Anyone who would tell you that its just an excuse for laziness doesn’t deserve your time. Remember, these are the same people who rejected you because you were “different.” You need to focus on yourself.

After being an outcast for 59 years, I don’t need people. I have no problem being alone. I refuse to waste my time on the bigoted, ignorant, self centered people who had no time for me. Didn’t need them then, don’t need them now.

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[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, I’m new here and have only just done the self diagnosis test. I began finding out about ADHD 2 years ago because I thought my son might have it, then chickened out and hoped starting school might help him. It hasn’t. I started looking into it again and with a growing realisation that the criteria didn’t just fit him, but fitted me.

I too have had the light bulb moment today when I did your test. I was laughing out loud every time I hit the yes button!

Feeling somewhat elated, I emailed a psychologist friend and told her. Her response was ‘I can categorically assure you you and your son DO NOT have ADHD.’ She then went on to explain that she was sceptical about whether it wasn’t just a construct of the pharmacutical companies working in cahoots with doctors. She said I was unnecessarily labelling myself and my child.

Since I’ve had her reply, I’ve vacillated between elation that I have found ‘the truth’ and this site with so many of you recounting (largely) similar feelings and experiences, and disappointment/worry about going forward and getting properly tested.

Ultimately, I want to help my son. I’m sure by me having similar issues to him (everyone says he is a ‘chip off the old block’ and yes, my parents laugh that me having him is karma for them having to put up with me!) I am not dealing with his problems in the appropriate way – whenever is screaming, crying, sulking and ignoring a child appropriate….but equally I’m worried he will be stigmatised and labelled (in a negative way) if he is diagnosed. Confused!!

I want to help my son so he doesn’t have the same teen years and adult life that I have. Several of you have talked about coping ‘strategies’ – add to those, heavy alcohol use/misuse, risky drug taking, risky sexual behaviour (not any more – happily married now), bulimia/compulsive eating and relationships with abusive people. Although none of these might not seem like ‘coping strategies’ they were – they all in some way deadened the symptoms of ADHD and allowed me to ignore that I wasn’t quite, er, normal. I don’t want my son to go through 20 years of that.

But what do I do if no one takes it seriously like my ‘expert’ friend did?

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[Anonymous]

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[ipsofacto]

Forget your psychologist friend. It’s sad that people like that are in a position to screw with people’s lives professionally. If you have ADHD, there are physical differences between your brain and most other people’s brains. These differences make it harder for you to do certain things, or behave in a certain way. Your friend would have you believe, that this is all your fault, and if you just sorted your self out, everything will be fine. This is the reason so many of us with ADHD have issues with self esteem, and guilt. Doesn’t sound like a psychologist I would trust.

ALID, You have a lot of reading to do. If you are right, and you and your son do have ADHD, you will need to make informed decisions on diagnosis, medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes. Understand that ADHD is a spectrum disorder, or even part of a group of related disorders, and no two people present the same.

Unless there is some urgent need, I wouldn’t rush into anything. Once you start to understand all the issues, then look for a diagnosis. There is no definitive test (like a blood test). So as you will soon start to appreciate, even choosing where to get a diagnosis needs to be an informed decision.

Good luck.

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[Anonymous]

Hi

Thanks for that. I’m a bit blown away to be honest! Can’t take it all in, but generally, instinctively, I know my friend is wrong. We’ll just have to agree to disagree! I’m reading as much as I can and trying to get my head round it all. In the UK, the only way we’ll get support is by going through our National Health Service General Practitioner. Luckily, mine is lovely and we get on well. Whether he ‘believes’ in ADHD or not I will have to discover! I now realise I’ve been misdiagnosed with a few things before which I’m going to discuss with him too.

On the whole, I feel positive. I’m 42 and very relieved that I might finally have the answer to why I’ve always felt so disconnected. If people want to rubbish that, they can just bugger off!

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[allan wallace]

Yeah, that’s a nice way to put it, ‘disconnected’…what intrigues me is the term ‘risky behaviour’. To me the behaviours that are considered ‘risky’ were merely sampling whatever life has/had to offer. Acceptability is so boring and mundane, why would people not take a few bloody chances? In order to feel alive one must surely have the occasional ‘skate on thin ice’, no? When I was younger the thought of playing russian rouellete genuinely excited me, but I could never find anybody that was willing to play it with me!

*sigh* Boring, boring, boring…..I’ve enever been on an exotic holiday, but if I was to ever go on one I’d rather go blundering into the unknown on my own, not as part of a group tour thingy with the regimented itinerary! Ye Gods, that’d be terrible! I’d almost be hoping to be kidnapped by Islamic extremists or something and then plan my spectacular escape on camelback after overpowering the heavily armed smelly Arabs by tickling them and dragging their unconcious bodies around by their hideous beards before tying them up with some designer burqas…

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[Anonymous]

What I’ve discovered on this site already is how funny you all are. Allan, lots of my friends think the height of holiday bliss is The Bloody Boring Maldives. Yes, I can see they are beautiful. But can you imagine sitting on a beach there for two whole weeks??!

My dear, most of my ‘risky behaviour’ does not need an apostrophy around it. I was a punk and then I ran a pub and enjoyed very much the dance/rave/house movement and everything it had to offer in terms of ‘recreational relaxation’. Just like everyone else. Except. I went a lot further. For me, the big damage was in relationships and some terrible choices I made. Not risky – bloody dangerous. There are three years of my life that I can barely think about without wincing, even now – and it was 10 years ago. To be honest, I was so fucked I can barely remember a lot of it. I still have nightmares and flashbacks now. I was completely out of control and desperately unhappy.

Eventually I got out and met a lovely person that I married and is currently doing a very good job of putting up with me!

As for unbelievers – had another coup tonight. The MIL (mother in law) was very resistent to the idea that her son’s son could have anything ‘wrong’ with him, until I sent her the symptom list and asked her to fill it out on his behalf. Then she got it…

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[Author]

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