The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Other › ADD and Suicide? › Re: ADD and Suicide?
I first started thinking about suicide when I was 11. But now I’m 48, so apparently I never followed through, due to my tendency to procrastinate. I have also been diagnosed with “recurring major depression,” and for me there is not much besides medication that will alleviate it.
Having survived this long, I think it’s fair to say that life is short, and death is long, so what’s the rush? Like I used to think nothing I did would matter in a hundred years, as if that were a bad thing – actually, it’s pretty liberating, because it helps me keep things in perspective.
I would think about suicide when I felt socially isolated beyond repair, or when I felt I couldn’t keep up with my peers in terms of accomplishments or career aspiration, or when I felt like the whole world was rolling past me and I couldn’t understand how other people could do the things they do, when I felt like there was something inherently bad or wrong with me, but I didn’t know what it was, when I thought no one would ever love me or want me, or when I felt invisible.
What makes life meaningful to you? When was the last time you felt inspired, energized, or at peace? Where did that happen, and what were you doing? Because those moments, even if fleeting or remote, are worth noticing when they occur, because they give you clues about how you might get back to that place.
I’ve also noticed that when I’m extremely bored, I often get this surge of disgust which reminds me of that feeling of wanting to kill myself – only I don’t want to die, I just need something interesting to involve my brain in.
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