ADD and Suicide?

[Anonymous]

how are you doing now addnurse?

filmbuff. one of those sites just offers packets you can print out. non profit university funded stuff. less privacy risk than visiting this site. just saying… i think very highly of those sites.

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[Anonymous]

addnurse,

my wife actually had to call an ambulance to me one morning because i was gonna follow thru on those dark thoughts, i hadn’t been diagnosed yet and had just lost my 2nd job that year, it was horrible times. I had to spend 4 days in the local mental facillity and amazingly enough they didnt diagnose it in there either. I was being treated for the wrong things. Finally after catching the documentary and having my wife watch it with me i made an appt with my doc. I am on straterra for the adhd but my doc also kept me on a mood stabilizer. I am doing a little better but it was tough for me to come to terms there isnt a fix and I just gotta try and deal with and control the effects of ADHD.

My problem is hyperfocus mainly i get so wrapped up in taking care of my son during the day i forget to let the dog out. You are not alone and I am new to the website but this place has already helped me alot.

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[sdwa]

I first started thinking about suicide when I was 11. But now I’m 48, so apparently I never followed through, due to my tendency to procrastinate. I have also been diagnosed with “recurring major depression,” and for me there is not much besides medication that will alleviate it.

Having survived this long, I think it’s fair to say that life is short, and death is long, so what’s the rush? Like I used to think nothing I did would matter in a hundred years, as if that were a bad thing – actually, it’s pretty liberating, because it helps me keep things in perspective.

I would think about suicide when I felt socially isolated beyond repair, or when I felt I couldn’t keep up with my peers in terms of accomplishments or career aspiration, or when I felt like the whole world was rolling past me and I couldn’t understand how other people could do the things they do, when I felt like there was something inherently bad or wrong with me, but I didn’t know what it was, when I thought no one would ever love me or want me, or when I felt invisible.

What makes life meaningful to you? When was the last time you felt inspired, energized, or at peace? Where did that happen, and what were you doing? Because those moments, even if fleeting or remote, are worth noticing when they occur, because they give you clues about how you might get back to that place.

I’ve also noticed that when I’m extremely bored, I often get this surge of disgust which reminds me of that feeling of wanting to kill myself – only I don’t want to die, I just need something interesting to involve my brain in.

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[Anonymous]

a lot of really good wisdom, sdwa! too bad you had to experience those feelings to get it .

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[sdwa]

sugargremlin:

Huh? To get what?

It’s not like my depression caused a revelation, or was any kind of catalyst or motivator. It didn’t teach me anything. It didn’t lead me to an ADHD diagnosis, or to figure anything out. It served no purpose, no function at all. It didn’t mean anything.

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[Anonymous]

from what I’ve been through in my own life.. i honestly do not think that it all means nothing. I help people for a living and use my understanding of the pain in my own life to help me relate to others and manifest sincere empathy. (of course without personal disclosure).

I honestly was not trying to invalidate your experiences. I liked some of the things you said and I am going to remember them to tell others.. that is all.

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[trashman]

hi i think if you have read any of my post you all ready know i have had and have those thoughts regularly . its no surprise to me that we all have those thoughts.if i could type and share all the things that have ha pend to me in my life , you would understand why i have so many dark times. my fear would be all of you asking me why i am sill alive . some or a lot of days i have these thoughts , but i am to much of a cowerd to go through with killing my self. and like i said before i would probably do that wrong too. so if any one can give me some courage i could use some. i am like a dog that barks loud but really i am afraid of my own shadow. so if i can keep dealing with these dark thoughts then so can the rest of you . i find great joy and peace in trying to help people. the sad thing is i don’t have much to give ,but i keep trying. you people on this site are the closest thing to friends or family , that i can be honest with. so thanks to all.

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[Anonymous]

*hugs for trashman*. Life is definitely not the coward route! do you get therapy, trashman? does your psych know you are this severely depressed?

I was a total trainwreck until I found the right medication. (suicidal, self-destructive, you name it). I was in therapy and working hard as well, but really really needed the neurochemical assistance. I then was able to pick my life back up and since then have completed a lot of therapy and coping skills.

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[Lucky77]

‘Ive also noticed that when I’m extremely bored, I often get this surge of disgust which reminds me of that feeling of wanting to kill myself – only I don’t want to die, I just need something interesting to involve my brain in.”

sdwa: Excellent observation, resonates with me so much!

trashman: You are courageous to speak your mind and post your thoughts and feelings, no matter how dark or bright they are. Right there you ARE helping people! Who? Folks like me who appreciate such honesty. I echo sugargremlin – if you have not been able to speak to your dr.’s and therapists about this, you may want to think about it. Sending good vibes and positivity your way…

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[sdwa]

Trashman: I know the feeling. Maybe you have more to give than you think you do? Most of us are not perfect angels. I’ve done a lot of stupid, reckless, and self-serving things in my life, mostly due to fear and trying to protect myself. Paradoxically, I have also put myself in dangerous situations. Go figure. Upon examination of my typical fear-driven behaviors, I noticed they pretty much directly brought about the result they were meant to prevent. Through a combination of medication, spiritual studies, and group therapy, I’ve come to believe I do belong in the world after all, and the universe wants me to be my true self. As they say, “May you be who you are, and may you be blessed in all that you are.”

Hey Sugargremlin: That’s cool. I guess I disagree about depression or bad experiences having any intrinsic meaning or value. If those feelings help you feel empathy or compassion for others, that would be a good use for them, but I would say that’s a chosen, post-situation usefulness, not an inherent one. If a person has to have a bad experience, may as well find a good application for what one learns from it – that seems like a life-affirming approach. An argument could also be made that had we not had those experiences, we would not be who we are now, and if who we are now is OK, all’s well that ends well. For me, being depressed was a hindrance, a bummer, and a big waste of time. 😉

Lucky77: Yeah, that’s weird, huh? I try to take those feelings as a signal that I need a change of venue – to get outside, move around, look at some trees, read a book, watch a movie – anything that helps me “re-set”

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[billd]

>>You don’t live in the USA. “We handle only the most severe cases.”(public) <<

Oh, ??

Try finding where I80 and I35 intersect. Pretty much the heart of the bad ‘ol U.S of A on most maps.

Sorry, just couldn’t resist……….. yes, that IS truly where I live. I’m only 10 minutes from either Interstate in any direction.

Avenue of the Saints isn’t too far east of me.

The heartland, where they still have heart and the conservative folks live a slower life and still care for each other.

Unfortunately, the hard-core speed at all costs west and east coast folks are invading our way of life, diluting it, corrupting it, but we’re trying to hold on the best we can.

And…… >>I’ve done a lot of stupid, reckless, and self-serving things in my life………<<

Geesh who of us here has not? If you find one of ’em, please let me know!

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[trashman]

Build life if keep simpler is better for us adhders . the problem is we like some of those people from both sides of north america bring with them. so its kind of a damned if they do or dammed if they don’t. I love some of the things that have come along ,but I do miss the slower days of my youth when it was okto take a day or two off because of a fair .good times.

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[trashman]

THE GAME GUY,you described me to a tee,its like you could look in my brain and see what I was thinking.if that were only possible then you could take out the things that are giving me trouble. its nice to dream. I could not have described myself any better than that ,so thanks .

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[Anonymous]

Well thanks, Trashman. I’m glad I found your post as I find wading through these forums nearly impossible – just too much information to digest. I don’t know why it is that this format is harder on me than other online forums, but it it.

I can be easily overwhelmed and frustration boils up and adds to the stress. I don’t want to have a tantrum, but sometimes that’s how I manage to get the energy to “bleed off.”

It helps to know that emotions override our ability to think and a person with ADHD has a very hard time with emotions as they race from one end of the spectrum to the other. I don’t meditate, but I try to do the next best thing – just recognize that the flood of emotions for what they are and focus on letting them drain away. If you’re familiar with Star Trek, try to imagine yourself as one of the emotionless Vulcans from the series, using rituals to let logic rise above emotion.

Like I said, doesn’t work all the time, sometimes the stuff just comes on way too fast. But for me at least, any problem that I can identify is one I can seek to fix.

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[curlysue]

I’m not the only one with these thought. I’ve know that for a while. it’s just great to be reminded, especially on a dark day like today. thank you every one for sharing.

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[Author]

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