Reply To: Frustated with having ADD

[Faequine]

I’m still Kicking, and floundering.

A lot has happened in the last few months. I can’t even remember how long ago that 1st post was. My lack of a memory is a major issue, and i have no idea how to improve it, and memory games don’t work.

Makes trying to manager everything ADD a pain in the arse. Even right now, i can’t remember things discussed about yesterday, at least not all of them.

I haven’t been able to afford my medication since i lost coverage from school. So things have been even harder. I did manage some progress with it, passed some tests that i failed last semester and had to retake. But still haven’t been able to do my practicum, I’ve been on leave from school since end Nov/begin Dec because I nearly died from internal hemorrhaging and under went emergency surgery to stop it.

I’ve been going slightly out of my mind with boredom, I’ve been stuck at home all day. Work is part time (12/hr a week), or was. Our contracts ended and I’m in limbo as they draw up the next one for the end of the month. I want full time work in a clinic, but since my ADD failure on the previous practicum I’m scared of having another lapse with my ADD and making a fool of myself. And getting fired. My field of work is like a small community, and I’m terrified I’ve already built a bad name for myself. To the point where i don’t know if i should even try to continue what i am doing.

I have come to realize i am in denial about about my ADD. I don’t want it, i don’t really want any part of it, i want it to go away and leave me alone. Al i want is to be normal, and go back to what i remember as the happy times of my life, pre Dx. I don’t really know how to get past it, i know denial is not a healthy thing, but i can’t accept for some reason. Blah.

I still feel lost, more so now I’m not on meds. And well ….. I really should clean that fish tank.

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