Frustated with having ADD

[Anonymous]

Even my ADHD can’t keep up with the bouncing back and forth! Great Lines! Wish I’d thought of them! Sorry to hear they tried that crap with you too, ever felt like less of a human?

I think if you who, sir allan of wallace, and I keep up, we may just frighten the new texan away!

REPORT ABUSE

[Misswho23]

Yes it’s too bad the rolling eye emot. guy didn’t’ work. Sir allan of wallace told me how to do that. I kept cliking on the things and eould see the text but never the image. So Sir allan of wallace told me they don’t show up at first. Story of my life I miss just that one little step….

Oh heck I hardly reckon the wrangli’n likes of us could scare off a big Texan!

Ok that might have done it. If so I apologize in advance. 🙄

REPORT ABUSE

[Misswho23]

Allan Wallace – You have been renamed.

Hey wasn’t this thread about…. something else. I’m goofing off way too much this evening. But fun!

SInce I did a THINK. DO. getting the halloween decorations out and some work done I got a goofing off reward!

REPORT ABUSE

[Misswho23]

Faequine,

Since this post started with you just thought I would check in and see how things are progressing for you. Positive I Hope. Please let us know how you are coming along and hope you are doing better.

REPORT ABUSE

[Misswho23]

Just noticed this thread started started several months ago.

REPORT ABUSE

[allan wallace]

Sir allan of loserville would be more apt! Call me whatever you like! At least I’m being called something! I have to be very careful here as my wife is sniffing about seeing what I’m typing! I did another silly thing tonight! *casually peers around* Yeah, being the career guy that I am, I was assigned to a place in the city to move some boxes and heavy crap around for a few hours, 3 hours, 45 minutes to be exact, but as I led the stampede out of the oppressive gulag and headed for the old clunker I was keen to get the hell away from the joint to get it out of my mind quicker. I very rarely lock the car, but I did on this occasion. I don’t know why I did that. Anyway, I put the key into the lock and it wouldn’t open. I casually walked around to the other side to see if I could get in that door. No way. That sinking feeling washed over me as I realised that I’d grabbed the wrong set of keys. Only one set has the magic opening function. Not the set of keys that were dangling in my hand….what to do??? I casually leaned against a wall having a ciggy as the laggards departed, and a couple asked if I was okay/ ‘fine mate, I replied, just enjoying a smoke before I get into the car’….I walked away and tried to think how I could get in….hmmm, maybe the keys were upside down or something. I strolled back and tried again. Even the boot wouldn’t open. Only one thing to do then…I smashed the rear window and unlocked the door! I got back about half an hour ago. I’ve been wrestling with what to tell my beloved. My first instinct is to flat out lie! ‘yep, can you believe it? Arrived at the car to find that some bastard had smashed the window to get in and rob us!’ Then I thought, perhaps I should tell her the truth. That did cause a murmur of anxiety I shall confess…she can be a tad cranky at times, and at the moment I’m as popular as a dose of the clap in a brothel. In the end I reverted to the most sensible option: i’ll sleep on it, and break the good news to her in the morning! 😆

REPORT ABUSE

[allan wallace]

I don’t like the piece of snot anyway, and it really is a green boogery yellow coloured car. I wouldn’t mind taking it to the wrecking yard and never having to lay eyes on it ever again. Problem is that it’s the only one that is driving at the moment. The other car was recently purchased second-hand and has sat in the driveway since I returned from Sydney. That is another saga in itself. The boyfriend of my wife’s friend gave the car a look over and his words were to the effect of ‘anybody that can drive a car should have picked up that there was something seriously wrong with it’. He did not believe that I’d driven it almost 300 klm from Sydney to Canberra. Apparently there was petrol spraying out from one of the squirty things in the motor. He told mywife that he’d never heard of anybody shelling out a couple of grand for a car and not even having a look under the lid at the motor while it was in use. What would be the point in my having a look under the stupid lid I told her before she could blame yet another disaster onto me….um, cars and the merryloser in the same sentence is not going to brighten anybody’s day….meh, the thought just ocurred to me that I should sneak out later and drive somewhere quiet and smash all of the bloody windows before returning! In the morning it would seem like we were the target of brainless vandals…

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

I’m still Kicking, and floundering.

A lot has happened in the last few months. I can’t even remember how long ago that 1st post was. My lack of a memory is a major issue, and i have no idea how to improve it, and memory games don’t work.

Makes trying to manager everything ADD a pain in the arse. Even right now, i can’t remember things discussed about yesterday, at least not all of them.

I haven’t been able to afford my medication since i lost coverage from school. So things have been even harder. I did manage some progress with it, passed some tests that i failed last semester and had to retake. But still haven’t been able to do my practicum, I’ve been on leave from school since end Nov/begin Dec because I nearly died from internal hemorrhaging and under went emergency surgery to stop it.

I’ve been going slightly out of my mind with boredom, I’ve been stuck at home all day. Work is part time (12/hr a week), or was. Our contracts ended and I’m in limbo as they draw up the next one for the end of the month. I want full time work in a clinic, but since my ADD failure on the previous practicum I’m scared of having another lapse with my ADD and making a fool of myself. And getting fired. My field of work is like a small community, and I’m terrified I’ve already built a bad name for myself. To the point where i don’t know if i should even try to continue what i am doing.

I have come to realize i am in denial about about my ADD. I don’t want it, i don’t really want any part of it, i want it to go away and leave me alone. Al i want is to be normal, and go back to what i remember as the happy times of my life, pre Dx. I don’t really know how to get past it, i know denial is not a healthy thing, but i can’t accept for some reason. Blah.

I still feel lost, more so now I’m not on meds. And well ….. I really should clean that fish tank.

REPORT ABUSE

[Robbo]

Hi Faequine,
Looks like you’re back with us. Welcome back. I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s glad you’re here. As long as you’re here with us, there’s hope for you. I’ve been through some really awful and painful times in the last couple years. The last 48 actually. It’s a lifelong battle for many of us. But there’s also a thing called surrender that I’ve found working for me extremely well, many times . It’s a winning strategy. We stop the struggling when we surrender. It’s not exactly the same as giving up. It’s more like accepting that we need some help. Better help. That help is all here. Lot’s.

Please be willing to spend some time here, studying. Lot’s of folks here understand you like they won’t in many other places. That’s the fact of my experience over the last 19 or so months. A wild guess, I can’t count all that well.

It’s taken many hours of reading. Re-reading, and reading stuff again and again… A LOT!. I’ve watched many of the videos here multiple times. I’m not always happy with the way my brain works. The correct term is “executive function”. But we’re just talking about the mechanics of how our thinking works, ADD makes using the noodles between our ears a lot harder, but in this camp we’ve all found and shared with each-other many new and fitting ways that work. We share them with you, free of any fee or guilt ridden conditions. We’re just happy to no longer be suffereing the way we did before finding this community.

More of the solution-
Our brains belong to us, so the trick is to take ownership of your brain and learn to take charge of it. How the heck does that happen? Practice… tons!!! I mean lot’s and lots of practice. Till your ass falls off and your eye balls won’t stay open any longer kind of reading, watching the video’s here. And sharing about what’s been going on between your ears the way you already have in this thead. You do a great job of communication with us about how your ADHD has been hurting your life, your family, and your heart. I repeat myself sometimes because that’s what it takes for me to learn. If you’ve got ADD like I’ve got ADHD, well then the repetition, while a bit annoying and often extremely irritating. It does indeed sink it. (It) the solution that is.

The solution is stated in many different and fully satisfying ways all around this web site. I’m really sure you’ll find at least half a dozen or maybe even just 6 or more women around this camp who will strike you as being sort of a “sister from another mother”. You may have skimmed through the creepy crawly stories of our friend from OZ (Austrailia). He’s just one of several brothers from another mother that I like to feel like I can relate to in this camp. I’m not married, had a close call… does that count?. Well, if not me then I’m sure you’ll find manty more people in this camp who will make you feel encouraged, hopeful, and I’m confident you will find some new and really solid reasons to really like the fact that you are stuck with this ADD malady. You will also find that it is indeed the kind of thing that changes as you change the way you look at it. I highly recommend the DVD called “ADD and Loving It?!” I’ve got it. I have watched it at least a dozen times. Beginning with at least 4 or more when it was on PBS. I also have the “ADD and Mastering It” DVD movie thing. It’s got tons of solutions packed into the hour or so it takes to watch it. I’m sure that I made tons of progress during the months (many moons) before getting it. Just by watching the many video’s here.

Most of all I got helped by making friends with my ADHD. Making friends with all the characters that habitate this site also helped me tons. Check out the “we’re nice people here” thread, here’s a link just in case you read this when that link is no longer easy to find. http://totallyaddconnect.com/forums/topic/were-nice-people-here/

I hope you “keep coming back” This ain’t AA, but lot’s of lives get changed for the better here. And we won’t ask you to work any steps or tell your deep dark secrets to any of us in order to get all better. We will just care for you and hopefully get to watch you really learn to care for yourself. All we really want is to see you become as happy as many of us usually are. Er, well we will be, or plan to be. We got hope!. Yeah that’s it. We got hope. Hope… We got that gal.

I’m nearly done with my second year of what I’m gonna call “ADHD basic training” I’ve read in more than one place that the first couple years can be really quite a wild ride. But I can also tell you from experience that my life has indeed gotten much better, easier, and more comfortable. I can’t tell you how this all happened in this one post. That story is plastered all over the Internet for crying out loud. But it’s a good story with a really good ending. I’m here today just to give you some hope about your story ending in a wonderful and comfortable, really feeel good kinda way. The folks in this camp will really start to grow on you. And there are folks here that can also help you find the right kind of skin creams and lotion/potions for the ones in this community that grow on you a lil too much. Yep, fungus! only kidding. So far I haven’t gotten any germs on my,or me… um, never mind. Not in the entire 19 or so months I’ve been goofin off her. Nope. Not even an itch or a scratch. Now I’m scratching my head but that’s a problem I’ve always had.

I get really comfuzed.
R-

 

REPORT ABUSE

[Faequine]

Hey MM, you’ve lost me. Lol. That one’s a bit too long, swear I’ve read it 5 times and only got out bits and pieces. Good ones though, I recognize the need for repetition. I’ll have to come back to this one again to pull out some more info. Haha.

REPORT ABUSE

[Robbo]

LOL, thanks @Faequine some days I get a lil bit long winded.

I do appreciate the feedback though. I thought a lil bit about re-writing it. But some days I just don’t have the ability to communicate the way I need to or want to, or at all.

I can’t even think of any good smart alec cliches I can use to blame ADD for my goofiness.

Hopefully you will get encouraged to surf around some more in these forums. That’s the general idea… mostly.. And other stuff…

I woke up this morning with a grand central head. So I waited for the sun to come up, then went out and took a tour around my block. Burning off my ADD energy like I’m 5 years old again.

:-)~

I’m sorta growing up here. I’m taking the long way. No doubt, huh?.

We will get there.

Soon, or just eventually.

 

REPORT ABUSE

[mulegirltx]

Oh, faequine, my heart goes out to you, as I recognize parts of my own life in your story. It makes me realize how IMMENSELY fortunate I was to grow up with parents who encouraged us to think for ourselves and be ourselves, which led to my finding little job communities or other areas where the majority of folks were more like me than not. But I’ve also spent my time around people who exist on the opposite end of the brain spectrum from us…and it’s so demoralizing, depressing, and, frankly, toxic for us, because there’s only so much energy we can expend in trying to be someone other than ourselves. Additionally, IMO, there’s only so much we can change the ways our brains work. Therefore, our significant others (be they spouses, bosses, friends) need to have a reasonable amount of leeway and understanding.

I recently went through a very down time which made your original post here very familiar. In the midst of it all, a friend I had kind of parted ways with many years ago, but who had always appreciated the good qualities my ADD gives me, even if the negatives drove her away at one point, got back in touch with me. I called her and we had the most wonderful chat. She has mellowed a lot in the last few years…and dropped a lot of her judgmentalism. Sadly–really, really sadly–for her (and makes me sad too), she had to lose a son to suicide in the midst of depression before she realized many things.

But the good news is–she is good for me because she really values my sense of humor, my creativity, my empathy. Those are good qualities that ADD tends to give us all. Part of why I love it here (and I’m a newbie to this site, but now visiting every night!) is the ability to care deeply and understand each other added to the quirky humor shown widely here. When I get down on myself now because of friends and co-workers who don’t understand how my brain works and think I “just don’t care and am rude,”” I find it helpful to remember that my ADD also gives me a great sense of humor and a connection with non-humans and some other humans that those neurotypical people possibly have no clue about.

So, in that sense, I am grateful for the good side of this. It’s made me who I am and to heck with anyone who doesn’t like it. Mind you, that doesn’t mean I don’t see a need to continue working on weaknesses and finding ways to work around my weaknesses to get along in everyday life. But I recognize the need to also find people, places, and times to celebrate the good parts.

But, then, again, I’ve been very fortunate in my life. My ADD did eventually drive my ex and I apart, and I miss his friendship. But I don’t miss his attempts to control which led to ridiculous extreme criticisms of me. Life is too short to spend it hating ourselves because we begin believing what people who can’t understand our experience of life say to us. IMO, people on the opposite end of the mind spectrum from us are too rigid and never see the big picture. But I don’t dwell on that, let alone beat them over the head with my observation. I just leave or avoid them whenever I can, because I know how awful it feels to be told all the time how bad you are. I don’t want to waste my energy on it–I’d rather get lost for two hours watching a dung beetle roll one of my donkey’s poops away (yes, I did do that once!).

It may be that I just finished editing a book on emotional abuse, but I must add my voice to the encouragement of you seeking outside opinions of your situation. Again, life is too short to be berated and beaten down. We not only need, but DESERVE, to have parts of ourselves we love and feel great about. I can charm most domesticated animals like nobody’s business. And I’m really, really good at editing and fact checking books. I also crack myself up with my sense of humor–and laughter really IS one of the best medicines there is. When I get to the point of not being able to laugh at life, I know I’m in a real pit and need to act now to get out.

I really do hope you’ll spend plenty of time here and start valuing yourself, because you ARE great and you ARE much stronger than you think you are. BTW, that’s another trait I think we’re all actually forced into by being a minorty in the way we think–we tend to learn how to be flexible. I had a friend many decades ago who used to always say “I’m a willow. I bend.” I look back at my life now (I’m 51), and realize that the people I have learned the most from, or valued the most, were people who were also either ADD or very close to it. We have an ability to see beauty that others miss–sparkly!! 🙂 Another friend of mine actually took me to a beading arts and crafts store in Burbank once. She regretted it immediately when I was so rapt at all the wonderful sparkly things I literally didn’t hear her talking to me. But she also loved that about me.

The friend I mentioned before that I’ve reconnected with actually gave me two gifts back in the day that show me she really does appreciate me on some level. One was a coffee mug that says “I live in my own little world, but it’s OK, they know me here.” the other a t-shirt saying “Always late, but worth the wait.”

Find a motto like that and I send you many wishes to find a friend who will bring you things like that…then remember that even though our quirks can get irritating, without people like us the world would not have much of the great art and insight–let alone downright hilarious comedy–that it does. We matter. YOU matter.

 

REPORT ABUSE

[mulegirltx]

Oh–ADD PS here–

Even when encountering some bad stuff in life, I eventually find a way to make a joke of it to help get through it. I just have to share this story….I have a cousin who is jaw-droppingly rigid in her extreme Christian fundamentalism. She has cut her own mother out of her life because she married a (gasp!) divorced man. Never mind that her mother was also divorced. WTF?

Last night I was talking with one of my sisters and she told me how this cousin recently also undermined her own sister’s attempts to get help from people with finding a way to get a much needed surgery done. All because her sister did start talking to their mother again.

After I’d calmed down my outrage enough, we were later talking about a movie in which many of the characters are extreme caricatures on purpose, and when I told her about one very, very, very rigid character, my sister blurted out “Just call him Mary (my cousin).” I laughed so hard I spit iced tea out of my nose.

It just really helps to make a joke sometimes of the more infuriating kinds of people in our lives.

🙂

REPORT ABUSE

[Robbo]

I’m really glad I came to your post first donkey gal 🙂

I’d rather get lost for two hours watching a dung beetle roll one of my donkey’s poops away (yes, I did do that once!).

Sounds fun, It’s great entertainment watching bugs do their jobs.

You’ve really said a lot of what folks in this camp need to hear. We’re going over the same information over and over in this camp. The trick is to keep it interesting. Interesting is absolutely key. And ya do that well. I hope ya keep it up too.

I like to select the text and then click on “copy” just in case I have a finger spasm and make my post disappear!. It’s cuz I sometimes can type almost as fast as my brain, some days. I look down and it’s just a blurr!. okay, not really. But it’s fun to exaggerate, huh?.

Other times I go ahead and just open a work processor document. It’s a pain in the ass though.

The block quote above [about selecting our text] ain’t from this thread. I can’t remember where… or actually I’m just not willing to look for the post it came from. It’s relevant cuz I’m writing my post as I read yours. (lot’s of y0u cats’ stuff, plus I remember good ones as I write…).

So, in that sense, I am grateful for the good side of this, um disorder. I still don’t like calling it a disorder  But it is, regardless. It’s made me who I am and to heck with anyone who doesn’t like it. Mind you, that doesn’t mean I don’t see a need to continue working on weaknesses and finding ways to work around my weaknesses to get along in everyday life. But I recognize the need to also find people, places, and times to celebrate the good parts.

The people n places are here. It takes some time to sift through the mental dump posts from folks like, well. Me! lol. But it may have been necessary for folks like me to endlessly pontificate about… um, everything under the sun. In order to feel like I’m allowed to really be myself.

Then grow…

And when I was aloud to do this and I wasn’t flamed at by the hateful folks I’ve found in other forums. I eventually got around to caring much more about keeping what I say here more organized and legible. Sorta… I’ve improved. N that’s good enough.

I found I could relate to the folks in this camp better that just about everywhere else on the”nets”. I really like using that term [nets]. I first learned it over 16 years ago. Reading Orson Scott Cards “Enders Game”. What an awesome Awesome book. I read it twice, just started reading “Enders Shadow” last night. I got through chapter one and stopped!! That’s miraculous!. It ain’t a miracle.

I’m much more careful than I used to be about using the word “miracle”. But if you want to talk about miraculous things that happen. Just read here, all around TotallyADD. This web site is full of miraculous signs and wonders.

Yep. I said that. Mmhhhmm. Uhuh, (I’ve gone there…).
R-

PS, of course I’ve got more to say. It’s just that I’ve got a ridiculous amount of stuff to get done in my life. So If I’m not around all that much for the next week or so… It’s mostly cuz I’m reading about “Enders Shadow”, It’s an excellent book. And getting lot’s of the stuff I didn’t get done in the last 48 years.

It’s gonna take another 48 years. So I’m also taking good care of my body. Also so I can come back here n read a bunch more. CuZ Iforget…

REPORT ABUSE

[mulegirltx]

We’re beans–I’m glad to find others appreciate my bug fascination. Actually, one of the things I was pondering as I watched that particular dung beetle was the split among cognitive scientists between those who desperately seek a way to set humans apart (and above) non human animals, and those who seek to find similarities. I had recently read how some of the former were saying problem solving was a sign of “higher” consciousness. But there I stood in my pasture, watching a dung beetle who rolled that little pile of dung into a hill. Let me be struck by lightning if that dung beetle didn’t stop, walk ALL the way around the pile of dung, including up and over the hill. Then went BACK around. Then promptly went to another part of the dung in order to roll it AROUND the hill. Now, I ask you, if that’s not problem solving, what is?

—time passed–nope, I’m still here. No lightning. 😀

I had a point in mind when i started this post, but…

Did I mention I’m ADD? *Embarrassed*

 

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts