I think that personality types are a good place to start, and definitely having the ENFP as the woman would help. My dad is ENFJ and rather explosive (and very possibly adhd, though he’ll never accept it) and my mom is ISFJ. It has been a “difficult” marriage. Knowing the other person’s personality can help you have concrete things to look at and work from. Like, ISFJs are often highly self-critical, they get worn out in social situations, they’re extremely loyal, they can get upset about change. I think of them like snuggly guinea pigs. Or, like those underwater flowers that will suck back into their shells at any sign of danger. From there I can address my mother and a few of my friends. So, what I mean is, don’t dismiss the personality stuff, it’s not the be-all-end-all but it can be super helpful.
ps. I’m glad you and hubby are so hopeful. 
….and just now noticing your picture I may have seen you on typologyforums. If so, hi again.