- This topic has 5 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 10 years, 5 months ago by Anonymous.
let me just say that i drive my husband nuts. i found out when i was around 19 or 20 that i have adhd, but i’ve never really felt as though i needed help with coping with it. then i met my husband at age 25. he’s the world to me, but i drive him nuts all the time. i’m 31 now. we start seeing this family therapist (b/c he and i are at our wits end with one another) and she proceeds to tell me that we have 2 personality types, i’m an ENFP and he’s an ISFJ. well, that’s all fine and dandy, but who cares…. right?!
being the google star that i am, i start researching the hell out of stuff relating to our personality types and it dawns on me that most of the things i LOVE doing, things that i feel are TRULY ME, are things that were pointed out on my personality type descriptions…. and then there were those things that drive people away from me, things that i myself can’t stand that i do… and i saw the documentary and found you all.
the best thing that we did was go see that therapist. she opened my eyes to realizing that i do need some help, if i want to maintain a healthy marriage with my husband and be able to provide some sort of sanity for my kids.
perhaps with my new meds i’ll be filling today i won’t have more nights like the vacuum night…..
i putting my son (he’s about 18 mo) to sleep and i hear the T.V. blarring a very popular TLC show on there, and i ask my hubby to please turn it down. so he does. then i proceed to put the babes down, and go to my daughter’s room to pick up and realize that the floor looks icky. so i begin to vacuum! of course my husband scurries down the hall to protest my dislike to the T.V. volume, but don’t think that the vacuum would disturb the child. my response? “it’s not THAT loud is it?!” uhm, yeah that was a great night of conversations at a high decibel.
needless to say, we worked it out. and i humbly realized that i was having a moment. a brain fart if you will. and i needed to come to terms with it and not act defensively.
at this point in time, i feel as though i’m finally ahead of the game. i’m seeking individual counseling, so i can talk out my frustrations. and i’m going to start taking some meds to see if they help. my hubby and i are very hopeful. and ya know… sometimes that’s all you need.
thanks doc! thanks totallyADD.
I think that personality types are a good place to start, and definitely having the ENFP as the woman would help. My dad is ENFJ and rather explosive (and very possibly adhd, though he’ll never accept it) and my mom is ISFJ. It has been a “difficult” marriage. Knowing the other person’s personality can help you have concrete things to look at and work from. Like, ISFJs are often highly self-critical, they get worn out in social situations, they’re extremely loyal, they can get upset about change. I think of them like snuggly guinea pigs. Or, like those underwater flowers that will suck back into their shells at any sign of danger. From there I can address my mother and a few of my friends. So, what I mean is, don’t dismiss the personality stuff, it’s not the be-all-end-all but it can be super helpful.
ps. I’m glad you and hubby are so hopeful.
….and just now noticing your picture I may have seen you on typologyforums. If so, hi again.Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADDParticipant
Veronica, your message triggered a thought. (What doesn’t trigger thoughts in a person with AHD!)
There’s a great line in the movie Adaptation, perhaps the whole point of the movie, and it goes something like this, “Who you are is not defined by who loves you. Who you are is defined by what you love.”veronicaMember
brio! yay! it’s nice to have someone here from type c. excited! hahahaha. man you totally described my hubby to a “T”. i was in a motor vehicle accident once and he totally made himself sick with worry. he sucked himself into his shell.
see you round, lady!
rick, great great movie. and i need to remind myself of that. thank you!!AnonymousInactive
i have found that when i am vacuuming i do not notice the high pitch humming much, if at all, but when my gf is vacuuming it’s like a frequency designed specifically to drive me insane.AnonymousInactive
I just came back from Christmas eve dinner. For us Cubans it’s called Noche Buena. Thought I’d slip in that cultural thing in there. Anyway, I just sat back and observed the people. I participated in discussions to an extent but mostly I observed. What I observed was the following. I observed a lot of happy couples. Couples that have been together a long time despite some very long odds. I looked back at my own life and the relationships I had. I asked myself could I be happy and faithful to just one woman. The same woman day in and day out. I had to answer no. I know this from experience having played the field. I’m not going to sit here and blame it all on adhd. That would be foolish and irresponsible. I could be in a sexual relationship with someone as beautiful and substantive as Salma Hayek but still be tempted to have dalliances with Sofia Vergara or Shakira or JLO…well you get the picture. Funny, I thought I was different from my father but I guess you can’t fight what you are. My mother was hoping when she was alive that I’d be different as well. We each disappointed eachother. I’m not going to say that I need the constant stimulus. That would be lying. It’s more a personal and male failing than an adhd failing. The point that I’m trying to make is that whatever problems you guys and gals may be having with your marriages the fact that you’re still together puts you ahead of most people. I could have been happy many times but that takes a discipline and a love so unconditional that I don’t have. If you all have that unconditional love and I know you have, then anything else that’s wrong can be helped.
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