Well my stomach continues to feel better. I’ve been getting a solid 40 minutes on a stationary bike everyday and continuing to try and learn and find strategies to work around or with the various differences we have. An Autism Spectrum Diagnosis can be both good and bad. I feel that many things have been explained and there is a huge sense of relief from that, but on the other hand there are no more excuses, it’s time to face change, put the past in the past and move forward. This knowledge is empowering and frightening. I also think it is a road that needs to be traveled with extra care, taking time to understand and appreciate the changing scenery, instead of making it a race to feel better.
The meds are helping bring my energy up from a 1 or 2 to a 3 or 4, this does help me see things a little more positively. I almost threw in a “but” there. There is work to do to find a way to feel happy some of the time. I believe that if I can start feeling that sense of happy again, it will be easier to get back to feeling that way more often. There are things that I have wanted to do but put off for an number of reasons, but no more excuses, no more false expectations of who I am or should be. I’ve always known the path I should have been on and I’m climbing back up to it because I understand that it is not only where I want to be its where I need to be.
There it is, that happy feeling 
I haven’t even had my meds yet today.
FWIW, I’ve gone through the disclosure process with my family, Parents, wife and to a lesser extent the kids. I even shared with my boss, a co-worker that has had ‘issues’ with me, and the people I will be working with as I work towards my new career. It has been very positive. Turns out my co-worker has a number of phobias that she is dealing with and it was not personal. We both felt better.
Part of my growth is understanding that ADD is only part of the equation. Asperger’s is in here too. As they are on the same ‘spectrum’ its not surprising that there would be some common symptoms, these are not fixed with chemistry and will be here forever but that doesn’t mean I can’t make them better house guests. Family, Work, School, Life Skills, Self Concept, Sociability, risk taking are all areas that I have struggled with. Friends have never been a necessity, but I crave social contact despite not being very fluent at it. I make people uncomfortable because I express myself with passion that some people find over powering. I don’t seem to know how to express things in a tactful way, which is taken as being rude or insensitive. For example: Mom “I never hear from you”, Me “I never hear from you.” Mom, “When I call I don’t fell that you want to talk”, Me “Well you called so I figured you had something to talk about.” Mom, “Fine I won’t call.” Me “That’s not what I meant. What I meant was when you call you should have something to talk about.”
Meaning that I don’t call because I don’t have something to talk about, if I did I would. Small talk is a skill I work at but have not mastered. I can talk and talk and talk, but I tend to again be passionate, enjoy when people have information to add or challenge my ideas, but I turn it into a sport. More like hockey than baseball, lots of hard hits, cheap shots and a penalty or two for unsportsmanlike conduct or abuse of the official.
Thanks again to everyone that has contributed to this conversation. It has been a journal of sorts for me and reminds me every time I add to it that things are getting better and I am feeling more happiness.
Cheers!
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