February 9, 2011 at 8:38 pm #97039
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 9, 2011 at 8:38 pmPost count: 14413
can you report back on how whatever you change to using works for you?
cos i’m not too sure about the straterra myself- honestly with 3 different medications on the go at once, and a shoddy excuse for a memory and loudy sense of self-awareness, i can’t work out whats a change and whats the same, whats down to what, and whats a benefit and whats not, very easily at all- i just know that its still a struggle to get going, get stuff done, and not feel wiped out from the effort.
the prozac comment got me thinking- i didn’t gain a bunch of weight on prozac (that i can remember, but honestly its all very blurry) but i do recall feeling very detached emotionally- like i was interacting with the world through a window- i could think very clearly, i just felt very ‘cold’- i didn’t have any emotional attachment to well… anything (which wasn’t good, as a depressive!).
i am starting to seriously consider whether a stimulant would be better for me than straterra (and to get sick of my arse hurting ), but at the same time its very easy to doubt my own judgement, and to start to question whether i’m maybe just a slacker, not trying hard enough, not really dealing with ADHD at all but a world class malingerer, and all that other negative stuff we start to tell ourselves when we’re tired, things are complicated, and we don’t have all the answers- let a clue how to think straight and work out the next move.
so yes- please lemme know.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 10, 2011 at 1:33 pm #97040
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 10, 2011 at 1:33 pmPost count: 14413
@Jen. Gave me a smile this morning.
I get the same spiral of BS going in my head on different days. Not a good way to get through a day.
Today the fire alarm’s low battery beep work me up at 5:00 AM. Why do they never go off Saturday at noon?
Actually my wife getting up to fix the beeping woke me up, the beeping just made me agitated that I was woken up from my best sleep in days. Unfortunately, despite my wife’s best intension she had no idea what to do to stop the beeping. Rather that tell me she has no idea what to do about the beeping she stands on the stool in the hall looking at the alarm hoping it will stop? Now fully frustrated I get up and remove the alarm from the ceiling and hand it to my wife and go back to bed, figuring she will open the battery compartment and remove the battery. Beep, beep, beep. Up again, “Where are you?”, “Trying to hide this so we don’t have to listen to it.” “TAKE OUT THE BATTERY!!!!!”, “There is a battery?”
Even now my level of frustration is VERY high. I can’t deal with these situations, home, work, traffic, shopping. If it seems simple and obvious to me and my expectation is that every other adult should have this basic level of understanding but don’t seem to, I lose all patience.
This has been worse on Straterra than off. I’m concerned that Adderal will increase rather than diminish agitation levels.
Can Adderal be combined with an anti-depressant?
I’m trying to figure out the chemistry behind all of this but its a steep curve. I also don’t know if being our own advocate in this is really the best way to go.
Very confused and down today.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 11, 2011 at 1:03 am #97041
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 11, 2011 at 1:03 amPost count: 14413
oh dear. maybe when you’re less frazzled re-read your post and try and find a way to laugh at the situation, cos it is pretty funny really -when its not happening to you. poor wife- sounds like her heart was definately in the right place, at least.
poor you as well! i used to live halfway up a highrise building, and the fire alarm (this insanely loud hardwired screeching thing that reverbarated a big hollow echo in your head and chest- just incase you were deaf) would ALWAYS go off at about 3am on sunday mornings (after a total muppet -probably the same one each week- had tried to make a post-party fried breakfast and then fallen asleep, no doubt) and following our being forcedly awakened the next step was to haul your bedraggled semi-clad arse down about 20 flights of a concrete stairwell- hoping not to burst into flames at any moment. the only consolation really was that if you were quick enough getting downstairs and dodging through the automatic sprinkler system which made lovely fountains and grassy muddy puddles around the building, you got to see some sexy firemen jump out of big trucks with flashing lights, go strolling in the building, ascertain that there was no fire, then rapidly stroll out again and leave. so yep. i can relate. maybe you’d feel better if some dishy firefighters with huge yellow hoses and helmets had woken you up? maybe next time the wife could arrange that.
you know that simple and obvious thing- thats a dangerous expectation you have there- trust me, you’re gonna get nothing but consistantly disapointed by it. you’d be frightened by how many peoples next thought following ‘thats really quite loud, i wish i could make it so that it wasn’t!’ is ‘i’ll block the noises access to my ears somehow’ and not ‘i wonder how to turn it off?’. oh yeah- and don’t even think about getting a job in the retail sector, cos your head will rapidly explode.
the ADHD and Depression drugs- i think they are used together quite often, just that you have to be careful to get the balance right or you could risk seratonin syndrome and/or having too much dopamine and norepineprine flying about in there. which it appears from googling wouldn’t be ideal by any stretch of the imagination. hmmm. maybe this is a question for Dr J (and whenever i see ‘DR J’ written down i hear ‘it’s Run DMC and Jam Master Jay!’ in my head. argh. different person, jen. Dr J, not Master Jay. no jam, no running).
anyway yes- DR J. question- you think? how do we get that happening? ok everyone: jump up and down and wave your arms to get his attention right…….. NOW!REPORT ABUSEFebruary 11, 2011 at 2:38 am #97042
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 11, 2011 at 2:38 amPost count: 14413
Straterra is out.
Concerta is in.
Apparently that was one of the recommended meds following my appointment with a psychologist. I suggest the other one.
Anyway will start it tomorrow, need sleep tonight.
Night all.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 12, 2011 at 5:21 am #97043
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 12, 2011 at 5:21 amPost count: 14413
good luck!REPORT ABUSEFebruary 12, 2011 at 10:40 am #97044
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 12, 2011 at 10:40 amPost count: 14413
I’m new on this forum but I decided to say something as this thread caught my attention.
Has anyone tried both stimulant medication with Strattera? I am on both, 60mg Strattera and 34mg (I think that is right, maybe it’s 36mg, anyway the white one) of Concerta which for me, works exceptionally well. My disclaimer though is that I am in Australia and I realise different places have different rules on these things.
My doctor put me on Strattera after years on Ritalin as every time I went to see him for a review, I would still be ticking all the columns on the quiz in the “bad” column, particularly on issues related to anxiety.
I started slowly on 20mg then went to 40mg, and the sleepy side effect was the worst but it went away after a little while. I moved up to 60mg when I had to drop the Ritalin down due to a fast heart but when my cardiologist was happy, I went back on my full dose of Ritalin and then Concerta.
The most noticeable side effect I get now is slow circulation in my feet and sometimes my hands and arms, but not enough to make me think about not taking it.
The best part about Strattera is that I no longer suffer from bad bouts of ADHD inspired anxiety. Having said that my house is still messy (when I am left to my own devices) and I still never put anything away but at least I’m not curled up in a corner feeling unable to cope. Also, with study and work I feel much more equipped to break up overwhelming tasks into more manageable pieces.
Anyway, good luck with all your medication experiments, I find that even after 14 years of diagnosis and medication, something that once worked really well, may not work as well as circumstances change.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 12, 2011 at 3:36 pm #97045
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 12, 2011 at 3:36 pmPost count: 14413
I’m on Concerta 27mg and I have an appointment with my neurologist next tuesday for a follow up. So far Concerta doesn’t help with my ADD and messes with my anxiety so, after reading a bit about Strattera here and there, I though I might suggest it to my doc as a possibility instead of Concerta.
But after reading everything everyone had to say about it here… I changed my mind. I mean… stomach problems- got enough of those already with food allergies, and feeling sleepy- I’m already sleeping too much as is. I’d sleep easily 10 to 12 hours each night on week ends if it was not for a huge headache kicking in (I think it comes from a caffeine addiction, I need at least two coffees per day).
I think I’ll stick to Concerta and trust my doc. I’ve left him a message recently about how much anxiety I’ve been feeling since on Concerta so maybe he’ll search for something else… prescribe me another med.
BTW the fire alarm – When I first moved to my actual appartment, it used to ring (and, OMG, so so loud these things!!) whenever I either took a shower or made toasts. After about two days of it, I really got mad and took a broom (because, naturally, it’s high on the ceiling and out of reach), knocked it off and broke it. I was so happy to be free of that annoying noise at last. Barely mentionned it to the landlord just to be in the clear. He never replaced it and I was happy. Till I heard a few months ago, it might mess with my insurance not having one. So I got one myself and installed it where I can reach it but still within installations specifications. It hasn’t gone off yet but I look at it defiantly once in a while… ‘my broom is still ready to kill you if you mess up with me’ lolREPORT ABUSEFebruary 15, 2011 at 2:21 am #97046
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 15, 2011 at 2:21 amPost count: 14413
Well thanks for following this thread. Been a strange few days and reading this sort of grounded me again.
My stomach is much better off the Straterra, but I am feeling a little ‘thin’. Lots of things happening with work and that has added some stress to this, so I’m going to hang-on for a tough ride this week and next as the atomoxetine wears off. I expect the worst of it to be done in the next couple of days. The Concerta is much different from the generic the pharmacy gave me first. It was a roller coaster ride, a rush at the 1 hour mark, then jittery during the day, the Concerta is much smoother, actually I don’t notice it the same way if at all. This makes me think that the next dose up is likely going to be the best level. Will be sticking this out for 2 weeks. I’m pretty tired and low on the motivation these days, forcing myself to do some exercise and spend time riding a bike, but honestly it’s not providing any sence of accomplishment nothing is. Makes it hard to get up the gumption to do anything. I keep reminding my self that this will pass, winter is ending, and tomorrow is a new day. Same job, same bills, same problems, but a new day.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 15, 2011 at 8:00 am #97047
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 15, 2011 at 8:00 amPost count: 14413
here’s hoping that it keeps getting better.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 17, 2011 at 1:05 pm #97048
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 17, 2011 at 1:05 pmPost count: 14413
Well my stomach continues to feel better. I’ve been getting a solid 40 minutes on a stationary bike everyday and continuing to try and learn and find strategies to work around or with the various differences we have. An Autism Spectrum Diagnosis can be both good and bad. I feel that many things have been explained and there is a huge sense of relief from that, but on the other hand there are no more excuses, it’s time to face change, put the past in the past and move forward. This knowledge is empowering and frightening. I also think it is a road that needs to be traveled with extra care, taking time to understand and appreciate the changing scenery, instead of making it a race to feel better.
The meds are helping bring my energy up from a 1 or 2 to a 3 or 4, this does help me see things a little more positively. I almost threw in a “but” there. There is work to do to find a way to feel happy some of the time. I believe that if I can start feeling that sense of happy again, it will be easier to get back to feeling that way more often. There are things that I have wanted to do but put off for an number of reasons, but no more excuses, no more false expectations of who I am or should be. I’ve always known the path I should have been on and I’m climbing back up to it because I understand that it is not only where I want to be its where I need to be.
There it is, that happy feeling I haven’t even had my meds yet today.
FWIW, I’ve gone through the disclosure process with my family, Parents, wife and to a lesser extent the kids. I even shared with my boss, a co-worker that has had ‘issues’ with me, and the people I will be working with as I work towards my new career. It has been very positive. Turns out my co-worker has a number of phobias that she is dealing with and it was not personal. We both felt better.
Part of my growth is understanding that ADD is only part of the equation. Asperger’s is in here too. As they are on the same ‘spectrum’ its not surprising that there would be some common symptoms, these are not fixed with chemistry and will be here forever but that doesn’t mean I can’t make them better house guests. Family, Work, School, Life Skills, Self Concept, Sociability, risk taking are all areas that I have struggled with. Friends have never been a necessity, but I crave social contact despite not being very fluent at it. I make people uncomfortable because I express myself with passion that some people find over powering. I don’t seem to know how to express things in a tactful way, which is taken as being rude or insensitive. For example: Mom “I never hear from you”, Me “I never hear from you.” Mom, “When I call I don’t fell that you want to talk”, Me “Well you called so I figured you had something to talk about.” Mom, “Fine I won’t call.” Me “That’s not what I meant. What I meant was when you call you should have something to talk about.”
Meaning that I don’t call because I don’t have something to talk about, if I did I would. Small talk is a skill I work at but have not mastered. I can talk and talk and talk, but I tend to again be passionate, enjoy when people have information to add or challenge my ideas, but I turn it into a sport. More like hockey than baseball, lots of hard hits, cheap shots and a penalty or two for unsportsmanlike conduct or abuse of the official.
Thanks again to everyone that has contributed to this conversation. It has been a journal of sorts for me and reminds me every time I add to it that things are getting better and I am feeling more happiness.
Cheers!REPORT ABUSEFebruary 18, 2011 at 2:28 am #97049
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 18, 2011 at 2:28 amPost count: 14413
it really does sound like you’re getting your head around a lot of stuff and making great headway at the moment.
i can relate to the example conversation, and i’m not on the autistic spectrum, just um… how does my mother put it… “about as subtle as a brick” – especially when it comes to tact. the good news is that not only is this something improvable on your end with practice (you’re already getting the self awareness down, now its just a case of mastering altering your phrasing in order to express your meaning more effectively- with less noses getting put out of joint in the process!), but its also something that you’re not entirely responsible for- there are two people in the conversation, and the other party is responsible for how they decide to phrase things, and interpret your comments.
to be honest, i think it might do your mum a bit of good to look at how she words things, and her intent, as well- perhaps when you’ve got the tact and diplomacy sorted out a bit (hehehehe) you could let her know about how you’re looking at your social skills and language useage- with respect to communicating more effctively and constructively, and share a little about what you’ve learned.
i have had a lot of conversations just like the one you shared with assorted people, and it generally strikes me that they pretty frequently come into the discussion with the intent to guilt trip you, and get offended, then flounce off. your mum could have said something more like “i’d love to have a chat and catch up with you today- i enjoy hearing about whats going on with you, and i’d like to do it more often- maybe we could try and make regular time for that?!” instead of the “you’re neglecting me and being a bad son- wah wah wah” line that she sorta implied there. she could also have stopped just before the “fine, i won’t call then!” point, taken a breath, reflected on where the conversation was or wasn’t going, and said “hmmm….i think we’re getting off on the wrong foot here! is this a bad time for you, or are we just getting our wires crossed? i called because i was thinking about you, and decided that it’d be nice to hear your voice, have a chat, and just connect a bit. maybe you could tell me a bit about whats going on with you guys at the moment? if you’re busy or tired, perhaps i could talk to the wife or kids, or i could call back later?”
i know it can be incredibly difficult to talk with someone who is rather abrupt and who comes across as a bit defensive (which either or both of you might to the other party) but if you keep mentally focused and mindful of what you’re aiming to acheive (mutual happiness, and a joint acheivement of the positive exchange of information- not a mental sparring match), and try and mentally put yourself in the other persons shoes, you’d be suprised how much things can change, and how quickly too. thats not to say that debate isn’t an awesome thing- maybe just not ideal to get into with your mum. ….. (says the girl who has quite frequent dreadfully pointy, sarcastic, and all around ‘bang your head against the wall with frusttration’ type conversations with her father on the phone- at least we keep them down to 5 minute limits, and have learned to know when its time for him to pass the phone across to my mother before anyone bursts into flames with fury).REPORT ABUSEFebruary 22, 2011 at 2:03 pm #97050
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 22, 2011 at 2:03 pmPost count: 14413
The best medicine for me over the last few weeks seems to be this thread. Never been one to keep a journal, writing is too slow and frustrating, and it starts to feel forced and phony at times, but this is different. This thread is like climbing a mountain for me. Each entry a new Anchor point that I can go back to when the current path seems to tough. I made it this far, sure the last few days kicked my ass but getting back to this thread and seeing the positive things that I lost sight of again gives me hope that I won’t get stuck here.
I’m so tired, drained mentally, psychically and emotionally that I feel like I can’t get past this with out really making a change. My spouse is trying to be helpful but tends to add to rather than take away from the pile of frustration. Rick’s latest video “Excuses” does a pretty good job of illustrating what I’m going through right now trying to change my language and thoughts the motivation and the results are potentially huge but it’s something that will take a while to habituate, in the mean time it is another exercise to practice frequently. I also realize that what I see as facts only can be taken personally, ie. My wife feeling that I was being critical of her when I was criticizing the over all level of cleanliness of the house. Those conversations are always the same, 13 years and going.
“Why is the kitchen such a mess? Look at all this stuff, what’s this and this? So much junk on the counters. You know this drives me crazy.”
-I get the look
“Well does it go here?”
“Is it going to get cleaned up?”
-“likely not. NO”
Escalation of frustration ensues, and now it becomes about me personally, my issues, not the house, a counter attack that leaves me confused and angry. I haven’t (in my mind) said anything ‘personal’. About the same as a job review. You are responsible for certain tasks at work, when they are not done to a satisfactory level day after day the boss has to say something. I’ve nudged and hinted that she needs to take an active roll in the running of the house, that I need a kick in the pants some times to get going, that in 13 years she has left every major decision to me and refuses to take any sort of initiative on anything. I have painted, built, repaired, restored, updated, and maintained every major or minor change in our home with all the support of 3 year old socks.I just want her to be as involved, as responsible, as motivated as me, because otherwise I’m doing it alone, feel like I have to do everything. She puts me in the role of “being in charge” but complains when the management isn’t happy. Well be management and do the Fn job, someone has to. It doesn’t go away if you ignore it.
As much as I haven’t seen my lack of sensitivity in some areas, I suspect that she’s having the same issues. But again I’m working on it, while she will keep reading those checkout stand paperbacks, and will act surprised and hurt when the frustration builds to a boiling point again. I don’t know how to work with this and I’m scared of the options. Failing at something else is not going to make matters better. Or is this failing because it’s wrong in the first place?
Am I suffering with all this because the ‘bucket’ is getting to full? I feel like the hole is getting deeper and before long someone’s just going to come along and fill it in with me in it. Over loaded with life and life’s questions but all the answers I have been given are wrong and the world is watching this play out, me the butt of its joke.
So coming back to this thread and seeing the ups and downs gives me hope that this down will be brief and that I might figure out a few things along the way. It might help me see the patterns better and help me avoid the big dips. It might only serve to let me vent and get some feedback from people with a little more objectivity than I have.
As for my Mother, she has been this way forever, I don’t expect her to change. She is a martyr. She is the type that keeps all these little holidays profitable for retail. She’ll buy shirts, pens, hats, candies, decorations and the banner if thee is one for EVERY holiday. Easter, St Patrick’s day, Valentine’s day, she give the grand kids bags full of crap, her “paying it forward” then bitches and complains when we have to say no to something. Oh look at all the stuff I do……………and you don’t even want to talk to your poor mother on the phone. “Mom, we don’t want that stuff, we would like you to relax a little and take care of you some more.”REPORT ABUSEFebruary 23, 2011 at 5:21 am #97051
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 23, 2011 at 5:21 amPost count: 14413
maybe instead of a manager and an underling you need a management *team*. maybe explain to your wife that the dynamic of someone being in charge and someone else not being responsible isn’t working for you, acknowledge your part in it not succeeding, and ask if you could start sitting down together and working out whats important to each partner, who is best in a position to undertake specific tasks, start making joint decisions on things, putting plans in place, and working *together* with equal loads, the right person for the right job, and decent rewards for getting the house tidy, etc- with everyone being accountable to themselves. not being responsible is about as helpful for her as nagging and getting wound up is for you- and that whole setup is just asking for fans and having things that sound like ships but smell more stinky frequently hitting them.
that said… she’s probably right- the kitchen is extremely unlikely to ever get tidy, and stay tidy for more than 5 minutes- because its used all the time, and she sounds like me- messy as hell. that might just be how it is. to continue your workplace theme- a smart boss sees their staffs strengths and weaknesses, then delegates jobs and responsibilities, and encourages growth and the development of a positive team dynamic accordingly- he doesn’t try and get a bubbly, enthusiastic, scatterbrained and creative people-person to do the accounts and bookkeeping, cos she will inevitably screw it up time and time again, until she gets fired or quits from the stress- when it becomes apparent that she’s sucking at the math he doesn’t try and teach her advanced accounting skills or send her on training courses called ‘book keeping for dummies’, he puts her into roles where she’ll thrive and makes the most of her strengths, delegating the books to someone with a head for numbers and the organisation skills to match.
there is absolutely no point in expecting her or wanting her to be something she’s not (tidy in the kitchen), especially if it doesn’t matter that much to her- cos it aint gonna happen. so you’ll have to find another way to make it work for you both- at a level you can both cope with sustaining- either sort out a kitchen rota and work together on it, or agree that you’ll be responsible for after dinner cleanup and putting groceries away without grumbling about the chaos you’re walking into, while she does menu planning and works on something else thats more interesting/important/realistically acheivable for her that your ok with not being done ‘tidily’, so long as its done (like phoning your mum? ), etc. that, or decide if its really worth the effort and upset to try and change.
another issue might actually be in how assertively you’re handling things. my dad is a tidy freak (one who has this expectation of magical tidiness occuring all around him, yet never sees his part in the making of the mess- despite spilling instant coffee and water everywhere 10 times a day and leaving a trail of general mess strewn in his wake- which is neither here nor there) and to be honest, its not worth even trying to get or keep things tidy enough for him, cos i’m gonna get it wrong anyway, and i’m gonna hear about it loudly and dismissively- i’m also gonna get interupted and corrected and jumped on while i’m actually trying to do my best, and end up tears while he yells- so i just get the hell out of the way and let him do it, for my own sanity and his.
maybe your wife is trying to take the path of least resistance and keep her head down in the same way? cos you sound a lot like me and every other person with ADHD that i know. complicated. my poor bf frequently asks me what the right answer is to whatever question i’m asking him, because apparently he’s screwed no matter what he says or does- cos i’m a quick thinker, and i turn things around in my mind faster than he can keep up with- so fast that i don’t even see myself doing it- and the conversation hurts him 1000x more than me, cos he’s a sensitive chap who takes things to heart, where as stuff just slides right off me like i’m a duck with that whole water retardant back thing and a very short memory going on.
it turns out that i want him to be assertive, yet when he is, he gets it wrong- it turns out that i didn’t want to be told what i earlier asked to be told, let alone for him to have an opinion on something i don’t need an opinion on. i always want his support, but never want to do things his way- yet i want him to be responsible so that things aren’t my fault/problem when they go awry. he’s happiest when he just stands there and i have my mini cyclone around him. admittedly he’d be happier watching TV, but if he keeps his head down and his mouth shut but keeps a physical presence that smells of team morale he has more of a chance than if he’s on the couch and i’m within range for throwing saucepans at him.
i consistantly do exactly what i have a feeling you’re perhaps doing- i feel like standards aren’t being met and nobody else is even trying to meet them, so i have to be in charge of everything *le sigh- poor me*, i take over, change everything, boss everyone about and tell them how to do things, then get exasperated that they’ve tuned out and aren’t even trying any more, burst into angry tears and storm off because they’ve treatment me so unfairly by putting me in such a position, and then seethe and fume for a bit.
usually after i’ve had my mini meltdown and calmed down, i realise that the only person who thought that anyone needed to be in charge was me, and usually everyone else was actually quite happy with things as they were before i took over- it was only me who had such high expectations, only me who felt they weren’t being met, and only me who actually gave a monkeys, and only me who got in such a state over the whole thing- but everyone else had to handle the backlash while i had my little drama. and then i realise that whatever it was really wasn’t as important as it first seemed, when i really think about it and apply a bit of perspective. ooops. not that i’ll ever admit that.
maybe i’m wrong, but to be honest- that doesn’t happen very often, if ever, and anyone who told you otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about, and will come to know better after i’ve had a little chat with them about it. lucky them.
*ducks and runs away*REPORT ABUSEFebruary 23, 2011 at 6:31 pm #97052
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 23, 2011 at 6:31 pmPost count: 14413
WOW Jen thanks for the time and the thoughtfulness of your reply.
You were right on the button with your insights and ideas too. Thankfully I did find the escape hatch from my closed mind and the day got better. We did talk, and I am growing from the knowledge gleaned from these opportunities.
Marriage is a partnership. Both people need to be open to the needs of their partner and accepting of their unique qualities, these are the things that created the attraction in the first place. That said, it’s a two way street. If the partnership is not balanced the results will be chaotic. There are areas where I am NOT balanced, but that is what this is all about. I’m discovering those things, then finding out where the problem is and trying to fill in the holes, she’s not. She’s perfect, right and frankly doesn’t think I have ADD. “You haven’t even been clinically diagnosed.” I didn’t understand the statement, “What do you feel is missing?” I saw two doctors, answered tons of questions, delved into my life from age 2 until present. Previously we had tried treating the other non ADD presenting issues like depression, this had no effect on the ‘big picture’. So I asked again, “What do you mean a clinical diagnoses?” “Well, you know. You talked to this doctor for an hour and now you have ADD.” I was shocked, but managed to say nothing negative. I opened Google Chrome on the laptop in the kitchen, went to TotallyAdd.com and played I’m Fine, The cost of ADD, What’s going on in his head and the 4 pathways.
It still bugs me though. Mainly because I decided enough was enough and started looking, reading, researching and making cognitive changes, however in her mind this is all ‘we’ need. She doesn’t believe that she needs to do any introspective thinking. It is once again all my fault. A big set back for me/us. Today is a new day and she’s got an appointment scheduled to talk to someone through her work assistance program. Yesterday she had a date scheduled for us, but at this point I don’t think discussing us will be fruitful without any acknowledgement from her side that this will take two. Then she needs to figure out her ‘domains’ that need work. At that point going to discuss things together will be more likely to get us in the right direction.
The other thing about marriage, raising children and operating a household is that someone has to take charge of things or nothing happens. We all need a leader or to lead. When neither parent fills this roll the kids flounder and have no direction, bills don’t get paid, groceries don’t get bought and the kids run the show because they assume that they are in charge. In an ideal situation both parents are equally “in charge” but that balance is pretty idealistic. One partner is alway more dominant is some areas and the other takes over in the other areas, in my situation my wife likes one thing more that being right and that is being pampered. She never had a job until she dropped out of University. She lived at home until she was married. Has never painted a room, picked out new furniture, or understood how colours go together. Rather that face something she will pretend it doesn’t exist. When she is right she will not be swayed regardless of the information, your information is less right. For every missed, forgotten, misunderstood thing that happens there is a ‘reason’, never an apology. I think this all looks a heck of a lot like descriptions of inattentive type ADD in females. Suggest that and any future discussion is hostile at best.
Two years ago I started studying animal behaviour, operant conditioning, positive training methods, etc, because I had been laid off and started a dog walking business. The dog walking business was exactly what I needed, but getting clients was more challenging and expensive than I could cover so I went back to work. It wet my appetite for getting out of the Dilbert World and for learning more about Behaviour Modification and Dog Training. I am nearing the end of a year long apprenticeship program for Dog Trainers and starting to plan for spring and the end of this contract. If only I could figure out how to utilize what I’m learning in the people world! It did however help me figure out that there were things I needed to change in me and got me going on this road.REPORT ABUSEFebruary 23, 2011 at 10:50 pm #97053
AnonymousInactiveFebruary 23, 2011 at 10:50 pmPost count: 14413
eeek! i wrote a novel. whoops! sorries!
my goodness. she’s gonna get an unpleasant shock one of these days when the real world langs on her doorstep- i honestly can’t imagine being a pampered princess who gets away with that sort of thing- that must be a very sheltered and dull existance.
i guess she can’t imagine what having ADD feels like either- and she might not be very proficient in looking at things from another persons perspective or thinking about their feelings and needs either- especially if she’s used to being the centre of the universe and having things handed to her on a plate.
wife training?! nice idea but i can’t see it catching on. but maybe ….couples therapy? would she go for that kinda thing?REPORT ABUSE