The Forums › Forums › Most X-treme! › Is It Just Me? › Any others with ADD find it impossible to hold a "grudge"? › Re: Any others with ADD find it impossible to hold a “grudge”?
I had no idea that NOT holding a grudge was an ADD thing. I have a very hard time maintaining a grudge. I really have to work at it. I’ve only had three people in my whole life that really hurt me so bad that a grudge was warranted, well plenty that have hurt me, but the first one stole a car from me. I was too trusting I signed the title of the car over to him without a witness and he never gave me the money for it. I held the grudge for about 8 years. I finally forgave him, I couldn’t help it I had too, he was a friend of my sisters and though I didn’t see him often it was always a tense situation and I couldn’t handle the emotion that kept boiling up.
The second one, a friend who was down on his luck and was sleeping in my truck ’til my Dad said he could have the spare room if he helped around the house. I helped convince him to let him stay, of course. So he repays us by stealing money from my father. My Dad had a small cloth covered breifcase that he put all his silver change in. It was so heavy I could bearly move it. Then one day, while cleaning, I went to move it and almost fell flat on my ___ because it didn’t weigh anything. I was livid. Over the course of about 6 months my Dad kept asking me if I trusted him. I would always answer yes. It didn’t even occure to me that my friend would do that. After my Dad passed away is when I realized that the breifcase was empty, then other things started to fall into place, like my Dad always sitting on his pouch-(the fanny pack he kept his wallet and important papers in) he kept it with him all the time. When it comes to mind I feel like such a ditz that I didn’t pick up on his clues. He must have lost some money out of it when he fell a sleep, which he did quite a bit toward the end there.
The third one was mor recient, also a friend down on his luck who needed a place to stay, (You’d think I would learn my lesson) Any way he had a bit of a drinking problem (a lot of a bit) but I was in a tight spot, my mother had just passed away and I was trying to go to school for Physical Therapy Assistant, so I needed someone to stay with my step dad, who has Alzheimers, he cant be left alone for very long. To make a long story short; I woke up one morning in the wee hours to the sound of water falling on a bare floor, at first I thought it was my stepdad, cause he has problems like that. It turned out to be my friend, releaving himself in the computer room, not 4 inches from the computer tower. I asked him what he was doing (I could see his silhouette in the blue light of the router box, so I knew) But he blurted it out–I’m taking a p____! I said well clean it up when you are done, or something a little more colorful. Any way I actually wound up cleaning it up. I didn’t raise my voice to him for two days, and I refused to talk to him about the insident. If he went to the bar I locked the doors so he couldn’t get back in the house, but I did put a sleeping bag in the truck for him. Monday morning I went to cancel classes, and try to salvage as much of my tuition as I could, luckily it was early in the semester. My silence got to him he raised his voice to me in front of my step dad, the first time he had ever done that. I backed down because it was upsetting my stepdad, then I let him see us on friendly terms. Then just two nights later he got drunk again I had locked the doors at 2:30 but hadn’t gone to bed yet, I let him in not realizing how drunk he was, and he lit into me because I had fallen asleep on the couch with my step dad still up out of bed (another story) he raised his voice in front of my step dad, again– I saw a pattern forming, he expected to controle me through my concern for my step dad and his emotions. It did not work, I fired back, ready to take on the responsibility of damage controle when it was all over. I ended up throwing him out of the house, (big argument, things broken, cops were called) and I meant it, I only felt bad that it was September, turning cold, he had used up all his other friends, but, he is still out!
I am not holding a full-on grudge with him, but he isn’t welcome here after dark.
Grudges are very hard for me to maintain.
Sorry about being so long winded.REPORT ABUSE