Re: Attesting to the Virtues, Harnessing, and the Gift

[allan wallace]

Yep, me again. Don’t worry, once the novelty of the place has worn off I’ll disappear back into the ether as suddenly as I arrived!

I suspect that I’m supposed to be inspired by these preceding posts, but all they serve to do is make me feel even more inadequate! On my good days I feel like an aeroplane that is stuck in a hangar….capable of soaring to great heights, but the pilot can’t figure out how to get into the cockpit, or is too afraid of all the buttons and levers on the dashboard, so the plane just sits in the hangar. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. Decade after decade, and if my life expectancy was in the hundreds of years, it would be century after century! Apart from the usual getting into trouble, the only thing that I’ve mastered is the skill in doing nothing! I’ve been static for so long, even I’m beginning to feel embarrassed, and I haven’t met many people, hardly anybody, in fact nobody, that has the capacity to inadvertently shock as I effortlessly do…

I am good at daydreaming, but that isn’t held in the same esteem as cardio-vascular surgery is it? I am good at bullshitting, but that only gets me into strife. I’m good at visualising scenarios and amusing myself, but that’s linked to daydreaming. If only I could draw or paint! I have less artistic ability than an armless beggar which grieves my soul for I have the most amazing pictures and concepts in my mind that are doomed to only ever having my useless mind as an appreciative audience…my dreams too are so vivid, they are often better than anything that I’ve ever seen on T.V. I’ve done it all in my dreams! In one dream I lost a Wimbledom final to Pete Sampras in a marathon 5 setter, and I was even gracious in defeat for the post-match interview! I had another dream about a nuclear holocaust that was so vivid I can still recall it to my mind nearly 25 years later, and it was better than that Hollywood movie. I wasn’t afraid either, I sat quietly and watched in awe as all these amazing things were going on…eventually it was my ‘time’, and as the massive explosion devoured the landscape and sped across the bay towards me in a nano-second, I seemed to almost reach out towards my rapidly approaching oblivion without the slightest trace of fear!

Ah yes, if only I could paint! I have another ‘picture’ of suburbia resembling a graveyard, with all of the neatly alloted shoebox houses symbolised as headstones where the ‘dead’ exist….anyway, I’m still awaiting an answer to my question on another thread. What are all these gifts that we’re supposed to have? If I could trade in my ADHD for a sheep’s brain I’d do it in a heartbeat…

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