Attesting to the Virtues, Harnessing, and the Gift

[Anonymous]

I Am newly diagnosed (8 months ago) I have a lot to learn about myself, some of my strenghts are I am really compassionate and can problem solve for other people really well! I can read a book in a matter of hours because I can hyper focus on things that interest me I am learning that somethings are not my fault and to look at the little things that I get accomplished everyday! I am intrigued by the lightbulb that has finally gone off and things are making sense!! The rest is negative and we all know what they are but I’m gonna stop here before I go off on another topic and hijack this thread lol!

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[Anonymous]

Hi BekaC…..welcome to our community. If I might…ADD is not something we have or catch….I describe it more as simply the way our brain accumulates, process(s) and retrieves information. Some people have difficulty with those activities, other not so much, and yet others positively revel in what their brain and it’s processing brings to their table. I am one of those!!! You will find the two camps on this site the “Gifties” and the “Detriment” camp…..it is important to understand ADD is not automatically a detriment……for some yes….very much so….for others it brings wonderful things to our table and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

DarkW……..your a writer….how cool. I get creativity, I do….it has always been something that comes with ease to me as well. Music, drawing, poetry…..I just have a thing…..it works for me with very little effort…..it just flows!!! Your a problem solver too… problems and their solutions…absolutely…..and immediately too……you see it…right now …..it’s obvious!!!! Yesssss……..that’s what I used to do for a living and made a great living at it too. Good on you!!!!!

MomLL…….fault???? No……..for sure fault does not enter into it. Acknowledgement, responsibility…..yes….fault no. I believe we are all governed by our vision, which gives way to our perception and defines our reality. Having said that….I believe our visions are also flawed, some flawed in a debilitating problematic way, others not so much. We see things differently….both likely inadequate and limited., and different, which means we have misinterpreted ……the degree to which we view our reality. I do feel that our vision with it’s flaws and misinterpretations therefore also determines the quality of our lives. So maybe it is this vision, it’s flaws and misinterpretations that needs to be addressed then??? If our vision or reality is problematic for us……then maybe this is where the work is required…..it is not carved in stone. Otherwise we try move forward…..with what???

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

Toofat exactly lol!! With what?

I am just starting to realize I can learn all about myself through others and information on ADHD in books but ultimately I can try and try and try different solutions to the things I struggle with to make some sense of my world and what works for me in my adhd brain!!! I’m quirky yes, I yap wayyyy tooo much that every linear thinker starts to roll their eyes but I can stand in the bread store like I did today, talking about myself and my adhd to the cashier who I was pretty sure has it too till she says that she thinks she has it and has a psychiatrist apt. soon, then we whirl and tangent and have a completely fulfilling conversation as only us that are alike can have that I have all this adrenaline and realize I have burned through almost half an hour and feel magical I have recently realized that I am not stupid like I always felt my whole life but just a different thinker and an trying VERY hard to change my perception into something positive!! Who wants to be unhappy their whole life? Not me, now I know the reason that I feel this way and that I have under appreciated myself my whole life it is time to make a difference in you guessed it, ME!!!!

So I am making a concentrated effort to switch camps lol!

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[Anonymous]

Hey MomLL…….I too believe knowledge and understanding are powerful tools….for anybody… particularly when it comes to self-awareness, happiness and a life without regret. Sometimes a guide can be a great resource in one’s personal search for understanding and awareness. Over a lifetime (I believe) there are so many influences intrinsic and extrinsic that, overtime, can cloud, distort, and flaw our vision and our reality, and cause us heartache…….and that to unwind them, and see them clearly, is a task that may require one to seek assistance from a professional in the field. I liken the task to unraveling a large ball of string……if you just start pulling and tugging at the loose ends….it really just gets tighter and tighter…exasperating one’s efforts. This may not always be the case, but, it certainly was for me.

I also believe ADD/ADHD is an element of who we are….not the sum total. Like me, I’m guessing you are much much more than that!!! I will also take a chance and guess that, it has been a longtime, if ever, that you have taken an inventory of who you are. If that is true…. I will also make the assumption you possess a great many attributes on the positive side of the ledger, that you may or may not have taken the time to acknowledge let alone celebrate!!!

For me, fear is just fear…..it can be paralyzing for some….I would guess just from your post….. your stronger than you may think…….

Maybe it’s not the destination that is critical but the journey??? I don’t know…..I’m just sayin’

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

I would never have even been diagnosed if I had not first diagnosed myself and then sought confirmation – which I only did because I was struggling to pay attention at my boring job. Being a primary inattentive type with above average intelligence and a lot of curiosity and interest in a lot different things meant I did very well in school and other such things. My ADD honestly wouldn’t even be an issue at all – but just a way of being – if it weren’t for the fact that I’m in a job unsuited to ADD.

But in my hobbies and various other ventures, my daydreaming ADD mind with its imagination and intuitive leaps is an asset. ADD, I now realize, is part of the equation that results in my creativity. The hyperfocus aspect of my ADD is amazing as long as I respect its fickle nature. I try to let my creativity work in a more organic way – I write when the muse comes, rather than try to force it. I make progress on projects, renovations, and other things if I do them when the mood strikes, rather than when it’s convenient, etc. It’s not always easy to manage my time that way, but when I can, I have some really, really good days!

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[Anonymous]

DragonT….yes…yes…and yes…..understanding what one’s need are and the stimulus buttons….. and how one’s attributes are enabled….well…. that is “key” in my mind. Pushing, struggling, railing against it was futile for me. Once I figured it out, and was able harness and exploit my attributes, take the ride so to speak ….watch out……there is no stopping me!!!!

My example along that lines is with art…..I sketch (from time to time)…..every 5 maybe 10 years (maybe)…there is no pattern……but the finished result is very very good. Sounds funny to say about one’s self….but… I know what is good and what isn’t……so screw it!!! Point is, folks say to me… “oh that’s great why don’t you do more of that”???? Well fact is…..when it’s time it’s time…..the pencil finds my hand and I work until it is finished and perfect…..then it’s over, and it might be over for years. My partner finally made me quit throwing my sketches in the trash when they were done, and frames them now. But….for me they were done…..and it didn’t matter what happened to them…..the artistic compulsion in me was fed….time to move on…..hahahahahahaha.

Some of my driven things I’m inspired to do frequently are…play my guitar….work on my motorcycles….they are daily things…working out is slightly less frequent but….anyway… yes, I get what you are saying. Go with the inspiration….the compulsion…achieve great things…time is relative…..it’s just time.

Toofat

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[Bill]

The virtue I found in it is that I can keep my head in a crisis. Long before I was diagnosed, I found that I did my best work when my client was in crisis. At the time, the model I was using was right-brained vs. left.

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[allan wallace]

Yep, me again. Don’t worry, once the novelty of the place has worn off I’ll disappear back into the ether as suddenly as I arrived!

I suspect that I’m supposed to be inspired by these preceding posts, but all they serve to do is make me feel even more inadequate! On my good days I feel like an aeroplane that is stuck in a hangar….capable of soaring to great heights, but the pilot can’t figure out how to get into the cockpit, or is too afraid of all the buttons and levers on the dashboard, so the plane just sits in the hangar. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. Decade after decade, and if my life expectancy was in the hundreds of years, it would be century after century! Apart from the usual getting into trouble, the only thing that I’ve mastered is the skill in doing nothing! I’ve been static for so long, even I’m beginning to feel embarrassed, and I haven’t met many people, hardly anybody, in fact nobody, that has the capacity to inadvertently shock as I effortlessly do…

I am good at daydreaming, but that isn’t held in the same esteem as cardio-vascular surgery is it? I am good at bullshitting, but that only gets me into strife. I’m good at visualising scenarios and amusing myself, but that’s linked to daydreaming. If only I could draw or paint! I have less artistic ability than an armless beggar which grieves my soul for I have the most amazing pictures and concepts in my mind that are doomed to only ever having my useless mind as an appreciative audience…my dreams too are so vivid, they are often better than anything that I’ve ever seen on T.V. I’ve done it all in my dreams! In one dream I lost a Wimbledom final to Pete Sampras in a marathon 5 setter, and I was even gracious in defeat for the post-match interview! I had another dream about a nuclear holocaust that was so vivid I can still recall it to my mind nearly 25 years later, and it was better than that Hollywood movie. I wasn’t afraid either, I sat quietly and watched in awe as all these amazing things were going on…eventually it was my ‘time’, and as the massive explosion devoured the landscape and sped across the bay towards me in a nano-second, I seemed to almost reach out towards my rapidly approaching oblivion without the slightest trace of fear!

Ah yes, if only I could paint! I have another ‘picture’ of suburbia resembling a graveyard, with all of the neatly alloted shoebox houses symbolised as headstones where the ‘dead’ exist….anyway, I’m still awaiting an answer to my question on another thread. What are all these gifts that we’re supposed to have? If I could trade in my ADHD for a sheep’s brain I’d do it in a heartbeat…

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[Robbo]

I have been extremely unhappy with my particular version of ADHD lately. In fact I’ve become quite disgusted a few times. Not quite to the point of making myself puke, but it’s possible that my annoying mouth and antics may have made a couple other folks want to (puke)

But please don’t take what I’m saying too seriously. I’m just in a mood. They come they go.

Moods. Got some? lol. They are indeed a riot these moods that come n go. Ah crap… whoosh!!! another one just came n went… Seriously you guys. Don’t take this post too seriously. I won’t.

I just wanted to bring some of the really good posts in this thread back up into circulation, really. So I’m just sharing just to share. I haven’t been very talkative lately. At least in this community that is. I still talk too much everywhere else I go. It’s a pain.

I had a doctors appointment yesterday. Now I need to send a nice card to my doctor. Not an apology so much, but a thank you for the tons and tons of health care he has provided, and worked extremely hard to be able to give me.  He’s patient too. Very.

I found a great section here at TotallyADD today. this one (Benefits of ADD)  And I had to laugh because there were only a small handful of topics, there just does not seem to be a lot of benefits that we actually do speak of without sounding like we’re blowing our own horns, huh?.

When I clicked on this thread (Attesting to the Virtues, Harnessing, and the Gift) I felt better  because some of the best folks in this community wrote in it. I’ll be coming back to read this one some more.

This whole web site is an excellent resource for folks that are willing to just spend the time reading.  I would like to just say thank you to all the folks that still come around and share about the solutions to this horribly painful and toxic malady.

Go ahead and take my last sentence seriously, because I’m feeling much worse about this crap ass thing they call ADD that words can say.

I’ll live though. I promise.

This too shall pass. Like a horrible horrible case of diarrhea, that really smells.

it stinks.

real bad.

 

 

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[Wgreen]

Yo—Robbo,
I’m sorry you’re having a rough patch. If there were ever the perfect job out there for ADDers, it might be designing roller coasters!

It’s very hard, I think, for many of us to admit that we——or our kids——are in any way defective. We’re just unwilling to go there (just as many “neurotypical” people are unwilling to concede that any neurological “disorder” could impair somebody’s moral will). We want desperately to find an upside, or at least some way to smooth over the downside. And indeed one can make the argument that ALL human personality is a palimpsest, much of it buried beneath different imperfections of nature and nurture. Everybody’s different. Nobody’s perfect.

Many people who study Attention Deficit every day claim there is no real upside to ADD at all. In fact, Russell Barkley claims it’s the most serious out-patient psychiatric disorder there is and that all the “gift” stuff is dangerous bunk. He then proceeds to back it up with one study after another. But, of course, that doesn’t mean that life itself is not a great gift. Or that our families aren’t great gifts. Or that other talents we may have aren’t great gifts. It just means that ADD is a constant pain in the ass.

I find that Barkley generally speaks to my condition. He rings true. But as a postscript, I would offer one caveat. Barkley et al. claim there is no connection between ADD and creativity. My hunch is that they may be wrong about that. Whereas they may be able to demonstrate that there is no direct neurological link, I suspect there are strong indirect links——the imperative to find various coping mechanisms and suffering. While coping and suffering may not necessarily be a prerequisite for the creative impulse, they certainly act as fuel. Creativity seems to be the psyche’s reaction to stress, alienation, or emotional trauma——analogous to the body’s secretion of adrenalin to help us scale a fence or tree if there is a bull charging at us. Marginalized and emotionally injured people historically have shown tremendous talents for creativity. Too, it only makes sense that people whose minds constantly race would have more than their fair share of interesting ideas. It’s just math.

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[Robbo]

 Too, it only makes sense that people whose minds constantly race would have more than their fair share of interesting ideas. It’s just math.

I liked all of what ya say @Wgreen, Great stuff and very helpful.

I’m licking my wounds, and I just got off the phone with an excellent friend who gave some good advice too. We shall indeed survive another day.

And I’ll grow, and learn from a few mistakes that I made. And forgive her for making the mistakes she’s making…

I got hope, and I’m holding on to it with the intensity only a few ADDers can truly understand.

Thanks

R-

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[Robbo]

I’m really having a difficult time getting back into my old sorta motivated self . That’s making it really hard to participate here in this community..

Yep, believe it or not I’m at a loss for words!

**snickers a lil**

grin…

How funny huh?

Before I started to write tonight, I was thinking about what I wanted to say. (okay, here we go… now it’s all coming back to me) So I was thinking that the trauma of getting back involved with this woman I’ve been hanging around with, breaking up, getting back together n just saying we’re gonna be friends. But NOT acting like friends… AAAACK!! it’s crazy making.

But it’s officially over since about wed.

And she lives in my apartment complex too!. So I have to see her frequently. Just last night as I got home she pranced across the front of my car as I pulled into the driveway. I just chirped the horn at her and she sorta glanced at me with a half hearted grimace… (I think, grimace is the best word I can come up with) There was no smile, but kindof a smirk. I may have seen a lil spark in her eyes.

My imagination… it’s a liar. My body wants her body, my heart…

I feel used, dirty, n cheap.

Ah crap. I think I’ve got some sort of temporary mental retardation… [and I’m texting with my therapist at the same time as typing this]

well crap you guys, I’m just gonna ramble a lil. I’ve had more than half a dozen bouts of crying my dang eyes out over the last week. But I finally did get an appointment with a psychiatrist and I’m probably gonna start back up on methylphenidate.

Low dose.

In my plain insanity-I think it will slow my brain down enough to quit interrupting. Her. That’s a big part of the problem. But I do know that it’s not the whole problem.

I just need to let go.

I never learned how to let go of beautiful things. But I’m willing to learn. I know she’s not really the right gal for me. I’m just sick of being alone. Tired, and sick of it. Tired of going to church with a bunch of married folk who condescend to greet me with a smile each week and go home to a blissful marital existence.

We all know that ain’t true. It’s all work. And the bottom line is this.

She does not want to do the work. The tiny little smithereen she understands about ADHD says that I’m an extreme pain in the ass. That is such bull shit!

But she knows better. She’s…

well it’s probably just my imagination. But I think she’s got a lot of the same symptoms as me, but with me it’s called ADD. She’s a dang genius too. Too smart for her own good though.

Love is insanity.

Delectably so.

 

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Robbo, I understand your pain.

Your wonderful ADHD brain is what makes you who you are.  If she can’t (or won’t) make enough of an effort to accept and understand this most crucial part of you, then she isn’t the Right One FOR YOU.

Twice, my brother has been sure he’d found the Right One For Him.   But, it turns out, they weren’t.  It hurt like hell (and he still feels a twinge about them), but, looking back, he’s really glad he found that out BEFORE getting married.  Because it’s much easier to get out of a bad relationship when you DON’T need to get a divorce or an annulment.

Take care of yourself, Robbo.  And learn as much as you can about ADHD and relationships.  Melissa Orlov’s book,”The ADHD Effect on Marriage”, based on her own experiences, is fantastic.  And, when you DO find the Right One For You, it’ll help both of you with the ups and downs, so that the ups will more than make up for any downs.

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[Robbo]

Thanks Larynxa, that’s very helpful.

And sorry to the rest of you guys for hijacking this thread with my own stuff. I’ve had my heart in retirement for most of the last 8 years. So I’ve been on one heck of a tail spin for the last few weeks. Falling in love completely took my by surprise.

I’m still in shock!

I’ll get over it though. And I’m looking foreword to seeing this from a more realistic perspective.

 

 

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[Wgreen]

Robbo, for what it’s worth, Charles Williams, a fairly obscure member of the Inklings——the literary group that included Tolkein, C.S. Lewis, and Dorothy Sayers——once described the disorientation of falling in love as “the infinitely alien arrangement of infinitely familiar things.” I always liked that. But then he described the end of the romantic moment as “outrage!… It is that in which every nerve of the body, every consciousness of the mind, shrieks that something cannot be. Only it is.” Tillich called it “the abyss.” I’m so sorry. Hang in there.

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[Author]

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