Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

Re: Beating yourself up about your mistakes – especially if they affect others

Re: Beating yourself up about your mistakes – especially if they affect others2011-06-21T09:44:03+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Stuck in Regret/Anger Beating yourself up about your mistakes – especially if they affect others Re: Beating yourself up about your mistakes – especially if they affect others


Post count: 14413

That wasn’t your fault hun. Would you freak out like that if he did that to you? No, I guess you (at least after a few hours) could understand why he did as he didn’t if he didn’t know better.

I play a game called World of Warcraft, an MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) which means that I daily have contact with 30+ people in that game, and even more that you always “bump in to”. This is background so you can understand what I’m trying to explain, please read it all through; in the game there are Raid Instances as they are called, it’s where 10 or 25 (a choice you have) people group up together to get bosses down as a group. What you are doing affects everyone else in that Raid (as your band of people is called). I am currently in a guild that does raids as a 10-man group.

Many of the encounters are very unforgiving, a slight mistake means that you can put all other 9 people at risk of dying which will lead to a failed attempt. You do have unlimited attempts at a raid boss, so it’s only time spent and other peoples emotions/reactions that’s a problem here. I have been doing this for 3 years maybe, and here is where I have learned how I could apply this side of my personality to be something positive. I yet have to implement this in to my AFK (away from keyboard) life as well, but here goes:

I am confident that I am one of the best raiders in the guild I’m currently in. Why? Because every time something happens that can be my fault I have gotten emotional and beat myself up for it, doing what I can to improve so I get better. It took it’s while but right now most other people more often than not would have to apologize to me than me to them, because my performance is really that good, and the mistakes I make are quite far between. The positive part is that I always get’s knocked of my high horse once I do one of the mistakes (and you almost always do at least a few minor mistakes, if not a major as well every raid), and that it something people really appreciate, I’m a very good player in raids and yet I have sympathy for everyone else, and people love me for that trait there, they can trust my support and performance and this really fills me with confidence for my own abilities that maybe I’m not all that bad as I make it in my head. I have the confidence enough to say that performance wise I am good enough to be on world first kills (or other very competitive raiding guilds), the main reason why I’m not in one is that I’d in that case have to prioritize playing the game before everything else, something I’m not willing to do. Right now I can take a day of here and there, and that’s how I want it to be. The “funny” thing is that me as a person who really beats myself up for a mistake is saying this, and imo that can say a lot. There can be a positive future if you want it to be like that. :-)

I don’t think you can just use a magic wand and that trait of you will be gone, but you could work to make it a positive trait that you have instead. Replace the situation in my example from playing a video game to work life, I’d be the employee of the month, every month and still be happy for that person who get’s it instead of me because I feel they deserve it and I’m happy for them (as I in secrecy will wonder what I yet again can do better, lol).

Try finding a different approach to the matter, because you (and we all here) deserve to be that good. Another example here to a different approach and what it could be is that I tell my girlfriend “remind me later or write it down/send me a text message” and it works very well to approach my forgetfulness like that.

P.S. Your pig in the avatar is so cute!