Re: Bullying

[Fabulous]

Hi there, I am still recovering from what I went through at those workplaces. My mind still replays those horrible situations, still returns to the frustration and outrage, and still asks “WHY”. I am heartened to see that workplace bullying is gaining attention and that there seems to be increasing research and advocacy in this area. I am now able to understand that I was repeatedly subjected to workplace mobbing as someone who is different, and as someone who has characteristics that are very prevalent in ADDers (difference, sensitivity, a desire to work hard, to please, to do well, a tendency to stick up for yourself – see #3 below).

1. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janice-harper/mobbing-in-the-workplace-_b_1102815.html

2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QREyB9BTzIA

3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9YKmoxQNvU&feature=related

4. http://www.mobbingportal.com

This mobbing is something I have endured since gradeschool. I want to share the links above in case some of you experienced mobbing. Discovering there is a name for it, and that others have gone through it is a great comfort and a reassurance THAT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT; you did not deserve it. Learning about mobbing helps you answer that persistent “WHY” that torments you with confusion and shame.

Mobbing thrives on the idea that if multiple people think it, it must be true; that if everyone has a problem with you you must have done something to deserve it, that perception is reality. Mobbing thrives on 360 reviews; one of the most touted tools in HR. It thrives on unaccountable feedback. People forfeit accountability and side with power. Even people you thought were your friends; people you thought were good; people you trusted.

The things I was reading about workplace bullying before were just not adding up for me, because they focus on single bullies in the workplace, and they focus on outright aggression (not covert aggression). Workplace mobbing is a very different type of bullying.

One more thing I want to note, because it is so important for this group: You have ADHD, but you KNOW you have it or you wouldn’t be here. You also are taking the steps to build your awareness of it and how it affects you, or you wouldn’t be here. As we go through this process, we find ways of making life work for us, we bend the world to us (e.g., I own 8 sets of house keys). In short, we rapidly learn how to meet the demands of the world in our own special way. I was mobbed even after I had taken control of my ADHD. I was not under-performing; I was over-performing; I NEVER missed a deadline, I did not let people down, I did not create problems. ADDers become hyper-aware and astute on these matters once they get diagnosed and get in control, because we fear exactly these things. But our difference and independence will always remain, and that will always make us vulnerable to group power dynamics.

For me the answer I have found is avoidance; to simply not enter into groups (i.e., offices). What is yours?

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