Re: Family and close friends

[powcat]

This is sad to read, guys, and I haven’t read all of the posts, but I want to go back and do that. I feel like I want to respond to all of you.

quick note, though, before I forget about parents:

I have been blaming my parents, too for the last 7 or 8 years – since starting therapy. just recently though, through a combination of horrible fights with both of them (they’re divorced) followed by time away from them and some sincere e-mails back and forth, plus learning about the ADHD and thus accepting myself, plus reiki, plus the years of therapy and writing and trying to feel it all and get it out of me – somehow I have reached a point where I feel that I am OUT of anger. like I came to the end of a book; there’s no more there.

they’re still not my favourite people, and they can hurt my feelings, and they annoy me constantly and they may frustrate me – but I am not so deeply shaken as before if they say or do the wrong thing.

I think the key really is to get a better grip on yourself – form this core at your being full of self-love and acceptance and dreams and forgiveness for yourself, and keep that safe and protected. I’m still working on this, of course, but I really believe that’s the answer.

that way, if I have that unmovable strength at my core, it doesn’t matter if people don’t believe me or don’t agree with me, even if those people are my parents. certainly it can hurt my feelings and I wish they thought differently, but their beliefs or words or whatever don’t have anything to do with MY experience, or what is true for ME. parents’ opinions can’t change reality.

I hope that makes a little bit of sense because it is starting to lose that ability for me.

The point: you can’t change other people’s attitudes, only your own. Take time away from them all if that’s what it takes; tell them you need to not talk to or see them for a while.

and most of us will probably never get those apologies we so crave, but we actually DON’T NEED them. the apology won’t change your past. it probably won’t even change your relationship with the parent, because even if they apologize, their personality won’t magically change.

hopeful news: once we start to change, our family, though resistant and pissy at first, might begin to change also. if you stand by your new boundaries and beliefs and they want to continue to interact with you, they have no choice.

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