i used to be very angry at my father for a lot of things about my childhood, but i’ve long since got to the point of realising that he is who he is because of many things, understanding why he is how he is (which in itself is a sad story)- and accepting that thats really just the way it is. i’m not sure if i used enough ‘is-es’ there, btw.
for me an apology wouldn’t make a whole whack of difference- it doesn’t alter the past one single iota, and whether he’s reached a point of personal growth and acceptance that he can be sorry, or even feels that he needs to be sorry, or not- i’m gonna be alright. i think coming to understand that made a much bigger difference- the anger defused itself when i got some knowledge and insight in there.
i get what you mean about the visable and invisable disabilities bobbie. it is hard to go around wearing your challenges somewhere that people can’t see them and automatically understand their nature. but i guess the payoff is that getting to be invisable means you don’t get patronised or spoken to like an idiot by presumptuous people who *think* they know it all, 10,000x a day. thats gotta suck.
people won’t help you work out the bus timetable? what the hell…?! i help my friend all the time- she hasn’t got ADHD- she’s just a bit of an artsy fartsy space cadet (and a real sweetie too!) and gets in a complete panic cos of all the numbers and lines and potential horrible crisises that she feels could result if she gets it wrong. i seem to end up helping someone every time i’m at the bus station actually… at least that tells you you’re not the only one who gets stuck! it took me absolutely ages to master those suckers but once it clicks- success! i can use a bus timetable now. woohooo! now to master clicking my fingers….
i can’t imagine walking upto someone and saying “i’m really sorry to bother you, but these timetable things make my brain explode and i can’t for the life of me make sense of this one. i wanna go from here, to there. can you be the most awesome person in my entire day and take this pen, circle my bus route number and the times it leaves and arrives, and tell me where to go and stand and wait for the bus?! or just give a me a clue that’d help me work it out?! you’d be doing me a huge favour!” and not getting a helpful response.
maybe its just a canada and england thing, or cos i’m a girl and have mastered the helpless and needly female’ look, but a good 90% of the people i’ve met who have some comprehension of a language which we can both speak somewhat seem quite happy to help others- especially if it means they get to feel like a hero, and don’t actually have to do a whole bunch.
hmmmm. are you maybe doing the ‘helpless and needy person’ look a bit wrong, so you come off as ‘intimidating and grumpy nutter’ instead? if you ever get stuck at a bus-station when i’m there, i’ll help you!REPORT ABUSE