Family and close friends

[Anonymous]

i used to be very angry at my father for a lot of things about my childhood, but i’ve long since got to the point of realising that he is who he is because of many things, understanding why he is how he is (which in itself is a sad story)- and accepting that thats really just the way it is. i’m not sure if i used enough ‘is-es’ there, btw.

for me an apology wouldn’t make a whole whack of difference- it doesn’t alter the past one single iota, and whether he’s reached a point of personal growth and acceptance that he can be sorry, or even feels that he needs to be sorry, or not- i’m gonna be alright. i think coming to understand that made a much bigger difference- the anger defused itself when i got some knowledge and insight in there.

i get what you mean about the visable and invisable disabilities bobbie. it is hard to go around wearing your challenges somewhere that people can’t see them and automatically understand their nature. but i guess the payoff is that getting to be invisable means you don’t get patronised or spoken to like an idiot by presumptuous people who *think* they know it all, 10,000x a day. thats gotta suck.

people won’t help you work out the bus timetable? what the hell…?! i help my friend all the time- she hasn’t got ADHD- she’s just a bit of an artsy fartsy space cadet (and a real sweetie too!) and gets in a complete panic cos of all the numbers and lines and potential horrible crisises that she feels could result if she gets it wrong. i seem to end up helping someone every time i’m at the bus station actually… at least that tells you you’re not the only one who gets stuck! it took me absolutely ages to master those suckers but once it clicks- success! i can use a bus timetable now. woohooo! now to master clicking my fingers….

i can’t imagine walking upto someone and saying “i’m really sorry to bother you, but these timetable things make my brain explode and i can’t for the life of me make sense of this one. i wanna go from here, to there. can you be the most awesome person in my entire day and take this pen, circle my bus route number and the times it leaves and arrives, and tell me where to go and stand and wait for the bus?! or just give a me a clue that’d help me work it out?! you’d be doing me a huge favour!” and not getting a helpful response.

maybe its just a canada and england thing, or cos i’m a girl and have mastered the helpless and needly female’ look, but a good 90% of the people i’ve met who have some comprehension of a language which we can both speak somewhat seem quite happy to help others- especially if it means they get to feel like a hero, and don’t actually have to do a whole bunch.

hmmmm. are you maybe doing the ‘helpless and needy person’ look a bit wrong, so you come off as ‘intimidating and grumpy nutter’ instead? if you ever get stuck at a bus-station when i’m there, i’ll help you!

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[Anonymous]

Hey everyone! I’m also among those of you who crave an apology! But I know it will never come. When I told my family about my ADD, I didn’t feel believed, understood in that. One of my brothers told me he always knew I had a behavioural problem…?! Lately, that’s how I’ve felt… I’m someone with a behavioural problem who’s just bothering, annoying, immature. Someone they could do without. And that from family and coworkers! Its good to know that I’m not the only one going through all this.

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[Anonymous]

Congratulations on telling your family. That took a lot of courage Moka . I have only told a few close people. Who have been very supportive. I am dreading telling my sister. I think she will react the way your brother did. “Your behavior has always been a problem for everybody” “This is just an excuse to continue being irresponsible and hurtful.” “When will you just grow up and start being more responsible.” Those words are like daggers piercing right to my soul. I think I will keep this from her for a little while longer. You are VERY brave for telling those who may not have believed you or supported you.

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[Anonymous]

Hey BT! It’s not bravery, its the fact that I have a big mouth lol! But he really ment to help me saying this.To show he understood in a way. I’ve got five brothers and another one of them ressembles more of what you say about your sister. He’s the least supportive, understanding. When I’m in contact with him I always feel as though he is slapping me in the face while I’m down. I try to avoid him.

I’m more bugged by coworkers. They either know I’ve got ADD or that there’s something wrong with me (from all the special help I got from my employer, which I really appreciated btw). Sometimes I catch a look or an attitude that tells me that they think I’m an immature or annoying wacko. I’m disturbing them with my constant ‘behaviourial problem’. I recently overheard someone say at the door (which opens with either their magnetic keys that they never use or a button at my desk) ‘do you think she’ll open the door?’. That was said in a mean way and it hurt. I’ve got to explain here that I get so frustated to be disturbed all the time to open the door for them while trying to work at the computer that, sometimes I ignore them so they’ll use their d*** key.

I guess I’m glad, after all, that I told my family. But as for coworkers…

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[laddybug3]

I told this one person, okay it was more then one person this (I get into a lot of trouble using this one, because I am very emotional): You’re right it just doesn’t exist. Like every mental disorders, there is no such thing. Why then are their people with degrees, doctors, saying these things exists? So then, I must be crazy. Are you normal? Did you know normal is just a number? Like you.

I told many people this one: We are going to agree to disagree. I am living with it, and you are not.

Sometimes I show them a few books to read. In the end, even sometimes I don’t believe I have ADD. Until I do something or someone says something.

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[Anonymous]

I was just thinking about what you’ve all written. I was always called a trouble-maker and I really feel that if I told my family that they would think of my annoucement as just another instance of me making trouble.

I also recall lots of stuff that was said to me while I was growing-up. Stuff like: Just buckle down and do your work. Or: You could do it if you wanted to….

I suppose everybody has stuff that they have trouble concentrating on. The difference is that they CAN eventually make themselves do the work and we get stuck just getting started. They can relax after they have put in a day, and we can’t ever quiet our minds.

So I suppose the problem with people understanding is that they have probably all experienced some of all of the symptoms of ADD at one time or another. They struggled and did what they had to do. They probably cannot comprehend going through that every single day of their lives.

It was hard when I was a kid and it is much harder now that I am in my 50’s. I don’t think I could manage without the medication..

Come to think of it, I don’t suppose I am managing anything more than getting through the day.

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[powcat]

My heart goes out to all of you. Here’s some fun stuff to hopefully brighten your day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aC9Kc-p2xxw

The lyrics of this song make me feel better about myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYszu3vzThM&feature=related

This is my favourite show. Since being diagnosed, I’ve realized that Brendon, the main character, very likely has got ADHD. Anyway I tried to find an episode where this is more obvious…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWMH1b4GOlQ

And this is just the best thing ever!

So when all else fails, at least there’s youtube…??

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[Anonymous]

Thank you for those links, powcat. In typical ADD fashion, I just spent the past hour clicking on video after video. I think YouTube must have been invented by an ADDer. haha!

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[Author]

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