Re: getting along with people …how?

[billd]

browna7 ADD or not, you sure are a cool level-headed person. Sure do seem nice.

Your example from school is funny – pretty good.

I am REALLY bad with names, and have almost no facial recognition. folks say “doesn’t that baby look like their mother” and I say it looks like a generic baby to me. Or, doesn’t he look like his brother? Ah, not that I can see. Twins – forget it – I can’t tell ’em apart. Even our two Tonkinese – Tuvak and Koko – there are times I’m not sure which is on my lap until I look at their eye color, and it’s a bit easier now as Koko has OCD and is biting the hair off his flanks and legs, so I look for almost bald spots to tell them apart.

My parents were told early on that I could have severe social issues due to very high intelligence – the school psychologist did some testing, and simply told them I was bored, way beyond my years and grade, and I was probably going to be VERY impatient with people not up to my level or skills or knowledge.

Unfortunately, his predictions came true. I try hard to hang out with folks with a higher intelligence than myself as I know how I’ll be otherwise – bored when they speak, impatient when I attempt to show or explain something.

I find it very nearly impossible to hire any professionals for anything – roofing, electric, plumbing, you name it – they can’t work up to my standards and in some cases, when they are gone, I do parts of it over again.

Geesh, I’ve even had to explain to doctors what’s wrong. I was good enough that the family doctor I had until he retired and went into IT kind of joked with me (but he was really serious) when I walked in “Ok, Bill, tell me what’s wrong, I’ll confirm it if needed and get you on your way”. There are times I swear I could have been like these people in some TV shows of the past where they are something different in each episode – one week they pose as a doctor, in another episode, they pose as a lawyer, etc.

I got a job in charge of the properties and buildings for On With Life, Inc (www.onwithlife.org) and they were in the city of Ankeny – I walked in to the city engineer’s office and told them I needed to do maintenance for OWL – he asked me some questions, I took some tests, and walked out with a maintenance electrician’s license for the City of Ankeny.

When I was unemployeed for several months years ago, I applied for a multitude of jobs. for the government jobs, the state for example, a lot was based on your employment and skill history, but the final score most heavily relied on comprehensive tests. I took many tests – electrician, plumber, building engineer, etc. LOL – I passed ALL of them, most with scores ranging from 80 to 95%)

My car hobby friends (all 2 or 3 of them) say I’m “anal” – I am a perfectionist. Work at it until it’s perfect.

It’s getting almost boring taking my Javelin to the big national meet at Cordova each fall – 4 years in a row my car has taken first place trophy. I have to be REALLY careful in my comments when looking at other cars if you know what I mean. (although I’ve seen a good many I truly drool over, very nearly PERFECT)

In conversations I’ve been told I was rude, acted like I didn’t care to hear some folks speak. Well, they spoke slowly, in a “boring to me” manner, and it wasn’t topics of interest to me – I am not good at “faking it”.

At work I get in trouble because I’m very short with others who don’t get it the first time, or who after being here 2 years still don’t know what to do if a VPN connection fails. I want to say, gee, people, it’s not rocket science, it’s troubleshooting 101 (and frankly, for a couple of folks here, I’m correct as even my team leader is seeing it now) but I don’t hide it well.

I’m ashamed as heck to say that if your skills and level aren’t up to my expectations or abilities, I may seem rude or eventually quietly drift away. It’s one of those things I do not like about myself, and am rather ashamed of it. It’s not how I want to be at all. I offend some genuinely nice folks that way.

More recently I see another problem I have – folks want to talk to me, some have even said they respect my knowledge so contact me “off-line” or out of the forums using email. And my issue is like Patrick and Rick have explained in the documentary and clips here – I intent to reply, sometimes I even go to my computer figuring I was going there to reply. 4 hours later, I’m off to something else, and didn’t respond. How rude – THAT is a thing about my ADHD I really wish I could change.

I’m not meaning to ignore or not respond, it’s not intentional. It really bothers me as these people contact me wanting to talk with me – and here I act like they aren’t important. Makes me sick. A college professor even told me one time the others in our class looked to me as a leader – HA, then I appear to shun them when they are looking to me for a chat………. or some thoughts, opinions, whatever.

Really sucks.

I do not want this to end up being a really down post – as toofat is right, we, often me, at times sink into the negative, but this is something that hurts other people, makes me look bad, isn’t how I want to be, isn’t who I want to be, and it’s not like some other things where some aspects of ADD can be leveraged and turned into an advantage (like my ability to push through and get results), I truly do see this as a negative.

Other things I can more easily change, or work on, or can use to my advantage, making me better in some areas maybe because of ADD – but relationships with people, the ADD really stinks.

If it hurts me, that’s one thing, but when it hurts others – that’s different.

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