Re: Name that feeling!

[Anonymous]

I used to stop and start my meds for bipolar disorder CONSTANTLY! Sometimes it was due to cost (before my ‘candies’ went generic it was upwards of 50 bucks a month) mostly it was because I had trouble dealing with the fact that that I had to rely on meds to feel normal. Not realizing at that point that I was relying on chemicals (the caffeine because I was addicted to my mania and booze to ‘simmer down) in order to feel normal. I explained to my doc my ‘noncompliance’, and when I explained that I stopped taking the meds when I felt better, he said “What happens when you stop?” I said “after a while I feel…” he cut me off “You feel like sh*$”. Exactly

This is what I tell myself. I sought out help for a reason. I went to a professional for a reason, I needed help, this professional gave me something to help me. I’m only hurting MYSELF by not taking the meds. The thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing are so familiar to me they all came in leaps and bounds whenever I didn’t take my meds, and they would get progressively worse. Now, I am a believer. TAKE YOUR MEDS!!!

As far as your sister goes, it sounds like you have a loving and honest husband and a son who loves you dearly, unless your sister roofies him or puts a spell on him, I don’t see how he going to fall victim to her charms. It sounds like both of you act on a feeling of insecurity and low self esteem. It’s like a tennis match, she serves, you volley. It’s hard with siblings and having 2 sisters myself, I know the insecurity and doubt and yes, absolute paranoia that comes with the competition of sisters. Your sister is clearly going through her own ‘stuff’ living with other people, no home of her own. It sounds like she’s trying to make herself feel better. Perhaps she is using this need for attention the same way you use alcohol. We all have our ‘coping mechanisms’ and not many of them are healthy!

I don’t know if you’ve heard of Byron Katie, but she wrote a book called “Loving What Is” and “Who Would You Be Without Your Story” and she kind of teaches you how to break down your negative thoughts by asking yourself 4 questions about the situation and turning it around. She calls it “The Work” It’s a process getting used to doing it truly is ‘work’, but I got the books from a friend of mine when I was going through a particularly difficult time with my ‘new’ step family and just reading it did wonders for me. I had to change my thinking to save myself and it has helped every aspect of my life. Sometimes are minds are indeed our worst enemy.

But first and formost…STAY ON YOUR MEDS!!!

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