The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Is It Just Me? › No Friends › Re: No Friends
Hi Epicurien – I know it sounds cliche but people to really like to talk about themselves and what they are inersted in. I went to a party the other night and m y wife an I had a little argument before about ME not be as helpful and attentive as I could be – essentially that I can be sometimes self absorbed – whether consciuosly or unconsciously. She sited the last time we were at a gathering she was the one that went home eraly to releive the babysitter and I got to stay and she was right – and I started to realize that the world does not revolve around me and the what I percieve people may think of me really is just nonsense and self talk that is noit productive.
Any way I think sometimes with ADD we subconsciously think that everything is about US and that can make one hypersensitive to what we perceive others think about us. I tend to subconsciously pych myself up in social situations and feel like I have to overcompensate by trying to be funny, outgoing – or trying to link conversatioins to personal anecdotes or stories often about me. This can come of as boorish and self absorbed – and can also be forced and unnatural.
ANy way at the party I decided that I was going to be a lot more laid back. I talked to people and asked them how things were going for them and revolved the conversation around them. I really tried in a subtle but sincere way to let others take the lead and after all most of the time it is just small talk… it is not a big deal or the end of the world conversations.
The result was I was really relaxed and comfortable rather than anxious and insecure and I had a great time and told my wife I would be the one to releive the baby sitter – to serve not to be served.
Sometimes we can make a big of what we think others think about us – the truth is – most people are a little self absorbed and they really aren’t thinking about you or me or someone else -they thinking mostly about of their environment is effecting them.
The moral – lighten up and show genuine – even if it is only socialy superficial -interest in others and social interactions will take on a more natural flow. Take care
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