The Forums › Forums › Medication › Strattera › Strattera advice please › Re: Strattera advice please
Anonymous
it really does sound like you’re getting your head around a lot of stuff and making great headway at the moment.
i can relate to the example conversation, and i’m not on the autistic spectrum, just um… how does my mother put it… “about as subtle as a brick” – especially when it comes to tact. the good news is that not only is this something improvable on your end with practice (you’re already getting the self awareness down, now its just a case of mastering altering your phrasing in order to express your meaning more effectively- with less noses getting put out of joint in the process!), but its also something that you’re not entirely responsible for- there are two people in the conversation, and the other party is responsible for how they decide to phrase things, and interpret your comments.
to be honest, i think it might do your mum a bit of good to look at how she words things, and her intent, as well- perhaps when you’ve got the tact and diplomacy sorted out a bit (hehehehe) you could let her know about how you’re looking at your social skills and language useage- with respect to communicating more effctively and constructively, and share a little about what you’ve learned.
i have had a lot of conversations just like the one you shared with assorted people, and it generally strikes me that they pretty frequently come into the discussion with the intent to guilt trip you, and get offended, then flounce off. your mum could have said something more like “i’d love to have a chat and catch up with you today- i enjoy hearing about whats going on with you, and i’d like to do it more often- maybe we could try and make regular time for that?!” instead of the “you’re neglecting me and being a bad son- wah wah wah” line that she sorta implied there. she could also have stopped just before the “fine, i won’t call then!” point, taken a breath, reflected on where the conversation was or wasn’t going, and said “hmmm….i think we’re getting off on the wrong foot here! is this a bad time for you, or are we just getting our wires crossed? i called because i was thinking about you, and decided that it’d be nice to hear your voice, have a chat, and just connect a bit. maybe you could tell me a bit about whats going on with you guys at the moment? if you’re busy or tired, perhaps i could talk to the wife or kids, or i could call back later?”
i know it can be incredibly difficult to talk with someone who is rather abrupt and who comes across as a bit defensive (which either or both of you might to the other party) but if you keep mentally focused and mindful of what you’re aiming to acheive (mutual happiness, and a joint acheivement of the positive exchange of information- not a mental sparring match), and try and mentally put yourself in the other persons shoes, you’d be suprised how much things can change, and how quickly too. thats not to say that debate isn’t an awesome thing- maybe just not ideal to get into with your mum. ….. (says the girl who has quite frequent dreadfully pointy, sarcastic, and all around ‘bang your head against the wall with frusttration’ type conversations with her father on the phone- at least we keep them down to 5 minute limits, and have learned to know when its time for him to pass the phone across to my mother before anyone bursts into flames with fury).
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