The Forums › Forums › Medication › Strattera › Strattera advice please › Re: Strattera advice please
Anonymous
The best medicine for me over the last few weeks seems to be this thread. Never been one to keep a journal, writing is too slow and frustrating, and it starts to feel forced and phony at times, but this is different. This thread is like climbing a mountain for me. Each entry a new Anchor point that I can go back to when the current path seems to tough. I made it this far, sure the last few days kicked my ass but getting back to this thread and seeing the positive things that I lost sight of again gives me hope that I won’t get stuck here.
I’m so tired, drained mentally, psychically and emotionally that I feel like I can’t get past this with out really making a change. My spouse is trying to be helpful but tends to add to rather than take away from the pile of frustration. Rick’s latest video “Excuses” does a pretty good job of illustrating what I’m going through right now trying to change my language and thoughts the motivation and the results are potentially huge but it’s something that will take a while to habituate, in the mean time it is another exercise to practice frequently. I also realize that what I see as facts only can be taken personally, ie. My wife feeling that I was being critical of her when I was criticizing the over all level of cleanliness of the house. Those conversations are always the same, 13 years and going.
“Why is the kitchen such a mess? Look at all this stuff, what’s this and this? So much junk on the counters. You know this drives me crazy.”
-I get the look
“Well does it go here?”
-“No”
“So……”
-“So, what.”
“Is it going to get cleaned up?”
-“likely not. NO”
Escalation of frustration ensues, and now it becomes about me personally, my issues, not the house, a counter attack that leaves me confused and angry. I haven’t (in my mind) said anything ‘personal’. About the same as a job review. You are responsible for certain tasks at work, when they are not done to a satisfactory level day after day the boss has to say something. I’ve nudged and hinted that she needs to take an active roll in the running of the house, that I need a kick in the pants some times to get going, that in 13 years she has left every major decision to me and refuses to take any sort of initiative on anything. I have painted, built, repaired, restored, updated, and maintained every major or minor change in our home with all the support of 3 year old socks.I just want her to be as involved, as responsible, as motivated as me, because otherwise I’m doing it alone, feel like I have to do everything. She puts me in the role of “being in charge” but complains when the management isn’t happy. Well be management and do the Fn job, someone has to. It doesn’t go away if you ignore it.
As much as I haven’t seen my lack of sensitivity in some areas, I suspect that she’s having the same issues. But again I’m working on it, while she will keep reading those checkout stand paperbacks, and will act surprised and hurt when the frustration builds to a boiling point again. I don’t know how to work with this and I’m scared of the options. Failing at something else is not going to make matters better. Or is this failing because it’s wrong in the first place?
Am I suffering with all this because the ‘bucket’ is getting to full? I feel like the hole is getting deeper and before long someone’s just going to come along and fill it in with me in it. Over loaded with life and life’s questions but all the answers I have been given are wrong and the world is watching this play out, me the butt of its joke.
So coming back to this thread and seeing the ups and downs gives me hope that this down will be brief and that I might figure out a few things along the way. It might help me see the patterns better and help me avoid the big dips. It might only serve to let me vent and get some feedback from people with a little more objectivity than I have.
As for my Mother, she has been this way forever, I don’t expect her to change. She is a martyr. She is the type that keeps all these little holidays profitable for retail. She’ll buy shirts, pens, hats, candies, decorations and the banner if thee is one for EVERY holiday. Easter, St Patrick’s day, Valentine’s day, she give the grand kids bags full of crap, her “paying it forward” then bitches and complains when we have to say no to something. Oh look at all the stuff I do……………and you don’t even want to talk to your poor mother on the phone. “Mom, we don’t want that stuff, we would like you to relax a little and take care of you some more.”
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