Reply To: Hiding From Responsibility

[seabassd]

I’ve been posting a lot lately, but it’s helping me through a difficult time.

I wanted to post an update to the situation.

I’ve been making some progress since the original post and I’ve identified a couple of the culprits that helped create the situation. As far as progress goes, I’ve called three people who I had dropped the ball on and was evading. It wasn’t easy to do. I read the sar316 response (posted above) over and over during the process, which helped a bunch. If you’re like me, it’s hard to pull info from memory so I rely on rereading things. The reactions were a little varied, but none so-far have been overwhelming. I did a lot of pacing around the house and shaking my body out before each call. Anxiety was present before and during each call, but I knew that in order to start feeling better the calls would need to be made. After each call I was still anxious but hopeful. I knew the anxiety would be present on each proceeding call but I also knew that I could do it, get through it, and still be alive and breathing. It’s taken me 8 days to get to this point and my anxiety has decreased dramatically. I would like to mention that I didn’t just make call after call without hesitation. I had to build up to it. I started by responding to a single email, then another, then cleaned my work area, mowed the yard, slept, took breaks, stopped working early, etc. Basically I was kind to myself. Every small step, every break, bit by bit led me to handling the problem.

I have one more call to make, and yes, I’m not looking forward to it, and yes there is some anxiety there. I’ll make it tomorrow, I’ve faced enough demons today. However the call goes I know when all is said and done that I’m moving in the right direction.

In this post I won’t address the culprits that helped get me in this situation. It’s a bit wordy as is and I’m sure I’ll make another post tomorrow after the phone call.

Thanks for listening.

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