A conundrum

[ADDled]

I might have an opportunity to start with another company doing what I do now. The thing is this, and maybe it’s catastrophic thinking rearing it’s ugly head, but bear with me. It’s hard to explain to non ADHDers what I’m feeling and maybe I can get some advice from the readers on the forum.

The current job I’m at I’ve been doing for ten years and I’m in my mid 50’s. (But with ADHD, I’m mentally 30 but with the wisdom of a 70 year-old, apparently).

Because of specific issues at work regarding my performance (all related to ADHD), I have been passed over for promotion several times and am now working under people I have trained during the last several years. I did this with the mistaken belief that my humility, as a virtue, would be considered as teamwork, or leadership, or whatever. Didn’t get a raise this year, either.

I have fully disclosed my recently diagnosed ADHD and the company has offered very little in the way of accommodation, in spite of my doctor’s recommendation.

I’m made to feel that I can no longer “add value” to the company and my role and contribution has been marginalized on a relatively consistent basis. I get basically the type of work handled by people at an entry level, I never get the challenging assignments that has allowed other people to pole-vault their careers ahead of me. And travel for company business, or seminars, well, forget it, ADDled, “your lucky just to have a job. See these resumes on my desk?….).They just want me to go away.

The thing is this. With the possibility of starting a new job in a new company, am I exchanging one set set of stressors for another?

Now, this is where the Anthony Robbins kind, or as referred to in the Red Green Show, Anthony Anthony. (Yeah, I know, this is a shameless attempt to ingratiate myself with one of the co-founders of this website). Sorry. Oh, man, that ADHD thing is a b!tch.

Ok, the Anthony Robbins kind would say, “go for it”, or, “jump and a net will appear”, or “you have nothing to loose but your shackles” But as someone with ADHD, who has consistently found myself over my head career-wise, do I accept my situation where I am now? I can almost endure it. Been doing that for a while. Better the devil you know sort of thing.

Some plusses though. First, a new start in a new environment with new people and new challenges. Secondly, I know what I am dealing with mentally and can now identify what counter-measures are required to avoid tail-spinning into the ground. Thirdly, this can kick-start a real recovery for me and a chance to have some career success.

And at this point the fear and loathing kick in. The 18-wheeler of judgement is coming straight for me, and I’m a deer caught in the headlights…

Is this going to be another repeat in an ongoing series of disasters that’s become of my working life? I hear the voice of Alan Watts (the British lecturer and teacher of eastern philosophy) saying “You cannot predict your future actions based upon on your past: that is like driving a car using only the rear view mirror.

What to do?

Should I get hired at the new company, do I disclose my ADHD up front? Do I work with it in silence and learn new coping skills to become more efficient and productive? At this point in my life I do not want to be fired (again).

I would appreciate any insights you may have.

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[Anonymous]

I understand what your going through. Currently I am in a managing position and I feel I am being taking advantage off and the owners of where I work, I feel are not seeing my full potential I am being critisied left right and centre for things that I have no control over and the things I do good in, get not compliments. On the other side my coworker gets all the praise for what ever and spends less time at work then I do. I do all the work and deal with the issues, then when I react to the critizim, I get told I am being defensive. Seriously!! It becomes to much, The thing is if I suggest something I get told : you have no idea what your talking about’ , but then the coworker can say the exact same thing and gets thats a fab idea. To boot I have been in my line line of work with different companies for the last 12yrs, and my coworker only knows this one job. I know I have to leave because the environment is toxic for me.

So at 37 I am finding myself having to start all over again, theres days I feel great about it, but then there are days that I get really upset cause for me its like, when can I ever find a job/career that lasts more than a year.?? And it becomes harder because the resume shows the jobs and its yearly additions and people don’t get it.

So AddIed- if you get this new job- then do it. At the end of the day like you said its all new and now you know that ADD is your life, you can learn to incorporate it in the new setting. And no one will know unless you say so. And thats a good thing, no?? PS they can’t fire you for having ADD.. Its against the law. Maybe talk to ministry of labour about it and find out what your rights are for disclosing this kind of info.

Good luck..

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[CherylW]

Hi ADDled. I’m a stay-at-home mom with three girls that are 2, 4, and 6, but I do know how you feel. I not only have ADD, but I have epilepsy and have had major depression also.

I’m understanding that you are really wanting to have a fresh start and want go as far as you can with a possible new job. That’s great!

You do not have to tell anyone that you have ADD. Many people have a very big stigmatism against it, and that’s sad.

I know that the only way that a new job will be benificial to you and your employer is by you telling them. Just wait until you are hired though. That way, you will:

a) be shown as an honest worker;

b) be given the type and amount of work that will be benificial to you and the company; and

c) at least be shown of not being ashamed of having ADD.

I went to lots of schools and had lots of jobs before becoming a mother, so I know what its like to feel like you do. Don’t belittle yourself because others are basically being the ‘bullies’ of the company! It was like that for me for most of my life, and trust me, if you start to stand up for yourself it takes tones of weight off your shoulders!! It’s hard to do, but if you start to admit not only to yourself, but others that you have ADD, you will get into the habit. And trust me, it’s worth it! Good Luck!

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