Dr. Umesh Jain
is now exclusively responsible
for TotallyADD.com
and its content
Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey My Story A story from down under

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 33 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • Phil, Just Phil.
    Participant
    #91229 |

    Ok, lame title but I have deleted this or something similar from several replies so I thought I had better do a brain dump on my story. Hopefully then I can stop falling into it each time I try to respond to someone.

    I was flagged.as a kid, but obviously I wasn’t paying enough attention to really remember it. I do remember being hooked up to a brain scan computery thing at some stage. I also remember seeing “the hidden handicap” at home and looking through bits of it. Now and then. My old man didn’t want to go down the medicate route as they didn’t think it was severe enough, in my small school I sat near the top but was probably helped by the structure and slower kids being in th year. Then we had a change of principal in my final primary school year (12 years old) and politics sent the Dux award to a kid I had owned all year. Went to a selective high school as I naturally did well but the new style and no more parental oversight (they weren’t at the school as much as my old local one and I told them to stay away so I could be grown up.)

    I fell off my gluten and dairy free diet, stopped doing tai Kwan do and everything went downhill fast. I found my best mate at his new school, didnt know he was ADHD and medicated, but something seemed to gel between us.

    So I became the kid sent to the front of the class, “has so much potential” needs to pay more attention, blah blah blah, finished high school, spent 6 months at TAFE before dropping out of my. Analyst programmer diploma, sold real estate, pay tv door to door, swept floors and cleaned cars for a panel beater, tried to study again but dropped out just before the assignments were due, oh and in the middle, at 20 I started a family (not planned but I love him with all my heart and wouldn’t change that part of my life at all.) had some issues with the missus, had a bit of a split, worked in a call centre looking for a 12 month job (never last that long before) and now we are back together, married with 3 kids and a I am about to hit 10 years in the company. Have only gone up 3 jobs though, couldn’t work out why but it is surely the add holding me back, we fight a bit and my eldest is almost a teenager so I really need to get a move on, and Dr Jain said, “do it for your kid, don’t make them grow up with your life”. I am determined not to make him suffer like this.

    Sorry for the wall of text, I am using an iPad and still getting the hang of it.

    That had better do for now, or nobody will read it hahaha.

    Gotta get a new nickname soon, but I lost the page to do it on.

    Oh and Patrick, SG1 was made better by you mate, going back to watch it again soon.

    Wow, MRMcKay, for a first posting that was remarkably brief. I wish I could be that succinct.

    Anyway… Welcome, mate, g’day. Ya look knackered, so I’ll pour ya a Fosters and throw a shrimp on the barbie, then we’ll hop in my Holden Ute and rescue babies from dingoes…

    Sorry, that’s all the Aussie I know.

    Funny, you’re on the opposite side of the world, and so much of what you wrote resonates with my story. And with Patricks.

    Phil, Just Phil.
    Participant

    Thanks Rick, I have had a couple of little comments under different names but I think they all update now.

    Give me a premium forum and a good mechanical keyboard and you might find my post lengths explode.

    As for your Australian, Fosters is only for export and shrimps are prawns, but aside from those common misconceptions that was pretty good.

    Oh and the wife wouldn’t let me get a shirt that said “the baby ate my dingo” funny thing about that case though, she was right and it took decades to expose the corruption from our cops.

    Looking forward to getting more involved, loved ADHD and Mastering it, now I must order the first one.

    My son even sat through it with me, well past his bedtime ;-)

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Funny, I remember extensive testing including electrodes on my head, when I was a child. Its a shame my mother lost the report generated. I don’t know what the general consensus was, however it inspired a (not repeated) trial of ritalin. My schoolwork improved immensely, but my mom said I was like a zombie.

    As for my australian knowledge, all I know I learned from the simpsons. Like the toilets flush backwards, and knifey-spooney is a favorite game. Do they really not drink fosters?

    Phil, Just Phil.
    Participant

    Haha knifey spooney no more with our lame nanny state government, can’t even carry my leatherman without worrying about cops asking why I need it, forget folder.

    Our toilets flush very different from what I know about US toilets, I assume Canadian one’s are similar so it’s more that water spirals into a drain in the opposite direction (swaps at the equator, might get the chance to test it ON the equator some day)

    And don’t remember the last time I saw Fosters at a bottle shop.

    Love to see my report from back then too. “Can do anything he sets his mind to” *sigh*

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Haha! That was me. If I was motivated, there was no stopping me. Just ask my mom and the halloween candy incident.

    I found it everywhere she hid it, and even taught myself to picked the lockon my dad’s file cabinet to get at it (not bad for an 8 year old). The next year she started buying it the day of, that way she only had to worry about my stash (and that was gone soon enough).

    Phil, Just Phil.
    Participant

    Haha, I was the one who pulled stuff apart to “fix”. Plus I lived right near my grandma and aunty so it was easy to find something naughty to eat or a computer to play games on.

    I still remember smashing a computer studies test in my final year of high school, I missed t he test and did it a day late, teacher couldn’t believe I finished in half a period when everyone else needed extra time for the last question; I need a program to do x and y, write the pseudo code…

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    That’s like my son. When he was 2 my husband disconnected the computer to replace it and he decided to reconnect it, and turn it on. I found him trying to get his game to start as the computer lay on the floor.

    What was this thread about again ;)

    Phil, Just Phil.
    Participant

    Haha, it was all about me I guess, so like for like stories are perfectly fine.

    My eldest was plugging the rca plugs for the psone into the VCR at that age, saw me do it, wanted games so off he went. Colour matched them And everything haha.

    I should have done this a year ago when I first created my login, feeling less like an outsider ( not gonna use the i word just yet though).

    Kids are fun aren’t they…

    Crikey, another one, eh? Where in Oz are you Macca? Maybe we could compare horror stories 😆 I’m in Canberra at the moment, but well and truly over the joint…I’ve lived in Perth, Tassie, Melbourne, Geelong, Wangaratta, and briefly in Brissie…been stuck here for nearly a year, keen to move again, but my wife is sick of moving around. It’s me that must have the nomad gene…anyway, g’day, and seeya around… :D

    Patte Rosebank
    Participant

    Okay, Aussies…

    How do you feel about Lano & Woodley? I discovered them when our Comedy Network launched, in about 1998, and was filling its schedule with a lot of foreign comedy shows.

    Lano & Woodley appealed to me, because I thought they were similar to Laurel & Hardy, but with more of a mean streak. Looking back, those characters could almost be poster children for ADHD. Especially when they inadvertently cause a mass-poisoning while working as cleaners in a peanut butter factory.

    Since I have a multi-region DVD player, I ordered the DVD box set from an online shop based in Australia, and have enjoyed endless hours of fun, watching L&W inadvertently destroy people and things. I even have their book, which I’m told, is highly sought-after.

    And I got to feel very smug, when I watched an episode of “1000 Ways to Die”, and one of the “experts” in a segment was identified as a “Dr. Lano Woodley”, and I recognized it as a very obscure in-joke. (You mean, the experts in “1000 Ways to Die” AREN’T real???)

    sdwa
    Participant

    What is a dingo, anyway? And what is a jumper? (in the U.S., a jumper is a suicide who leaps from a bridge or a building, not an article of clothing. But is a jumper a sweater or a jacket?) The only other Aussie word I know is “bloke.”

    Hmm.

    Your story sounds familiar. I did well in school because people told me what to do. I only took classes in things I was skilled at (like writing and drawing)….but now I have a son, 13, almost 14, with ADHD, who is probably a better writer than I am already, but, like me, can’t do math to save his life.

    Last night I was very sad when he came to me and said, “I don’t want to mooch off of anyone when I grow up, so I might go into the military.” That’s because he thinks he won’t be able to go to college, and doesn’t want to work as a cashier at 7-11. He’s so smart. He knows more about major literary figures and philosophers than I do. Clearly, the time to help him Not Be Like Me is now. But I’m not sure how to do it, as I have been a classic underachiever all my life, working in low-level jobs (watering plants in office buildings, waiting tables, assembly line, customer call center, clerical stuff, etc.)….It’s sad that he is already thinking and seeing that his options are limited.

    I have a B.A. but it’s not worth much, as a fine arts degree from an obscure institution. Later I did a 2-year certificate program….Had a GPA of around 3.6, but couldn’t bring myself to file a four page report on an internship I had actually completed, so I never got the certificate.

    The frustrating thing now is that even though my son’s school knows he has ADHD, the support they provide is limited – and I don’t know how to help him. It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

    So…I guess my point is…I hear you.

    Phil, Just Phil.
    Participant

    Wow, still going.

    Allan, I am a Sydney boy, thinks for the welcome mate. Canberra joint hahaha (not gonna explain that one 😉 )
    Looking forward to talking with another Aussie, funny how we always seem to find each other.
    Larynxa, Lano and Woodley were funny, but no longer together. They have done a few stints on the Aussie comedy festival and some if our local shows like GNW and Spicks and Specks, but not much else lately AFAIK.
    Good catch with the book and if you watch true Aussie humor there are always those in jokes. Re-watch Crocodile Dundee as a giant piss take of the tough Aussie bushman, pretending to shave with his knife, looking at the watch, then the sun and declaring the time etc… But always with a straight face, no wink, no acknowledgement. “Gettin square” is another but I think you can understand it with the current rise of our girl Rebel Wilson over there.

    SDWA I hear you mate, a dingo is a native dog, brought from Asia by the aborigines some 30,000 years ago or something, there was a big case in 1980 where a dingo took a little baby out of her tent in the outback. The cops blamed the parents and the poor mother spent years behind bars. Google chamberlain, lindy.

    I think sweater is the right one, also perhaps pullover might even be closer.

    I never did go to uni (college) but am thinking options right now as I see my business going overseas more and more. Plus I have been trying to move up but keep coming second or third in interviews. Maybe accounting to run my own biz or nursing?? Not really sure at this stage.
    Keep positive for your son, he needs you now more than he realises. The military could provide good structure but he would be wise to aim high, officer, linguistics something that will provide a future beyond the military.

    Oops I hate when I get caught sermonising. (And I will continue to spell certain words the British way like organise sermonise etc… Apologies but it is who I am… Soapboxing it again…)

    I guess my point is, let’s see what we can get from this new and improved site, maybe see if he will get involved, I know it is already having a profound impact on me (I m no longer alone, so many things said seem so familiar etc..) sometimes this type of exposure can do a lot to build self esteem. I am a bit embarrassed to admit that it has me a little bit like a school kid again, but better because I feel I am part of something not watching and hoping I don’t cop shit.

    My son starts highs school next year, I am trying to get myself together so I can help him. High school was horrid for me, rocks thrown during class, sucker punches in the gym, constantly being excluded etc… And I am determined to not have my son go through the same trials.

    Like you, I am losing my point, but hey, we are all in this together and in thi brave new global world I think there is more potential for our kids to break the mould, what they now know about all the ADHD types compared to when we were kids is incredible and there is still a long way to go. SOe recent reports in the media regarding Gen Y and beyond make me think that maybe their way of doing things will be a bigger benefit in the future as they juggle more contract based work, have multiple careers in their lives and live more connected to so many things that having to do 50 things at once to keep your brain going could be beneficial.

    That is my hope anyway, but needs to start with me, modelling is still the most powerful method of wielding influence and by modelling the behaviours of a Man seeking to better himself and work with the cards he has been dealt, perhaps that is all that they need to break further, then their kids will go even further.

    Of course I could see things very differently in the morning (it is 0120 here at the moment.)

    I hear ya SDWA, stay strong and remember when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then find someone who got vodka from life and you can have a party.

    Phil, Just Phil.
    Participant

    Oops I scared them all away

    Told you i could be long winded and opinionated Rick.

    sdwa
    Participant

    No, you didn’t. We’re a nomadic bunch, like a migration of Monarch butterflies, here today and somewhere else later, maybe, if we get that far.

    A “pullover” is a top that has to be put on by pulling it over your head because it doesn’t have any fastenings. A “sweater” is a knit top – wool, cashmere, cotton, synthetic blend or whatever – that may or may not have fastenings.

    I agree that our kids learn more from what we do, how we spend our time, and what we care about than they do from what we say. I’m not sure they learn anything from what we say, come to think of it, as indicated by the fact that whenever I say something, my son replies, “Shut up, Mom.” Realistically, when I look back at the lives of my parents and grandparents, what I remember most are their demonstrated values.

    But it’s not often a good idea for me to think too deeply about the meaning, worth, or impact of a single life. What does anyone pass on to the next generation? Hopefully enough of a sense of love and belief that life is worth living that they can pass that on to their own children. What has lasted over the course of human existence? Art, literature, philosophy, music, a few big buildings, and a persistent ethos of kindness despite all the craziness. And?

    I’m always looking for that edge where I care enough to move. How to set an example that doesn’t involve vegetating on the couch above a heap of unpaid bills, dirty dishes, and other stray elements of chaos, or being mentally or emotionally unavailable due to distraction or volatility?

    When I’m “on” and engaged with my life, I hope at those times I show my kids what it means to be passionate about creating something, or to be curious and interested in learning. I hope I show them how to have empathy.

    People who Make A Difference in The World are usually people who care about something. It’s that whole motivation thing that really kills me. There are many things I would love to do if I could start. And if I could keep going.

    There are long intervals of not doing anything, followed by an unusual spark and obsessive construction and focus that tends to crash right before, but sometimes right after, the project is complete, depending on whether I’m doing it for someone else or only myself. Then the magic brain juice goes away and I’m depleted and motionless. I wish I could control or in some way influence how and when that happens, and be able to sustain the more productive states.

    In live in the Pacific Northwest of the U.S., a climate with a temperate rain forest – overcast, misty, mossy, dank, moldy, rainy, and foggy about nine months of the year. In winter, which is now, it gets light by 8:00 AM and is dark again by 4:00 PM (16:00 if we’re on military time). It is like living in a wet cave until the summer solstice, when the sun rises at 5:00 AM and the sky is not fully dark until 11:00 PM. For two short months, we see the blue sky and sunlight. Right now, night is like a lead weight.

    The “wild dog” population consists mainly of coyotes. Sometimes they venture into the city. Once in a blue moon a cougar may come out of the mountains and attack a toddler in a rural area. But they and the bears usually prefer the wilderness.

    Love what you said about the vodka to go with the lemonade. And you’re right, the way things are done is changing, so what constitutes a normal or typical lifestyle will always be in flux.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 33 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.