ADD/ADHD & Immaturity

[Anonymous]

I had one of those classic ‘..and I thought it was just me’ moments today. I was perusing the videos here and came across the one on Immaturity (social, emotional, psychological) and watching it REALLY resonated with me. I was diagnosed with what is now called ADHD when I was about 8 and for my entire life, I have always felt as if I was anywhere from a few to several years ‘behind the curve’ from my friends in terms of my maturity level (even to this day). As a child (and even as an adult) I’ve always felt very awkward and immature with people my own age. Throughout my life the majority of my friends have been chronologically younger than me (typically by two or three years). Of course, as I got older and began to see this pattern, it always perplexed me.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I’m curious if others experience this phenomenon. Can it be overcome? If so, how?

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[Anonymous]

Hey….sounds good to me TT. I’m 60 still build hot-rods, ride my motorcycles, build custom bikes, have a blues band and gig. I have always been behind the aging curve and thank god for that!!!!! I have no idea how old you are????

I play, I play in my life and I dance around the house, my partner just laughs at me, thinks I’m nuts. but she would love to have that child like part to play with!!!! I goof off, and hang around with people much younger than me (all the time) including my 25 and thirty year old kids!!! We get along like apple pie and ice cream!!!!

I never saw specifics about what you consider immature so hmmm, can’t comment, cept like I said.

Having a child or a young person inside you who loves to play laugh and kibitz is great, it is healthy. Ask any Shrink, or Head Doc, they will confirm nurturing you inner child (playfulness) is a great thing. Getting older and losing your zing……has no appeal for me!!! EVER!!!!

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[Anonymous]

LOL! I totally hear what you’re saying and do agree with it. It can be nice to still be ‘in-touch’ with that inner child/teenager/younger adult. (I’m 45 BTW, I should have mentioned that above for the sake of context). I suppose for me, there are times when I’ve felt my immaturity (socially, emotionally, psychologically) along with other aspects of my ADHD have held me back in life. For example- my boss at work, is four years younger than me, but yet seems 10 years older than me (I don’t think he has ADD/ADHD) and needless to say, makes way more money than I do. My younger brother- started college after me and finished before I did. Holds an advanced degree and has even participated in some important research in an emerging area of science. Married long before I did, makes boat loads of money and gets to travel the world. I’m stuck in a crappy cube-farm job I hate (and because of my ADHD I’m not very compatible with) because I never seemed to be able to get it together long enough to do anything else.

>sigh<

This has been a common thread in my adult life. I know that I shouldn’t compare myself to other people but I see these things and then I start to go to that place where I start thinking “Had I only been more like the other kids my age….” etc, etc. I guess that’s where I was going with my previous comment and I wondered if there are others here who have struggled with that same demon.

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[Anonymous]

Having grown up with a parent with ADHD I never saw being “immature” as abnormal, so I’ve never had any sense of guilt for still being into legos and watching bad sci-fi. It seems ADHD is common in the sci-fi community, so I have a fairly large group of people around me that are just as foolish. There’s a video of me at on convention running around the main dealers room with a model Enterprise making wooshing sounds!

I’ve had people tell me they wish they could also relax and do things like play with sidewalk chalk, to which I always ask “why can’t you?”

Incidentally, one of the psychiatrists I saw for my ADHD asked me about my hobbies, because apparently her ADHD patients always do the coolest stuff.

I do often feel behind my peers. I’m 25 and still an undergrad at university. I wasn’t diagnosed until my 4th (official) year, and it was a while before I really got a handle on my own brain. Right now I’m back at 2nd year level courses, while friends from when I first started have gotten “real” jobs, bought houses, are doing PhDs, med school, etc. Part of coming to terms with my disorder has been also coming to terms with the feeling of being left behind.

As with everything ADHD has to offer, it’s a double edged sword.

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[Anonymous]

“… the feeling of being left behind.”

YES! Exactly!

You mention having a parent with ADHD. I have two children (one with ADD Inattentive Subtype and the other is ADHD). I have to admit that one of the upsides to having ADHD is that, to my kids, I’m definitely the funniest guy in the house.

Also you are right that many with ADHD tend to have very interesting hobbies. I imagine that, in addition to the Sci-Fi conventions, Renaissance Faires are loaded with them as well. I also paint and draw (quite well if I must say so myself) and that’s the one thing I tend to really hyper-focus on (when I have the time).

You mention ‘getting a handle on your own brain’- I’m just curious, if you don’t mind me asking, do you currently take meds for the ADHD? I took ritalin until I was 10 then briefly went on welbutrin in my mid-20s mainly for a bad depression I was in but also for reilef of ADHD symptoms (Shook the depression off but evenually stopped the Welbutrin as it seemed to lose it’s effectiveness for the ADHD).

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[Patte Rosebank]

People don’t believe me when I tell them I’m 41. They’re all positive that I’m no more than 28. And they think that my 3-years-younger brother is actually 5 or 6 years older than I am.

This fits the “30% younger socio-emotionally” trait common in many people with ADHD. And it jives with the results of a Rorschact Test I took, 10 years ago. I saw animals in every single picture, and the psychologist who was administering the test said that it showed I had a socio-emotional age far below my physical age.

This trait often occurs in people in the performing arts (like me), and it serves us well when we’re called upon to do very immature things in a performance—like low comedy, having a full-blown temper-tantrum, or getting dressed up in sequins & feathers and slowly removing them while music plays. (Yeah, I do burlesque. What’s it to ya?)

As for “real” jobs, I’ve tried and failed at them. It’s only in the last couple of years that I finally clued into the fact that, no matter how good my Microsoft Office skills, my brain simply cannot cope with an office job. The only thing I really liked about them was the regular, fairly decent paycheques. Today, my “real” job is ushering at a live theatre. It’s fairly steady, and the structure is the same every performance, but with enough variables to keep it interesting. My “unreal” jobs are performing, and making incredible costumes. They don’t come with a steady paycheque, but I really enjoy doing them!

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[Anonymous]

This is very cool thread….at least I enjoy it a lot!!! I think it’s great fun to hear other right brainers having a blast in life. I really do!! I still do.

JT Geek…you have fun kiddo…..it is my take that there there is no race…I don’t give a shit what people in the other yard are doing!!! It’s my lawn I’m interested in tending to….. I am retired had a great career (30 years) did very very well, but compared to what?????? Money …yup made enough..great job or position it was challenging (was an outsider at it too, that’s what worked )…been there done that….hmmm never did finish my degree went to university my whole life tho….might go back. Most of the people I worked with ( not for with) were PHDs…..they didn’t were in the same job as me, walked inthe same rain and sunshine?????? Point is, I have fun, I still have fun all the time, some people have more $$$$…. some more stuff….some less. I don’t care…..comparing is not an activity that brings joy…to me or anybody. There will always be others with more or less, further ahead or behind (depending on how you measure)!!!

Immature playful people who embrace their playfulness, tend to have fewer heart attacks, ulcers, cancer, digestive issues, skin issues, god I could go on and on……. I feel sorry for those “mature souls”.

Play on folks…………..laugh… live long…. and love it!!!! We are truely blessed…….there is not a person in the world who as they take their last breath says….”I wished I would have spent more time at the office”.

I’m outa here gotta go play my guitar……..

toofat

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[Anonymous]

I don’t want to grow up, I’m an A.D.D Kid! All together now!

Like many subjects in this forum, this is a “Hey me too” thread. I am 34 and feel like I should still be in my 20’s. I always had younger friends for the most part too. As for acting my age? I don’t think I ever have. I was always a goofball so it’s who I am.

And SCI-FI? lol If I weren’t shy in groups I’d have the Klingon Vor’cha Class battle cruiser running behind you. It seems there is a higher percentage of ADD’ers into Sci-fi… Is it because we’re Dreamers? Typically highly intelligent? We can grasp or relate to the theories and out of the box ideas easier?

I say as long as we have fun and it doesn’t make life too much trouble for others… age is just a number.

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[Anonymous]

Way to go Shane, that song is stuck in my head now till shoot, who knows when….. Really who knows????

Thanks… LOL…

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[Anonymous]

Well the good news is…. it doesn’t go away………60 and still playing!!!!! No intention of backing off either…what for??? As I said, I dig this thread…….we are a good time and it’s good to celebrate the GIFT!!!!

You all made me smile today…..even more than usual!!!!

Happy New Year…….

toofat

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[Anonymous]

Jen,

Don’t concern yourself with your age and how quicklly you make it through school just enjoy it! I’m 56 and just went back to school after 38 years and frankly speaking I am having the time of my life! My point is so long you do your best… that is all that matters b/c you will always have a unique perspective about life and living that others secretly wish they had (if only they can stop taking themselves so seriously.) the trick is to not take yourself so seriously and learm to work with yourself insted of aganst yourself. If you have a propensity towards shyness learn to use it; if you are gregarious learn to use that to. Good Luck

K

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[Anonymous]

Larynxa,

You do burlesque and theater… now that is a cool way to earn a paycheck you and all in your profession are artist that help to preserve whatever is culturely good in society… may you always thrive in your endevours despite your “ups and downs.”

K

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[Anonymous]

toofat,

What can I say but you are an inspiration to me infact you make me glad I found this website! Iv’e enjoyed your insights and your and wisdom you have imparted.

K

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[Anonymous]

@Rey Zoredge: Ha! I love “cognitive itches” or “ear worms” as they’re called. Those songs that get stuck in your head and the more you think of it the worse it gets.

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[billd]

You don’t have to be ADD or ADHD to enjoy toys……. I know an 82 year old who still races his Gremlin down the track each fall at our get-togethers (and yeah, it’s probably 400HP or so, not really a toy)

Another fellow who is near that age races a………. POSTAL JEEP!

“Normal people” have their toys.

Yes, I still have my collection of Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars, my train set, etc……..

I guess I don’t see a big difference there.

OTOH, socially, I think I’m quite immature……………..

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