ADHD and keeping on topic

[billd]

same here sugar – I can meet someone then see them in a group 6 hours later and not recognize them. It ticks a lot of people off – they think I’m ignoring them, or aloof. It’s a real problem. I can’t remember names, I don’t recognize faces, I just don’t get it when people say “don’t they look just like their mother” – uh, no, I don’t see it at all. In fact, I won’t recognize them OR their mother in a few minutes.

Can’t stay on topic, drift aimlessly sometimes, thoughts, typing and speech is random and disorganized.

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[Anonymous]

Me too, no facial or name recognition, even if it’s a really important meeting. I think once I wrote a thank-you note after an interview years ago and didn’t get the person’s name right (this was early-internet days so you couldn’t look them up). Very embarassing!

It’s so helpful when people come up to you after many years and introduce themselves. I could use the introductions every time I meet them (and every 30 minutes thereafter).

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[nellie]

I’m terrible with the name thing as well. I’ve gone so far as to telling the person I’m with ( who I know) and have to introduce to a person I’ve recently met:

“Oh Hi, listen I’m dying to go to the washroom/get a drink/gotta talk to someone real quick before they head out the door/or whatever pops into my mind , why don’t you introduce yourselves,” then dash off.

I actually started a note file on my iphone for names I have to remember but probably won’t.

As for going off topic, yes I can do that but worse is the zoning out when someone is talking , especially on the phone, usually a new thought triggered by what they said.

Try to catch myself and I’m getting much better.

On the other hand, in contrast, it drives me completely crazy when people get side-tracked in a meeting. I am a co-chair for a large volunteer organization and my partner is an expert at that sort of thing. Meetings go on at least an hour longer as a result. Then of course when it’s all over or before the new one starts they all complain because it takes so long. When I tell them I am only allowing 2-3 minutes per topic they get mad at me. I once set a timer and they nearly lynched me after a while. AAAAGGGHHHH .

And Sugar, “Secretarial Slaves” – Seriously ? Is this what you meant: A very close friend of mine who is a high energy ADHD person plays that card all the time. She uses self deprecating comments to make one think she’s a flake and absolutely needs your help. I finally caught on because I would spend all sorts of time helping her with computer issues related to her job. One night she called me in a panic at like 10 PM because she needed a powerpoint presentation for her work early the next morning (she was getting paid not me!!!) and nearly had me doing it before I caught myself.

I stopped helping her and just told her where to find a good tutorial online. Not sure if she conned someone else or actually did it herself, but I often felt really used by her afterwards. Although she is a very generous person and a good friend who would always be there if needed, there’s a fine line between asking for help to learn how to do something and conning someone else into doing your work.

Now how’s that for going off topic !!

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[Anonymous]

I recently had my first conversation with someone with a monologue about how excited I was to pee because I had been busy and holding all day lol. I recently confused a guy at a club talking about how my house is in an optimal location to manufacture meth.

nelly, I am a meeting dictator too!!!!!!! It is like I am so desperate for myself to not get side tracked that if I lose it for a second, then I’m gone. so I am on super obsessive hyper alert to compensate. lol and not taking any secretarial slaves.. I am way too much of a micromanager for that. lol. the only ‘evil’ thing I will do occasionally is having someone else set up some type of electronic device such as a TV because I just can’t get through an instruction manual. and i am genuinely bad with that stuff.

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[nellie]

That’s different Sugar, getting someone else to do something you are not proficient in is a wise use of resources. The point of why one should delegate things and be more productive by doing things we are good at.

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[caper]

A trick I picked up from an old neighbor is to take a subdivision map & write the names of each neighbor on the map as you learn them.

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[Anonymous]

This is a problem with me, too–not staying on topic, then not remembering what I was talking about before I wandered OFF the topic. Forgetting names, forgetting where/how I know a person, leaping from topic to topic (my husband calls them “quantum leaps” and constantly interrupting people (so my husband is constantly telling me how rude I am. sigh)

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[Robbo]

Geoduck, I’m only laughing cuz I can relate. I know it’s not fun, but we are pretty funny sometimes, don’t you think? We’re so squirley we probably even look funny. Squirming around cuz we can’t sit still. hehe. I’m still not officially diagnosed, but the brain doctor (psychiatrist) wanted me to try Ritalin during! not after the first session. That was after two short visits with social workers I had to see before they let me see a real psychiatrist. (brain doc, sounds better than shrink) the symptoms have gotten worse as I’ve gotten more educated about this. It’s a rough road, but I’m sure lucky a friend suggested I write down the name of this site after seeing the ADD n loving it thing of PBS a few times. ordering the DVD, and watching it almost 10 times. At least. I never counted. what for? It can take many times for something I don’t want to sink in to sink in. I don’t want to have this. Who in their right mind would want this. I’m left handed too. So I’m definitely in my right mind. (right brain) I wonder what percentage of ADDers are left handed.

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[Anonymous]

The going off topic, or losing the topic is hurting me in my promotion prospects as I have had 3 behavioral interviews for promotions in which I’m asked a number of questions where I have to give a situation, action, and result and I lose my place and forget where I am. Behavioral interviews aren’t good for someone with ADD and it’s very frustrating that people with much less experience and even skills get the promotions over me because I do poorly on these type interviews.

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[Robbo]

I know I’m dragging another old thread up again, but I don’t want to start yet another redundant topic. How ironic huh? hehe. We are anything but redundant!, accept for when we forget we already talked about something… ugh… What a nite mare. My intention is to talk about staying on topic or not… add infinity. No wonder people just walk away, or suddenly act as if I’ve become invisible. Others are very entertained by my squirely way of talking and moving around. Talking with my hands…

I’m very sure, after thinking about this for much longer than I’ve been here. That the solution is here. (not alone) The Key is teamwork. As a member each of us has unique talents that we can contribute to recovering from the damage of ADHD symptoms, and learning to live with the ways we are different. Each of us can spend more energy on figuring out where and how we can contribute to making ourselves more useful and feeling more valuable in humanity. A part of, instead of apart from. So that’s what I’ll be doing my best to focus on; here, the Internet, life, and of course with many kinds of doctors.

Taking the time to read is my hardest struggle. Reading and educating myself is the core of recovery. Having ADHD, dyslexia, some level of brain trauma in all it’s many different forms, and also my fear of early Alzheimer’s disease, all add to the complexity of solving these problems we have. They make it hard to read!. Well that just sux!!!!

The hope comes from the new/not so new science of Neuroplasticity. I have a spiritual path, I think we all do. My job here is not getting anyone else to believe what I believe. But I do think it’s important to be honest that spirituality is the biggest part of my solution. I’ll do my best to avoid any talk of politics of religion. There’s already enough I’m confused about. Those are two big cans of worms I really dislike to a great extreme.

Faith is a different matter. It’s not religion. Faith is why sugar pills sometimes work better than prozac. I don’t think it matters why, what matters is that we admit faith does exist. Why else would perfectly good human beings blow themselves up because they think 72 virgins will be the key to happiness? I have faith that this sadly misguided kind of faith will keep taking life’s.

I don’t like the word religion. Too many innocent people have died because of that word. I have real faith that as a team we can all work together, read more, write less, and get well together. With real FAITH in each-other.

Thanks for having the patience to read this.

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[wolfshades]

You know what? I go all over the place in conversations and have gotten to the point where I don’t care – really – whether others are frustrated. It comes from having some truly *great* conversations with a few close friends who are similarly affected with ADHD, including my daughter. (Of course these conversations took place long before I even had a clue I might have ADHD – before I finally got diagnosed).

The conversations swoop and whirl, and we have such a great time exploring different topics. We had no idea it was unusual until we joined with a non-ADHD friend who got frustrated because they couldn’t follow our (magical flying) train of thought.

I think now I’m sort of addicted to that type of conversation. I know I can barely stand straight-edge conversations now – especially technical ones. I get bored too easily. If on a conference call, I’ll make sure to drag my iPad up and fire up a game to play while the rest drone on and on.

I feel like I’m a bit of a hippy, frankly. And…I’m okay with it.

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[ashockley55]

ME TOO. Me too, me too, me too to all of this!

For me, sometimes I experience it as fun and creative. I like how my mind goes in a million different directions and makes connections and notices things. I only wish I could get it all OUT succinctly, without repeating myself, or forgetting to come back to one topic or another.

Just the other day I kept asking a friend I had over, “What was the question? Wait, what was I saying? What was the point of that story?” because I would start to say one thing, interrupt myself with a sub-plot, and then forget what the original story was.

I also do a lot of repeating and talking in circles. I’m most embarrassed about that, because I hate to think I am boring the person I’m talking to, or they’re sitting there thinking “You already said that, move ON!!!”

At work (I’m a waitress), they call me Squirrel. Sometimes I play up the ditzy, silly, say-anything, stupid, childish, helpless persona as a coping mechanism, but I really would like to be seen as more competent. Not less creative, not lose any of the thoughts in my head, but definitely more able to handle all the thoughts in my head and manipulate them as I wish.

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[munchkin]

How cool – now we’re getting somewhere – I agree that I want to have more control of myself, but I don’t want to be ashamed of the wonderful part of having a fast moving, creative mind.

That’s just how my sax solo’s work – like wolfshades’ conversations “that swoop and whirl, and.. have such a great time exploring different topics…” and a “(magical flying) train of thought.” Somehow, with great effort, I finally have to bring the solo back to the original “topic” (the song being played) but that’s why my solo’s can run a little long and the lead guitar or drummer will start to play a lick or two to jar me back into reality – haha

I still wish to be able to get down to business and not have funny nicknames for being a “pain in the rumpus.” I like Robbo’s idea that we can pool our strengths together for a common good – to get the answers and results we are looking for – hopefully “shame-free”

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[wolfshades]

Munchkin – your description of your sax solo fits perfectly and reminds me of times when I was maybe at my happiest. It was while playing the piano with a friend who was on his guitar. We too had a main theme – really, more of a series of chords – but then we both went off for a *very* long time just doing variations on that theme. Riffs that went on and on….first I would keep the beat and keep the melody line working while he did his spectacular musically-acrobatic riffs, and then we would change it up, and he would maintain some sort of grounding beat and melody while I went totally snaky on the keys.

A-ma-zing. And our audience lapped it up like crazy too. I really miss that.

Maybe this serves as a metaphor for the comment about teamwork?

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[Anonymous]

I’ve learned to recognize the look on people’s faces that tells me i’ve been leaping from subject to subject and they are doing their best to leap with me. Or I leave out chunks of a story – I think that somehow I expect people to fill in the details that are in my head. My husband has been the most able to educate me as to what I’m doing there and it’s better when I really concentrate (and have taken my medication).

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[Author]

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