ADHD and the self employed

[Anonymous]

I was diagnosed with ADHD about a year and a half ago, I have been on meds sense & it seems to help, I have a grown son & a 6 year old daughter, both with ADHD, and a 2 year old son showing the signs, That’s the family side, here is my issue, I am almost 50, been self employed most of my in one way or another, yet I have never been financially successful, too long a story to get into here, I have always worked hard, been honest in dealing with customers, I have an above average IQ, (as my children do, no brag just fact) I see others who are no smarter, don’t work harder or produce any better work and they are making it. Having said all that leads me to wonder, does ADHD have something to do with this? If so? What? And where might I find some answers? Please help if you can.

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[Anonymous]

ADHDORNUTS……… You sound like my long lost brother (lol) … I have been on some the most unbelievable rollercaster of life rides you could ever imagine. I unfortunately did not know what ADD/ADHD was until about 3 yrs ago when diagnosed while going through my second divorce.(With a very sneaky phsyche nurse-YIKES !!!) . Yep lost a business to which I had invested over a $100,000, in. Gave away 6 homes and tons of cash, lost kids and etc. during divorce, screwed family out of money while trying to rebound blah blah blah. I worked very hard as well and unfortunately I never took care of my body and at the age of 48 the pains of self physical abuse to my body from being a contractor are there (No drugs or alcohol nor smoking) just hard physical work. Funny i worked briefly for a company to which the owner told/asked me over 15yrs ago if I had ADD? Unfortunately I did not know what it was and when I asked a co worker and sales competitor he said it is a retard disorder and don’t worry about it they just wanna fire you! subsequently I thought the wanted to fire me and I left soon after! OK enough bout my life story…….. I was very finacially well off when i had a “Partner” whom supported me………. when I say that I mean someone whom took care of the administrative aspects of the biz and my ADD life. I was a great “Field operator/ Technician and Salesperson” but horrible administrator. I unfortunately was not around nor given much financial education growing up so that was a real short fall for me. (Especially the way the world is today) Here is a good one for ya… As i was gainning wealth with then spouse I began to take an interest in our money so i would often make suggestions and offer advice when it came to what to do with our money(all the information came from reading articles on the internet which somehow i was able to decifer the good stuff from the bad) and it worked as our net worth grew tremendously. Unfortunately the x got her RN degree while we were married and hooked up with the infamous surgeon so she caste me aside. (story for another day but it was a plan she had concockted for a while prior to divorce) Sad but I feel for the surgeon she married cause he is doomed…….. Strong suggestion get financial assistance… maybe even business advice (yep i know being a self employed bus person we think we know it all) Do you have a CPA, Do you belong to the SBA, Does your bank offer small insightful business classes (not marketing venues). What about trade groups in the industry you might belong to! May I ask what you think your shortcomings or roadblocks you might need to overcome to succeed are. I would be more than happy to assist you any way i can. As I now know as I become more educated about this “Syndrome” it is not only one i want to beat but make sure others do not succumb to the horrible outcomes if not treated. I believe the first step is knowkedge through education which often involves communication. Through experiences I will say i do not know it all by any stretch but it is just as important to learn from ones successes and others failures……

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[Anonymous]

njadd……..Thanks for the info, I wish knew exactly what my short comings are, Then I might find solutions, I would love to find a book or books on ADHD that address ways to identify overcome these things, I can relate to what your saying, I do not think I know it all, I am constantly looking for new & better ways of doing things, at the same time, when I find what works for me, I stick with it. I am in what most would say is an untraditional business; I am an ArtistBlacksmith (the best way I can think to describe it). As of now my biggest issue is when I get stressed, I can’t seem to get focused, then I find myself grasping at straws to find a way out, then I get discouraged, then more stress, the cycle continues until I get the money to move on. I hope this makes since to some one & you can guide me to some possible solutions.

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[Anonymous]

njadd……. I should add that my wife has a degree in accounting but refuses to be of any help what so ever, I bought quick books to help keep better records, she won’t even help me set it up. Basically I am on my own in this, I have been to counselors about it but I don’t feel like they helped much, I am a member of a 12 step program for 20+ years, That is a big help, but in this area it is a small group & thus far I have not been able to find any one who also has this syndrome to talk too.

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[Anonymous]

I relate to all of this. Read once about IQs, a moron (80 pts.) can do well if he is helped and backed up in authority issues. Myself, with an above average IQ, am effectively a moron. In structured situations, military etc., I’ve done well. One my lonesome it HAS BEEN mayhem. I became aware of this and other symptoms well before it took a name- ADHD. People for one reason or another have been unhelpful. Side issues of 12 Step programs, co dependency, enablers, etc,. makes one wonder where a happy medium might be there as there is in my opinion too much negativity attached to human tendencies. Two people who might compliment or complete one another may both feel guilty for naturally being amiss of some anal make a million book writer, or another “counselor” failed-in their-own-relationship convincer. A friend of better than average insight once said he thought people who made money were “persistant” and “grubby.” Seems I always got derailed there. Something that mirrored my thoughts was said in the PBS special where it was said that as we can’t do it all to farm what is needed out to others. I have been attempting this to some degree but people don’t seem to respond and are just as unreliable as they were when they were needed in a more general sense. Cash could get a lot done if watched carefully for results, but having small resources it seems like the saying that I need my glasses to find my glasses. I’m keeping these ideas on the front burner and remembering things HAVE BEEN screwy. Other 12 Step axioms come to mind- a symptom of deeper ( but not insurmountable) problems, that all of our problems being of our own making being WRONG (as are so many other truisms that ring true to the masses) BUT BECOME of my own making once aware and ignored. Am I special? I dunno, but I am different and need to learn how my brain works, what my tendencies are. Please excuse me and thank you for the soapbox. Hoping the best for us all.

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[Anonymous]

Hey njadd I want to ask you something. Do you go by that name because you’re from Jersey? Just wondering because while I currently live in Miami I myself am from NJ. I was born and raised in Hoboken and lived for a time in West New York. Just wondering

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[Anonymous]

Hello all …… Miguel the answer is yes I am in NJ…..

ADHDORNUTZ…… OK thanks for the clarification. wow I have been in very unique/niche businesses as well so i do understand a little……. maybe……. I want you to know I have always enjoyed watching blacksmiths work.. we in NJ have a state park that features blacksmithing and it has fascinated me and many others that flock to see them work during the seasons they are open. There is a glass blowing business in another town that is BOOMING (they are kinda in the same type business as well and I have covertly been observing them just because that is what I do……) This is what I now enjoy doing sharing and helping……. I just have to figure out how to become better educated and make money at it (lol)….. I often have a difficult time implementing myself……… Ok I hope that you are seeing a qualified, experienced and open therapist that believes in a hollistic approach as described here on the totally add website. I understand your needs and satisfactions you get from your craft……….. I do have a lot to offer you I think in terms of the business side (my failures and success) but you need to be in a good place before really going forward or the chances of YIKES failure greatly increases………. That said I think your smithing is a part of the hollistic approach for you. I think you probably are keeping yourself physically active and mentally stimulated by the artistic aspects of your trade. I am kind of courious what you would like to get out of your business..what is your plan……what would be the perfect business for you to wake up to in the morning to?

I kinda understand your wifes frustrations as well….. She might not be as free spirited as you..Think of her field… It is very rigerous and probably offers little room for creativity. (although if she owns her own firm she maybe satisfying that need on a different level) I do hope if you are in a good place and have started a truly hollistic approach to learn how to work with the “Syndrome” of ADD/ADHD because there are a lot of resources available to you today as an entrepreneaur…. May I ask the country/state or area you reside and do business? I have many contacts through out the USA..

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[Anonymous]

ADHDORNUTS…. FYI There are a ton of business resources out there for your business. That is the great news. The greater challenge right now might be the ADD/ADHD thing…….. so I strongly suggest u go through this entire sight and when you feel “Oh so bored” work on my 2 questions. I am going to ask the experts here on Totally ADD to challenge you on the ADD stuff and I wll try the same with your business stuff and i think you might stand a better chance of success in conquering both ……

Again nutz (lol) please check out videos starting from the beginning of this totallyadd site THEN tell me the best you can “WHAT YOUR BUSINESS IS” to me … 1st in less than 50 words. 2nd- Describe everything about your business to me in over a 1000 words …….. Everything from how you got into the business how u got where u are today and where you want it to go………………..

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[Anonymous]

njadd…..I will do my best to answer your questions; we live in central MO, near the Lake of the Ozarks. The perfect job, I think I have it I love what I do, I love creating things of beauty, and yes I see it as part of my therapy, (pounding steel has a calming effect) I just can’t seem to get to making a steady income. I recently became a Best Of Missouri Hands Juried Artist That opens doors to get into some of the better quality shows. Plus many other recourses. No I am not seeing a therapist at this time, my daughter & I are scheduled to start seeing someone in March, I have heard good things about this women. My wife’s story, she is a disabled vet; she suffers from clinical depression, as of right now! It is my opinion she is in one of downward spirals, so I trying to get her some more help as well. That said, I get know support from her at all right now. The videos, I have not watched them, our home Internet service is to slow to watch videos. I am going to the library today, I may be able to watch them there. Finally I agree I need to work on the ADHD & business at the same time, it’s not real clear to yet, but looking back I am beginning to see the adverse affects this syndrome has had on me.

Are you a glass blower? I am not clear on that. I am watching my 3 small kids while my wife sleeps right now so I need to go. I will try to answer the rest ASAP. Thanks for the help. Could you give me some specific information on the business resources out there?

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[Curlymoe115]

I know with myself when I owned and operated my business my biggest problems were with developing new relationships and setting boundaries. I either came across as too cold if I really didn’t care for the person I was working for or would get too close and end up basically working for free because I empathized too closely with their situation. I also found the paper work to be extremely excruciating. It was a completely different focus than what the core of the business was. There are often small business development branches in most cities that help to get a handle on this but by the time you get through the huge number of hours I worked it really left nothing in the tank. The majority of my business was cash and so keeping track of from whom it was coming and where it was going was terrifying because it was so easy to see something you wanted for the business, grab the cash and go purchase it without any real thought or planning about what it added to the operation.

Have you ever noticed that the majority of the really successful business people seem to be really great at relationships or they hire someone who is really good at it. It can be a secretary or whatever who could charm the birds from the trees. These people get and keep the customers even when the work quality is of questionable value. I am currently involved in a business where the people who are making money personally make my skin crawl and so I do nothing with this business because I would rather not be an unsavory character like them. They say whatever they think the client wants to hear regardless of truthfulness and then wonder why this industry has such a bad name. But I am licensed by the province I work in and therefore I still have my shingle if I ever get over my little problem. Because it seems to be my problem.

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[Curlymoe115]

http://www.missouribusiness.net/sbtdc/library/finance.asp

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[Anonymous]

GOOGLE blacksmith organizations apears to be a big one in Virginia…………………. There is a wrought iron associations as well. There is also a Facebook page for blacksmiths……….. strong suggetion ….. Get used to using a computer If you have one at home tinker at searching on google It is a great resource. Yes also as per Curlymoe there are small business associations ans small business development centers, there might be a S C O R E office close by… If there are any colleges in your area do not be shy call them ask for the business dept and see if they know of any places that offer free start up business advice.

I kinda understand your issues Curly……. Sometimes small business owners especially newbies and start-ups are strapped for cash. So often many hats have to be worn. That said unless you have a ton of dough u might be forced to do it all. It can be intimidating but it is quite rewarding. Sales is important You might have the greatest COG in the whole world unless you can creat a venue for others to know about the chances of success is greatly reduced. I will say today with the use of the computer and Internet many businesses are thriving because of a possible greater comfort level as not having to meet or speak face to face as a creative web-site can do that for you. Web-sites are so cheap today and to create on is quite easy……. But there are many nuances in them to keep the costs reigned and results high….. % years ago I barely knew what the computer was everyday i learn more and more on my own, classes, trade groups, sba-sbdc, and just by asking lots and lots of questions.which leads me to……….. the great video here on talking………. Talking is very important and yes I know it is very hard for us ADDr’s listening is just as if not more important..

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[Anonymous]

I have been remiss in giving complete info, I am a member of Blacksmithing associations & 1 artcrafts association, as yet I have not gotten much info from them on the business administration side, there is a conference coming up I hope to attend, I have a home computer, I sell on eBay some, I am trying to get my web site back up completely, I have to do that myself for now due to lack of capital to pay someone, as to keeping financial records, I do what I think is a real good job of that, I have owned & operated other businesses, each time they were adequate but never became what the potential for them was. (I hope that’s explanation enough) Curleymoe mentioned successful people are good with people, I agree, I have been told I am good with people, yet I feel very inadequate in that area, I am beginning to think I need to look more into ADHD & relationships. Also please understand it has only been in the last 2 or 3 days I have started getting into attempting to educate myself more about ADHD. It was a reading something about 3 days ago when it clicked that this syndrome might have more to do with my lack of success than I had ever considered. The more I learn the more I think it does, as I have mentioned I am a recovering alcoholic 20+ years sober, when applying some of the principles of the program to this I came to the conclusion that just as alcoholism affects every area of my life, The ADHD also does. Once again need to take care of some other things around here. More later, and Thanks a million, I have gotten more good information with this post than in the past year or more sense I was diagnosed with this.

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[Anonymous]

best of luck to you

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[Anonymous]

If I came across like I did not appreciate the feedback? I apologize, I do appreciate all feedback, as I stated before, I am very new to seeking answers to these issues. My intent is to let people know who I am & where I am at to the best of my abilities, often when I am on this site I am also watching my children, Trying to concentrate on typing and watching little ones at the same time is not something I should be doing. So now I am here alone, maybe I can do better at communicating. I can relate to what Curlymoe said about developing new relationships with customers, I am still looking at that carefully, but am seeing some definite shortcomings, After having a long conversation with my wife about some of the pitfalls of communication & ADHD, Now that her & I are both aware of some of them it has made talking to each other easier and better (more meaningful) I realize those same pitfalls have affected my dealings with customers, I can imagine they thought me cold, inattentive, uncaring & a myriad of misunderstandings that I have been totally unaware of until now. I am still not sure how to over come these things, but the knowledge of them is the beginning. I have been reading an excellent book called “Delivered from Distraction”. It has a wealth of information and I see myself all through it. I must say that I feel at times it is information overload, yet I find myself excited at the possibilities, In just the past few days my relationship with my wife has improved dramatically due to us being able to communicate better. Once again I thank you for sharing you’re your insights with me. I hope you will continue to do so.

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