Anger due to the differences between severe and mild sufferers

[trashman]

HI,THANKS FOR LETTING ME BE HONEST i WISH i COULD GO OUT AND BUY SOME SELF ESTEEM . SO AS IT GOES I,LL HAVE TO KEEP WORKING ON IT, I LOVE THE FACT THAT I CAN STILL RE MAIN PART OF THE GROUP. I HATE FILLING SORRY FOR MYSELF BUT I SEEM TO SPEND TOO MUCH TIME THERE. SO I,LL KEEP TRYING NOT TO. THANKS AGAIN

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

trashman- self esteem is a tough one. what i’ve found helpful in my own world: raising awareness-identifying-accepting-setting teeny tiny (achievable) goals. IE: finding this site (raising awareness), relating to others (identifying), reframing perspective (accepting), and posting on the site (teeny tiny step). ultimately it leads to BEING YOURSELF (and being comfortable with WHO YOU ARE!!). the teeny tiny steps breed confidence- to take further (teeny tiny) steps. it’s alot of work, but i’ve found it helps my self-esteem and confidence.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

*hugs to trashman* I have had some pretty major problems with confidence as well. Some of them are due to being bullied as a child for years. I have had trouble in social situations since I was a small child which may partially be an undiscovered ADHD thing. I am also extremely hard on myself and expect the world. It has taken many years to start to heal. and therapy!!! years of therapy! I couldn’t retrain years of my brain by myself!

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Hang in there trashman. When I was 8 or 9, my 3rd grade teacher sent me home with a note saying that I was learning disabled and my parents should consider putting me in special classes. To this day, one of the worst days of my life was the day I handed that note to my dad. He grew up with undiagnosed dyslexia and ADD (I think, anyway). He was told he was dumb his whole life, and believed it. He was disappointed, as if he son was just as damned as he had been. I’m forever grateful that my little 8 year old brain had the courage to say “f** them, I’m not stupid.”

Almost 15 years later, I had graduated from college with a degree in Physics and was on my way to the U. of Arizona for graduate school. I reminded my dad about that story, and he had no idea what I was talking about. I had made him so proud, he had forgotten what they said about me. I never did. I’m now a very successful lawyer, and if I didn’t have impulse control issues with food, I would have never realized I had ADD.

Don’t take this wrong, I’m not saying you’re just not working hard enough. I’m just saying, f*** them, you’re not stupid.

PS, I’m psyched that there’s now a “blue bunnies” tag!

REPORT ABUSE

[nellie]

How about a tag that says “this thread contains anecdotal material, read at your own risk.”

REPORT ABUSE

[Carrie]

I am 100% (man ive said this lots, about my dad, my uncle hahaha) anyways, that my husband too has it. His brother has it very very bad and is diagnosed with it, I see it in his mom, and it explains everything about James (hubby). He gets distracted by everything, has 1 million things on the go nothing finished, misses all the small details (which has cost him a few jobs..) horrible time management… etc etc. As a kid he was always made fun of and called stupid. He feels like a complete failure, all all his “short-comings” I swear are due to ADD. I too have ADD, and am somewhat in denial that 2 of us with it some how ended up together (I hope this means my kids are not doomed! hahaha). Anyways, I was thinking about the spectrum the other day… He seems waaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse than I am. Now is this because I have learned to cope and adapt better? I still have my problems (laundry one of them BURN IT ALL I SAY!!), anxiety in large crowds, distracted and late for things because of distraction… trailing off… Can you tell my meds have worn off? Oh goodness. I dont quite remember where I was going with this… I didnt read all the posts, way too long… But I thought it too was interesting. Adderall is expensive, I think if he needs meds too we can take turns taking the med for the day hahaha

REPORT ABUSE

[Bibliophile]

It is interesting to see how my rant developed into quite a diverse and lengthy thread. In typical ADHD fashion, as many of you will know from your own experiences, my emotions are always ready to rise up and are not well regulated; venting is always cathartic provided I am not penalized for doing so. It has been an enlightening look into each one of your predicaments and views on ADHD.

I tend to agree with Wgreen that the broad spectrum of the disorder is likely to be narrowed into more discrete groupings once science has properly identified the afflicted neural pathways, chemicals, and areas of the brain. We really need biological tests for ADHD so that no one, be they gifted or learning disabled, is misdiagnosed.

@wreckedangle Thank you for the reply. While I am very much an atheist, much of Buddhist philosophy is comforting. I have long ago come to grips that I will never be able to engage in meditation or any lengthy quiet activity. Knowing there are others out there in similar circumstances is somehow comforting.

One thing that I think differs for the more detrimentally impaired members is that we recognize that we are gifted at certain things, be they computers, music, arts or organizational theory, but the inability to stay on task, to read the necessary material, to devote the time to develop the required skills, the necessity to work at a desk in a traditional office environment, or even to practice an instrument etc., impedes our progress. The environment or repetitious tasks required for mastery cannot be changed because we want to be doing X, but find that no matter how hard or long we try, our minds prevent any progress. If one switches instruments every week or fixates on only one aspect of the instrument, one will never attain mastery of a single instrument. If emotions aren’t kept in check, working in a fast paced, successful office might be impossible because there is too much stimuli and too many opportunities to say the wrong thing to the wrong person. But working in such an office might be the only way to succeed at X, which we are both interested in and show an aptitude for.

I would like to add that seeing ADHD symptoms in your children, the same symptoms that have held you back or made life so much harder than it needed to be for you, is the most heart wrenching thing of all. You can try and help to mitigate the problems and teach coping strategies, but you can guess what their life outcomes are going to be.

Due to the lack of emotional regulation, ADHD people must be horrific poker players. That would be an interesting research study to read.

REPORT ABUSE

[Wgreen]

L-C—You’re so right about kids. Knowing what ADHD/ADD did to my father, and later to me, then seeing those telltale symptoms present in one of my kids was like being hit by a train. Utter emotional devastation. At least he was diagnosed early and is on medication that has helped him tremendously. Fingers crossed.

And yeah, though I’m sure somebody is going to post that s/he is both ADD and a world-class poker player, my ten cents says one of those claims ain’t true!

BTW: I want you to know how much I have appreciated your comments over the past several months. I think when it comes to ADD, we’re pretty much on the same page. And I also appreciate the introduction to Russell Barkley on Youtube. While, at the end of the day, some of the research he cites may be proven dead wrong, his analysis of ADD/ADHD certainly rings true to me.

I don’t know that I’ll be posting much more here. I’ve said pretty much everything I have to say. I was thinking about doing a piece tomorrow (American Independence Day)—just for fun— on Dr. Barkley’s observation that ADD is (among other things) a “nearsightedness to time,” “a myopia of the impending future,” and compare that “executive dysfunction” to the American political system—a system that seems unable to act on important issues until crisis forces some course of action. But I may let that pass. In any event, the very best to you….

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

wgreen- please do consider posting the independence day piece- would be very interested!!!!

REPORT ABUSE

[Bill]

A friend of mine was diagnosed bipolar many years ago. She has been through all the stuff that you read about: shopping sprees, giddy highs, partying all night, on the one hand and depression, suicide attempts on the other. But when I asked her if she wished she’d been born without it, she replied no. She wouldn’t give back her experiences with life for anything.

I agree with those who say that ADHD is not a gift. At the same time, labeling it a deficit and a disorder, as if it’s something you can cure or “re-order” seems wrong to me as well. I subscribe to the view that there is a genetic component to it. I see it in my father and my son. There’s no point in blaming what I can’t do on my disorder. I have to find a way to live in society, using every resource I can find, including medical, coaching, research, skill development and a circle of friends.

Life is the gift and ADHD is part of my life. My mission, should I decide to accept it, is to live the best life I can, learning what works for me and what doesn’t. I forget deadlines and have trouble staying on task, so I have to be sure there’s someone on my team to cover that angle. I am amazing at coming up with new ideas, seeing problems in a different light and spreading infectious enthusiasm, so I need to be sure I find opportunities for that.

A major learning for me was to stop beating up on myself, and accept that there are some things that I will never master. I had to learn to celebrate the fact that my wife has no problems remembering appointments, rather than seeing it as yet another indication of how much of a loser I was. I used to live there. Not only was it depressing, it also didn’t help me solve any of my problems.

REPORT ABUSE

[trashman]

I love all your insights and it does help me practice my reading . so thanks again Ilove to be able to stop in and read come posts. so keep them coming. and thanks again.

REPORT ABUSE

[Bibliophile]

@Bill regarding your statement “labeling it a deficit and a disorder, as if it’s something you can cure or “re-order” seems wrong to me as well.” I never said ADHD was a disease to be cured and implying it is a disorder just recognizes that somethings are not working as they should. The term deficit works because we lack control over our executive functions, hence a deficit of control. By recognizing it as a disorder/deficit, we can then move on and try and compensate for the negative aspects so that we can function as the average person would. This is necessary if we are to survive, i.e. make money, maintain social bonds, cause no harm, etc…

REPORT ABUSE

[billd]

I see a missed point – deficit and disorder are NOT necessarily treatable! Disease even isn’t always treatable (ask me how I know)

So labeling it as a deficit and disorder isn’t stating it can be cured or necessarily even treated. Apples and oranges to me.

What’s cancer? Can it be cured all the time? Can it even be treated all the time?

I had a case where doctors of all walks and disciplines were totally lost in the late 90s. Luckily it simply stopped happening – after it nearly killed me and landed me in the ER more than one time. Finally a Canadian or European doctor – a chiropractic neurologist told me the cause was most likely something causing neurons in some part of the brain I can’t recall to misfire.

Symptoms – sick out both ends if you catch my drift, **PROFUSE** sweating to the point water ran, literally trickled off my arms, legs, head, etc. – **dehydrated in a matter of minutes** (the hospital had to pump me full of fluids), SEVERE pain so bad I was curled on the floor like a baby unable to move like a hot burning spear was thrust into my stomach and was being jerked around. I’ve had pain, but this was the worst ever. No doctor ever figured it out. They even finally all told me if I had any ideas or ran across anything on the web to let them know. After a year of this happening roughly every xx day (it was really regular like malaria, similar symptoms to porpheria) it stopped. It ALWAYS happened late evening or early AM, never ever mid day or middle of the night.

My point was – it wasn’t treatable to any of our knowledge……… not all things can be cured or treated, so the classifications don’t necessarliy mean they can.

WORKING in the industry – Voc Rehab, I fully concur with what librarian_chef is stating – you must give it some term – in voc rehab, that’s one of the firsts – classify it, then begin to deal with it. I said “deal with it”, didn’t say treat it, cure it, etc. – not necessarily. maybe it can be treated, maybe it can be but only in some folks? I dunno. Do you?

For me as severe as it is (I ace and max out on every test ever taken on this – so I’m about at the top, the max you can be) parts might be a so-called gift, but the rest is PURE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i can’t stress the HELL part enough.

How’s 3 marriages, many jobs and career changes, disciplinary action at multiple jobs, loss of friends, etc. a blessing???

My skills in certain situations are a blessing, a positive, but I’d trade some of that for a more normal life as I still have my 130 IQ to lean on – problem is, like Dr. Russell said, the back of my brain is full of incredible knowledge and skills that would blow most humans away, but ADHD makes it almost worthless in life. I’ve set records and have such a diverse knowledge and skill-set I rarely ever have to hire anyone to do anything. I’ve managed businesses, managed properties, held electricians licenses, worked with boilers, know HVAC, know computers and networks and was once called one of the best in the mid-west by Symantec, and told I knew more of their product workings than they did, I’ve farmed – in the 80s made a living when others were going broke – have a letter from the bank then congratulating me on my ability to GROW my net worth year after year in that economy. I was a top-notch mechanic and have awards and trophies to show for it and to this day have folks from around the country sending my parts to fix and restore for their classic cars – *but I have trouble keeping jobs, thank you ADHD.* Some blessing, eh?

Don’t get me wrong, I like myself, love my life and am truly blessed – I’m doing far better than my parents ever did, and view myself as a success- HOWEVER, my brother the PhD health-care manager, my other brother running a million-dollar business, building it from the ground up – I see and know I COULD have done that – I have more than their knowledge and abilities – but ADHD heald me back.

It’s a mixed blessing – mostly not a blessing. Most of the good stuff I’d have anyway, sans ADHD

REPORT ABUSE

[caper]

@pete-puma: perhaps you don’t see it as something wrong with the brain, but ADD brains don’t function the same as normal ones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cw8jHUkHiA

REPORT ABUSE

[billd]

I’d have my same skills and abilities without ADHD – all ADHD does is cause me trouble. It’s not done anything positive for me that I can recall.

I’m sick of living with it and would gladly trade the final 10 years of my life to have lived my life without ADHD.

I might actually have amounted to something.

QUALITY vs. Quantity……… it takes a lot of energy and effort to deal with all the effects and try to not offend folks, try to keep friends, keep a job, etc.

I would ask – those who see positives – have they been actually formally diagnosed?

And if so, is it mild? Probably

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts