Anger due to the differences between severe and mild sufferers

[caper]

billd: From your posts I’ve read about the many and interesting jobs you’ve done. I think you’re the only one that would say you haven’t amounted to something.

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[billd]

caper you are the second person to say that in the last 12 hours……….a lot of folks are ticked at me and dislike me because I”m rather harsh and abrupt and yet you and another fellow………

Maybe I need to sit back a spell.

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[caper]

billd: I think I understand where you are coming from. I’ve pissed lots of people too, and am often confused as my intention is not to piss them off. On top of that my instinctive emotional perceptions put me in the aspergers category. And when I unintentionally offend people, they are used to other people sensing their annoyance, feeling a bit guilty, and apologizing. Instead when I feel confused, the other person senses I have no empathy for them, often interprets it as arrogance on my part, and gets more upset.

One of my biggest revelations has been that each person is responsible for their own feelings. So I try not to offend other people (while still accepting who I am), and if they get pissed off, it’s not my fault.

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[Tiddler]

This is a new discussion to me and I hope no-one minds me joining in.

I’m wondering if there’s a spectrum, like with autism, and it can be compared to the difference between asperger’s and more severe forms of autism?

Also, like with autism, there are lots of people with ADHD who are also talented, have a very high intellect or have a strong support network – and maybe all those things come into play no matter how far along the spectrum someone is?

Also, and again I’m new to this so shout up if I’m talking rubbish, but if I look back on my life, there are times where things haven’t been QUITE so chaotic and I wonder if circumstances and (maybe more so for women) hormones can be a factor? For example, my second year of uni I was at breaking point and had to take 3 months off – and when my dissertation was due in and I couldn’t find it, I was hysterical. But for the most part I got through uni okay, I’m not sure why. Maybe I had instant rewards because of short projects and quick feedback from tutors? And I lived alone so I didn’t have any pressure from anyone else to be ‘tidy’ or cook at reasonable times etc?

I don’t know. Yesterday I felt like there was nothing remotely gift like about the endless crap I seem to have subjected myself (and to some extent others) to. Today though, I read (on a post here maybe, I forget) someone saying they were quick at reacting to dangerous situations (the first to realise an ambulance is needed for example) and I realised that I do that. I’m great in a crisis and terrible all the rest of the time. I’d rather be okay in a crisis and okay the rest of the time too but, hey, we can’t have everything!

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[Bibliophile]

In terms of crisis response, I am fantastic if the emergency requires immediate thinking and action. If however, it requires careful planning with an aim to preventing long-term losses or increasing risk, don’t ask me to act. The impulsiveness makes emergency response so appealing, but the thought process is not thinking long-term at all, i.e. just fix it now. I cannot sustain self motivation long enough to be of use to long-term projects beyond an advisory role.

University was not always hard, but I can always point to external, mitigating factors that influence how I succeeded. For example, a particular class may have a class size of 6 versus 1,200, the lectures might have been at a particular time of day or in a particular room, or my workload was lower at that moment.

ADHD is most definitely a spectrum disorder. For example, some claim to be able to turn their hyperfocus on like a switch while for others hyperfocusing is equivalent to perseverating on an action, often at an unfortunate or undesirable time. Some cite examples of losing their keys and say “I am so ADHD,” while others respond with “I forget to stay in contact with my friends and subsequently lose them.” It is all a question of severity. Being distracted occasionally and being unable to finish most tasks stem from the same root, but differ in their psychological impact. This is one of the problems with having a forum for ADHD (and I am sure for Autism as well) as none of us are coming from the same spot along the spectrum so we are always comparing apples to rutabagas. We also are coming from very different socio-economic circumstances, which will influence access to coping mechanisms, support levels, education levels and wealth.

What I would like to see on the forum, and website for that matter, are more coping mechanisms discussions, i.e. more tools to survive and succeed to the best of each of our abilities.

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[Anonymous]

My coping mechanism is to simplify my life.

If I let my ADD fast mind go, I end up with a million-things-I-want-to-do list (and they are all really GREAT ideas, worthy of any amount of my time and energy), and either I pick one thing to focus on to the exclusion of everything else (including family, sleep, eating, etc) and end up not finishing it for one reason or another (what was I thinking of????) or I completely spin my gears because I have overloaded my brain so much that I don’t know where to start. I will download reams and reams of paper in order to “prepare” but I have no organizational skills to help funnel it into a successful effort. I tend to go from waking up really early in the morning to staying up very late at night if I’m not careful, and I have a tremendous amount of energy but lack the bodily awareness that I’m overdoing it, so I don’t always notice when I’m burning myself out. Last night I had a visual migraine when I was supposed to be leaving from work, it’s the only thing that stops me in my tracks, had to lie down as I can’t see to drive, write, read or even use the telephone. It’s my sign that I’ve overdone it.

I do have great hyperfocus abilities but they are totally messed up sometimes by my procrastination tendencies.

I do a regular meditation practice day and night, not easy, very frustrating at times, but it helps calm my fast mind. See the mindfulness thread for some interesting links.

I have found David Seah’s printable time tracker worksheets to be very helpful to track what I’m doing (and keep me on track). I just can’t seem to get it into a plan that I can consistently follow, so it looks like I am tied to just tracking what I’m doing and trying not to fall into the trap of doing what I shouldn’t be doing. I need a constant external reminder to remind me.

I also found David’s blog post about his daily work schedule extremely helpful, it highlighted some issues for me too. Now I am getting to work earlier in the day and some days I am even getting what I plan to do done earlier in the day. Other days, like today, I have goofed off a bit on the internet (it’s always my weak spot). I somehow need the pressure of being behind to get my butt in gear.

Friends??? You folks are my friends these days, and I’m grateful for you all, even if we don’t always agree on things.

Now I’m off, I’ve spent too much time here today, guess I’m making up for not being on the forums yesterday at all.

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[billd]

>>”I forget to stay in contact with my friends and subsequently lose them.” <<

Oh, YES YES. For sure. that’s me.

Is it forget? Maybe it is….. I’ve been meaning to……….. even my mother’s birthday….. last week, guess which one of us she hasn’t heard from yet?

Good in crisis? Yes and NO. Say there’s an accident, I’d probably freeze – but maybe not. At work, if there’s a big virus infection hitting the network, I direct traffic and tasks like no other human can and am cool about it. I can even direct people above me then.

But on the other hand – there was a kid in school who decided to show off a bit and jump down a partial flight of stairs – about 7 or 8 stairs is all, however, the stairway wasn’t really all that tall – he made his leap, however on the way down he slammed HARD into the brick wall above the steps and landed on the concrete floor at the bottom, smacking the back of his head. I was there, I panicked and froze solid, unable to move. I was SO ashamed. It was bad enough he was out of school for quite a few weeks.

But a few weeks ago in our pool my son and his wife brought some children over who are staying with them – the kids are from Korea doing sort of camps learning English, studies of American society, etc. One is sort of afraid of the water but will get in, can’t swim but does ok in shallow water. Our pool is 5′ at the deepest part, otherwise only about belly deep. They were walking fast around the outside edge where it’s only about 3′ and one of the girls, a 12 year old, slipped into the deeper part and was REALLY scared, panicked. I was standing in the deep part and grabbed her arm before anyone else even noticed what had happened and held her up and moved her to the shallow part and kept repeating that I had her, she was safe and I’d never let anything happen to her. It was instinctive – and I can’t swim a lick and am myself afraid of being under water.

So I guess “good in a crisis” is “maybe” or “sometimes”.

Why when I myself am afraid of my head being under water did I forget me, and grab her and take care of her, not until later thinking, gee, I could have slipped myself” or “man, I was scared” as I wasn’t – except for her. At that moment I was only concerned abut her fear, the look on her face, and her pleading. She said “thank you” at least 4 times to me while I was helping her. No thanks needed – it was like “what else was I going to do? My son and his wife swim like sharks – but I was the close one.

Why did I not freeze there, but did back in school??

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[Ginniebean]

I don’t really care how others see their adhd, if someone thinks it’s a gift, all the power to them. More often tho, there is a chiding that goes along with it, and that is, “if you weren’t so negative your life would be much better”. Severe ADHD is no gift, people end up in jail, homeless, unable to keep a job, friendless, etc…

It’s not a gift, and it’s also not a deficit of positivity. Co-morbid conditions can also affect the severity of the symptoms, I’ve seen people with comorbid, anxiety and depression be told they just need to be positive. This sort of response shows a real lack of sensitivity to just how difficult adhd can be.

Over the years, my opinions, my level of education about adhd have all changed. I come from the, ‘this is not a disorder or a disability camp and I’ve moved over because, simply put, I can’t deny it any longer.

You may have had a lot of support, your circumstances may have helped you a lot, maybe your adhd is mild, (tho generally that is a taboo subject since EVERYONE has severe adhd lol) you may be doing all right, but to extrapolate from your experience across the board to ‘adhd is a gift, or people are just too negative’ lacks compassion. Sometimes lifes burdens are very heavy, and sometimes people break, they’ve got a long way to go to get to any level of health.

Compassion is always a useful thing.

I’ve come to associate positivity advice with denial and judgementalness. Not very positive.

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[Scattybird]

I haven’t read all these posts – I am not in the mood for anything bigger than a tweet today and found this recent tweet by CS Lewis – good one to follow:

“Life has never been normal.”

Sums it up really.

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[Robbo]

Wowee,

A good thread to find, and I’ve been kicking myself in the teeth trying to remember CS lewis’s name for about a month. Jus cuz he’s quoted so much by different kinds of Christians. Amazing that I would find that name here.

All be bok, when mi eyeballs are not so hevy. “note to self, click on favorites so I can find thread again… Got that self?” “yep, I, clickin on it now. thanks dude.” “okay self, now get some dang sleep, you’ve been on the dang computer all day buster” “ummmm ukay man, get off my back would ya?” “ukay”

This place is great, just don’t post links, cuz those theads might shut down… dis place has got a couple bugs.

gnite gang.

PS, had to check, it’s 31. oh crap, wrong post…. hmmm. sleep time.

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[Author]

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