ANYONE ELSE feel like calling up past teachers and bosses after being diagnosed?

[Anonymous]

Did you do it? How did it go? Did you feel any better having done so? Vindicated at all?

I keep having this urge to call some folks from my past that could’ve/should’ve helped me, but didn’t. Particularly, I want to call my old college and grad school professors. Partly, for vindication and partly to urge them to be sensitive to students like me and the possibility of ADHD.

There are some I don’t want to call, I just want to hit with my car (just kidding!). Like the history teacher/coach, now principal, who suddenly called me(the new girl) out in front of the entire 9th grade civics class and told me he’d paddle me if I didn’t stop doodling on my paper and pay attention. Thanks for making the transition to a new town and new jr high school even more miserable, Jackhole!

Seriously, though, I’m curious if y’all have had similar feelings and how you’ve dealt with it.

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[Anonymous]

Well, highschool went measurably well (except for grade 9), but I cried every day of elementary school from kindergarten right up to grade 8. I was a very anxious, fearful girl who had difficulty following what was going on, and was utterly terrified of everything. I can’t say for sure it was entirely the ADD, but even though I went to three different elementary schools, only ONE teacher ever thought to talk to my parents about my behaviour, and that may have been a school mandated meeting, I can’t remember. And even then, it was always referred to as my “assertiveness” problem.

Years later, I told my mother how much I cried in elementary school, and I think it kind of broke her heart. She never knew.

When I think back to the public school I spent 6 years at, and how they always just looked the other way, it really, really makes me angry. I wasn’t failing, so I guess they just didn’t give a damn.

I recently re-read my grade 1 report card and it literally said “You need to learn to control your emotions.” Who says that to a 6 year old, who regularly curls into a ball and cries at the least bit of intimidation?

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[Anonymous]

I can SO agree with both of you! What really gets me is that I had so many issues in middle/high school that I saw several counsellors (mostly via the school system), and I’ve seen psychiatrists since I was about 20, so why didn’t it get diagnosed until I was 25-26?? Seriously, folks… almost all my teachers commented on my ‘daydreaming’ and ‘introversion’ but no one ever said “Hey…maybe??” I wasn’t loud and obnoxious, but I definitely stood out, so why didn’t anyone DO anything besides try to make me talk about my feelings? It really seems like maybe a bit of child psychology would go a long way with teachers. I know they have a LOT on their plates, but this knowledge would make their jobs easier as kids actually got the help they needed. At least I can give mine props for noticing ‘something’ was wrong, so I guess mine falls on crappy therapists.

BUT there are definitely a number of bosses I wish I could smack. I was a journalist for about 7 years and did really great work — I got recognized regularly in our trade mags for great writing, but my bosses always got after me for not writing enough. I’d toil away and come up with a great story and they’d gripe at my for not being able to turn out 3 in the same time period. I’ve never understood why they couldn’t be pleased at the quality of work I was turning out — plenty of crappy writers turn out volume instead. I also had one, that I really respected, about break my heart because I “wasn’t trying hard enough” and “showing initiative”. I really wish I could just go back and make her understand I was working my ass off, but pulling the wagon with a push-me-pull-you!!! It still hurts that she thought I was being lazy, when I really thought I was doing a great job…. it “broke” me for journalism

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[Anonymous]

I agree 1000% with previous post. I recently had a internship. I thought I was doing a great job. I was so proud of my self. Projects on which I worked on, no student has ever touched them. At last day of work, I was criticized for not delivering things on time. I was also told that I spent too much time in projects on which I had more interest. I was told to find ways to get your work done other then being frustrated at the system. Yes I worked in unionized environment. His final comments really hurt me. I lost all my confidence. I do not even apply for jobs knowing I will not be able to live up to expectations.

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[Anonymous]

My Mom – now 84 – wrote so many letters to school administrators, teachers, and councilors during my time at school, because she knew I was smart, and had a problem, that she still cries when we discuss it. She wanted me to do well, without the suffering, and verbal abuse by teachers. Do I want to tell them off, no, I just want to become successful, and give them the raspberry, because I always knew I would exceed their expectations, and no matter how much I disliked some of them I know they would be happy to know they were wrong about me, because even they know they were jerks.

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[Anonymous]

“The past is another country; they do things differently there.” (L.P. Hartley. The Go-Between.) To me, it’s the old “What did Mozart really die from and could modern medicine have saved him?” conundrum. Yes, I’ve had a lifetime worth of this and yes, it did and does exasperate me too. But back when I was in school ADD was the little boy who couldn’t sit still, not the little girl who was day-dreaming. My teachers and family weren’t and aren’t bad people. It wasn’t lack of compassion so much as failure to understand due to this not being known by anybody at that time – which in fairness was not their fault. I’ve stopped taking it personally. Honestly, nobody was ever as hard on me or mean to me as I was on and to myself. I know I’m bright; I wanted my education so badly, tried so hard, failed so miserably, beat myself up so much about it . Learning about ADD as it applies to me was liberating. It made it possible for me to forgive myself, let go of the self-hatred and move forward in a positive way – recognizing and celebrating my strengths and accepting and managing my limitations. I’m willing to forgive my past self because this just wasn’t understood or within my control at that time, and I’m willing to extend forgiveness to others on the same basis.

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[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing your stories, guys. I don’t really want to tell people off as much as I have this urge sometimes to vindicate myself. There are a trail of people in my past that really don’t get me at all. I live in Arkansas, which is practically one big small town and the community of professionals and college and grad school professors I’ve had all know each other. Typical of ADDers, some of them would give me a glowing reference if asked and others think I’m lazy or scatterbrained. wish so much that I’d run into two of my undergrad classmates again. I saw them a few years back at a conference and they made no attempt to hide their shock that I actually graduated and have a job. They said, “Oh Martha, we were always pulling for you!” then they felt the need to remind me and inform MY COWORKER who was with me about how I used to be late or miss class all the time and show up in sweats. I hadn’t been diagnosed yet, so I just stammered something out about how nice it was of them to remind me, and tried to cover with my co-worker so she wouldn’t find out what an “imposter” I was. For the rest of the conference, I thought about how it was just a matter of time before I’d screw up again.

I can totally relate to what y’all are saying about your job performance being evaluated based on your ADD symptoms and not your strengths! I know, trust me on this, that I am an exceptionally good Speech-Language Pathologist. Anyone who’s seen me in therapy and seen the results will back me up. I’m a really good therapist and I feel comfortable tooting my own horn here. In fact, some of my ADD characteristics are a great strength in therapy–especially with kids. HOWEVER, my bosses have never seen me in therapy nor have they read any reports or talked with anyone who has. So, on what do they base their perception of my performance? Paperwork–specifically whether or not my charge sheets are accurate and turned in every Friday and at the right time at the end of the month. That’s it. When I asked for a raise last year to bring my hourly rate up to what they’re paying the new graduates with 10 years less experience, I was rejected and told they’d reconsider if my ability to submit my charge sheet on time improved. I was so hurt. This year, I was “perfect” with sending in my time sheets until this past month. Now, I’m afraid to ask for a raise because I don’t want the rejection again.

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[Anonymous]

I haven’t yet. But man there sure is this one college professor I’d love to run into and prove to him how wrong he was.

In fact it was because of HIM and his “you should just drop out of college and stop wasting both of our times” comments that turned me extremely depressed. I actually DID drop out of college. By then my self esteem was shot to shit. Years of being pegged as lazy, unattentive, and stupid had taken a toll on me. Then in 2005 I made an appointment with a specialist and found out I had not only ADHD but an interesting case of Dyslexia which only applied to numbers. (>_<) Did I mention that this particular professor taught college algebra?

Anyways…once I found out what I have it’s like all of the pieces fell into place. I knew what was wrong with me and now I’m learning, day by day, how to not only deal with it but how to embrace it. I’m a college grad and have a degree in Massage Therapy. I’m going back for my pregnancy and clinical specialty and have an amazing family that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

I just hope that one day I get to run into Mr Capmbell and show him a thing or two.

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[Anonymous]

Ya and I Still need to call my parents and shake them around too! Grrr! But… apparently all this info wasn’t around 20 years ago so there you go…but STILL!!! Grrr!

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[Ivriniel]

To my mind, there wouldn’t be much point. The type of person who gave me a lot of grief is either the type of person who would deny the existence of ADHD in the first place, or would accuse me of making excuses.

I have a friend with a Non-Verbal LD who was diagnosed part way through a University program. It didn’t change a thing with the Prof who wanted her out of the program, and if anything, made this Prof want her out more.

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[billd]

I’m 53 – most of my teachers are dead or too old to bother…….

Newbie here…….. I’m SO FURIOUS! All through grade school Mom and Dad were called to conferences, heck, a couple teachers even visited our home. The school psychologist was called in. I was “tested” – LOL, discovered I was a genius and was simply “bored” with school, that’s all (yeah, my score was so high the psychologist asked my mother “doesn’t it scare you” and she was confused – what do you mean? He said “having a genius in the family, someone so smart”?

Yet I had trouble in school. One teacher in the 4th grade though, she was totall understanding and worked with me, even though in our area it would have been “ADHD, what’s that?”

In college I was SO interested, and so challenged, I got straight A’s, even though I rarely ever did homework.

I’m trying to figure it all out – but I’m finding peers and even some friends are saying “oh, yeah, that’s normal, I have those problems too” – they just don’t get it.

Naw, my teachers are not going to remember, if they are even alive, after 40 or so years……… I need to deal with the here and now – at least that’s how I feel now. What a wasted life, how far could I have gone had they only known.

My mother is now diagnosed ADHD, my youngest son was diagnosed years ago and put on meds. He was pretty good while on them. Me, never gave it a thought- we just thought I had “mental problems” and depression like my mother.

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[Anonymous]

Yes..I would like to have a little chat with the grade 2 teacher that told my mother I was retarded. Man, it’s no wonder that for years in school I felt like a nothing. I can only imagine how she must have treated me with such an assumption in her head, although I don’t remember much of it. I’m 47 now.

For a retarded kid, I think I did pretty well for myself in the end. I completed college and I’ve been tested with an IQ of over 140. I also make a fairly good living for myself with higher than average pay. It’s too bad that despite all that, I still have a lifetime of self-esteem issues holding me back from being who I know I am capable of becoming thanks to teachers, and so many other people like her that just didn’t understand ADD.

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[Anonymous]

I’m on another end of this spectrum. I want to contact people from my past and appologize for my behaviors. I’m somewhat upset about what people didn’t do for me, but I’m more upset at myself for what I’ve done. I feel like I’m in a 12 step program and at the step where I make ammends for my past.

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[Anonymous]

Not really. My bosses and college professors were pricks. My teachers in grade school on the other hand tried their best with me and I totally appreciate MOST of them. I still manage to run a few and its like meeting family. Not something you would get meeting an old boss or professor. They have their noses stuck 90 degrees up in the air.

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[Anonymous]

I had a VERY cruel third grade teacher who, among other insensitive things, told me that I’d never make it through high school. In my dreams, I’ve often thought it would be nice to take my college degree, roll it up, walk up to her and whack her across the face with it a couple of times then lean in and whisper in a Dirty Harry-esque voice “I guess you were wrong.”

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[Author]

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