Dr. Umesh Jain
is now exclusively responsible
for TotallyADD.com
and its content
Dr. Umesh Jain is now exclusively responsible for TotallyADD.com and its content
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 30 total)
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  • Carrie
    Member
    #89795 |

    Is it just me or do you find the thought of commitment… impossible? I am married yes and others say “well thats a commitment” yes it is… But.. It just doesnt effect me. I take my marriage very seriously. But that was one thing I made up in my mind a long time ago. Anyways…

    I was talking to some ladies who work with me and have been there for 30years!! THIRTY!! Are you kidding me??? I cant stay at a job longer than ONE year!! I dont get fired… I just get too antsy! I get along with everyone, I do my job well… It just seems when I get comfortable I quit and find a new job! Now I have applied for a full time position which has great benefits and paid vacation. Not only that an incredible pension that would allow me to retire at 50. But the thought of staying at the same job for 25 years??? I can’t. I just can’t do it!

    Another commitment im looking at is buying another home. We have one now.. But we’ve been here 3 years… I cant take it. Im sick of this house. We want to buy a piece of land and build… I want to be all settled by the time the kids are teens… I want to work hard on my property, make it my own… But then the thought of staying there for a long period of time… Blekajshdawiehaskljhdaskjdhaskd a Thats how it feels. Then I get all antsy and flustered and don’t want to do anything! Can anyone share a different perspective? Or how to cope, or a strategy to deal with the thought of the same job/place for a long time!? Does anyone else have these feelings?

    Curlymoe115
    Member

    When we were kids we moved constantly. My mother would get tired of a house. Bad experiences always increased the rate at which we moved. My mother, of course, always insisted we were buying up. But the case was the house had just hit it’s expiry date in her mind. DH and I both have expiry dates for a job. When things start to get too routine it was time to head for the door. The challenge is gone. I am going to try to go back to work and see about working for an employment agency. They have a built in period where you only work their days, weeks or months so there is no getting into the rut. We’ll see how that goes. DH has always worked for the Union Hall so his pension is taken care of by them, and he still gets the variety of moving around.

    A lot of our parents were raised that it was expected that they would be in the same grind forever. I guess they got ansy that is why they always worked for places that gave a good amount of vacation time so that the more years they worked the more time they spent off work. My father worked for the same company for 35 years. At the end they gave him a cheap knock off watch. He had ruined his health and his hearing, and worked without a raise for 10 years. He was a store manager and had reached the peak salary range. They found they could lure kids away from other work places like chain restaurants and they were willing to work for 20 grand less. But his commitment kept him there. While he saw his employees getting a yearly raise and better working conditions, more vacation time, better benefits he saw his own deteriorating. Finally at 63 when another year passed and the promised raise turned into a 500 dollar lump sum payment he retired. Now he is free to say whatever he wants, and he does. But instead of vacationing or picking up a new hobby, he volunteers. He fills those same hours with a myriad of volunteer duties that would make your head spin. NO time is unscheduled. For no pay. The difference is that these agencies appreciate what he brings to the table. They look at the skill set that he spent his whole working life acquiring as a gift and they tell him how much they enjoy his company. A lot different from a company that told him that he was expected to every opening hour with less employees and time, so he had to work 60 or 70 hours a week himself to make sure someone was always there. Then when he didn’t have time to even schedule a lunch hour little lone the million other things he used to have time to do in the store, his personal rating always took a hit. So I guess the pay off is to his self esteem which had been suffering a stunning series of blows.

    nellie
    Member

    Carrie, maybe it isn’t really about commitment? In a relationship, since you said you take it seriously and you made your mind up a long time ago to make it work, you have an end goal – you know what you want. But as far as a job goes, once boredom strikes or perhaps you’ve gained the experience you want, you move on. In other words you either found what you want and it isn’t all it was cracked up to be, so you move on. Or you realize whatever it is, you won’t find it there. Same with the house. If you think long enough about that idea you may discover that’s not what you really want. Or you get cold feet so to speak because that is a rather large undertaking and perhaps it just makes you nervous.

    At any rate, to get back to the job, like curlymoe said,older generations did/do tend to stay in a work place longer because security was/is a big issue for people. Today with all of our touchy feely pop psychology we all seem to be looking for more!

    Just my two cents worth. I too get bored once I’ve learned what I need to, can’t do the same thing twice either. But in terms of family, I value that so I also stick with my marriage. I think with anything, you have to know what it is you want, the end goal, and the decisions come much easier. Of course figuring that out isn’t so easy, I’m still working on that. How’s that for a motto – I know I want something just not sure what it is ?:-)

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    My ADD husband worked for the same employer for his whole career. He told me that once he saw the pension benefits, and how long he’d have to work to achieve that, he knew he’d stay with that job, he knew the exact day he would retire forever. He has a very good government pension.

    I have had over 20 different jobs in my life. I’m the one with commitment problems like you. I’m basically a child who never wanted to grow up.

    For me, I think the problem is that I am subconsciously afraid that I will totally screw up if I commit to things. I used to be irresponsible financially (but now I don’t make financial commitments). I no longer take on jobs where I have to take on a lot of responsibility, either for finances or for other staff. I’ve been in management before and I’m terrible at it, although my ego wants me to take on these types of jobs. I always think I’m capable of more than I’m really able to do, am good at bs-ing my way into jobs, but then get hung up when the rubber meets the pavement. So even though I’m afraid of risk, I take it without thinking of the consequences.

    The thrill of a new job motivates me, but once I have to actually follow rules and show up on time, I start to feel like I’m restricted and need to get out. I hate performance evaluations and any kind of criticism. I wish i could have had a business mentor to help me understand the way things work in the corporate world, to help me learn how to communicate better. One of my bosses called me a “rebel” because I refused to participate in some idiotic management training.

    The perfection gene in me also plays a role, I have to do things so perfectly that it takes me forever to complete things because I have to go over and over things in case I’ve made a mistake. I am afraid of being humiliated for making mistakes. So I tend to work a lot of overtime to get things done, and that makes me resentful, that I do “more” than others but don’t get appreciated for it. I also see things very black and white, not the same black and white that others see, so it’s hard for me to change my opinion or way of working.

    I also having trouble focusing my attention during regular working hours, so I don’t feel that I’ve gotten a real day’s work done, and that also contributes to the overtime drive.

    I now work for myself, doing a lot of different jobs in my own business, all of my strength areas. It’s interesting, uses my energy & creativity, and allows me the flexibility to work the hours I want (which can be long or short, depending on how I feel or on the sales requirements). I can still waste a lot of time at work though, and still feel like working long hours, but the meds help keep me focused and I can stop without the urge to keep going.

    I think what has helped for me is the motivation of $$ (I blew all of my savings in a few years when I “early-retired” from my last best job as an accounting supervisor for a big Japanese company), and of needing a steady job doing something I enjoy with flexible hours. I also want to be able to take time off whenever I want to in order to spend time with my husband. I can’t stand being pigeon-holed into a 5 day work week.

    I’ve worked for myself before, as a freelancer, but did poorly at it. With this current business, I did start to run into familiar problems, and with the help of my therapist (and starting on meds for ADD), I’ve been able to look more deeply at the issues (aka patterns) surrounding my symptoms (lack of commitment, procrastination, distractibility, family conflicts, etc) and instead of ignoring them, bring them to the forefront so I can feel when they start to take hold and not let them override me. It’s a combination of meds (for the brain deficiencies) and behaviour modification (for the patterns that have derived from the deficiencies). Not easy but worth it.

    ADD is part of the problem, but not the whole problem. I’ve got years of bad habits to overcome too.

    Rambling post, sorry!

    Carrie
    Member

    Curly – My goodness! I feel sorry for your father. I know many people in that situation. I dont think its right. I worked at a job once that was doing that to me. I worked my butt off to keep the kitchen together (I was a line cook). We were short staffed so I would stay 2-3hours late cleaning the kitchen after a long stressful shift. I started as a dishwasher, and then saw the one cook needed help so I jumped right in and since that point was working 3 jobs at once. Main line cook, garde manger, and dishwasher. I would cook the main meal, run over to the garde manger station, whip up salads and desserts, when I had a moment send a few racks of dishes through the machine. I did my job well. They have never had so many compliments on the food. I work very well in chaos. My employers loved me. But always promised a raise and never delivered. I was becoming burnt out. I don’t stand for that, so I gave them my letter saying I quit. And they then said ‘oh we will give $12.50!!” at the time I was making $12 and was moving to another job who was going to pay $15. So I said… Give me $16 an hour and Ill stay. Then left. You are right about them thinking they have to stay at one job.. I never really thought of that before, but now that I do, that makes sense.

    Nellie – I LOVE your motto!! hahaha Recently I have craving A LOT of change. Its time for some major changes and my mind is all over the place.. “I could do this!! or this!! Ok we are moving here… No here!! Actually lets move here!” Im finding it very hard to make a choice without an end goal. When I see the finish line, and I know the goal, I have no problem with sticking it to the end (hence my marriage). Like you said.. What do I want? Whats my goal? You are absolutely right, I do get cold feet. To be responsible…. Im at the point in life where “hey im a REAL adult now. I have REAL responsibility.” what I do now determines my future. I know I could be very successful, I exceed in all the jobs I have been in and remain to do so. But the fact scares me. Because of this people come to me with some big issues that I can see clear answers to and how to deal with them effectively. But that means I have to stick with them till the end. Thats the only way it works. Very exciting but scary! A full time presents full responsibility… That scares me. Ive always done the right thing however… As much as I tried to fight it. I am a strong believer in reaping what you sow. I was a pregnant teen and almost left my husband and kids so I myself could be a kid.. That was a hard long fight, but I knew what was right and stuck it through and I very glad I did. Now here at this crossroad is the risk of responsibility. I know it’s right. Just scary! hahaha But your motto is great! Now if only I could figure out what it is I want! What drives me! What are my motives! Then nothing would stop us! ;) Maybe thats why its so hard… If we knew we would easily dominate the world! MWA HA HA HA hAAAA!!

    No Dopamine – I LOVE the thrill of a new job, new people, new everything! I LOVE adventures and new things. Thats why when I was a receptionist I LOVED it. Got to meet and talk to new people everyday. At times would multitask 3 different people checking in, and at the same time sell fire wood and ice cream. Then I also got to deal with complaints. I LOVED it! I love to problem solve complaints, I do it very well. But low wage doesn’t cut it.The thought of the full time job and not the flexibility of casual work makes me antsy. All my other jobs before since I was a good worker, I could get any day off I wanted, could be a half hour late as long as I showed up before the big rush. And now as casual I can choose if I want to answer the phone or not and I get to bounce all over the building a good change in pace. But the work isnt always there and I have no benefits and that would be nice since I just had to pay $700 for my son at the dentist… I cant get coverage because we make too much money yet $700 is not pocket change!! Bleh! I like the idea of familiar problems that you discuss with your therapist. It seems I cant see the obvious unless someone points it out to me. And like you I see that black and white too which sucks at times. Mostly I continue to do things the hard way without thinking about it. haha With PMDD I easily saw my pattern and now going to work around it because its like clockwork. I am a very particular kind of person. Everything has to be its certain way and order so a routine to deal with PMDD excites me! As for my ADD im having a hard time seeing my faults and strengths. And then how to work around them? an example… For the life of me I cant get my laundry done. I hate the thought that its never ending and I (in the black and white thinking, and perfectionist) think, it has to be all or none! All done or not at all! Which is impossible with laundry! And I cant fold a shirt! I cant get it to line up PERFECT… I spend 10mins on one shirt still cant get it right, get angry and quit! Back to black and white thinking, I told this to a lady and she said “Just hang them up then” hahaha Gosh! So easy! why didnt I think of that! Goodness! And I now see in writing this my problems with laundry and how to over come! hahaha I love it when you need to say something and it finally clicks!

    Phew! My goodness this is too long! I should take meds and get ready for work before im late!

    What are some strengths and weakness have you found with your ADD and how did you manage?

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Shirt folding:

    My ADD husband bought one of those shirt folding things that he saw on TV – I thought he was crazy until I tried it – so easy, but it’s more time consuming than just quickly folding by hand. Here’s a crazy promo video for it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjAWsY9padQ&feature=related

    I found this on YouTube – how to fold a tshirt in 2 seconds http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-fold-a-t-shirt-in-2-seconds-explained

    Here’s a tailor showing how to fold a dress shirt: http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-fold-a-shirt – he also shows how to fold a tshirt but it’s not the fast method.

    Hmmm, I guess that’s a weakness. I got distracted by your comment about folding shirts and went surfing on the internet. 10 minutes wasted!!! :(

    When I do laundry, I think of Jack Nicholson’s line in The Witches of Eastwick, he is talking to Cher, telling her that there will always be laundry and dishes to do. I try to turn it into a joint task with my husband. We both empty the dishwasher before starting to make meals, and then it gets filled with dirty dishes after the meal. I really hate dishes piled up in the sink and on the counter.

    For laundry, I sometimes start it off but ask him to finish. He is more distracted so if I ask him to start it, he will forget to take it out of the washer & put in the dryer. We are guilty of leaving laundry in the laundry baskets until we have to use the baskets again, our drawers need a cleaning out!

    I have to be the manager for all household tasks, but it’s getting easier for us to do them together.

    Carrie
    Member

    Its funny you share those links! I have seen that little folding device and wanted to buy it, but then my sister (who is a neat freak) made fun of me and said I could just fold the shirt. That 2nd video I have watched and tried a million times… I still dont like how its not perfectly lined up. That third one, when he folds the sleeve…. It looks all messy! I cant handle that! Thats the one thing that stops and frustrates me. Its not all lined up perfect! I guess that there is a downfall. But it literally stresses me out bad so the odd time I do the laundry husband folds the shirts. Actually he just hangs them up! I think thats what Im going to do. Faster that way too!

    My husband and I also split up the dishes. I like to put them away in my own order, but I HATE touching dirty dishes. I dont like getting my hands dirty… Well… its not that I dont like them getting dirty, I just dont like the feel and thought of them. So he loads them and I unload and that works great. I too cant stand a full counter and sink!

    You say your husband has ADD, and you do too? How is that working out? I am 100% certain my husband does as well. His brother is diagnosed with it, and he is quite severe. I am certain their mom has it, she fits the bill perfect. My husband does as well. He is more severe than I am. Im kind of in denial that the BOTH of us have it! Does this mean our kids now are doomed to have it? Four of us… all ADD??? My kids are very hyper and jump from this to that, and my daughter is exactly like I was as a kid, always on an adventure in my own little world getting into everything! But they are only 4 and 5 so Im hoping its just their age! Ok… Yeah trailing off is a big deal for me too. I just deleted about 2 paragraphs and things not needed. I am going to be late now for work. I find at least with the meds I am able to pull away where as before I was consumed and doomed!

    nellie
    Member

    Carrie,

    The more I try to figure out what I really want the harder it gets. My psychologist got me started when I first went for the ADD diagnosis and I realized I had never really thought about it much my entire life. WIthout any goals or knowing your values it is like flying blind but I swear I’m still in the fog as to what I want to do when ” I grow up” :-)

    no_dopamine,

    The videos are funny to watch.I like that folding gizmo, at least everything the same size. Maybe I’ll get one. Does it work on sheets? That would be great. Now there’s a pain to fold. I just t sort of squish them up. But For me it’s not the folding so much , it’s the putting away. What I need is a conveyor belt that takes it all up to the closets!

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Ooohhh! I want a conveyor belt too!! I HATE HATE HATE putting clothes away. I have now got a couple of boxes for my pants and pjs and they work really well. I dunno what the difference is between boxes and drawers but the boxes work and the drawers don’t. Go figure. We are now getting some furniture that is more box like and less drawer like – sort of a bunch of cubes that can be left open as shelves or have plastic cube shape boxes to fit in each shelf. My sort of furniture. Hubby is sick of my mess and has told me to go out and buy a heap of these shelves for throughout the house, and I am really excited that I might get some of my mess packed away at long last!! Maybe I am just kidding myself though. But I hope I can get something done, for hubby’s sake, seeing as he is letting me go shopping for my type of furniture in the hope that I’ll get some mess tidied up. I don’t want to let him down, but I always seem to :(

    As to committment. I am a real inattentive type, without much hyperactivity (only little fidgets, and plenty of impulsivity), and find I really dislike big changes. I have been in my job for 15 years, been married for the same length of time, and have lived in the same house for 12 years. I get too anxious about change. Too many things to stress about and I get very overwhelmed. I must admit that I am in a job that is routine but it isn’t at the same time. The routine is similar each shift, but the people change as the months wear on. I think that if there wasn’t that change, then I would be more bored with my job, but by the same token, if things changed too fast then I would stress more. I cope well with major dramas, but the in between dramas just plain stress me out. I feel like a chook with it’s head cut off, running this way and that with no direction.

    My committment issues lie with the small things. I find it really hard to stick to a project, as I am always thinking about the next one when I’ve barely started on the current one. I have many projects on the go at once and chances are that none will ever get finished, unless I am accountable to someone for the end result. ANd even then it’s always a last minute rush to finish. And I have done all sorts of volunteer work, all sorts of hobbies, and I chop and change at the drop of a hat. Since kids came along, I have been getting involved in their various activities (sewing for school concert, helping at an event, and similar), as it’s short term enough for me, and I am accountable to someone so I have external motivation to keep me going till the end. I don’t know what I’ll do when they grow up. I think that’s part of why I feel the need for a diagnosis and treatment now. I am terrified of going back to how I was when I finished study and had not had kids yet. Many days of feeling antsy and irritable and having no direction. Ick!

    nellie
    Member

    Krazykat,

    The open shelving makes a lot of sense for ADD because of the immediacy nature of our line of thinking. Basically out of sight means out of mind so the open shelves have the potential for keeping things in sight. That and clear containers. I have a walk-in closet that functions on that principle. i had one of those closet organizer companies come in and do our closets many years ago and it’s the best organizing money I ever spent. Now not saying they’re always neat but at least stuff’s not hidden. I have a chest of drawers in my bedroom that is now empty. After the last time I painted ( 2 years ago) I took everything out because I couldn’t be bothered to open drawers. Although now that I think about it, I did put some unused stuff like fancy linens in there – not sure will have to go and check! Yup, drawers=disaster!

    The only thing to watch out for with open shelving is where you put it ,how high and how deep the shelves are. I have a wall of cubbies in my laundry room that gets filled up with junky stuff all the time especially the ones up high because I need a step stool to reach them. Also they’re quite deep so lots of potential for “resting” items and then never looking at them. Just spent yesterday re-organizing the room and now it’s looking spiffy must say . I intend to put labels on the shelf to keep things organized. Since no other family member can be bothered to go in there should be safe. TRied that in the fridge and pantry but I think my family loses their ability to read in the kitchen or something!

    Oh wasn’t this post about commitment ?:-) Ahhhh, lets see, oh yes I’m committed to getting organized – proof is in organizing my laundry room which was totally unnecessary since I should have been doing the stuff on my list that absolutely should be done before going on vacation tomorrow!

    Carrie
    Member

    Ooooh! I agree! The box thing makes total sense! You are absolutely right about out of sight out of mind! I do that to food I dont want to eat. I think im going to try that, keep everything in sight… box clear container things! I can relate with the whole mess thing! My coping strategy has been GET RID OF IT ALL! My house is the most cold bare looking thing. I dont have little nic-nacs here and there, I dont have anything anywhere! I figure I cant keep it organized and I HATE clutter, so out it goes! My only mess is laundry! I feel horrible about it, I have one big pile in my closest. Poor kids have to go swimming to find something, thats not fair to them. Maybe I should make a goal that on my days off… Wednesday, Thursday I think. I will get that laundry done! AND the laundry room! ooooooooh! Challenge central!

    I have an idea!! Why dont we form a group we can be accountable in! Well actually that never works for me… When ever I make a goal, somehow, without wanting to, I do everything in my power not to do it hahaha THats why I hate goals. Always feel like a failure, its like polar opposites on magnets. Thats what I am to goals!

    Anyways, heres the link! http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=1612&replies=1#post-13031 I will post my goals there and we can talk and trail off about whats help or not! Let me know!!

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Nellie, the flip fold thingy doesn’t work for sheets. We were at a meditation retreat once and a person who used to run a hotel in Costa Rica showed us a technique for folding sheets (the fitted kind). But I have trouble doing it myself, so my husband and I do it together (and swear the air blue when we do), but it gets done.

    What I have found really helpful is to fold towels and sheets so they are narrower and then tightly roll them up (I thought of the rolling, my husband perfected the tight roll technique). That way you can see what’s in the closet (or cubby) and it’s easier to take things out without having to lift a lot of sheets out of the way. They roll up tighter so you can pack more in, and it looks neat and tidy. But you need a bit of tension to get them tight, so what I do is stand at the washer (or dryer), fold the narrow side of the towel in half, with the long end hanging over the edge of the machine. Then start a tight roll and put your elbows down or your body against the machine to add some tension. Keep rolling towards you and adding tension until you’ve fully rolled up the towel (or folded sheet).

    Carrie: we didn’t know we both had ADD but my husband self-diagnosed and suspected I had it too. It wasn’t until I read a book about ADD and its effects on marriage that I realized that unmedicated, we were both heading for trouble. So I started the process of getting diagnosed and my husband and I talked a lot about how each of us felt, that yelling about things not getting done wasn’t helpful, for example, that we process info in different ways, so we had to modify how we described things to each other, etc. Now we set time aside for tasks and have agreement on when we’ll do them. We have to do household work together because neither one of us wants to do it and it’s very helpful for motivation.

    What’s been helpful for me getting laundry done is that the local power utility now has smart meters and there are certain hours when it’s peak charges and other hours that are off-peak so lower rates. Weekends and holidays are all low rates, so that’s when I binge on laundry. $$$ is a powerful motivator.

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    ok.. to bed after this post. I don’t know why I can’t make myself go to bed at night.

    my laundry method:

    -iron out wrinkles using the gravity method + body heat…ermm yeah.. just wearing it and hoping it fixes itself.

    -only do when you run out of clean underwear

    -leave it in the dryer instead of having to sleep next to the heap you didn’t feel like putting away

    -use the ball method for folding sheets. step one: roll into random ball.done! who really cares if it is creased oddly? sleepy humans? certainly not!

    in seriousness- open shelves and hanging things in closets is the way to go! I also like clear plastic drawers.. still use some I had in the dorm room (i know..classy). except, if you want to put something in a sealed drawer just to expect a brand new present later when you find it again in a year.

    I know.. I live like a 20 year old male..

    oh I lost the point of your post too!!!! hehe

    like Krazykat, my issue is inattention. a few hyperactive traits, but in a quirky vs. impairing way. I need routine or I get anxious and overwhelmed. However, I have had a lot of jobs and could only handle them for so long before I got bored and stir-crazy. What I do? I keep going to school to get more degrees and certificates to get more complicated jobs! My new job right now is so freaking challenging that I am drained of all energy and brain power. nothing left of the brain to get bored. I complain and moan about it, but it is what I need and gravitate to. (and this very job turned out to be so very challenging that I had to go get diagnosed with ADD and given meds to be able to complete it.. score??? i guess?). however, dealing with the stress of change required two weeks of anxiety meds!

    I can’t commit to a man lol. They have expiration dates. However, the last one found that I had an expiration date =(. must find another one who is interesting, inspiring, entertaining, and cooks and cleans >_<. yeah….cute too please! yes, I’m single!

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I agree on the commitment thing. I’m happily married too, but I never really think about it as “death till us part,” or I’m going to be with her for the next 50 years. I just know she’s the one for me.

    I do get daunted when I think long term, though. I have a real problem dieting–I can fast for a whole day without preparing, and I can stick to a restrictive diet for a month; but once I start thinking that this is it, I’ll never have another ho-ho again–I lose it. Maybe it’s not commitment, but permanence. Part of my restlessness.

    @nellie I completely agree on the goals. My whole life I’ve never really known what I wanted to be. I’ve gone from one thing to the next, focusing on today’s crisis. It’s managed to get me a good career, a wonderful wife and the best dog ever, but none of it was planned. I pretty much went to grad school on a dare; and law school I was following someone else. Scares the bejesus out of me when I think about how lucky I’ve been. People say they’d rather be lucky than good. Not me–luck can run out, being good is more reliable.My friend could’ve decided to join the circus, and I’d be cleaning up elephant crap.

    (Reminds me of a saying–the internet is like a herd of elephants with diarrhea: massive, awe-inspiring, impossible to control, and the source of mind boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it.)

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Pete – I hear you with regards to not thinking long term. I have never planned for the long term. I knew I wanted kids, which sort of led to me assuming I would get married eventually, or at least have a partner, but beyond that I never really planned anything. I had huge trouble deciding what job I wanted to do, so I at school I just chose subjects that I enjoyed and that kept my options open, and I just went for a degree that I thought I would like doing. But I dropped out after one of my lecturers told us that she had spent 13 years at uni to get where she was, and I felt overwhelmed at the thought and freaked. I dropped out that day. Typically impulsive. I fell into nursing because it seemed like something that had plenty of options – midwifery, psych, geriatric, surgical, paediatric, etc, and I had been given some information about it by friends so I felt more informed about nursing than any other careers. And I liked kids, and in nursing I knew I could work with kids if I wanted to. Funnily enough, I never have!!

    My ADHD son has no real idea about what he wants to do with his life either. The school wants kids to start showing indications about career choices soon, in order to assist them with subject selection, and he is rather freaked by that. I have told him to select subjects he is good at and enjoys, as well as avoiding ones that close off his options for the next year. I am comfortable with the fact that he might never choose a career for himself and will probably fall into one in much the same way I did. I am a bit annoyed that there is so much pressure on the kids in school to have some idea about what they want in a career before they have even had a part time job or useful life experiences.

    My son is also like me in that he doesn’t commit well to things. He has played all sorts of sports, and done all sorts of other things in his spare time, but nothing tends to keep his interest for long. Speaking of circuses – my son would be the type to join the circus. He does circus classes and takes enough risks to learn new skills rapidly, and is outgoing and impulsive enough to talk the trainers into giving him extra help after class or letting him do something different to other kids in the class. And it’s unusual enough to keep his interest. My daughter is the quiet one who walks in his shadow (or is dragged along by him, more likely) and who would be the one to end up shovelling dung lol.

    SG – I end up storing washing in the dryer, and in the laundry baskets (we each have one, so when I sort the washing it goes in each person’s basket….and not much further lol), and I don’t iron. I sort of fold my sheets, only so they don’t get too screwed up, and so they store better, but they live in a pile on the floor for ages before they make it to the cupboard. Except the sheets for our bed, as we have a box for them and boxes work well for me….not much different to the laundry baskets.

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