Commitment

[Anonymous]

@KrazyKat I took physics in college for the same reason. As it turned out, it was a great decision. A lot of my friends are now successful entrepreneurs and business people. Physics gave them (and me) a broad understanding of the universe and the confidence to question things other people take for granted. You cannot study modern physics without developing a healthy disrespect for the opinions of experts. (One of my favorite physicists, Richard Feynman, used to say “science is the belief in the ignorance of experts.”) You can’t change the world if you accept it as it is.

I agree that there’s too much pressure for teenagers to decide what they want to be when they’re 40. I’m 37, and all I can come up with is “alive and employed.” I think it’s the farmer’s mentality. They want to know how many accountants, bankers, car mechanics and English Lit majors they’ve planted, so they can plan an orderly harvest. We hunters just want to build a skill set so we are able to go out and slay whatever dragon comes over the next hill.

If you ask me, college should be about that–building a base of knowledge and skills so you can tackle the unknown, not putting yourself in a neat little box for a census taker. Nobody picks “iPhone inventor” as a major in college. The Renaissance wasn’t the product of narrowly tailored job descriptions. But we’re the ones they call disordered.

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[Carrie]

Well… I have the full time position I have applied for. I won out of all the other applicants and sailed through the interview (I wish my husband sailed like I did…) anyways… Are my feet ever cold! This is scary… Making me very very antsy. One spot… Same people… same routine…. I dont think I can handle it. Mind you I am at work right now, 5th day. One more to go… Im a little edgy and tired. Ive NEVER stayed at a job more than a year. NEVER! Now here I am.

I really need to find out what I want in life, who I want to be, what I believe or this is going to go bad. I can’t just treck the same mindless treck. I need a purpose, a goal. Bleh!! Too many choices! Someone just tell me what to do! hahaha “Carrie, you believe this, you are this, go do this, and this is how you do it” That would be nice! Goodness.

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[Anonymous]

Carrie, if it helps, no one stays in one job for long. I’ve been at my employer for 4 years now (longest since becoming a lawyer), but I’ve had 6 job roles, 5 offices and 5 bosses. None of these were my choice, just constant change with a new CEO, new business model, new rug, new parking lot…Companies get ADD too.

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[Carrie]

Some of the ladies have been there for 30 years! They all tell me to stick it out for the next 25years because the pension is so good… 25 years! I feel like my wings have been clipped! I know I dont have to stay there forever… I just wish I knew what I wanted in life so I had something to work towards. I dont mind staying in one spot as long as I have a goal, a purpose. I would love to be a scientist doing research! Or an animator, graphic designer/website builder! Or a psychiatrist doing research, or a doctor. Or some sort of manager. Something that has a rush and lots of change in pace! And I want to buy a piece of land, and build a custom home that supports itself! I just want to live in my own little world away from everyone, doing my own thing!

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[Anonymous]

most pensions vest after 3 or 5 years, so just think about getting there. Once you’re vested, you will get something, depending on how long you stay. Your next job will probably have a pension too, so you can build on that one, as long as you vest. (This is why I love the 401(k)–let’s me take my money with me).

I don’t think any of us can help you get to 30 years, but just get vested and move on from there. If you really want to start your own business, what’s stopping you? Can you use this job as a base–a 9-5 source of income that underwrites what you want to build?

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[Carrie]

Whats stopping me are the endless things I could do. I would LOVE to my run my own business…. But that should it be? Thats what perplexes me!

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[nellie]

Carrie, Have you tried one of those life values assessments?

I think it’s a first step in figuring out what you want in life – quite an eye opener once you do it.

Here’s a link

http://www.career-test.biz/values_assessment.htm

But you also mentioned a bunch of stuff up there in terms of possible goals. So break them down and see what you have to do to accomplish them and decide if this is short or long term goal. However if you figure out your values you can decide if they are worth it or not. I started to measure my daily activities against my values and often find some stuff just isn’t worth it or not as big a priority over another task that must be done. Funny thing you can even measure seemingly ordinary and unimportant things this way. FOr example whenever i think why the hell do I bother with laundry – aside for the obvious so that I don’t look like a homeless person – it actually fits into my need for Harmony, which happens to rate higher than my value of community ( which includes volunteer activities etc.) . So saying no is a lot easier!

That said though, I find I do still get side-tracked with goal setting and having written this I now realize that I’ve stopped looking at the overall picture recently in terms of values and got micro-focused on the everyday tasks. Ie housework. But then again the need for harmony has really been bugging me so I keep forgetting about the other stuff which is important to me too. SO will have to start following my own advice again !!! Actually probably why goal of financial updating regularly which I stated in the other post is making me feel so much more in control and speaks to my need for independence – ie. in this case financial responsibility. In other words, the single goal is just part of a larger scheme. Sorry,Hope this isn’t too much of a ramble!

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[Anonymous]

Thanks for the link, Nellie. I didn’t do the assessment, I once worked for a company where the boss thumbed all of management (including me) into the ground over the Stephen Covey book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” – I guess now I know some of the reasons why I couldn’t accomplish anything there but a big part of the problem was the boss. So I have a huge resistance to this sort of thing. That’s not to say it isn’t valuable or important, just my own experience with a psychopath boss (yes, he fits the description).

But it did open my perspective up to thinking about how I could start to focus my time now that the meds and a separation of my business and home life are giving me more time and space. Thinking about what is most important to me and then choosing activities that align with that is very helpful. I also just read a few stories online about internet addiction and I think I am starting to fall into that category, although there is dispute about whether or not it’s a true addiction, I know that I spend too much time on the internet and then feel badly about it afterwards because I think I could have spent the time better.

I think that’s a lifelong pattern for me, filling time with meaningless activities. But I think I might be in a better position now to do something about it. Whiteboard planning and defining some goals (without going overboard) is helpful. Thanks

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[Carrie]

Thats a great site Nellie!! Im totally in the “Young Adult Transition (27-31)” This really sums it up!

“This is usually a period of significant turmoil – of looking at who we are becoming and asking if we’re really journeying in directions we want to go. We question most of our earlier tentative choices. Have we made the right decisions? Are we running out of time for changing our decisions? Are our decisions becoming permanent before we want them to? Do we really want to make this location, career path or romantic relationship permanent? Will we or will we not settle down and have a family? Is time running out? Often with considerable angst similar to the better known mid-life crisis we rethink our provisional decisions and maintain them or change them in the process of making more permanent choices.”

Turmoil! Thats for sure!! At least I know theres hope, and what im going through is normal.

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[nellie]

Well no_d and Carrie, have to say figuring out the values thing was really hard, had no clue when I first started. But quite an eye opener when I started to think about it and discover what was and wasn’t important to me.

Glad you found it helpful Carrie, I actually found it fun once I got going.

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[Carrie]

Yeah I need to just sit down and figure it out. It helps me a ton to actually write it all out to someone. It just seems to work. I can sort my brain out that way. Ive often thought about writing a blog and have started, but then I always delete it because days I just feel so crazy and think “man people must think im nuts!” hahaha Maybe I should just do that! I used to keep a journal but I tend to trail off and I hate writing. Takes too much effort plus my writing is super messy because of that hahaha

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

A suggestion, Carrie. Consider that some things, like your marriage, require commitment. Others, such as working for the same company, don’t, and as an ADDer you may actually do well as a consultant, moving from company to company, and making a bigger contribution.

ADDers need to measure our success by different standards, and be clear whether a goal is actually useful. A simple one that comes to mind is ‘avoiding leaving to things until the last minute.’ If that’s how you work, and you deliver, then that’s how you work. My friends who are comic book writers and artists all leave their work till the last moment, going all night to finish an issue of the Simpsons or Spiderman. They just accept that’s how they work, and the courier comes at 8:30 in the morning, after they’ve pulled their all-nighter, to pick up the story boards or whatever.

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[Carrie]

I guess accepting it helps with the feelings of failure that often follow the whole last minute thing…”If only I spent more time! I had months to do it! I could of got that “A”. etc etc etc. I guess I still beat myself up over the fact that I know that im doing it, yet cant fix it or change it! Gosh makes me sound like some type of addict (God knows ive been addicted to everything at least once! hahaha thank goodness for only short periods of time!) Ah ha! And thus comes the first step! Admitting you have the problem.. Accepting it! I see! And THEN you can work around it. Goodness! How many times has that been said to me, Ive said it many times, been slapped in the face with it and NOW it makes sense! That raises my next question – Well how does one begin to accept it? A 12 step program for ADD? hahahaha yeah right! Just joking, man how I hate that 12 step program!

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[Anonymous]

Rick Speaks a lot of truth in that reply. Back in High School I found myself finishing papers/ homework hours or sometimes minutes before they were due and even receiving an A’s on them. That’s the hyper focusing aspect of ADD/ADHD some of us have. I as well have a very very difficult time holding a job longer than a year. My dad once told me all I want you to see you do is work at a job for a couple years. Do you ever experience a loss of interest at work or the job has lost it’s spunk? It happens to me often where I’ll hold a job for maybe 6 months wake up one day and see no reason what so ever why I am going or what its accomplishing and end up getting fired or quiting. Carrie your not alone in dealing with these situations. Many of us especially me have trouble staying with a job for an extended period of time unless we find that coping mechanism as Rick said “ADDers need to measure our success by different standards”.

Rick do you have any tips in understanding how we can measure our success? I understand the concept of avoiding leaving to things until the last minute. Making the decision when confronted with a situation where It’s last minute I fail to comprehend the benefit of saying ‘Yes I’ll do this now and not doing it later’. Does this happen to you carrie?

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[Carrie]

Of course it does, exactly.

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[Author]

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