Dealing with Anger / Crankiness

[Bill]

sdwa – you said a mouthful! Protein for breakfast and lunch as well as getting enough sleep and exercise are key. Particularly on ADHD medication, it’s so easy to run out of steam at the end of the day and get cranky.

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[Zita]

I know it’s really hard to pin point the very second things start to heat up, it took me a long time to identify it. I just found out I had ADHD a month ago….I’m 33 years old, I was diagnosed bipolar, then BPD, I know what it’s like to feel fine one minute then totally go ape #$&! the next….I was like that almost my whole life, it wasn’t until after I had years of therapy did I learn how to identify it. I’ve spend the last 15 years on a bunch of meds I didn’t need treating illness I don’t have….you want to talk frustration, my kids have ADHD, and I believe my husband does too, not only have I never been able to complete any thing in my life, I was also so doped up I couldn’t see the hand in front of me. It is really hard to recognize the physical symptoms, and even if you do, it even harder to walk away when you just want to scream your head off, and/or kick the crap out of some thing or some one, but it is possible.

I agree with taking preventative measures, like eating the right foods, and exercising….I personally never did, that was one of the many areas I had problems with. I just started Adderall, it seems to be working pretty good so far.

@callmecrazy; I really like how you are comparing all of this to dog training, my friend trains dogs, and she pretty much compares every thing in life to dog training, it really does apply. Michelle (my friend) has two big German shepherds, all she has to do is say one word and they do what they are told. She’s applied the same training with her kids, and her boyfriend!! It really does work, she also had ADHD, and has also learned to recognize the physical signs when she’s getting up set, she’s able to remove her self from the situations 99% of the time before she blows.

I really hope I haven’t offended any one, in no way am I saying because I can do every one should be able to, just saying what works for me.

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[Bibliophile]

A few of the posters have said that they engage in meditation. How on earth does someone with ADHD do that??? I can’t sit still long enough to calm my mind down nor does my mind stop racing. You can just hear your thoughts racing and you get the incredible urge to get up and go, do anything but this.

I think the exercise approach has promise as I certainly felt better when I was more active, but I don’t know if it improved my anger. One would think martial arts would increase, not decrease, anger as it relies on focused aggression. (I know that some martial arts do not, e.g. Tai Chi and Aikido).

I don’t buy into the dog training approach. Humans are a LOT more complicated and messed up than dogs. This sounds like a dog lover’s blindness.

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[Anonymous]

IMHO dogs are simple to work with because they are intelligent and don’t get hung up on what they can’t do. Redirect the barking, wait for a moment of calm and reward that. Repeat until they look at you and can look at you for 10 seconds without a reward, then phase out the reward. Do this every day with no exceptions when they bark out of control, and in less then a month they will “get it” and have learned some impulse control. What I believe you are talking about is poor impulse control and not accepting that we do have control over this. If I thought I couldn’t teach a dog to stop barking at everything I would fail, but I believe I can and can picture the result I want making it possible. The rest is up to me to have the commitment and patience to do it by focusing on what is possible not what I think is impossible.

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[Bibliophile]

It is not a question of what is possible by willpower alone, but dependent on neurochemistry as well. To change a behaviour, one has to identify the problem and do something else. Since ADHD impairs the brain resulting in poor impulse control and a craving for stimulus, among others, it is extremely difficult to repeat the same task again and again, altering the response. Also, one must remember what happened the last time in order to change it in the future, and many people who suffer ADHD have problems associated with memory.

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[Zita]

I don’t think it’s so much a memory of what happened, but an association of the behaviour. A prime example is toilet training, we all know, those of us that are physically able to get up and go to the toilet, that when we feel that urge to pee or poop, we know that if we don’t get up and go to the toilet then we will soil our pants, another example, touching a hot stove, it one only has to burn them selves once to learn not to touch a hot stove. As for good associations, eating, we have leaned that when our stomach grumbles and hurts that we are hungry, we eat some thing and our stomach doesn’t hurt any more. Our reaction to all of these examples are a choice, we choose to go to the bathroom rather then shit in our pants, we choose to eat some thing, and we choose not to put our hand on a hot stove. Yes these are extreme examples, but they are all learned behaviors, positive and negative out comes to the choices we make.

Yes humans are more complex then dogs, that’s why it should work even better on us. I hope you feel better soon librarian_chef, I hope I haven’t offended you, it certainly wasn’t my intention to, I know how hard it is…..it sucks, it’s evern more heart wrenching to watch your kids go though it and have other people judge them for things they can’t help.

Take care, I hope you find what works for you soon.

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[Wgreen]

L-C–You’re going to have an anger issue here if you’re not careful . You need to start another string—”Dealing With Frustration!”

BTW: I LOVE your comment on meditation. Teaching a severe ADDer to meditate without pumping him/her full of some drug would seem to be akin to teaching a fish to play the tuba. Maybe it’s possible, but…

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[Bill]

L_C you seem to be arguing from principle, i.e. an idealized view of ADHD, rather than working with what you have. ADHD is not expressed the same in all people who have it. It may not be the same in a single individual at all times. For example, I’m better at focusing on repetitive tasks in the morning than in the afternoon.

I think it’s important that we not box ourselves in with definitions of ADHD and find the work arounds and strategies that allow each individual to utilize their resources. Dr. Jain’s advice in an ADHD meetup was not to take on the whole of ADHD at once. Pick the one thing that is the biggest stumbling block for you and focus on strategies to help in that area.

The stillness many people seek with meditation can be achieved using other techniques. I started a thread about free relaxation recordings here: http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=1138 It’s also an area where it’s possible to have someone guide you until you can get there on your own. Certainly, the first time I tried to meditate I was unable to still my thoughts, but I think everyone trying it for the first time has that problem.

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[Zita]

I just read over the post again, it takes me a few times for every thing to sink in….congradualtions TheGameGuy for keeping your cool and fixing your light, I know almost for certain if it was me, after I steped on my shoe lace I would have to lost it!! lol Not a small victory….I huge one good for you!!

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[billd]

l_c and wgreen, I fully relate. Hair trigger, I don’t feel a thing until it happens.

LOL – dogs are easy to train because, well, refer to the Far Side cartoons – the more intelligent you are, the more you tend to RESIST training and others telling you what to do as you think for yourself……….. No offense dog owners. I keep thinking of the FS cartoon, dog in car, heading away, bragging to his friends “I’m going to go get tutored……..”

Anyway, I can’t sit still long enough to meditate, and if I am sitting without outside direction, then my mind goes warp 9.75 and won’t respond to the all stop signal, thrusters are off-line. It’s going all different directions in 100 different universes at one time. Meditation requires control, ADD folks lack that control, at least me, my mother and my youngest son do.

I could not meditate unless on mind-altering drugs that had me wiped out.

Why does one think I have problems at work? Can’t concentrate on ONE thing at a time!

Shoot, I can’t even be hypnotized – an expert tried and explained why it won’t work on me.

librarian_chef and I are twins…………

Bill – no offense brother, but I don’t think you have it the same way some of us do – seems to me not to the same depth.

I’m on the extreme end, VERY extreme.

As a school psychologist once told my mother, I’m also hammered on with the frustration that often comes with having a high IQ and getting short when others simply “can’t get it”. He said it runs in our family, and often happens to folks who are so far ahead in school, they see the rest of the class as holding them back. It’s that way at work – as the old saying goes, hard to soar with the eagles when you are flying with turkeys or however that goes (short memory too)

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[Bill]

Hey BillD – no offense taken. I am still feeling my way through this as well. I’m certainly no expert. I know enough about meditation/mindfulness/hypnotherapy to know that when ONE person says you can’t be hypnotized, what he’s really saying is that HE doesn’t know how to guide you to that state. The stage hypnotists get people there in the middle of crowded bars. A friend hypnotized a motorcyclist who had dropped his bike and was lying on the highway in agony, to give him some pain relief until the ambulance could get there. The stereotype of “relax and let your mind go blank” is just one way, hardly the only way. We no longer have to bore people into hypnosis. There are “instant inductions” now. I don’t know if you can be hypnotized or not. I just know that there are multiple ways, so don’t let one person talk you out of it.

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[Anonymous]

Hi Bll/Librarian_Chef (and all): I too have the unfortunate ability to increase my anger state from calm to boiling point within milliseconds.

Although I have identified my triggers (ie: feeling like my manager is taking advantage of my skills&ability to complete complex systems designs quickly and squeezing even more prductivity out of me as well as expect me to compete a complicated system design in 6 hours, where it would normally take weeks) , what now?

Other than storming out of the office(quit my job) when such a demand is made to me, or even raising my voice and calling him names(unrealistic, a-hole, inconsiderate, unappreciative), how does one diffuse oneself from blowing up?

Unfortunately i found out the hard way that stress/anger will eventually impact your body.

I became so angry that i felt sudden chest pain, combined with elevated heart rate, and an inability to speak .

Pride is what kept me from calling an ambulance. So I drove myself to the ER, and was immediately whisked to the triage , hooked up to all sorts of macines/IV etc.

No I did not have a heart attack, I am in great health, all is normal, but the fact that my naturally low blood pressure coupled with extremely elevated heart rate was a huge concern to the ER staff.

Bottom line: do what ever it takes to manage your anger, be it join an anger management class, stress release class, or even change job.

Risking one’s life is not worth the anger. I realize its easier said than done, but do what it takes to control it, or it will control you.

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[Anonymous]

CookieMonster make good suggestions.

Anger is manageable, but it takes effort and practice to change the wiring we have gotten used to using. I go from happy to are you FN kidding me to Go F ur’self in 3 seconds if I let it happen. If I catch it happening I can take a deep breath and think of a better way, with my wife I tend to not be as careful and that is an issue and something else I’m working on.

Learning to use different tools. Put away the hammer and take out a paint brush.

Cheers.

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[nellie]

LOL reading all these posts I can soooo relate. This is something I’m really working on.

Just wondering though – those of you with short fuses – did you grow up in calm homes or were one or both parents that way too?

My father has the shortest emotional fuse of anyone I know and my mother is the total opposite. I can tell you it was pretty darn interesting where I grew up !! Not a great learning environment though for rational behavior, but verrrry interesting!

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[Anonymous]

Bill’s original post is what many refer to has being mindful, or having the presence of “now”. The book Where Ever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabet Zihn speaks to these concepts. I have read the book a couple of times and really relate to it, however I also find my anger, my moodiness is a “Flash” occurrence, so it is a difficult concept for me to apply personally.

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[Author]

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