Do you feel like a dissapointment?

[Outoftune]

Although I’m aware of my redeeming qualities I often get overwhelmed with the feeling that I’m a dissapointment to those around me. I cognitively know this is not true but can’t get rid of this sinking feeling. I very often forget things, miss details or are not precise enough and people seem to have no problems expressing their dissapointment in me. Is it just me or does anyone else feel this way? It’s extremely disheartening and draining. I was hoping people who go through this could help me feel not so alone in this and share any coping strategies they have for dealing with this feeling. Thanks so much!

REPORT ABUSE

[munchkin]

For me, I think it got hard wired as a small child – did something go wrong? Munchkin must’ve done or not done it… I’m always hypervigilant, ready to do damage control for whatever it is that I’m about to realize I’ve screwed up- side effect: self esteem crushing feeling of constantly falling short of expectations. I’m hoping now that I have this actual diagnosis of ADD and new found meds, I’ll be able to set more realistic expectations with people, and be more conscious of my strengths and weaknesses. Hopefully then I won’t be having so many of these horrible “oh $#!*” moments all the time that keep this whole cycle going. One thing I try to do is stop feeling bad all the time – especially when I haven’t done anything wrong. I have to consciously take time to look at what I’ve done right today – at the end of the day, think about what went right and feel good about that. If I don’t do that, I will slip back into “I’m a bad person” thing really quickly…

REPORT ABUSE

[billd]

Yes, to myself. There’s so much more I could have done, and so much i’ve done that I could have done much better.

REPORT ABUSE

[sdwa]

Sure. I think I have disappointed people. But I also grew up in a negative environment in which I felt that the severe problems and reactions of adults in my world were my fault, so who knows? I’m working on a shift from feeling defective and broken to just being wired differently and having that be okay.

What helped me a lot was reading Gabor Mate’s book “Scattered” – he has a couple of great chapters, one on “differentiation” (forming a separate identity, the opposite of enmeshment in relationships) and one on oppositionality (kneejerk defiance) which he says serves a similar function. “Scattered” is one of the deeper, more insightful books about ADHD I’ve seen.

REPORT ABUSE

[Shadow Nexus]

I feel like a fool that I didn’t see job hunting as a futile waste of time. The truth was there staring me right in the face for many years. I feel disappointed in myself. I tried to be like everybody else. When I knew, I wasn’t like everybody else. Trying to be “normal”. I’m trying to let go, but it’s not easy.

I knew I was “different” at an very early age. I was voted “most unique” by my high school class. I saw the world very differently than anyone else. You need to accept your limitations and strengths. Your not “normal” and average. You are extraordinary, get over it!

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Last time I felt like that was….what time is it now?

REPORT ABUSE

[Lucky77]

Funny how through life you just know you are different, and it’s easy to think you are different in a bad way. From job hopping, to not having any true long lasting friendships it is easy to be disappointed.

It is so easy to say, “yeah, but I have some awesome things about myself too…” but harder to always believe or focus on that.

I have found that reading the site, the past blogs has helped me tremendously in recognizing that it is actually a medical issue, not just being a flake!

Hang in there, kiddo. Continue on your path with ADHD (getting diagnosed, medication, coping strategies). Like G.I Joe says: Knowing is half the battle. Did I really just type that? I remember 80s cartoons, but can’t seem to remember anything else! Ay-yai-yai!

You are definitely not alone Sherri27 in your feelings!

REPORT ABUSE

[Outoftune]

Wow thanks guys! This is very therapudic for me! I totally identify with that feeling of just knowing you are diffrent and assuming it must be in a bad way and having that rienforced by family, friends, professors, bosses, etc.. throughout life. It is soooo hard to get that shame feeling out of your brain it’s like a sinking feeling like you are always doing the wrong thing and not doing anything well enough as some of you have said. OMG I’m almost finished reading Gabor Mate’s book and it’s absolutely wonderful! It’s the first book I’ve ever been really able to follow with out having to re read lines and I haven’t got distracted when reading it I think he totally wrote it for us. The parts about that shame feeling ring so true with me and I’m working on it. It’s amazing how important our attunement is in infancy like one of you said we become so hyper alert …another thing I’m working on! lol

Thanks guys!

REPORT ABUSE

[Bill]

Forgive yourself for being you. There are times when I have to shake my head over what I do / don’t do, but I’ve stopped beating myself up about it. Why flog a dead horse? It’s just me. The good, the bad and the ugly.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Sherri27 I can totally relate to you I lost my job of 1 year because I have a hard time focusing on details and forget details (i.e. reports due). I tried to explain to my employer that I was working on getting treatment for add but they did not take me seriously. I feel like a total disappointment to family/friends because they were so proud of me for landing my dream job. I kinda think my employer discriminated against me but cannot prove anything.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

i totally relate, memories of school .. could do better if, gifted but talks out, not up to potential … it is a dragging feeling, with

anger at the attitude that those ppl had

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

Yes. It was that way with my former husband. I was never good enough as a wife. I was disorganized and the house wasn’t perfect, so I was made to feel incompetent and a failure. It killed the marriage btw. But, even though I”m far from perfect and my house is never perfect I manage to live a pretty happy life, and don’t have someone judging me on those things now.

REPORT ABUSE

[curlysue]

I feel like a disappointment too. its hard to see your good qualities. its also hard knowing you are capable of so much but unable to meet that potential.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

to: Sherri27,

I read you post.

I feel so much like you. I feel like I am not good enough of a person in my family. I have been negatively critize most of my life. I have one sister that lives 15 minutes away. My dad was married before my mom and he has one daughter from this marriage. This makes (Barb) my half sister. She is very outspoken and she does not care about people’s feelings, unless they are her own. She lives on the west coast of the United States, thank God.

For X-mas two years ago, she sent me a book. The title was “Take Responsibility” and on the inside of the book, she typed up a little paragrah and glued it to the inside of the cover. The typing said, I really hope you get help…you are far out there somewhere. Your life is such a mess because you do not take responsibility for your actions. This X-mas, I was distraught by this book, hurtful feelings and so on. My mom had just passed away in June of this same year. I became her caretaker, while living between two homes and taking care of my two girls.

Then 30 days later,(January of 2011) on my facebook..she wrote how I can not take care of my two girls. Since, I do not meet up to her expectations, she said she is going care for them by email and phone calls. My two girls do not like her.

Talk about disappointments, I have two girls with ADHD and my younger daughter has ADHD, bipolar and a developemental disorder. So school has been much harder, her learning style is different, she lacks self-esteem, and she still has melt downs and she is 17 years of age. Life has not been easy. But, I tried my best, found resources in my area to help, support groups and my ex-husband is not involved at all, and he does not pay the child support that is required from him.

My sister Debbie, who lives 15 min. away, will not come to my home because she said that I do not keep up with things like my mom did. So, I try my hardest and everything I do is not good enough.

I dreamed of being successful one day and I do not believe in myself like I used to. My two girls do not think of me, as my sisters do. They love me and tell me all the time. We are all “out there somewhere: as Bard says, but we have fun and we can laugh at the things that we do and the things we forget about.

Thank you for your post. I do not feel so alone.

REPORT ABUSE

[Anonymous]

I think that the worst thing we can do, is to attend to any judgements either by outsiders or by ourselves.

Every day for decades I accepted judgements from parents and anyone else with an opinion and all it did was fuel my ability to trash myself … so there was/is no way I was going to ‘win’. Oddly, one or two of Dr.Aman’s ADD types are said to focus on the good opinions of others. My ADHD is fueled by judgement and loathing, not surprising that I have pent up anger , not entirely sure if I am angry at me or the ‘world’ or both. I think avoiding humans might be a great idea, but the lighthouses our here are closed.

laughing helps … letting go will if i can force myself to drop it all

For Cindy .. your sister sounds poisonous, avoid her.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts