Does anyone else have friends?

[Blue Yugo]

The worst is family gatherings or workplace events for which they hire DJ’s.  I’m sorry to all those DJ’s out there, but either turn down the volume or stick to karaoke clubs.  I can’t stand having to shout at the top of my lungs to have conversation over music that is already extremely loud.  That, plus with so much noise it just becomes chaos and it’s hard to maintain conversation because too much noise from all around.

Off the original topic, but how the thread wandered…

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[Geoduck]

Friends. UGH! Why is this so hard?

 

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[sdwa]

First of all – I think there are ADHD support groups. There is one in my area, but I never go to it because it’s in a weird place not easily accessed by public transportation, and I don’t like to drive.

I’ve always been a loner. I find being around other people to be exhausting. It takes a lot of effort to listen to them and engage. I usually feel overwhelmed and shut down after a couple of hours. Not only that, I have this kind of chronic sense of alienation, and feel like I don’t belong, or am on the outside looking in. Rarely do I feel like I am accepted the way I am – people want something else, resent it when they don’t get it. Or something.

Historically, I’ve had one or two friends I would see on a regular basis, although usually they would be the kind of people who would have hordes of other friends, and I would feel a little bad about not being as important in their lives as they were in mine. I don’t like feeling vulnerable in that way.

I’m married, so my husband is my friend. I have one other friend outside the marriage.

I don’t like going into places where there are a lot of people. I wish I had a community – but I hate being in a group when I’m in one, so I’m not sure that makes sense for me. Do I really want that, or is it more the idea of it? The other issue is that society acts like it is not OK to not be social. Just got an invitation to the birthday party of a relative who I’m sure knows a hundred people. It’s considered normal to be the life of the party and have hundreds of superficial contacts who you pretend to care about. I don’t get it.

I am actually pretty content on my own, when I make the effort to get out of the house (not easy) and experience the things I enjoy, like cool places in nature, or concerts of real music instead of annoying music, or going and looking at art.

I like being on the periphery of a group, where I can enjoy the energy of  other people being around without actually having to do the work of engaging with them. (And yes, they are mind-numbingly boring).

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[darktendril]

I also have a lot of difficulties making and/or keeping friends. I think that there are a few reasons for this.

1) I am kind of strange and random, and not what a “normal” girl (woman??) is supposed to be like, I don’t think..

2) I interrupt people. All the time. I try not to…

3) I also get excited and talk really fast sometimes, and I’m not sure if other people always follow

4) If there is TOO much going on, like at a party where I am trying really hard to act like I fit in, I will sooner or later get completely overwhelmed and just retreat off somewhere.  Then people definitely think I am weird, but I don’t know how to explain myself.

5) Keeping in regular contact with people/remembering birthdays/etc… NO idea how to manage this.. I will go months without calling people, even people I really like and want as friends.  I guess to some people, this comes across like I don’t care..  One co-worker told me just the other day that she isn’t inviting anyone to here wedding who she hasn’t spoken to in the last month.  My jaw just dropped.  She speaks to ALL of her friends, EVERY month???  I don’t even have any RL friends (LOL) and managing to do that still seems incomprehensible to me..   I actually asked an ADHD coach once for tips on this, and she had no real advice.. 🙁

 

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