Does anyone else have friends?

[blackdog]

Hiya @moses, welcome to TADD. 🙂

I’m pretty new here myself. One thing you don’t need to worry about here is saying to much or being too random or weird. Trust me, just be yourself and you’ll fit in just fine. Everyone will understand because we’re all just as weird. 😉

I was just thinking some of the same things you said earlier this morning. That no one wants to be friends with me because I’m too boring. That I don’t really need friends because I can entertain myself to no end. But it does get lonely at times. The problem is, I’m the life of the party when I’m alone.  But put me in a room full of people and you get instant wallflower. And I know what you mean about the constant explaining. What’s worse is when they don’t give you a chance to explain and just get all offended and stop talking to you.

I also have one good friend from high school who doesn’t talk to me much any more. He lives in another city now and another income bracket, which is the real problem. He’s busy travelling around the world while I’m stuck here in my boring little work-a-day life. We just don’t have anything to say to each other any more. But I can count on him for support when I really need it. If he is somewhere in North America at the time.

@jojosephine– Glad to hear your night out alone went so well. Sometimes it is nice to just spend a little time by yourself. I know what you mean about the reading. I try to read when I’m on the bus or having a coffee and I’m lucky if I make it through 2 or 3 pages. Just too much going on around me. Plus on the bus there is the risk of missing my stop and ending up miles out of my way if I do get focused on what I’m reading.

I never had lasting friendships when I was younger. But it was mostly because I would make friends with the new girl at school in September and then after a few weeks she would realize that I was unpopular and stop being friends with me so she could join the in crowd.

The lack of support groups might have something to do with the social awkwardness. The percentage of adults with ADHD is fairly low I think and most of them probably don’t know that they do have it. Or don’t believe it. Or just don’t look for help.

I fall into that last category. I have n known for nearly 20 years that I have ADD but I never really talked about it or tried to do anything about it. I just figured “someday” I would find the right job, get the house cleaned up, get organized……etc. I have also had some very severe episodes of depression where I really had no awareness of what was going on around me and didn’t care. It wasn’t until I made a really good friend online who also has Major Depressive Disorder and really bad ADHD that I started to connect the dots and see the ADD  in everything I do. I get why I have such a hard time getting along with people now and why I’m always late for work and can’t function for at least two hours after I wake up.

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[kc5jck]

@blackdog

ADHD .  .  .  its the new normal.  So don’t say everyone here is weird, we’re just ahead of our time.

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[moses]

well in highschool i had almost no friends, all my friends were the people no one wanted to be friends with, which was okay cuz that meant i had friends, no matter how socially awkward they were, and i was. what was most upsetting growing up was i always ended up saying the wrong things at the wrong time, and most people didnt know i had ADHD AND TOURRETTES cuz i never talked about it cuz i didnt want people judging me cuz that would mean the cats out and that meant more people would look at me weird, so that sucked. i often thought to myself why they always mistook what i said or whatever, but as i got older io reaslised they just simply had no idea about the vast majority of the world and what makes it tick. HA tick tick, they just understoond listen, quiet repeat regurgitate continue, when i was more concerned with OMG did you know that!? i didnt lets move one, why we talking about that again didnt we jst cover it? go go go go, flying a million miels a minute, its no wonder people thought i was mildly crazy.. its all good now tho, but im surprised at how little you can accomplish in your day2day adult life when your consciously trying to avoid most people. cuz i find most people to be unpleasent and kinda, slowish. like they stick to one topic for EVER and im like, dude move on, boring lets go. then i end up burning up all the conversations, then the awkwards get involved cuz they cant keep up to the sporadicness. sorry for my spelling i tyype too fast to be bothered with gramar, i hate gramar it takes too long and my thought moves quickly then i start forgetting what i was tryting to say but u knew that i think so w/e, anyways ya. now i never have any problems getting along with people, but its cuz im pretty passive in conersation now, and im pretty non energetic in convo now too cuz growing up it got too teadious always explaining, re explaining then reapeating what i say, so it got to the poibnt where im like, okay ill keep it simple so they can follow, but then that leads to a very short and completely uniteresting conversation which sucks then i get bored. cuz i dont like always revisiting a former topic so early in the game, its like. lets move on untill we cant move on anymore, THEN lets ask questions.

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[blackdog]

@kc5jck– I don’t mean weird in a bad way. Sorry if you were offended by it. Weird is good. Weird is interesting, witty, smart, unique, not just another robot wearing the latest fashions and spouting all the latest gossip. Weird is my kind of people. 🙂

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[trashman]

I know I have never had a lot of friends , and loyal friends were almost impossible to find! I had a lot of friends in my late teens, just because I always had the drugs and alcohol. now that I have no good paying  job , or no longer do  drugs or drink I have lost all my friends! Its ok they are all too much work to keep!!!!!!!!!!SO now I just think go away from me . Just because you will sooner than latter. PS you can’t lose what you don’t have!!!

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[Blue Yugo]

I think I drift over to lonely corners when in a crowd because then I can avoid the awkwardness of not paying attention to what other people are talking about, or my own tendency to talk excessively.  It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.

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[Patte Rosebank]

I find crowded places very overwhelming.  It’s partly the lack of personal space, and partly not being able to filter out the cacophony of the loud music and all the conversations going on around me.  In those situations, I can really understand why the Grinch was driven to such extremes by even the thought of all the “noise, noise, noise, NOISE!”

I rarely ride public transit, so whenever I do, I really feel that overwhelm.  So, I plug into my MP3 player, close my eyes, and just lose myself in some music that has harmonies and multiple layers for my brain to pick apart.

I use the same technique to get through my many visits to the dentist and the oral surgeon.  It really works!!!

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[wanderquest]

@Blue Yugo Man, does that sound familiar. That’s one of my favorite quotes too.

Every close friend I’ve ever had, and a lot of co-workers too, have at one point admitted that they thought I was a real B-word when they met me because I never talked to anyone. I always have to step into the situation slowly because I know I’ll really look like a jerk to a stranger if I commandeer the conversation 5 seconds in and rattle on uncontrollably. So the other option is silence.

@Larynxa  How do you do in shopping malls or big box stores? I get overwhelmed when I have to shop in those places by myself. I have to take someone with me or I start to get a panicky feeling and have to drop everything and get the heck out.

 

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[achelois]

I am sort of a loner….I used to be more friendly and had more friends but since my last depression which lasted for a long time, i changed.

I can only keep in touch with certain type of people.

So i do have a few close friends, but not many.

I live with 2 cats though 😉

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[Blue Yugo]

@wanderquest I either talk too much…or not enough.  I am sometimes successful in being in my own little solipsistic world out and about at stores, hiking trails, or the amusement park.  I recently hit upon a term “Misophonia”, which is a misnomer, but describes why I’m sometimes freaked out by certain noises that cause me to flee places.

It describes the portion of my ADD mind which needs to escape from noises that very much literally “hijack” my brain and don’t allow me to freely concentrate on what I want to.  There is no faster way to get me to abandon my shopping cart and flee a store than for there to be a wailing baby.  Then again, I also have a strange meditation CD that is literally the sounds of footsteps scrunching through a path of fallen autumn leaves that doesn’t bother me in the least.  Crowds can sometimes hijack my brain and I’d need to be with someone else so a) I don’t feel awkward being alone, and b) if they talk with me, then I have something specific to concentrate on and don’t zone out in all the excessive noise.  Problem is…having so few friends (and hardly any that enjoy amusement parks), I don’t get to go many places with others.

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[blackdog]

@Larynxa– LOL Maybe the Grinch’s problem wasn’t that his heart was two sizes too small. Maybe he just had ADHD. 🙂

I never really thought about this before. But when I was a kid I was very sensitive to noises. I absolutely hated thunderstorms, especially at night. At first someone, usually mom, would get up and sit with me until the storm was over. When I got too old for that I came up with a technique for calming myself-rolling back and forth  in my bed with my hands over my ears and humming. I was very easily startled by any loud noise and sometimes even something as small as the hum from a fluorescent light was enough to drive me crazy.

I’m not that bad now, probably mostly because I have lost some of my hearing. But lately I have found myself getting more sensitive again. It is such a relief when the TV is turned off at night. And the sound of the fridge is kind of irritating me right now.

I was out shopping today and I found it a little overwhelming. Especially when we got to the checkout and there were massive lines of people everywhere. But I’m usually okay in stores unless it is very crowded and noisy, like it is at Christmas time. I tend to kind of be in my own little world and pretty much oblivious to to what’s around me, especially if there are lots of interesting things to look at, like sparkly decorations. Or toys. I love walking through the toy section and playing with everything.   It just relaxes and soothes me. Sometimes I will do it just for the sole purpose of stress relief.

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[jojosephine]

Oh that definitely contributes to why I don’t like concerts, packed bars, sporting events, Christmas shopping (shopping in general). I always wondered why I had a different view on these than most.

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[Scattybird]

Why do shops and/or malls (depending on which side of the water you are)  play horrible LOUD music?  Sometimes it’s so loud that I can’t stand being in the shop so I leave. What’s THAT about?!!

 

Also, I have just started Concerta and feel like Mrs Angry when it drops out at night. My fast release Ritalin didn’t do that…..does anyone else have the same problem?

Friends……Just thought I’d mention the word because that’s what the topic is about. 🙂

 

 

 

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[Wgreen]

Ole Russell Barkley frequently cites “friendlessness” as a consequence of ADD. And I can think of several reasons why that might be:

1) Persistent foot-in-mouth disease
2) A lack of other social skills
3) An inability to show—or pretend to show—appropriate curiosity for the interests of others. Or… a disinterest in—or even antipathy towards—others who don’t share our ideas and passions
4) Personal quirks/obsessions that turn other people off, i.e., temper tantrums, bouts of frustration, disorganization/untidiness, defeatist attitudes, constant daydreaming, forgetting to show up on time or at all, and generally spending hours doing things that stimulate us (video games, FB, etc.) rather than investing in the hard work that real friendship requires
5) What you guys said…

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[blackdog]

@Wgreen– Yep, that pretty much sums up why I don’t have friends. Along with a general dislike of humans. I prefer cats.

@Scattybird– I have often wondered the same thing. It always boggled my noggin why my coworkers wanted to have a radio on when you could barely hear it over top of all the other noise. One of the things that annoys me the most is when I can only half hear something. It makes me focus more on it trying to make out what I’m hearing and then I can’t focus on what I need to hear.

It doesn’t bother me so much in stores, but restaurants that have music so loud that you can’t have a conversation or even think really annoy me. And the movie theatres are so loud now. It ruins the enjoyment of the movie. It’s so loud that my mother has to turn her hearing aid off. And she only has about 45% hearing without it. I think I’m going to try earplugs next time.

And speaking of annoying noises, Husband is making several of them right now because he wants to be fed and because I’m not paying any attention to him.

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