Feeling "In Trouble" Most of the time

[adhdwife1]

@crapiforgotmyusername – that is sooo me. I’m also in sales and also afraid of the customers and also forget my username almost every time I try to log in and have to click on the “I forgot my user name” button. It’s not even hard! (I think it’s the 1 at the end that gets me everytime)

I DO always think I’m in trouble too, or that I could get fired at any second from my job.

I read in the most recent blog post something about being busy all the time but not productive. That is me – I try so hard and spend so much of my “free” time on my job but still can’t keep up or do what I’m supposed to.

Customers are always mad because I screwed up or forgot something, so I make up a bunch of lies to cover it up. I lie to my boss about stuff all the time too which makes me feel bad – I really truly don’t want to lie but don’t know how else to explain myself. I always feel behind, I always feel in trouble, I always feel like everything could fall apart at any second, I always feel like I’m in too deep.

OK not always, but often enough to suck.

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[Patte Rosebank]

Those feelings of always being in trouble, afraid, guilty, helpless, unworthy…

@Rick & I are working on an audio project about that.  It’s going to be incredibly powerful.

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[Fabulous]

You will laugh at this one: One time I walked out of a grocery store just as a cop pulled up in a police car and jumped out and ran toward me. In that instant, I was 100% convinced they were there for me. Completely irrational, but that’s what I felt! So, yes, I always feel ‘in trouble’.

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[MarieAngell]

@Fabulous, I’ve had that experience too. I have often felt I should prepare to go to prison, although, as yet, I have done nothing felonious. Oh, anxiety! Such fun!

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[Fabulous]

OMG! Yes! When my mind wanders unchecked toward the future, my vision of how I will spend my old age is either in a prison cell, or committing suicide by jumping off a bridge.

(Disclaimer: I am not suicidal.)

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[pigmonkey]

@robbo, sorry mate, I was not welcome in teams, I was the guy who got threatened not to show up for intramural sports.  I tended to stay to my self, and study more singular forms of exercise.  Martial arts, swimming, badminton, anything where I did not have to rely on any one or any one did not have to rely on me.  So I can say with complete asurity that your quarterback was not me… thanks for the ego boost though.

@Larynxa, I try to exercise regularly, its harder in the winter time.  Soon it will be warm(er) in the mornings and that always makes it easier.  Still, its really hard hauling my ass out to the back yard to practice, even during warm days.

 

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[Robbo]

Bingo! @Larynxa,

“You’re not burning up those hormones by running for your life, so they’re just keeping you in a permanent state of stress, raising your blood pressure & pulse rate, increasing your belly fat (and risk of diabetes), and all sorts of other unpleasant things.”

I’m a lil bit over a mile each time I go out for exercise now. At first it was 4 days a week. I think now that… well, since I’ve got way too much time on my hands. I think I’ll start going a lil bit farther down the path next to one of the gazillion canals we’ve got here in the land of milk and honey.

I got some good pictures of a horse today. I’m thinking up a name for the blond one that was out today. There’s a chocolate brown one that always turns around and shows me it’s ass when I take out the camera. Maybe the blond is much less shy about it’s looks. It always looks like it’s posing. Must be the mare. ;-)~

When I get home from blasting the wind in my face I like to work out with a dumb bell. It’s about 3 or 4 pounds with the clamps. I put just one 2.5 pound weight on it. Usually about 2 or 3 sets of 12 or 20 for each muscle set. To me a “muscle set” is any two opposing muscle groups. Like my biceps, and my triceps.It’s all about balance. I used to be very heavy into body building for most of my youth. Weight training. Power lifting. Just all of it. All the dang time. People that actually caught up with me probably might have called me something like “turbo”. But I spent most of my time alone back in those days. It’s not likely that I’ll go back to over-doing that stuff.

But now that I understand my body chemistry a lil better, I feel like it’s a good idea to keep on pumpen iron like I’ve been doing.

I’m a recovering narcissist. It ain’t fun to admit. But it’s honest…may not be the truth, but it’s honest. Lot’s of folks in this camp can probably relate, please don’t take this wrong.

I don’t mean it in a sense of black and white. All the struggle we talk about on this web site are on a spectrum!. Please remember this!. There’s a lot of grey in our world. Get freaking used to it!!!!!.Grey is a colour that means Wisdom. 

The ones with really severe narcissistic tendencies are out chasing what-ever they’re obsessed with instead of trying to plug some of their energy back into the rest of our civilization.

We’re here.

Doing what ever the heck we can to make this world at least a lil bit better. In our own way. It’s the only way we can roll, after all. Right?
R-
PS, The wind was biting hard on my joints this morning. I just tried to think about when I used to paddle out into 55 degree water in the winter. What made it easy was the fact that I was constantly paddling. As long as we’re busy burning calories, and have a decent amount of warm clothing covering us. It’s almost never too cold.

I bet you guys up in The Great White North see joggers all the time buzzing around in the snow in neoprene suits. I’ve bot a 4/3 wet suit. Same thing basically, I would have died of hypothermia without it. The important thing is to have enough real calories Plus Protein  to burn. (I also eat a little bit of creatine if I’ve got any soreness). But protein is actually energy food you guys!. zzzz. I really really like the dopamine buzz I always get when I work out. I’ve read some interesting things about exercise addiction/adrenaline addiction. The truth is that I’ve just got ADD brain chemistry.  I love the way exercise balances out my brain chemistry.
It ain’t a crime to exercise a lot. Too much of anything ain’t good. Huh? Exercise, you’ll feel better. I don’t care if you think you’re fat. Give your-self a dang break, okay?Thanks. 

Dang!, when I press “edit” not, it’s all freaking old school html. I wonder what I did wrong to deserve this crap?.

Can’t please everyone…

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[allan wallace]

*sigh* It’s the cross that we must bear, no? Even by the purgatorial standards of my gloriously dysfunctional family I was tagged as the scapegoat, the fall guy, the convenient presence upon which the household infractions were nailed to! Even when I wept and gnashed teeth for a belting over something I hadn’t even heard of and I was as innocent as a foetus, I was the handy file for trouble…it was infuriating bearing the punishment of my next brother time and time again for his sins due to his inherent cowardice and rat cunning as I’d blundered into an unfolding Royal Commission and the Court would cry in unison ‘Guilty, Yer Honour’! If I thought that school was going to offer some respite I was crestfallen to run foul of the old bag Head-Mistress who humiliated me with some slaps, rough pushes, and unmentionable profanities for giving a big mouth turd a blood nose! Served him right for making fun of my Scottish accent, no? *shudder* It only got worse from there. I’m so accustomed to being in trouble, being a trouble, or troubled, that if a day or two passes without an uproar or tumult I’m beginning to think that everybody has just chipped in to hire a hitman and be done with me!

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[mulegirltx]

This thread has been on my mind SO much lately. Truly, I believe I’ve thought about it every single day for at least a week and a half, because I’m SO there.

I laughed at the belief the cops outside the grocery store were there for you, @Fabulous. I’ve been there, done that. In fact, recently I felt as though the cops who were ALREADY at the grocery store when I arrived must be there for me. Why? I have no clue. 😀

I also understand and empathize with your future visions in some weird way.

I’ve had one helluva time lately with my landlords–I do some chores around the property in exchange for reduced rent. Having ADD, I have messed up a lot of course. However, lately I find myself thinking *anything* that goes wrong must be my fault–or at least I believe that’s what they’ll think. It’s to the point that if the wind blew the roof off their house I swear I would think that somehow *I* caused it to happen.

Off topic a bit: @Robbo–the horse turning its butt to you may just be wanting you to give him/her a good butt scritchin’! 😀 All of my equids love a good butt scratch more than just about anything other than food. You should try to take photos of donkeys–when they hear the distinctive sound of anything resembling a camera (and trust me, they learn those sounds astonishingly fast), all donkeys will immediately rush up to the lens so that all you get on “film” is a great big, enlarged donkey nose. 🙂 It’s similar to how dogs will instantaneously cease any cute activity when the camera comes out.

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[Robbo]

lol, it’s funny to read about yer donkeys @mulegirltx.

Thanks for letting us know about them.

I think we feel like we’re in trouble because We Are Trouble! with a capitol T. lol.

But someone’s got to be the “trouble” after all, right? The trick is to try and balance out how often we cause trouble. There is a sometimes strange part of me that just plain likes to stir up the doo doo.

I don’t do it on purpose, Honest!. But so many times I hear myself, and even see what I write here look very much more sarcastic than I mean to be. And not when I said I like what you say about donkeys @mulegirltx.

It’s just my imagination over-doing it’s job again.

I get more thinking done before 9:00 am than most people do all dang day! 

This is one of the happy hazards of having such a magnifying mind.

Hopefully early this week I’ll get a phone call from my doctor about the psychiatrist appointment I had last week. They’ve decided to let my try the methylphenidate again. This time I won’t be so dang anal retentive about taking it on time as if my dang life depended on it.

It ain’t a matter of life, or death. Not even close.

Part of the reason I quit taking it before was the fact that I didn’t always want to take it!. Now, taking it more than prescribed is definitely not part of the solution. But I have read about taking a medication vacation on another web site. It was an article from ADDitude magazines email that I got.

It’s also not a crime to skip a dose now and then. Nope.

It ain’t.

Basically, the problem is this. I just have medical/medicare. And with all the extra “obama care” patients being added to the mixture of health care recipients. Dudes like me have to wait much much longer for an appointment with a psychiatrist.

It’s just the way it is, and I either have to accept the facts of life. Or not have health care. Period!.

Well, last year, I literally did just decide not to get psychiatric health care. Mainly because I’m much less mentally ill than the vast majority of cases they have to deal with.

Regardless of what you guys may think based on an occasional whacked out post of mine. (that is likely to be mis-understood based on the readers perspective at the time)  I’m really just a very excitable dude with a very hyperactive case of ADHD. Way out there on the extremes of the hyperactivity scale…

Way…

totally, huh?

So, we’re not in trouble you guys. Not even close.

We’re just a lil bit weird, and it’s in a good way too.

Again, let me just say it again.

We are not in trouble. We’re not even guilty!.

Nope.

So just learn to live with it. Okay? And if you can get some good advice about taking medications on the Internet, from a really good professional psychologist, and from some friends at church. Then go ahead and do the best you can with the resource you actually do have.

Well that’s great man! Go ahead and run with it!.

And don’t just give up because you’re #67 on the list of folks who need to see the psychiatrist. And when you get there, ya end up writing a short novel on your phone about how extremely undignified it is to be grouped in with about a gazziliilian other seriously mentally ill folks. Some of them are very dangerous and quite criminally insane.

But being taken care of along the same lines as those folks does not make you like them. It’s a good idea to have some real compassion for these folks too. Cuz but for the grace of The Loving God that made ya.

There goes you pal!. Yep. that’s you but for the grace…

And you’re just kindof hyper. And talkative.

And you’ve got an imagination that just will not quit!, this ain’t nothing like a crime. Not even close.

AAACK

it’s gonna be okay.

We’re not in trouble.

We are trouble.

Capital T.

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[Author]

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