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July 22, 2011 at 6:24 am #89682
AnonymousInactiveJuly 22, 2011 at 6:24 amPost count: 14413After watching my nephew run in circles for hours at my mothers house i commented to her how hyper that kid is. Her response was “he’s NOTHING like YOU were”. Hugh? What? She then went on to tell me how the school wanted to put me on Ritalin but she would not hear of it- they were not putting a label on her boy!! This was five months ago.
Labels? looking back I was always in trouble in school-blurting out, mouthing off, fighting, always ended up sitting beside the teacher. In my small town I still carry the labels given to people who behaved the way I did. One thing that saved me was I was intelligent – never took home books or did homework.( untill grade 12 when i new i had to get grades for admission to university, i made the honor roll with very little effort). Labels so far were- crazy genious from my peers, and “underachever” from teachers. I dont think any person was as despised by teachers and strapped/ punished as much as me. “WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU” still rings in my ears, and with it a hatred of teachers.
One event that stands out in my mind occured in grade five. A friend of mine and I started a boys club called “The Bats “(because we would make tiny bats on a wood lathe for members). Many other boys wanted to join and did. To my horror i found out there was a meeting one night and I was not invited!!. The other co founder saw the look on my face and organized a meeting with the other boys on the school grounds to discuss my fate as i watched on. He was a great guy (ended up class valadictorion). He then told me i could go but everyone in the club was not happy with my behavior- he told me all my “traits” would have to be fixed- im not going to list them as they are available on any internet site about ADHD. I was crushed! I had no idea that I was viewed that way by my friends. From that point I felt “different” and tried real hard to modify my behavior- but still they persisted and my self esteem was shattered.
I will not say that I had a real horrible childhood. I was a good athlete, was hansome enough to attract girls and did have lots of friends. Im sure no one knows how hard it was me to “behave”.
About grade 8 i started to smoke cigarrettes, grade 9 alcohol and pot. Pot at least 3 times a day and drink on weekends, the pot slowed my mind down just enough to get by, i believe i would have quit school with out it.
Puburty came late for me- about grade 11. Then a real interest in girls. Quit pot and started chasing girls, promiscuity took over.
I went to university for 5 years, changed majors 3 times and never got a degree ( about a year short on 3 of them-engineering, chemistry and economics) why? Have no idea other than i was lazy??crazy?? stupid??
Married and divorced for all the reasons people with ADD do. Two great kids with a good mother.
At about the same time that my mother commented on my childhood/nephew, my ex wife said she thought my son, in grade 9, may have ADD.. “What? NO WAY!! He’s a genious! He gets good grades, never studies or takes home books and is popular! thats Not ADD, look at his cousin!! So what if he mouths off at teachers? So what if he always ends up sitting at the front of the class?? So what if he forgets things everywhere?? Hes just like I was god damn it. Thier jelous!!” was my reply.The teacher told us at P/T interviews shes never had a brighter student in her career, even if he is the most unorginised pupil she has ever seen!! (remember I had NO idea i was a hyper kid AT ALL untill 4 months ago!)
Just so happened that I came accross the PBS special at about that time. You dont know what you dont know. I cried, wept and wondered. Wondered what could of been if my mother would have given me the ritalin label, rather than the blacksheep one. Wondered if my son needed to go through the hell on earth i did. Wondered if the exorcism bullshit my catholic sister in law is putting my nephew through is warranted.
I decided i would get a complete physical from my G.P. Went back for the results armed with a brain full of knowledge on adult ADD a month later, expecting a showdown!!
To my astonishment my physical came back as healthy as a teenager- cholesteral, blood pressure etc. I laughed. My Doc said get dressed and he was about to leave. I stopped him and told him about my childhood, my thoughts and that i thought i may have adult ADD. His response?? ” We now know that about 35% of ADDers carry it into thier adulthood.” WTF no showdown?? He hummed and hawwed and set me up an appointment with a Psyc doctor.
3 months later (2 weeks ago) i have my first appt. with Psychiatrist-CRAZY PEOPLE EVERYWHERE in his office- schitzophreniacs and right fucked up people abound. Im wondereing if its all a big mistake. I’m the only “normal” one there, but i notice that the crazies say out loud collectivly what my mind is thinking. Leave or stay im thinking, I stay.
The Doc. seems to be happy that a somewhat mentally stable person is entering his office. I ask ” did you read the file my doc. sent?” he says “no, i never do”. WTF i think. Im not prepared for this!
I get asked a few questions, “did you make passing grades”, stands out.
“yes”.
“Were you ever in the principles office”.
” yes, 3 times a week”
” A year?”
” No a week”
” Were you expelled from high school”
“many times”
More questions about cigarrettes, drugs, alcohol promiscuity etc.
“How often do you get drunk?”
” 2 or 3 times a month”
“You mean a year”
” No i mean a month”
We talk about pot.
Gets quiet for a moment. I tell him i think i may have adult ADD and outline my history.
“Well if you had ADD you would never been able to pass any grade at school” he says. OMG i should have brought my old report cards and maybe my old teachers phone numbers I think. I knew it was a mistake coming here. He knows nothing of this, or I’m crazy
‘
I’m about to leave as crazy as a loon when he say’s” well we can try this”. gave me a prescription for concerta 36.
A week later every thing changed, i mean everything.
For me the anger and hatred is gone. I can focus at work, find myself thinking before i blurt out, or talk as i used to say. The old thoughts are there but in the back of my mind. My mind has slowed down to where i can handle it. I could go on.
Back at the Psychiatrsts office a week later I realise he was asking me many stupid questions all along to qualify me. He then told me stories of many other adults hes treating after years of torment. he is going to up my prescription next visit to see if it gets better. Truth is Ive never had a better two weeks in my life.
My son is going to be tested next week by a child pschiatrist. My hope is he gets to be the person i might have been.
I hope we can pull my nephew out of that exorcism bullshit in time.
Thanks (and sorry for the spelling)
REPORT ABUSEJuly 23, 2011 at 6:16 am #104783
AnonymousInactiveJuly 23, 2011 at 6:16 amPost count: 14413thanks for sharing very happy for you!!!!
REPORT ABUSEJuly 23, 2011 at 1:40 pm #104784The ignorance about ADD/ADHD is astonishing. Every day I am extremely glad and grateful for Rick Green and this website and the program. I think my area was the first to see the special on PBS last July. Before the show the only time I had ever heard of ADD was when someone made a comment about giving stimulants to hyperactive kids and how crazy that seemed and just a couple of weeks before the show aired, I found out that my niece is ADD. That was why I watched the show. That is why my life is just now starting to turn around even unmedicated. If I hadn’t seen the show, I will still be struggling and failing. Now I have a chance to actually succeed at something without the drama and hysterics and pain I was going through before.
REPORT ABUSEJuly 23, 2011 at 3:10 pm #104785Welcome to the site. You have found your people
You said about your son, “My hope is he gets to be the person i might have been.”
I was a little sad when you said this. Not because you should have been something else, but because you feel your too old to get what you want out of life. You still can be the person you are meant to be. Life doesn’t end at 18 or heck, even 30. Some people actually believe it begins at 40 (me crossing my fingers, I hope so; I’m 39).
Now that you’ve got the ADD under your control, learn about the good parts of it and figure out who it is you want to be and what it is you want to do with your life. It’s never too late. Maybe you can use your experience, making it into something good. Own the ADD, and your childhood. Our experiences make us who we are, and we aren’t done growing into that person we are supposed to be, ever.
Yes, it definitely has bad points, but don’t focus on those so much. It’s your chance to start fresh. Focusing on how ADD makes you an exciting, vibrant, interesting person would be better. Focus on how your lack of good common sense maybe opened up some doors, however accidentally, because you weren’t afraid to charge into things. For example, your ADD may have not let you focus on and finish the three majors, but in the end, you have a broader sense of science than most people, having studied all three. In some science or “techie” type jobs, I bet you are quite employable.
As for schooling, it’s never too late (we had a friend who was 80 when she graduated from The University of OK. She lived to be 106, so she was able to use her degree). Maybe now that you can focus, pick one of those three things and go back and get that degree. There’s no harm in learning more, right?
Good luck to you. I hope to see you around in the forums. This was a great post, thanks for sharing
REPORT ABUSEJuly 23, 2011 at 5:03 pm #104786
AnonymousInactiveJuly 23, 2011 at 5:03 pmPost count: 14413Congrats on the diagnosis & meds!
My doctor tried to give me crap about sometimes getting As (though i also got Fs!) and being on the deans list… irregardless of the fact I sit there and CRY in math class because of my symptoms. I had to basically lay down the law and just tell her i need the meds, or i’m going to flunk and waste thousands of dollars. She gave in! It’s sad that some doctors are still like this. Glad that your psych seems to be working with you now, though! Hope you find the right dosage soon.
REPORT ABUSENovember 12, 2011 at 7:27 pm #104787
AnonymousInactiveNovember 12, 2011 at 7:27 pmPost count: 14413I thought I had mild symptoms- since i did complete some college- took 3 tries, and well haven’t been able to go back and finish my true goal of completing my Bachelor’s/Masters. I had trouble in school at times but behaved. When I was able to apply myself I got A’s. I knew I was/am smart. I have implemented modifications for me to stay on task. I have moved up the professional ladder. So, not me…. But looking back, all the energy it took… and well, takes to stay on task- is exhausting. In my 20s I slept a lot, in my 30’s worked a lot, and now in my 40’s trying to find balance. I look back and understand why I started self medicating with alcohol in my teenage years. But in my 20’s I stopped due to kids and family. But when I hit 40, dealing with a severe ADHD kid diagnosed at 17, I started medicating with alcohol. It didn’t work. Now, I can’t drink and that’s a good thing. Now, I recently found out that I have “severe” ADHD, though I am successful in many aspects of my life- which I used to just point to being a type A personality.
Being recently diagnosed and just started meds (I don’t think I am at the right dose-yet)– I am going through a lot of feelings. Life is still going fast and I can’t take the time to “step out” of the rat race to sort things. I am always exhausted, but can’t just lie down for a nap- whether on meds or not. My mind just won’t shut off. At night, since being put on Trazodone a few years ago, I can sleep. I truly pray that there is a med and a correct dose for me so that I can get back on the task of healing and being the best person I can be. I guess when I got the diagnosis, I was excited and thrilled at the hope that I could achieve my dreams in job and school. Now after 4 weeks, I am feeling that may never happen…
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