March 15, 2011 at 3:38 pm #101901
HansMemberMarch 15, 2011 at 3:38 pmPost count: 51
Marriage problems with my ADHD mind.
I have a wonderfull wife yet we almost got divorced due to the undiagnosed ADHD. Micro focus can lead to inattention.-hyper-focus.preaching-.depression and anxiety on my part. My obsession with finances became my world. I would watch the economic progras-the banks etc…….. I sat in a chair for 3 years day in day out worried about everything and how I would survive the future. We stopped communicating. -depression.
My wife and I went to a marriage counceler.
Her major comnplaint–addiction to Worlds of Warcraft.
World of Warcraft became my stress release. I could play the game 18 hours a day. I received instant gratification. I forgot my problems. It was a moment of peace, the only peace I had. I could not believe my wife wanted to give up the only stress relief I had.
So the choice – Stress relief or marriage. I was ready for the stress release and the single life.
The major complaint–I had no interest in anything but the game- The house needed maintenance. It didn’t seem I cared. for her. etc…..the “WE was gone.
The counceler said my brain was just wired differently. Boy was she right on that.
Luckily my caught a part of ADDand loving it. She sugested I tape the program so we could both watch it together. We discussed it and I went to a psychiatris to be checked.
With the diagnosis and medicine everything has chainged
The program has saved my marriage. I now say thank you to my wife for putting up with me all those years
The marriage relationship was restored because she now understood my handicaped. mind I din’t ignore her I never heard her.. If I was not interested my mind drifted of into my own world. I was incapable of sitting and listening.
The medications have helped me. I no longer need the TV on in the background and I enjoy just sitting and talking to my wife. I ask her how her day went. I can listen without interupting. And we laugh when the ADHD screws me up.
Of the many joys and sorrows we both talk how the ADHD has hurt my relatonship with my own children. Dad was distant., Dad preached, , Al I wanted with DAD was a conversation. Dad would never let me explain. Dad only sees things his way. Dad is not realy interested in me. The water has passed over the dam They are in the 30’s and forties.
So many missed opportunities as I worked in my roomby myself trying to improve the design a metal detector from scratch.
actor #1 k.REPORT ABUSEMarch 15, 2011 at 9:07 pm #101902
AnonymousInactiveMarch 15, 2011 at 9:07 pmPost count: 14413
ah, the dangers of overanalysing everything.
what works for me is being aware that i’m prone to doing that, and mentally yelling “stop doing that! it’s not helpful! think of um…. cookies! instead.. cookies are goood….” and redirecting myself whenever i catch myself going off on an …
“OMG he’s got insanely strong arms, i bet he could carry me over his shoulder like a fireman and he could build a timber cabin with his bare hands and wrestle bears and we’d live in the woods off berries and nuts and when we’re old he’ll still be strong and oh!- he’s got a bit of a monobrow from this angle in the light- what if it gets worse- i really do not like the caterpillar forehead look… especially when he makes that face he did just then- maybe he’s part yeti…and he’s eating salt and vinegar chips? ewww… i’d never snog a pickle-flavoured mouth… this isn’t the right man for me, but oh! look at the arms *drooool*… but those fingernails are wickedly dirty- oh!- thats cos he’s a mechanic- that’d be handy, i’m sick of changing my own flat tyres…i wonder if he’d let me shave that bit of monobrowfluff if i asked him nicely… but i’d have to go over there and he’ll smell like pickles and i have this zit brewing that he might see… then he’d think i’m a troll and we’d never end up having teh secks let alone mashing face so it’s entirely doomed and i should just throw myself out of the window right now….”
cos it ALWAYS ends in tears, the overthinking. or in my case a very confused look from the mechanic and a “babes….. stop looking at my forehead…. no, you’re not coming near it with those tweezers- i need that bit of fluff… i’ll menace you with these chips if you come any closer.. stop thinking… don’t make me come over there and distract you!”
if it’s right, it’s right. it’ll be right whether you give yourself a migraine over it or not. there is no such thing as a perfect man… well, maybe jensen ackles playing dean winchester in supernatural… but how likely is that hunk of deliciousness to land in my lap (not very, and i’d probably get killed by mutant shapeshifting deamons or something very soon after it did, anyway- which’d suck rather a lot- le sigh). or in your case woman… there are just a whole bunch of ‘pretty awesome with minor tollerable flaws that are part of the deal and not that important in the longrun once the hormones have calmed down a smidge and i can think half-straight’ ones, who manage to stand the test of time and can put up with a little crazy.
maybe just do your best to slow down (yeah, i know- thats like saying ‘try harder )… or tell them you’re ADD- they’ll rein you in and sort you out, if they don’t run away screaming, that is. sooner or later one of us will get under the radar, then you’ll be sorry.REPORT ABUSEMarch 18, 2011 at 3:18 pm #101903
AnonymousInactiveMarch 18, 2011 at 3:18 pmPost count: 14413
Hi everyone I’m not a man but I’ve been married for 16 years and going strong – every marriage and relationship has problems, you need to let you significient other know about your ADD/ADHD and have them go to your therapist to understand you. My husband and I have our problems but we always talk it out. Even my children understand that mommy can be a little weird. You need to find someone that will never put you down and that will support you in what ever you choose even if it sounds far-fetched. I am annoyed by the little things too but I look at the good and remember that NO ONE is perfect!!!!! no matter how many times they tell you they are!!! HAHAHA I have a good family support too, and that helps.
Remember women want to change you in to the mold they think you should be – if that is what your to with leave the relationship- the women should love you as you are!!! And not change you!!! I know this is hard to do, but trust me!
Hope I help in any way and good luck to all of you!! Thank you for listening.REPORT ABUSEMarch 19, 2011 at 12:47 am #101904
powcatMemberMarch 19, 2011 at 12:47 amPost count: 61
Does anyone find they tend to be attracted to and hit on their friends? I have been ashamed of this, thinking there’s something wrong with me, but I’m starting to think it’s ADD; being impulsive and sensitive, etc.
currently I’ve got at least 2 male friends with whom there is no gray area, and I really appreciate them. don’t undermine the idea of ‘staying friends’ with somebody after whatever doesn’t work out.
anyway, my new approach is to assume NO one is interested; perhaps going against my natural inclination will yield more results…. oof.REPORT ABUSEMay 6, 2011 at 10:38 pm #101905
Shadow NexusMemberMay 6, 2011 at 10:38 pmPost count: 181
>In my younger dating years, I never got that when a potential soul mate [:wink:] would tell me that I was a great guy BUT she just wants to be “friends”.
Lady’s don’t ever say, “I want to be just friends.” to someone who likes you. This is far worse than cheating on him. You may as well carve out his heart with a rusty knife. I’v had this done to me many times over. It’s horrible, the worst thing ever to do a guy.
If he wants more than friends, use something else, say you have a boyfriend. Walk away and don’t interact with them ever again. Don’t torture him by being around. This is a much better method of dealing with it. I wish the women did this for me, instead of “just friends”, ugh.REPORT ABUSEMay 26, 2011 at 12:58 am #101906
AnonymousInactiveMay 26, 2011 at 12:58 amPost count: 14413
I’m definitely writing a letter to my future beloved guardian angel asking it to intercede on my behalf.REPORT ABUSEMay 26, 2011 at 1:36 am #101907
AnonymousInactiveMay 26, 2011 at 1:36 amPost count: 14413
I’ve been single for about 12 years. I’ve never been in a long term relationship, and feel like it’ll never be in the cards. When i started dating someone, i felt my personality can be overwhelming and i’d scare someone off with all my non stop talking, emotional behavior, and sharing too much personal stuff.
For a while, i didn’t care who I’d hurt but I’d fool around on my significant other cause i wasn’t getting what i wanted out of the relationship and then end up back at square one. I also was diagnosed with depression so i was in no shape to date. Many years later i’ got my ADD diagnosis and as i learn more it’s opened my eyes to a lot of my dating habits came out of having ADD, i just didn’t know it.
Right now i have yet to find someone that i feel the spark, or they like me and i just don’t feel the same.
I hope I’m not the only one who’s been in this situation. i’ve become very independent, and as nice as that is, I’d like to share my life with someone. just gotta be someone who’s gonna take me for all my quirks and all.REPORT ABUSE
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