Go public, or keep it a secret?

[billd]

toofat – I find explaining not too bad to most folks – I’m special, and in many ways I can think better. I end up solving problems that work that “normal” folks can’t, or have problems with.

I see things before they happen, I can predict what folks will do, even in traffic.

I can see behavioral in others, and can sometimes sense trouble. That’s happened with some folks at work – I was not only right, but it’s far worse than anyone could have imagined. The boss calls on me for “special projects” and now I might get some help getting more normal things accomplished.

I don’t find it a problem – in part because it’s explaining how I might be better or special, not lesser.

Remember standard human thinking – linear – and the human mind can only grasp one direction at a time – for a new thought or way of thinking to live, another must die. Normal humans can’t think is two directions at once. It’s their shortcoming. Look at science, how many work on multiple “theories” – don’t they go after one at a time? To quote a song I really like “how one thought will live provide the others die”

Even they understood – the human brain is limited to going one direction at a time.

Look at what we left-handed folks have had to endure!

Actually – what some right handed folks had to endure. My first wife was left-handed, I’m left-handed, my first born son is left handed, and my second son was right handed. Out of 4 of us in that house, only the youngest was right-handed. He got a taste of what life was like as a minority person in quite a few things.

Who is to say we aren’t the normal ones, and the rest of society is somehow handicapped??

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[powcat]

I found out pretty recently and, in typical ADD fashion, very excitedly and openly told a bunch of friends via the internet. I guess I felt that I wanted to explain past crappy behaviour like being late to meet them all and just letting them down somehow due to being disorganized.

I didn’t think this through and I actually regret it a little bit now. I didn’t get the big open-armed wave of support that I, for some reason, had expected. 5 friends responded with some encouraging comments, the gist of them being that I have nothing to apologize for. the rest – upwards of 10 people did not respond at all!

this left me wondering whether my blanket apology was an insensitive way to go – maybe I really pissed someone off a lot? – or if they just didn’t believe in the diagnosis, since I’m not hyperactive and quite the opposite of energetic, physically.

finally, I realized that it didn’t MATTER. if those people did not care enough to comment on my important news, what is it to me if they do or don’t understand my struggle? and if they are still offended by something I have done in the past after this news and don’t bother to talk to me about it, then I don’t really want to deal with them.

I’m not writing them off as bad people; just as folks that I’ll be keeping my boundaries with. the experience much reminded me of the Dr. Seuss quote: ‘those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.

so yes, probably be selective about who you tell, is my advice. but, if you find you are disappointed by someone’s reaction, it’s either because they’re not educated yet or they just… don’t matter.

PS: and I decided against coming out on my art blog, as much as I would like to. better just to wait and post all the work I’ll make once I find some good meds!! and let the results speak on my behalf.

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[billd]

Many won’t comment because they won’t know what to say – sort of like not knowing what to say when a loved one dies………

Humans often end up saying the wrong thing, so don’t respond at all lest they come across all wacky.

I often keep quiet on some sensitive topics as I’ve learned over the years, what I say often seems insensitive or all too logical when the other person needed logic least.

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[Anonymous]

I have nothing to hide so I normally tell people. However what bothers me is how most people are uneducated as to what ADD really is. They tend to have the old school belief that you have to be hyper or were a “Bad kid”. If they only knew how hyper my mind was. I almost want to carry around a brochere or something to eduacate these people who just roll there eyes when you mention your ADD.

Funny that some of these people I am referring to are family members who I believe have ADD too!

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[Anonymous]

Just two bits…..for Powcat. Electronic communication really leaves a lot to be desired. To communicate something that is very dear to you via the electronic medium has never been very satisfying…to me anyway. Remember 90% of communication is non-verbal and all of those other non-verbal communication add-ons are not present with this mode. So a lot of information is missed and mis-interpretation has a high risk to happen.

Face to face is always better…..especially with critical communication.

Dr.

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[trashman]

I tryed the telling way, it did not work for me . after I had proof that I had adhd ,I was all excited so I said to my best freind and my cousin that I have adhd he started laughing and said, we all have adhd these days. so know I keep my mouth shut, I really like the T shirts the only thing I would like to see on them is the www. totally.com on it ,if they think they get alot of hits on this web site from the pbs special then this could only help.

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[Anonymous]

Hi Trashman,

Well, before I rush to judgement about your bf and cousin, you might try sharing how you felt when he dismissed your sharing such a sensitive and personal thing with him. Who knows why he reacted that way…did it trigger a feeling of discomfort in him for whatever reason? Does he not see any behaviors that are ADHD in you? Is he completely ignorant of what ADHD is and reacted too quickly without thinking? Is he ADHD too? Sounds like he could be, by blurting out what he did. If he responds without any compassion after you share your feelings about how you felt when he laughed and belittled your statement, he IS a jerk. But the jury is still out at this point, don’t you think?

I think I have been ADD or maybe even ADHD all of my life. Not officially diagnosed but when I took the test on this website I was almost 100%. Always had trouble with relationships except my wonderful husband but always thought there was something wrong with me, can’t sit still in a movie theater or church and feel sluggish unless I work out like crazy. (which I love to do). Am thinking about trying to get some Adderall but can’t really afford to get myself tested with the tests and all that a psychologist or psychiatrist would present me prior to prescribing it.

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[Anonymous]

Funny….. people can be insensitive ….or appear to be insensitive to things we share. Hard to tell which!!!! We view their response(s) based a number of communication criteria then we gauge or “judge” their response. Truth is, quite often a response may appar to be one way ( say insensitive) but…..it may be the person responding is uncomfortable, embarrassed, doesn’t know how to share on those levels, is caught off guard doesn’t know how to respond…all of these responses could well appear as insensitive. Also, many people are not comfortable talking about deeply personal issues. Fair enough.

Communication for many people is a very difficult process…. and before I attempt to share on such a level I check it out to be sure that the person I’m about are about to involve is receptive!!!! Many people are not….and that’s fine that is their choice, I respect that. So, if they are not open and receptive….. then they are not….so for me forcing communication on persons who is not capable or not interested is insensitive and not communication.

So I guess what I am fumbling with here is…… for me I have found it is best to obtain confirmation/permission of a persons willingness to share deeply and share in these types of discussions. I try be sensitive to others boundaries and wishes….I don’t like it when other attempt to push things on we……. so I try “do unto others”…..

…..don’t know if that helps or not

toofat

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[Anonymous]

Hi guys. I just passed (um, flunked?) the test pretty convincingly, which didn’t surprise me a bit. I’ve been joking with people for years about my “ooo shiny thing syndrome”. I’m lucky, I’m an architect – and people are much more forgiving of any eccentricity in an artist. So I’ve known at some level for a long time why I had to have staff to do the construction drawings, why I’m sometimes a dog-with-a-bone and sometimes can’t even start, and why I live entire lifetimes in my head on a car drive.

Telling clients and staff I have “ooo shiny thing syndrome” has always both elicited a laugh and gotten me forgiveness about phone calls, distractions, etc. Clients sometimes love it when I butt right in when they’re speaking with some version of “oh, oh, oh – I have it!!!!!” They instinctively “get” the connection between high creativity and some distractibility. It’s the “my architect is an eccentric genius” tactic.

Here’s what I didn’t know – I didn’t know about being snippy, impatient, quick to anger and intolerant of employee’s mistakes being part of it. I thought I was a bad person. I learned years ago to only hire the most gentle and patient of personalities. In an interview I tell people a primary qualification is to “be able to handle me, because I can be horribly difficult.” Well, even being the boss and being upfront about this doesn’t really give me the right, and I feel guilty ALL THE TIME.

So, I’m thinkin’…

First, of course, see the doctor, make sure this is what it is, and not something else.

Second – I’m going to tell my staff, and not just in a joking way. And I’m thinking just telling them without also telling them what I’m doing about it or how we together can effect an improvement in our work life – well, that’s just a cop out. So – doctor first, medication maybe, whatever behavior stuff can work absolutely – and then share the plan with those who have to live with the side effects 5 days a week. It’s also a factor that they are truly patient, empathetic and gentle people – ’cause I really did hire with that criterion right behind plain old basic competence.

My family isn’t so much an issue. We don’t see each other often enough for me to not be able to control myself. And my cat would love me no matter what!

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[Anonymous]

Wendy-

I had OSTS (“ooh-shiny-thing-syndrome”), too. I’m glad that you’ve generally gotten a positive response to this claim. Those I told it to just rolled their eyes and basically said “no, really?”. They did laugh though when I told them I couldn’t hold still b/c I’d rented my pants out to ants for the rainy season (which is most of the year when you live in the Seattle area). Thankfully getting the diagnosis and meds got the ants a different housing arrangement and my OSTS within almost normal social parameters.

Best of luck and may you be blessed with fewer shinnies (as needed)

Peace

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[Anonymous]

i just found out and I’m weird about telling people…i prefer not to, only if people ask I suppose. i told my boss, and she was all for me being diagnosed etc. but is still kinda harsh to me about forgetting to do little things and im kinda sick of it…I will be graduating nursing school in a month and I really don’t wanna work where i am now if offered a nurse position…any nurses with adhd out there?

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[Anonymous]

Nurseyps91 – I am a nurse. I functioned the best in the ER.

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[trashman]

hi , this is something that the more people need to hear about this the more it will be excepted. if we do not want to take the time to teach the people around us the truth about adhd and learning dissabilitys then how do we expect the thinking to change. I would love one of the t shirts I just wish this web address was on it as well.I don’t really care if people think I am a little crazy. as long as I know that this procces is helping me then it is worth it. I can tell you that this is if nothing else it is teaching me how to typ . when I can focus on what I am doing then I start making real procress . It’s when my concontration is not working those days it is like there is nothing I can do to get it started. does anyone else have this trouble or is this just a me thing again. some days my concerta is kepping me real focused and then some days I sould have stayed in bed.

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[billd]

Cats seem to love ADD people – I can talk to, communicate with cats that others find aloof.

I guess I could be called the “cat whisperer”.

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[Anonymous]

I have a big mouth so as soon as I found out I blurted it out to anyone… family, friends, coworkers. Some family members laughed it out, some were surprised, didn’t know adults could have that. Some coworkers looked at me as to say ‘wo, too much personnal info, didn’t need to know that’. Others were concerned. My employer immadiatly took measures to help me according to the recommandations of the psychoneurologist who diagnosed me. One of my brothers discovered he might have that (and I agree). Now in retrospect, I think I should have bitten my tongue a bit. I kinda feel exposed as being a ‘disfunctionnal person’ (altough I’ve always kinda felt people tought of me as weird lol).

I guess I wanted to tell mostly as an apology, as powcat said herself, for my weird behavior. I wanted people to understand, there is a reason. I’m not stupid, lazy or crazy as the book says!

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