Help me – Help my son

[shutterbug55]

That would be a good title. Who will write it, if not Rick?

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[trashman]

all  I know is it will not be mean.

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[sdwa]

@blackdog

Hmm. For me, ADHD is very much about not knowing how to do things, on the level of logistics. I might know what to do, but not how to make it happen.

ADHD advice that doesn’t say HOW to do something tends not to be very helpful. I need the steps laid out for me and the resources identified in specific terms.  I need a sequential guide to how to implement a course of action. I might know what needs to get done, but have no clue where to start or how to organize the process.

Probably none of us wants to regard ourselves as “disabled” – what’s fun about that? But it is an impairment, and a source of frustration when I see other people easily doing things I struggle with. The big hurdle there is not falling into the self-blame trap.

What you are saying about not using ADHD as an excuse is important. As I was not diagnosed until I was 45, I never used it as an excuse – didn’t know why I had problems, just knew I couldn’t function like other people – concluded I was a bad person. I don’t  use it as an excuse now. It is more a case of understanding, and having self-compassion about the challenges, being able to separate my core sense of self from my ADHD impairments.

I am in favor of more understanding and less guilt.

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[blackdog]

@sdwa Thank you for that clarification. I like your way of explaining it much better. 🙂

I was thinking about that, needing to have the steps all laid out, earlier tonight while making supper and talking myself through it. “Okay, first I need to get the water on. Then while I wait for it to boil I need to grate the cheese, get the spinach out of the freezer and thaw it….” It’s remarkable how much concentration is needed just to make macaroni and cheese. And it still wasn’t ready until half an hour after it should have been even with my careful step-by-step instructions to myself.

I get frustrated all the time because of not being told how to do something. People seem to assume that it’s enough just to tell you what without explaining how, or even why.

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[sdwa]

@blackdog

I have literally sat at my desk writing a list like: Step 1, put photo on photocopier. Step 2, make copy. Step 3, put photo away in file drawer….

😉

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[angelicdemon]

Sometimes with the behavior part it kinda feels like 25%adult thinking,50% random flying thoughts and emotions,and 25% little kid thinking.Trying to control the random flying thoughts and emotions are very challenging.Just once your really upset about something logic just flies out the window.So the trick is to try and still think logically as much as possible while your feeling emotional.For me what helped me start to think more logically before flying off the handle and going on a city rampage.Is the dude I’m currently dating atm moment.When ever i start to get upset and get emotional He will get on to me.I’ll tell him what I’m upset about and he will explain how pointless it is to be upset about.I used to get into head to head arguments about they weren’t and i would never let it go.Then it ends up both of us unhappy,most of the day gone,and just in the end i realize how pointless it was.So thanks to him I’ve gotten where i can stop myself and ask if it’s really something to truly be upset about.If I do start to argue at least now I’m able to turn it around and end the day on a happy note which is a first.Just idk about everyone and what all works for them,but it does help to have another person by your side helping you get better with your actions.Doesn’t have to be a girl friend/boy friend to help you.A best friend or close family member is just as good.As long as it’s someone who totally gets you and accepts you 100%.

Also ADHD/ADD is kinda like the quote from Charles Dickens “It was the best of times.It was the worst of times.” So you have your very high ups with it and then you will have your very low times. Not much of a middle because it’s not really born there you have to create a middle for all the craziness it can bring you.

With the forgetting where you put stuff or losing things The joke I have started.Like I used to be horrible with miss placing my shoes and take apart the whole house trying to find them. If I end up failing to find them I will just say,”darn gremlins stole …….”

@sdwa Like you said about needing the break downs step by step on how to start something.In school I never wanted to raise my hand and ask questions or let the teacher know I didn’t understand.Like others I didn’t want anyone to know I honestly had no clue and the teacher just wasn’t explaining it well enough for my mind to process the information.I felt to ashamed to want to ask and have everyone in the room know I have a learning impairment and start thinking I’m some stupid person because of it.I still have issues not feeling stupid or upset about getting behind in a game I’m playing with someone.Then they end up having to wait on me.I just honestly can not stand someone labeling me as stupid just because of my impairments.

I would say make sure your son always knows he can ask you anything and you wont judge him at all.Not saying if you do or not just I know with my relationship with my mom.Sometimes I’m to afraid to talk to her about somethings or ask.She doesn’t have ADHD/ADD so sometimes it does feel like she’s judging me some and think I’m crazy.Even more when i do have my episodes of the symptoms being worse than most days.How she always puts it just makes me feel like she thinks I’m some mentally insane person who needs to be in a mental hospital.

ADHD/ADD does make your life more of a challenge and also for people close to you.It also makes it into a big funny adventure.Always try to see it in different good ways.With my ADHD I feel like I act like characters from anime.

 

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[blackdog]

The gremlins steal my shoes too. And my purse. And my keys. And pretty much everything I set down. And sometimes they like to play tricks on me by putting things in odd places where they don’t think I will look.

Things also have a habit of walking away all on their own. But they usually come back when I call them. “Here Pursey Purse Purse….” If they don’t come I just have to try to think like them. “If I was a shoe, where would I be…..?”

I remember one time in French class when the teacher just whipped through a lesson, flashing notes up on the overhead so fast that no one had time to read them, never mind writing them down. I looked around at the rest of the class and saw I was not the only one who wasn’t following her.

So after class I went up to the front and I told the teacher that I didn’t get all of the notes down and asked if I could borrow them to copy.

And she replied: “No. You should be able to keep up. If you can’t keep up then you don’t belong in my Advanced class.”

I was the only one who was smart enough to ask to take the notes home to copy. I was the only one who cared enough about learning the lesson that I was willing to do it on my own time. And what did I get for my effort? An insult to my intelligence.

Most people go through life not really understanding anything because they are afraid to ask. And it’s no wonder why when the people who are supposed to be educating them punish them for wanting to learn.

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